July 2015 Bodacious Baddie Special! The Conference of Evil!!!

In a gleaming replica of the Crystal Castle in the After Life, Ed talks shop with Maleficent...

Ed: Ya know something tells me if I were alive right now it'd be time for the Conference of Evil. I don't know how to explain it exactly but I feel my geeky bone act all funny and stuff.
Maleficent: I can't believe I decided to hide out here with you. You and that dork girl M were made for each other.

Ed: Yeah. I wonder if she'll be there. Man, if I hadn't gotten that stupid job at the Chinese restaurant in the mall and been trampled by those tween Twihards I'd be able to go with her. If we had known each other when I was alive of course.

Maleficent: You aren't missing much. I've been to a few Conference of Evils not to long ago.

Ed: How? You're dead like me. For awhile now.

Maleficent: That's where you're wrong little dork man. The nights of the Conference of Evil are magic. Evil is at its strongest during that time and I am able to travel to the world of the living as a shadow. I've done it before and I can do it again if you'd like to go?
Ed: Nah, I'm not sure I'd like to mess with all that stuff. Plus you need to be hiding out from some sort of cosmic evil, remember?

Knock! Knock!

Knock! Knock!

Maleficent: Is that someone at the door?

Gwen Stacy: Ed? Ed, are you in there? It seems like it's been an eternity since I've seen you. Are you there?

Gwen Stacy: Why are you living in a pink castle now? Ed!

Maleficent: Who is that?
Ed: Oh crap. That's Gwen Stacy.

Maleficent: And I should know who that is?

Ed: Gwen is like every dead dork guy's dream. We had a brief fling awhile ago, but that was all before I met Miss M. I just couldn't bare to tell Gwen that I had moved on. I mean, she has been through enough ya know?

Maleficent: We all have. Shall I answer the door?
Ed: No! No! Look, we can just sneak out of the castle and wait for her to go away. I can't tell her the truth right now. I'm just a dorky guy in a panda suit. I'm not trying to hurt anyone.

Maleficent: You could always let me work my magic, Come on, let's leave the After Life for a moment. The Conference of Evil is calling...

Gwen Stacy: Ed? Ed?

Ed: Ok. Let's go. Work your magic mad woman!

Maleficent: Very well...

Click the link and start the 2015 Conference of Evil!

(Editor's note, the Conference of Evil takes place during the weekend of San Diego Comic Con)




Nine Months Ago...

Batman: Do you regret what happened last night?
Miss M: (in the body of Moth Lady) I don't know. We slept together. I wasn't sure what was going on, I just acted on my feelings.

Batman: Yeah. We could make this work you do realize that, right?

Miss M: Make what work?

Batman: Us.
Miss M: This isn't my body. (gets up)

Batman: I know, but I've fallen in love with you M. I know what you used to look like and it is different than how you look now, but I don't care. We can make this work. Last night felt so right and so good between us.

Miss M: It did. I won't lie. It did. I just don't know what to do...

The Present

Dragon Queen: This is it. The Conference of Evil.

Moth Lady: Oh I don't feel good ladies.

Dragon Queen: We'll find you some pain killers. Now stop moaning. We're here girls. We're at the Conference of Evil! Let's show these twerps how warrior women party...

Wild One: Yeah! I'm so ready for the panels!

Vultura: I can't believe we are here. Should we have done up some fun costumes?

Dragon Queen: Please. By the time we're done here, everyone will be wanting to dress like us. Come on girls. Let's party.

Moth Lady: Ugh...

Miss M presents...

The July 2015 Bodacious Baddie Special:

The Conference of Evil!

Franken Berry: Why are we here? I'd much rather be at the San Diego Comic Con.
Boo Berry: Yeah, but since we're classified as monsters we get a ticket discount. Besides, the Misfits are performing.

Franken Berry: Which Misfits? Pizzazz or Danzig?
Boo Berry: Pizzazz.

Franken Berry: Score! I'm glad we are here now.

Boo Berry: Me too. Where's Jasmine?

