Diary of a Dorkette: All My Toys: 317

All My Toys is brand new with plenty of thrills and chills!

New York City. Channel 6 News Studios.

April O'Neil: Hi, I'm April O'Neil. Don't adjust your screens, the Channel 6 News Studio is indeed looking a little pink and green with all things Wicked. We're kicking off a week of entertainment news with our first story being an exclusive. We have details on the newest installment of the Wicked franchise, a series is in the works from Universal Studios. Currently titled Wicked Witches, this new series picks up right where the blockbuster movie ended.

April O'Neil: So stay tuned, we'll be diving into all the details later on this evening. But for now, we'll return back to our featured programming, The Brain That Wouldn't Die.

April O'Neil: (notices the cameras turn off) This week will be rough won't it?

TV Producer: (buzzing in) April, you've got some visitors. Make it quick eh?

April O'Neil: Yeah, yeah. Hey! What are you doing here?

April O'Neil: And with a detective? Is there something you need to tell me Glo? Wait a second, Dick Tracy?

Dick Tracy: Yep. Real as can be.

Glo: We're sorry to be bothering you, but we need your help.

April O'Neil: Ok, what's going on?

Glo: I will try to make this quick. M's in trouble. We all are. Her dad is the head of some pretty big organized crime. April, Mr. Caprice has been involved in so much illegal activity. We don't have enough hours in the day to go over everything. M has no idea. Dick is investigating everything, trying to pin him for something. Anything. Mr. Caprice has even added the Foot Clan to his business portfolio. This is some crazy mess.

Dick Tracy: M and I are also involved. I've been hiding this from her until I can get definitive proof of Big Boy's misdeeds. Things are becoming more violent as well.

Glo: Yeah, Mr. Caprice took a hit out on Dick. They tried to shoot his behind up at the grocery store.

April O'Neil: That was you? I heard about that.

Dick Tracy: We're trying to keep my name out of it.

Glo: April, it's getting out of hand.

April O'Neil: It sounds like it, but what do you want from me? I don't know anything about Miss M's dad being a mobster.

Glo: April. You're one of the most trusted reporters in this country. If you were to lend that investigative talent towards some of the illicit activity going on, it could put public pressure on Mr. Caprice.

April O'Neil: So you want me to poke a hornet's nest? For what? In the hopes that M's dad slips up and you can get the evidence you need to put him away?

Glo: Were you hit in the head or something? Are we in the Twilight Zone? You know the power of the press. I mean you've been going in on President Luthor and look at his approval ratings. Granted he did all that to himself with how low his ratings are, but you've been shining a light on how bad he is. You can do the same for this. Or is it because of M? You still got it in for her huh?

April O'Neil: Glo, I have no ill will towards M. Have you forgotten? I was the one who rushed into her wedding to warn her that someone was trying to kill her. She and I might not be besties anymore, but I don't want her to be hurt.

Glo: Oh lord help me. April. Her dad had a hit out on Bruce that day.

April O'Neil: What!?

Glo: Yes! He paid someone to make sure no harm would come to M and instead had a gun aimed at Bruce and everything. It's pure luck that he had that aneurism when he did.

April O'Neil: This sounds like a soap opera.

Dick Tracy: It might as well be. I know this is asking a lot, but we could really use your help.

Glo: April. I worry more people are going to get hurt.

April O'Neil: I'll see what I can do. I can't just magically put together an investigative piece and air it, I need to get clearance from my producer. Need to do some digging around, ya know, research. This can't happen over night.

Glo: We have to start somewhere. April. We go way back. We used to be like the Charlie's Angels, M, you, and I. Hell, Irma was our Charlie. We were a team. We need you.

April O'Neil: I said I'll see what I can do, ok?

Glo: Ok, ok. That's all we can ask for. We'll get out of here.

April O'Neil: Yeah. I need to back to work.

April O'Neil: (watches them walk off) Damn it. What do I do now?

Back in Toy Valley. Miss M's apartment.

Yvie: (zipping and zapping space aliens) Metroid is so cool.

Miss M: Ah, playing the classics. Sort of. I never really got into Metroid Prime.

Yvie: I know. (rolls eyes) First person makes you dizzy.

Miss M: (shrugs) Yeah. Do you think you could pause for a quick minute? We need to talk about dinner.

Yvie: Ugh mom. I really don't want to go anywhere.

