September 2015 Woman of Wonderosity!

Dear Diary,

Halloween is almost here! I mean we have like a month, but the entire build up is so much fun. It's like the countdown starts a whole year prior, just getting spooked and scared every which way and then it all culminates at April's bash. I am so thrilled. Especially because this coming Halloween will be Yvie's first Halloween. I am so looking forward to doing some trick or treating with her, even though she is just a baby and will most likely have no concept of what is going on. However since she has wings and is all bat-like, she will already have a built in costume. So... yay!

-Miss M




And now, the September 2015 Woman of Wonder...

Oh wait, there is some drama at the offices of Diary of a Dorkette...

April: What?! You're leaving?
Irma: Yes.

April: You can't leave. What in the world!

Miss M: Yeah, we really need you here Irma.

Irma: I'm sorry, I really am! I have to go though.

April: Why? What is so damn important that you have to leave!?

Irma: (lies) I found a better job.

April: Bull shit. You won't ever find another job that will let you wear socks with sandals. Face it, this is the best place for you.
Miss M: Irma, you can't leave. We've been like a trio of Charlie's Angels since college.

Irma: Well I was gone for awhile there, so it will just be like another break. I'm so sorry! I have no other choice!

April: There's always a choice.

Irma: April, trust me, if you knew what this job entailed, you'd want me to go.

Guy Friday: (walks in) April, there is a Chris Gaida on line one for you.

Miss M: Chris Gaida? As in the comics wunderkind with the flair for badass-ness?

April: Oh yes! He's helping me with this year's Halloween Party. I need to take that call.

April: (looks to Irma) Irma, farewell.

Irma: (sighs) Bye April.

Miss M: (feels uncomfortable) So... How about those Oilers...
Irma: Guy Friday, will you please try to understand? I really need you to listen to me. Please.

Guy Friday: (turns to Miss M) M, could you let Irma know that I will not be speaking to her on account that she is throwing a good thing away by leaving.

Miss M: Irma, Guy Friday wants you to know that he will not be speaking to you on account that you are...

Miss M: (pauses) What was it that you wanted me to tell her?

Guy Friday: She's throwing a good thing away!

Miss M: Irma, you are throwing a good thing away.

Irma: I heard. Could you please tell Guy Friday that I love him very much, and this is not easy.

Miss M: Guy Friday, she loves you. And this is not easy.

Guy Friday: Well could you please tell Irma that I don't care.

Miss M: Ok, Irma, you heard that. I'm not repeating this mess anymore.

Miss M: You two need to talk to each other.

Miss M: I have to go.

Irma: Please just talk to me.
Guy Friday: I can't. Go on and go for this new job, which we both know is not a job. You have some secret. And the fact that you can't tell me means that we never loved each other at all.

Irma: Don't say that!

Guy Friday: Just go.

Moments later...

Louis: You ready?
Irma: No. I'm making a mistake.

Louis: Trust me, once we get to Dimension X and unlock everything, it will be worth it.

Irma: I hope so.

Louis: Come on, the team is waiting.

In outer space...

Emperor Palpatine: Samus Aran, what do you plan on reporting to the Galactic Federation?

Samus: I have been unable to locate the pirate labeled Optikk, but I am requesting a change to my mission. I would like to seek out the capture of Horoscope.

Emperor Palpatine: Horoscope? From home world Saturn? She is a deadly force of the cosmos. There is no reason to engage her.

Samus: I beg to differ. I am at the mercy of the Galactic Federation. I have come across this strong willed woman called Horoscope when I was close to capturing Optikk.

Emperor Palpatine: Why then are you so interested in Horoscope?

Samus: Because she opened a portal that unleashed a Metroid into a public space threatening the lives of many.

The crowd gasps.

Emperor Palpatine: Quiet! Silence in these halls! Now Samus Aran, it was you who destroyed all trace of Metroids ages ago. Are you trying to tell the Galactic Federation that you missed one?

Samus: I do not know how Horoscope was able to call forth a Metroid, but if she has that ability, than the universe is in trouble once again. Need I remind this Federation what could happen to the universe if Metroids were to become rampant?

Emperor Palpatine: That will not happen. I can assure you. I will consult with the other members of the Federation to decide what our course of action should be. That is all for now Samus. I encourage you to still find Optikk. He is loose and a menace.

Samus: This is insane!

Emperor Palpatine: That is all Samus Aran. We shall be in contact soon.

Samus rushes off.

Samus: If they won't listen to me I'll just have to bring Horoscope to justice myself!

Guinan: Wait, don't leave so quickly.
Samus: Yes?
Guinan: I can help you. There are things going on within the Federation that are most troubling.
Samus: Talk to me.