Franken Berry: She's visiting her dad in Agrabah. She had to let him know that her uncle Shredder was a crook.
Boo Berry: Oh. Cool.

The mistress of ceremonies enters the crowd...

Rita Repulsa: Attention guests of the 2015 Conference of Evil! You are in the common area, please feel free to mingle. Once you are ready head up through the Path of Despair and enjoy the various events going on for the conference at this year's location: Snake Mountain.

Boo Berry: Well come on, let's go!

At the grounds of Snake Mountain...

Link: This is crazy. I think we are the only heroic people here.
Zelda: Believe me, I couldn't agree more. This place is full of scum and villainy.

Link: Yeah, but babe, I need that exclusive set of figures.

Zelda: I know, I know. That's why I got us the tickets. Even though I am pretty sure the set you want is at San Diego Comic Con.

Link: Babe, I'm telling you, it will be here.

Miss M: Hey guys.

Link: Hey M!

Zelda: Why is she always here? Every event we ever go to, she just happens to show up.

Miss M: Hey Zelda.

Zelda: Hi.

Miss M: So what are you two doing here?
Link: We're here for the toy exclusive.
Miss M: Cool! Which one?

Link: I'm hoping to nab a Marvel Legends Book of Vishanti set.

Miss M: Oh I love that set, I want one too, but you're at the wrong place. That set is at San Diego Comic Con.

Link: Oh really?

Zelda: I told you. You never listen to me!

Link: Well Excuuuse me princess. Great.

Miss M: I mean, don't let that deter you! There's still a lot of stuff to take in at the Conference of Evil. I told myself I'd never come back since I almost died the first time I went to one, but there are a lot of cool things to see.

Link: Yeah. We'll stay around. See you in there.

Miss M: Cool. Bye you two!

Zelda: (sighs) Bye.

Miss M: I don't think she likes me very much.

Sulu: Ok, this place is insane. Hordak and Wonder Girl could be anywhere.
Billy: Are you sure we are going to blend in?

Sulu: Yes. Remember our covers: I'm a rabid sci-fi fan and you have a really great Blue Power Ranger costume. No one will ever know. Come on, let's find Wonder Girl and Hordak and prevent your death from happening in the future.

Rita Repulsa: There are many wonderful things to behold at this year's Conference of Evil. Ever since returning back from space, the master of this mountain has been mute.

Rita Repulsa: You can step right up though and stare into his eyes. Try to find out the mysteries of the universe!

Rita Repulsa: Tickle him and see if he can talk. Chances are he won't. Moving along, Beast Man's BBQ is at three stands. Just don't ask what his ingredients are.

Rita Repulsa: So come along! Step inside!

Billy: All right, now is a good time!
Sulu: I agree. Let's find what we're looking for.

Lo-Pan: Excuse me, I'm looking for a girl with green eyes. Will you do?
Gracie Law: Doesn't this joke ever get old with you? Invest in a contact company.

Lo-Pan: So then, no?

Gracie Law: My eyes are clearly black. Doofus.

Miss M: Dang it is so bright on this mountain. I thought it'd be more gloom and doom.

Miss M: My goodness though, there are so many evil people around! I think April will like all the notes I'm making for the Diary. Can't miss a single thing. 

Perfuma: Wow. Lady Deathstrike is wearing some awesome 90's cosplay.

Miss M: Perfuma?
Perfuma: What? Oh. I'm not really here.

Miss M: I can see you with my eyes.

Perfuma: Ok, so here's the thing. I've been dating Stinkor, but it's kind of been a hush hush thing. And since we are always doing what I want to do, like going to the rose gardens or planting flowers, or laying in fields of poppies even though they are poisonous...

Miss M: I get it Perfuma. You two do what you like to do.

Perfuma: Yeah, and well... He really wanted to go to this Conference of Evil thing. So, here we are. I was kinda expecting Snake Mountain to be bigger.

Miss M: Oh trust me, some would say Snake Mountain is crazy huge.
Perfuma: Yeah, well... let's just keep this run-in between us ok? I don't want anyone knowing Stinkor and I are together. Ok?

Miss M: Sure.