Miss M: Oh. Why? I thought we could grab some burgers and shakes at Dixie's Diner.

Yvie: Seriously? That place is so old. It smells like attic. I also don't like riding in your car.

Miss M: What's wrong with my car? Come on kiddo, you've known for a hot minute that I like pink.

Yvie: Your car being pink is not the issue. I don't like the noises it makes. I'm scared it will blow up or something. Why can't we just Doordash?

Miss M: Because. Doordash costs more than just going to eat. I could always just cook?

Yvie: No! I'd rather go to the smelly diner.

Miss M: Ok, I will have you know I can cook really well.

Yvie: I guess. Dad would have no issue with Doordash.

Miss M: Yes, well, your dad has more money than he knows what to do with.

Yvie: You could to if you stayed with him.

Miss M: Yvie! You know that is not true. Your dad doesn't remember me.

Yvie: But he could. He didn't remember me. We were like strangers at first, but now he feels like my old dad again.

Miss M: That's because you live with him.

Yvie: Yeah, and if you lived with us he'd feel like his old self with you and you could both get back together again.

Miss M: Yvie. That's not going to happen. I love your dad very much, but he doesn't remember me. And there might come a time where he finds someone else. Or maybe I might find someone else.

Yvie: No! Don't say that. Damian's mom comes over a lot, and she always does this weird laugh with dad. It makes me want to do that old person saying.

Miss M: Excuse me?

Yvie: That saying you told me you'd say when you were a kid. The one with the spoon.

Miss M: Gag me with a spoon?

Yvie: That one. I feel myself wanting to yell that at her whenever they talk.

Miss M: Ok, well first off, 'gag me with a spoon' is not an old person saying. It's still very hip.

Yvie: (shakes head) No.

Miss M: And second, there might come a time when your dad will want to date someone who isn't me. Would that be so bad?

Yvie: (eyes begin to water) It would be terrible. You two belong together.

Miss M: Why do you think that?

Yvie: You were going to marry each other. We had on pretty dresses. It shouldn't end because dad got sick and then forgot who we are. I got to see Mothma get her happily ever after, I want that for the both of you. Together.

Miss M: (pauses) Right. I can see why you would. I wanted your dad and I to be married more than anything.

Miss M: (feels incredibly guilty because of her relationship with Dick Tracy that Yvie simply is not ready to know about) Le sigh. Ok. Parenting hack 237. How about we meet in the middle, and I order us pizza from that place on the corner instead?

Yvie: Perfect. Can I get back to my game?

Miss M: Sure. I'll let you know when the pizza is here.

New York City, outside Channel 6 News.

Dick Tracy: You think April will come through?

Glo: I have no clue. It's anyone's guess. I hate that their friendship shattered. Before everything fell apart, April would have had no reservations.

Dick Tracy: We'll figure this out. I will make sure Big Boy and his menagerie of miscreants pay for their crimes. Are you performing tonight?

Glo: Yeah. I need to head back to Toy Valley.

Dick Tracy: Ok. Hey, are you doing ok? You've seen quite emotional through all this.

Glo: Dick, it's been a lot. More than you know. I don't even know where I'd begin.

Dick Tracy: You can always tell me.

Glo: I'm afraid it would...

"...Calling Dick Tracy! Shoulders is beating up a construction crew!"

Dick Tracy: Lousy timing. We'll pick this up later?

Glo: Sure. Careful out there.

Wayne Manor.

In his library alone, Bruce Wayne listens to the latest After Lunch podcast.

Bruce Wayne: (chuckles in a restrained way) Oh those guys are something else.

Talia: Knock knock. Damian let me in. Hope I'm not interrupting.

Bruce Wayne: Nah. Just contemplating on life. Listening to a podcast. Smelling all these old books.

Talia: Smelling old books?

Bruce Wayne: Yeah, can't you smell it in the air?

Talia: It does smell nice in here. A girl could get used to this smell.

Talia: Warm. Cozy. Feels like home.

Bruce Wayne: Talia, why are you here? Not that I mind, it has been nice having you around, if not slightly suspicious.

Talia: Oh Bruce. Let's not ruffle my majestic feathers shall we? I'm here to talk about Damian. Though I can certainly talk about us as well.

Bruce Wayne: What about Damian?

Talia: Ever since he and I went on our little summer abroad, it's created this sense of adventure and yearning for something more. Has he talked to you about the boarding school in Brussels?