Guinan: I have partnered with a few other members of the Federation to learn more about a cosmic menace. We have reached back in the past for members of the Star Trek franchise and hurled them into the future to gather data about the devastating effects of the cosmic queen Lady Kale. What we have found is most unsettling. You must find Optikk and Horoscope. We are working within to stop those inside the Federation who are working with Lady Kale.

Samus: I knew there were crooked forces in the Galactic Federation. I will do my best to stop this and do my part to make the universe a better place.

Emperor Palpatine: (whispers to aid-trooper) Send this message to Lady Kale, Queen of the Cosmos. Let no one else see this, or you will be eradicated.

Aide-Trooper: Very well.

In the After Life...

Helspont brings war to the headquarters...

Angela: Miss Elizabeth! We must get you out of here.

Miss Elizabeth: I know, we are losing the After Life. Hurry, take us away.

Angela: What of the others?

Miss Elizabeth: They will keep fighting and we will hope they can change the tide in this war. For now, we can't let him get to me.

Angela: Very well. We leave now...

Back to Earth, precisely Wayne Manor...

Bruce Wayne: How was your day babe?
Miss M: It was fine. Kind of crazy. Irma is leaving Diary of a Dorkette. Something feels shady about the whole thing, but what can ya do? She says she found a better job.

Bruce Wayne: Does that mean Guy Friday and her are breaking up?

Miss M: I think so. It's so sad. I figured if anyone could have some epic dorky love story it'd be those two. How is Yvie?

Bruce Wayne: She's great. Resting. She ate really well today.
Miss M: Look at you being a Mr. Mom. I like it.
Bruce Wayne: Do you really?

Miss M: Of course. It's a nice side of you.

Bruce Wayne: Thank you. (walks off and quickly returns)

Bruce Wayne: Before I forget, Queen Angella stopped by earlier. She got to meet Yvie and she also wanted me to give you this...

Miss M: Oh my goodness, that's Glimmer's staff. I don't understand.

Bruce Wayne: Angella was going through some of Glimmer's things and thought you'd like her staff. She told me you always admired this piece.

Miss M: This is true. I always loved this item. This is too much though, Angella should not have given me this staff.
Bruce Wayne: I think she is trying to honor her deceased daughter's life.
Miss M: I don't think I'm ever going to get used to Glimmer being gone.

Bruce Wayne: I know. It's difficult to lose people we love. Would you like to go upstairs and check on Yvie?

Miss M: I'd like that very much.

They walk upstairs.

Bruce Wayne: Ya know, you look pretty tense. I could give you a massage later on.
Miss M: Don't hold your breath. I know where massages can lead.

Bruce Wayne: Happily ever afters?

Miss M: (shakes her head) What am I going to do with you?

Bruce Wayne: I dunno. Love me?

Miss M: Bruce... (pauses at a creaking noise from above)

Miss M: Did you hear that?

Bruce Wayne: Probably just the wind. This is an old mansion, it creaks and groans.

Miss M: Yeah maybe so.

Bruce Wayne: Stop trying to change the subject, when are we going to truly face what is happening between us...

Above...

Miss Elizabeth: Thank you for taking us here.

Angela: No problem at all. Should we inform Miss M we are here?

Miss Elizabeth: Not yet. I'd rather watch her from afar. I don't want any trouble to befall her. We do need to find a way to get to Maleficent though. Come, we have a lot to do...

In outer space...

Lady Kale: Well? Any news?
Jana: Yes Lady Kale. Helspont has sent flaming word. The After Life is now in his control. However his search for Maleficent continues.

Lady Kale: He won't find her. She is too smart to be caught. It is good that he controls the After Life. That will come in handy. Did Horoscope ever bring some good things for me?

Jana: Yes, she did. On the matter of Horoscope, there has been word from the Galactic Federation. They are not pleased that Horoscope recently unleashed a Metroid on citizens of the universe. They have concerns at how far your cohorts will take all this madness.

Lady Kale: I don't care what the Galactic Federation has to say about a damn thing. I can erase them from existence. They'll do well to remember that. Tell them as soon as I find what I'm looking for this madness will all end.

Jana: Of course.

Lady Kale: Now excuse me, I need to open up my gifts.

Lady Kale enters a room...

Lady Kale: Sooner or later I always get what I desire most...

Lady Kale: Don't be frightened. We're only in space. Now, which one of you is going to tell me where Miss M is at?

Dun-dun-duuuun!!!

As September draws to a close prepare for a month of spooky fun! October is upon us and it will be a month you will not want to miss.