Perfuma: This is why you're the best!

Miss M: Oh Perfuma. Of course.

Just outside the Conference...

Hordak: They would have this lame Conference of Evil here at Skeletor's lair. Did you know the bone brain moron can't even talk? He's a mute!
Wonder Girl: Whatever. What's the plan? We need to get it together Hordak. I want my family to pay.

Hordak: They will pay. Trust me, the House of Randor will fall. I just need to visit an old friend. Wait here.

Wonder Girl; Very well. Hurry though.

Wonder Girl: The Conference is inside you two. Nothing to see here.

Sulu: You're Wonder Girl, yes?

Wonder Girl: Who wants to know?

Sulu: Billy, let's finish this!

Wonder Girl: What the hell?
Billy: I don't mean to be attacking you, we're just trying to help you.

Wonder Girl: Get off of me!

Billy: Damn, she is tough!

 

Wonder Girl: You won't stop me.

Sulu: Billy!

Wonder Girl: How dare you try to stop me! Just who do you think you are?

Sulu: (pulls out a weapon) Now Billy! Now! The Memory Crystal!

The gleaming Memory Crystal can unlock anything...

Plucked from the future while being designed in the past, the Memory Crystal makes everything grow brighter...

Wonder Girl: Stop this!

Suddenly, the bright light washes over them all...

Hordak: Are the rumors true? Is the once mighty Skeletor reduced to being a circus act? You can't even speak.
Skeletor: ...

Hordak: What was that? I didn't hear you? Speak up!

Skeletor: ...

Hordak: What happened to you Skeletor? What happened in space? Why can't you speak?

Skeletor: ...

Hordak: Makes no matter to me. Once my plans with King Randor's daughter are complete all of this will be mine.
Skeletor: ...

Wonder Girl: What did you do to me?
Sulu: I've shown you the truth, of who you are.

Wonder Girl: I don't know who I am. I have these strange memories. I was a part of a super hero team and I'm not related to the House of Randor, He-Man is not my brother. Why was I thinking that he was?

Sulu: You must take my word, a force of the rawest cosmic power brought you into this. The world was rewritten, but this Memory Crystal exposes as much of the truth as it can. You do not belong in this role, the role of He-Man's sister was always meant to be for someone else. It's up to you to put the pieces back together of who you are.

Wonder Girl: I see. Thank you for sharing this with me, I was about to make a grave mistake joining forces with Hordak. 

Wonder Girl: (in a daze) I have to leave this place.

Billy: Wow, what just happened?
Sulu: She knows that this is not her life. We prevented something terrible from occurring here.

Billy: Do you think this will work now? Did we just save my future self from dying too soon?

Sulu: I'm not sure. I have to go back though. I can't stay here. I must return to the future.
Billy: Oh. I guess it would have been crazy for you to stay longer.

Sulu: Come on, I have to reach a high point in order to leave.
Billy: Ok. I think I know where we can go...

Inside the Conference...

Miss M: I feel so lonely. This Conference of Evil has a very different vibe. I think for once my life is not in any danger.

Ed: I know right?

Miss M: Ed? You're dead! How are you here right now?

Ed: Keep it down hot stuff.

Miss M: (smiles) Oh Ed! Are you alive?

Ed: I wish dorky girl of my dreams. I'm here on loan. Maleficent helped me.
Miss M: Whatever you do, do not make any deals with her. She is a tricky one.
Ed: I know. I've actually been hiding her out. Things are a bit weird in the After Life.
Miss M: Yeah?
Ed: Oh yeah. You need to be careful M. Someone is looking for Maleficent, something about her powers and it deals with you too.

Miss M: Are you serious?
Ed: I am very serious. You came back from the dead. There's some cosmic force that is not going to let that slide. You've broken like a billion cosmic laws.
Miss M: Oh no. What have I done?

Ed: I've got it under control M. Trust me. As long as they can't find Maleficent, they'll never find you. You dying and coming back removed any trace of you. It's like they're looking for a needle in a pit of Lego bricks.
Miss M: Oh wow. This is not good.
Ed: Hey, it's going to be ok. I'll do whatever I can to make sure you continue to live the best life possible.
Miss M: I've missed you Ed.
Ed: Me too.