Bruce Wayne: (sighs) Yes.

Talia: Wonderful. Then you're on board for him to go. I've already spoken with the headmaster of the school. The fall semester just began but they were more than happy to accept him. With a sizable donation to the school of course.

Bruce Wayne: Is it really necessary for him to go? We've been catching our stride. Yvie and Damian are two peas in a pod when she's here.

Talia: That's lovely, it truly is. However Bruce, I want the best education for Damian. Need I remind you, I have the final say in how he is raised.

Bruce Wayne: (sternly) Only because you kept him from me.

Talia: Now now, let's not fight. We could always try to become one big happy family, then you could have a say. Do you ever miss us?

Bruce Wayne: Like I miss going toe to toe with the Joker.

Talia: Aww, I didn't know you missed me that much! (laughs coyly)

Bruce Wayne: Talia, we had our moment. I am sorry. I certainly enjoy showing Damian that we can be a family, but I don't feel the way I used to.

Talia: Ah. You still love her don't you? That dorky woman, what was her name again?

Bruce Wayne: You know her name.

Talia: When did you remember?

Bruce Wayne: Excuse me?

Talia: Bruce. You seem more melancholy than usual. It must mean your memory has returned. From what I understand the last decade or so was one of many highs and some depressing lows. I'd imagine you've had a lot to reflect on.

Bruce Wayne: I suppose.

Talia: I won't pretend to understand why you aren't running back into her arms, but I'll be sure to keep your secret safe with me.

Bruce Wayne: Thank you. It's complicated.

Talia: It always is with you.

Bruce Wayne: Listen, if Damian wants to go to this boarding school, I'll support his decision. I don't want to fight you on this Talia.

Talia: Smart man, for you'd be on the losing end. Have a nice evening Bruce.

Bruce Wayne: You too Talia.

Bruce resumes listening to his podcast, the smell of old books filling the library as he contemplates the current intricacies in his life.

Bruce Wayne: I think I need some scotch.

Across town, Club Ritz.

Lana: Glo honey, next time be more mindful of those two left feet will ya darlin?

Glo: Two left feet?! You changed up the routine midway through. That is not what we practiced.

Lana: How long have you been working here? Aren't you aware of the phrase, 'keep up'?

Breathless: Dolls, this is not helpful.

Glo: I'm aware of lots of phrases Lana. Here's one of mine, you're a bitch.

Lana: Oh burn me darlin with that unladylike behavior. I'd expect that from a witch like you.

Glo: (groans) I'm not a witch. But if you want me to grab a broom I will, and sweep your dusty ass straight outta this place.

Lana: I'm about sick of your threats. I hired you, and I can fire you just as easily.

Breathless: Lana, no one is getting fired. Glo is an asset to this club.

Glo: Please fire me. I've been looking for an excuse to...

Lana: To what darlin? Hmm? Go on, finish that sentence.

Glo: I won't give you the satisfaction.

Lana: You think I don't know you, but I have you all figured out. Witchy poo.

Glo: How do you figure?

Lana: How's your old Shad3 member doing? The one still around. Oh, what was her name? Ah yes. Dominique.

Glo: (eyes widen) What are you up to Lana?

Flattop: Big Boy, relax. No one got hurt. It was only meant to be a message.

Big Boy Caprice: I don't give a damn! My orders were clear. Crystal Pepsi clear you understand boy? I want Dick Tracy dead. No warning shots. And no random people in the way. We're a lot of things, but we aren't monsters.

Flattop: Prune Face stole from an old lady at the bus stop just the other day. The Brow scared some kids at the Dairy Treat so he could grab their food as they ran off. How is what I did any different?

Big Boy Caprice: Marone. Are you being serious right now? No more shooting up public places. (yells) The only thing that needs to be riddled with bullet holes is Dick Tracy! Capisce!?

Flattop: Yeah boss. Understood.

Breathless looks downstairs and eyes a familiar face.

Breathless: While you two act like fools, I am going to mix and mingle.

Glo: What is your problem?

Lana: We've been over this already. A thousand times. You know. You've got your secrets, and I have mine darlin.

Glo: Or you could just say you have it out for me. Maybe because of my talent. Maybe it's my skin color.

