Let's take a break from toy soap operas and instead jump right into one of my origin stories. The story of how as a child I was a thief on the mean streets, talkin tough and lookin rough, and ready to take whatever my heart desired. Especially Fazz Cosmetic Jewelry.
We all have an origin story. Sometimes we have more than one. I may seem like a nice sweet middle aged dorky lass, but there was a time when I embraced a life of villainy. I was a terror. Spoiled. Unbending in my wants. I desired a glamorous life, and nothing was going to stop me. It all began one day, around the age of 4, when I was out shopping with my mom at the local Hallmark store. This was the '80s, and a rather lovely hallmark of the decade were those bins of mini pvc figures that certain stores would carry. Like from Applause and similar collectible companies. This particular day I had my eyes set on a Minnie Mouse figure in a bright red dress. I desperately wanted her, and upon hearing a "no" from my mom, I continued to stare longingly at the bin, full of so many Minnie Mouse figures. What would this store even do with all these figures? There's no way they'd ever sell them all.
While my mom checked out, I had a realization. I could listen and accept that I would not get this, or, I could simply embrace my character class as the role of a thief in my very own real life role playing game. I grabbed that Minnie Mouse and placed her in my pocket. Simple as that. I was clearly a novice thief, and had not been very inconspicuous. The cashier immediately saw me and alerted my mom. My poor mom was highly embarrassed. I truly was not raised that way. I learned many lessons on values and being a good person from my parents and all those PSAs from Saturday morning cartoons. I don't think they had sunk in yet for me. It was no matter, I was not meant to be a mage or a warrior. I was a thief. And I didn't care. Except for the trouble I got into afterwards. With the Minnie Mouse returned to the bin and my behind feeling the pain, I contemplated my role in this whole sordid affair and thought, "Next time, I need to be more slick."
I needed to be more slick. And that is what I did. Whether it be enlisting the help of my friend at Mother's Day Out to bring me the items from my peers I wanted for myself, or sneaking items from my elementary school class into my desk and then backpack, like flash cards with pretty images on them, workbooks, or Peanuts books. My villainy simply knew no bounds. Granted, in each instance I'd eventually get caught and have to return the items I took, save for a few flashcards, but the life of being a world class thief was not exactly paying off.
Until I came across Fazz Cosmetic Jewelry. But not just any Fazz, my cousin's Fazz. Let me paint a picture. It was the late '80s. The cosmetics industry was a booming business, and while toy companies had created a market for play makeup for kids, nothing had really been chic. Yes, Galoob's Sweet Secrets were amazing, but they were more toys with an added jewelry or makeup element. Tinkerbell cosmetics had a nice touch of whimsy, but they weren't screaming style and pizzazz. Enter Fazz. Hasbro released a colorful line of cosmetics with geometric prints that doubled as jewelry for kids, and I knew that if I was ever going to live out my Dallas and Dynasty fantasy, I needed Fazz. Side note, I wonder how many times I will type Fazz in this post.
My dad's brother (my uncle) had four kids. They lived somewhat far away and would come to town a couple of times a year. They'd stay at my grandmother's house, she lived a block from us. I loved when my cousins would come to town. We'd all get together. We'd laugh and get into all kinds of mayhem. My grandmother would be cooking amazing food non stop. There'd be Mr. Pibb in the fridge. It was always a good time. One of the cousins, we'll call her Kiki, she was about a year older than me and she was always showing me her fun cool new things. One of those times, it was her Fazz collection.
I was immediately obsessed. She had Fazz! We'd look at the makeup. The little blushes and glosses. I had to have them. I politely asked if she'd maybe want to part with one, perhaps one of the necklace charms that was also a blush, which was almost empty. After all, how could anyone dare to wear a Fazz piece that had an empty blush in it? (I would obviously, but really, why would anyone else want to?)
Kiki was smart, she was not about to part with any of her Fazz cosmetics. It was just something you didn't do. Since my polite ask for her item, which I think Emily Post would have been proud of, did not work, I had to improvise. It was the final day before the cousins were to head back home, and I needed to act fast. While Kiki was in the restroom getting ready, I slipped into the guest bedroom. Carefully looking around, I quickly grabbed the near empty Fazz blush and slipped it into my pocket.
"Dear dorkette, what if she realizes it is missing? She will surely ask if you have it, since you already asked for it. Duh." I couldn't have the blush on my person. It had to be somewhere else, so I could play dumb if things fell apart. Slinking away to the living room, I frantically looked around. Time was of the essence and I didn't have much left. Setting my sights on my grandmother's fancy leather sitting chair, I quickly placed the Fazz blush under the cushion. If it came to it, no one would think to look under my grandmother's favorite chair. This really was sacrilege, but I was feeling invincible.
Time continued to tick. My uncle, aunt, and cousins packed their bags. They prepared their goodbyes. My heart was frozen, awaiting a frantic, "Where is my Fazz blush? Has anyone seen my Fazz blush?" My hope under this scenario would be that since they needed to be on the road, they'd simply chalk it up to, "Kiki, you probably lost it. It was empty anyway, we can buy you a new one." It would be a win-win. I'd get a near empty Fazz blush and Kiki would get a whole new one. The universe would be at peace.
There were no realizations that the blush was missing. No accusations of my thieving ways. We said our goodbyes and they left. The car drove down the road and exited the neighborhood. I had gotten away with it. My parents wanted to go back inside to help my grandmother clean the kitchen and catch up. I was pretending to play near my grandmother's chair, while I was actually slipping my hand under the seat to grab the beautiful piece of plastic jewelry and blush powder that would be the key to a lavish life ahead of me. Only it wasn't there. While I frantically searched, Kiki was in her parent's car laughing at foiling my attempt as she lovingly looked down at her Fazz blush.
Of course, that should have been the proper ending, the ending I'd deserve. Only, the truth is, that Fazz blush was still there, where I had hidden it. And it was now mine.
I knew what I had done had been truly wicked. I knew if my parents had found out they would have strangled me Bart Simpson style. I took the blush home with me. I never dared wear it, my parents were not about to be cool with me wearing makeup. That would be another decade or so. But I'd look at it. I'd be dazzled by the bright colors and shapes. I'd wonder what kind of fancy party I could attend with it draped around my neck with some neon pink shoestring. I may have acquired this item through dubious means, but it meant the world to me. It was also a secret I had to keep, and never tell a soul. Until now of course.
Over the years, I'd somehow lose track of it. And with such a villainous origin story, you'd think I would have grown up into a femme fatale jewelry thief with a closet full of cat suits. Only life had a way of humbling me. I eventually became a pre-teen. The terror I brought upon the world faded and a more socially awkward disposition swept in, ushering an era of what can only be described as comeuppance. The thief would be no more. She'd eventually fade and shift into adulthood, still certainly awkward, but with more of a caring and thoughtful heart. Somewhat embarrassed of her past transgressions. But also a little proud that she wasn't always so sweet. And that is how I came to own my first piece of Fazz Cosmetic Jewelry.
As an adult, I'd actually go legit and purchase a vintage piece of Fazz all on my own. I cherish it to this day.
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