Miss M: Ok. I can't worry about some evil cosmic force. You're here in the real world with me and we're at the Conference of Evil. We need to just enjoy this moment. What do ya say?
Ed: I say this is the only place I want to be. Show me around!
Miss M: Totally!
Ed: Ya know, Snake Mountain is really huge!

Miss M: I know, right?!

Moth Lady: Haven't we seen enough for today? I'd like to go back to the hotel room.

Wild One: Why? This is the place to be.

Moth Lady: I have a growing monster in me and I feel sick. I don't want to be here.

Dragon Queen: We haven't seen everything yet. We'll leave soon.

Vultura: I can cast a spell to relieve any pain, if you'd like.

Moth Lady: No, I just need a moment.

Dragon Queen: Ok, let's take a moment. I think we really need to get some of the Beast Man BBQ soon. The smells are pleasantly surprising.

Wild One: Yes, it smells like something familiar and yet oddly unappealing.

Suddenly...

Moth Lady: (feels a heavy fluid leave her body) Oh. Oh no.

Moth Lady: Oh no. This freakin sucks.

Wild One: Sick, you have slime all around you.

Wild One: Clean up on the row nearest the Gold and Silver Pavilion.

Moth Lady: I think my water just broke.

Vultura: This Conference just got interesting...

Back outside...

Hordak: That blasted Wonder Girl, where is she? Where has she run off to?

Catra: Having a hard time getting your lackeys to work with you Hordak?
Hordak: Ah Catra. My once brightest Horde who then deflected.

Catra: What can I say? I was never good at following orders.

Hordak: I liked you more when you were a nice pussy cat.

Catra: Yeah maybe so, but you had to go and send Tiger Claw after my girls and me. That was your first mistake.

Hordak: And what will be my punishment?

Catra: You'll just have to wait and find out. Got him girls?

Black Cat: Yep! Tranquilizers should be kicking in soon.
Hordak: What is this?
Catra: This is your payback Hordak.

Hordak: What have you done to me?

Catwoman: It's just a sleeping pill. A dose made for a giant Sarlacc. You'll be sleeping hard very soon.

Black Cat: That makes no sense, how could you ever sedate a Sarlacc?
Catwoman: I don't know. I'm sure someone in the Con could help answer that question.
Hordak: What is happening to me?
Catra: Careful Hordak. It's a lot to wrap your head around I know, but your oppressive ways are at an end.

Black Cat: Annnd he's out.

Catra: Perfect.

Catwoman: All right Cat Ladies, what do we do with him?

Black Cat: Yeah I know a deli that has a lot of meat grinders, or we could just dump him in a Slime Pit.

Catra: Let's get him out of here. He needs to be somewhere more accommodating.
Black Cat: Are we all picking him up?

Catra: Yeah, this will be easy. He looks heavy but he's light as a feather.

The Cat Ladies leave...

Miss M: So that's the fun thing about this Conference. You just never know who you will see or what will happen next.
Ed: I believe it.

Miss M: Wait a second! Billy, is that you?
Billy: Hey M!
Miss M: Oh my goodness! Where have you been? I've been meaning to talk to you.
Billy: Yeah, it's been a bit crazy on my end.
Miss M: I understand. Who is this?

Billy: This is Sulu. He's my boyfriend. From the future. Actually ignore that last part, it gets a bit confusing.

Sulu: Hi. We actually become really close friends in the future. If you believe in that sort of thing.

Miss M: Nice to meet you and I believe in just about everything except for getting Gizmo wet. I have this one story where I was a babysitter in high school, oh it's just a mess. Anyways! This is Ed. He's actually dead, we met when I was dead and living in the After Life for a brief moment before coming back to Earth. That actually sounds pretty confusing too. Let's just say life can be complicated.
Ed: Hi!

Billy: Agreed on life being complicated.
Miss M: So what are y'all up to?
Billy: Well... let's see...
Sulu: I'm actually leaving town. Billy and I were just getting ready to say good bye.