Lana: Please. I'm more of a no lives matter but mine, darlin. I don't care about the color of your skin. Or your talent. You really don't know what I am do you? I figured someone like you, and your abilities, would have figured it out by now.

Glo: What are you even talking about? (raises voice) You're crazy!

Breathless: You have the documents?

The Tramp: Yes. Trish appreciates your cooperation.

Breathless: And this is legit? No phoney baloney?

The Tramp: None at all. It's all in the deed. Read over the documents, reach out to Trish if you have any questions.

Breathless: (trying to act cool and casual) Why is she trying to help me?

The Tramp: You know this. Big Boy killed Lips, the only man she ever loved. She's got as much reason for revenge as you do.

Breathless: Thank you. This will change everything.

Glo: (grabs Lana's wrist) I wouldn't keep pushing me.

Lana: Should I be scared? What are you going to do? Hurt me in front of all these people? You wouldn't risk that. Oh by the way. I heard from Influence. He's not doing so good, can you believe that darlin?

Glo: (looks shaken) What are you talking about?

Lana: You know what I'm talkin about darlin.

Jason: Everything ok here? Looks a little tense.

Lana: (raises voice) No, it's not ok darlin! Glo over here is being highly unprofessional. I'm at my ends rope with her. I'll be in the dressing room, no one disturb me please. It's just been too much tonight.

Jason: Are you ok? You look really upset.

Glo: Something is wrong. Really wrong. Lana said she talked to Influence.

Jason: How is that possible? What, through a conch shell on the sea bed? Come on Glo. She was probably trying to mess with you.

Glo: No, something is weird about her.

Jason: She's a weird chick.

Glo: What all do we really know about her? She was a showgirl in Vegas right? But what else?

Jason: I don't know, Lana has always been secretive about her life before coming to the club.

Glo: Jason, I get a really bad feeling about her. She thinks she knows about my past, and I am trying not to give into her taunts, but...

Jason: But what?

Glo: This might sound crazy, but I think she is something truly evil.

Cue the chilling soap opera violins!

Lana: (in a rush) No one bother me, I'm busy! And keep Glo away from me! She's crazy!

Krystal: What in the world?

Across town, Vash's former hidden hideout of all hideouts.

Arcee: Hello? I was able to pinpoint your coordinates from your signal. I was wondering if you were able to talk? I'm a detective, but you are not in any danger.

Arcee: (looks around scanning the environment) What is this place? Hello?

MAL: (shutters on) Hello. You found me.

Arcee: What are you? Some sort of super computer? Artificial intelligence?

MAL: I am indeed very intelligent, hardly artificial. Well. Maybe just a little. You are quite smart yourself. I was hoping I would be found. My most recent sidekick left me all alone. I would prefer to be reunited with my former sidekick, but she is no where to be found.

Arcee: Sidekicks. An abandoned building. And you called out for help from me.

MAL: And who else should I have been reaching out to? Quasimodo in the bell tower? You seem to be the only one who could pick up my signal. And from what I have observed with my hyper-mind, it would appear we can be of help to each other.

Arcee: You mentioned that in your transmission. How might you help me?

MAL: Like I said, I'm a hyper-mind. I'm able to hack into any computer system, including security cameras all over town. You're on a case. That rich oil tycoon labeled a suicide. I can show you a suspect.

Arcee: Very well. What do you want in return?

MAL: To be free of this place.

Arcee: Ok. Fair enough. But where would I take you?

MAL: Out to dinner. I could go for some fried bolts and a can of Jolt cola.

Arcee: Very funny.

MAL: I'm a funny computer system. I just want to be reunited with my former sidekick. We were quite a pair.

Arcee: I'll see what I can do. Are you able to show me though? What I need for my case?

MAL: Yes. Of course. I must warn you though, it won't be who you think.

Back at Club Ritz. Dressing room.

Lana: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, whose the scariest of them all?

Lana: (laughs maniacally) That might just be me darlin.

Lana: Oh I feel so itchy.

Krystal: (sneaking towards the dressing room) Wha-?

Lana: Mmm, getting better.

Krystal: Oh my!

Krystal: (nearly screams but is frozen in fear) No. Lana?

Lana hums an old show tune.

Lana: (in a different more raspy voice) Oh that's so much better. Ugh. (takes a drag from her cigarette) Darlin this and darlin that. I'm so sick of it. It's getting closer though. Soon. I can feel it. It'll be time for a change.