Miss M: Oh. Well maybe I'll get to spend more time with you in the future, whenever that happens.

Sulu: Most definitely.

Billy: (feels his heart beat fast) It's gonna be weird with you gone. We've spent a lot of time together.

Sulu: I know.
Miss M: Aww. You two have something special.

Billy: We do.
Sulu: Yes.

Billy: Sulu... let's get married before you go.
Sulu: What?

Miss M: Omg, omg, omg I love a wedding!

Ed: Nothing this exciting ever happens in the After Life.
Sulu: Are you serious Billy? You don't have to marry me. That isn't necessary.

Billy: Look, you are going to the future and you won't know if I'm alive or dead. Everything that we have done to rewrite the future may not work. You might be going away and never seeing me again. At least we can have our moment now.

Sulu: And if you are alive when I return to the future?
Billy: We'll both have one helluva memory.

Sulu: Ok. Let's get married.

Billy: (smiles) Come on.

Miss M: Omg guys, this is crazy! Come on, let's get it together!

Outside the birth begins!

Moth Lady: (screaming in pain) Get it out! Get this damn thing out of me!

Dragon Queen: Quiet! Quiet already! We don't want anyone to know that you are giving birth to this... evil...

Vultura: Just focus on your breathing Moth Lady. Breathe and push.

Wild One: It was Beast Man's BBQ huh? Those spices must have irritated the bugger.

Moth Lady: Oh it feels like I'll be ripped in two! GET IT OUT!!!

At the impromptu wedding...

Miss M: Look who I found!
Franken Berry: Hey Billy! This is so cool. I never thought you'd get married at all.
Billy: Yeah, well sometimes things just feel right.

Perfuma: Oh my goodness I love weddings.
Stinkor: Maybe scent-sational flower maiden will marry Stinkor one day?

Perfuma: (twirls around him, deciding on an answer) Probably not.

Miss M: Ok, so I found some friends, which can be something old.

Miss M: And your suit is something blue. We just need something borrowed and something new.
Billy: M, I really thank you for that, but we don't have time. Sulu has to leave soon.

Miss M: (ignores the plea) Ok, so we are on borrowed time! Check that one off the list! And Franken Berry just got ordained online via his phone, so he can marry you two, which will be something new! We've got those bases that belong to us covered! Or however the cool kids say it.
Billy: You are the biggest mess my friend, and I love you for that. (they head up to the top of Snake Mountain)

Franken Berry: Let's start. Guests, we are gathered here today at the Conference of Evil...

Ed: Ya know, it just occurred to me, folks that hate this sort of thing will probably love that it is happening at the Conference of Evil.

Miss M: Yeah, but hate never wins. Even love can occur at a Conference of Evil. At the end of the day it's just a group of dorky people trying to get together and celebrate what they love.

Ed: Very true babe.

Franken Berry: So you have both prepared your own vows...

Billy: Sure. It's off the cuff but that's ok.

Franken Berry: You may go first Billy.

Billy: Cool. So here's the thing. I know we just met but I also know we've known each other for a whole lifetime. I trust you. I believe in you. And from the moment we embarked on these adventures together I knew I was with someone that shared my soul. I love you Sulu. I'm always going to. Even if I'm not there in the future, I am here right now. That will never change.

Sulu: Billy. I've fought through time and space for us. This moment is surreal because it is something I have never experienced before. When I was in the future, this memory never existed. I've been in the past and the future but right now it is you and I in the present. You have my heart and I have yours. Nothing can ever change that no matter what anyone else can do or say. I know what's real and true. I love you and will be your husband for an eternity.

Franken Berry: May we have the rings?

Meanwhile...

Moth Lady: Hurry! Hurry!

The pain cuts deep, Moth Lady feels delirious...

And then, a sliver shows itself...

Born from a night of passion from a dorkette and a bat man, a wing flaps furiously, trying to be free. 

Vultura: Keep pushing!

Moth Lady: I can't do this anymore!!!

In a matter of moments what felt like the impossible quickly speeds by, time rushes to its conclusion...

The baby is here.

Vultura: It's a girl!

Wild One: What is up with it? Oh wow.

Dragon Queen: Perfect. It's the perfect creature. Our little evil baby of doom.

The baby can only cry in high piercing shrieks.

Moth Lady: Let me see her, let me see the monster I never asked for...

It can be scary. Love. Some don't understand love. Some want restrictions placed on matters of the heart. There are no restrictions though. Matters of the heart happen. No one said everyone had to like it, but that doesn't mean it just stops. It's always growing and changing, becoming something wonderful to those who have an open mind and heart. 

The happy couple has a chance now. 

After the wedding...

Miss M: Let's here it for love and the new couple!

Billy: Did we just get married?
Sulu: I think we did.

Billy: I'm elated.

Sulu: I have to go though.

Billy: (holds back tears) I know.

Sulu: We're going to see each other again one day.
Billy: I'll hold out for that day.

Sulu: Goodbye.

Billy: I love you.

Sulu: I love you too.

Miss M: Oh I'm terrible with good byes! Farewell Sulu!
Sulu: Goodbye Miss M. Please be careful. There are forces that seek to harm you...
Miss M: What's new? I'll take it in stride. be careful.

In a flash of light Sulu is gone.

Miss M: Are you ok Billy?
Billy: No, I'm not.

Miss M: Oh my dear friend.
Franken Berry: Come on Billy, let's go and talk about it.

Miss M: I need to sit for a moment. What is happening with this world? My goodness, It's a shame. I don't even understand why he had to leave.

Ed: Sometimes things just happen. I'm glad I could be here to witness everything with you.

Miss M: I know.

Maleficent arrives...

Ed: Oh crap. It's time M.
Miss M: Oh no. You just got here.

Ed: I know. Time is short though ya know?
Miss M: I understand.

Maleficent: Hello M.

Miss M: Please tell me you are not about to usher in Total Darkness again.

Maleficent: No. We are both in danger though.
Miss M: Ed told me.

Maleficent: Just remember M, I'm your fairy godmother whether you like it or not and no cosmic force will stop either of us.

Miss M: I'll remember that.

Ed: Well dorky girl of my dreams, this was great. I'll be keeping your Crystal Castle replica warm for you until we meet again.
Miss M: Thanks Ed. Until then.

Ed and Maleficent leave.

Miss M: Wow. I really need some french fries right now.

Miss M heads out...

Miss M: Hmm, now do I want fries from McDonald's or Whata-a-Burger? It's just such a difficult decision.

Moth Lady: Ow! This damn thing is biting me!

Dragon Queen: Shh! Quiet!

Miss M: Is someone there?

Miss M: Hello?

Dragon Queen: Quiet.

Vultura: Who is out there? Can you get a good look? It looks like a dork girl...

Wild One: (whispers) Is that her? The one named Miss M that was in your body?

Moth Lady: Yes. That's her. She is the one responsible for this mess, and this monster in my arms. I hate her.

Miss M: Ok, this is too much for me. Creepy noises in the woods are border line slasher film. I'm not getting cut up. The fries are calling.

Dragon Queen: Pay no mind to her. Just focus on this baby. There has been a scarcity of evil in these parts. Your baby will usher in a new reign of evil.

Moth Lady: Whatever.

July 2015 Bodacious Baddie!

In the After Life...

Ed: We're back. Home sweet home.
Maleficent: Yes. So what did you think of the Conference?

Ed: It was cool. I'm just glad I got to see M. Now I just need to find Gwen Stacy and tell her the truth.

Maleficent: Yeah. Good luck with that.

Suddenly!

Miss Elizabeth: Maleficent! This all ends now.

Maleficent: Ugh. You found me.

Miss Elizabeth: I knew I'd find you eventually. Helpsont and other cosmic forces are looking for you.
Maleficent: I know, which is why you must pretend like you haven't found me. Just walk away.

Miss Elizabeth: Oh Maleficent. What have you done?

Maleficent: I've gotten us all into huge trouble. However, here's what we are going to do...

To be continued!