November 2014 Heroic Hottie!

Dear Diary:

I'm doing my best to teach Maleficent the ABC's of kindness. It's kind of working. I just want to finish these lessons and find my way back home. I have so many people that I need to reconnect with, especially my love Michelangelo. Now I have my fingers crossed for so much. I can feel it, I will be leaving the After Life soon. I just hope my return to Earth won't be too late. I don't know how long I've been gone. What if everyone is all old and moldy? Time can be a funny thing ya know? There's no telling what I'll be coming back to.

-Miss M

April: Crap. Where the hell is he? He is late for this darn interview.

April: (buzzes into her BlueTooth) April O'Neil speaking.

Bruce Wayne: Hi April, this is Bruce Wayne.

April: Oh Lord. Are you calling for an update?

Bruce Wayne: Yes, I still have been unable to find Miss M, er, I mean Moth Lady.
April: Well I haven't seen her either. It has been weeks and she has not shown up for work. I'm having to do the interviews that she was scheduled to do. So if you find her, let her know that she no longer has a job with Diary of a Dorkette. And she is not allowed back at our new offices at the Dairy Queen in the mall. I'll be sure to send her stuff back to whatever bridge she is living under, got it?

Bruce Wayne: April, I understand you are upset, but I am really concerned. She has been gone for weeks.

April: Look Bruce, I'm sure she'll turn up somewhere. She probably has been looking for some hair straightener. Now I've got to go, the man I'm interviewing just showed up. Late.

November 2014 Heroic Hottie!

April: Ya know, for someone who goes by the name Flash, you'd think you'd be on time for an interview.

Flash: (from above) Hey, I'm only four seconds late! And I was busy saving some lives. I apologize.

April: (heads up) Great. So let's get on with it. What's your real name? Or do you have your identity secret from that whole super hero registration act?
Flash: I think you might be getting your super hero universes confused.

April: Well la-dee-da. I didn't realize we were being specific.

Flash: So, exactly what am I being interviewed for again?
April: You are being interviewed for the November 2014 Heroic Hottie spot on Diary of a Dorkette.

Flash: Nice. So, do you want to know about the great heroic things I have been doing lately?
April: Actually, let's talk your costume. Who had the idea for the ketchup and mustard look?
Flash: Huh?
April: Well it's a pretty simple one, you look like condiments.

Flash: Ha. Be right back, there's an emergency downtown.

The Flash is gone in, well, a flash.

April: Great. I don't have time for this.

Seconds later...

Flash: Sorry about that. You were asking me now?
April: Oh that question is old news, let's move on to the next. I'm a very busy woman. What's it like being on a new series?

Flash: It's great. When lightning is able to strike twice and I can have two hit series in my career, that's a good thing.
April: Yeah. Well. This new one is a little bit better than the old one right?
Flash: I can't really comment on that.

April: Can you comment on the rumors that the person portraying you on the series is actually a vicious conniving gay male from a Glee club?
Flash: Umm, I think that was just another role that he played on a show and is not real. It's called acting.
April: Or maybe it's real life and you are in danger girl.

Flash: What kind of interview is this? Hold on, more trouble in town, be back soon!

April: Total unprofessional. I can't believe this.

Megan Fox: Believe what?

April: Oh disgusting. What are you doing here?

Megan Fox: I'm here to interview the latest hero. Haven't you heard what's been going on?
April: No. I have better things to do.
Megan Fox: The city is gripped in all out chaos. The Flash is zipping through the city saving the lives of many. And I'm getting the first scoop with him.

April: Seriously? We live in a city with a super hero living on every corner. Give me a break.
Megan Fox: You're downplaying this, I know. You want nothing more than to interview him yourself, but sadly I've been in touch with his people. He works for some entity known as the Justice League. I'm getting the first scoop. Jealous?
April: How could I be jealous of a second rate wannabe version of me?

Megan Fox: Oh no honey, I'm the real deal. Just wait and see when my interview makes top headlines.

The Flash zips back in line.

Flash: Whoa, there are two of you!

April: We are nothing alike! There's only one April O'Neil!

Megan Fox: And that would be me. Hi, I'm April O'Neil, and I'd love to interview you for Channel 6 news.
April: No, I am the real April O'Neil.

Flash: What's happening right now?

Megan Fox: Look, you can either stand around and be interviewed for some stupid blog, or you can let me interview you and put you on the seven o'clock news. Come on, blogs are dead. No one reads those things anyway. It's all about the shiny lights of television. What do ya say?

April: She might offer you the spotlight, but a Heroic Hottie really lasts!

Flash: Umm, I think I'm gonna go. This is all a little too weird for me.
Megan Fox: Call me!

April: Could you be anymore desperate?

Megan Fox: He'll come back. I have a way with men.

April: If you mean you make men want to hurl, than yes, I suppose you do. Now get outta my way! I have to move on to my next project since this one just went bust. I've got to help with the finishing touches on a wedding tomorrow...

Later on that night...

Michelangelo: Dudette, can you believe that we are getting married tomorrow?

Mona Lisa: I know! Isn't it kinda bad luck that we are seeing each other the night before?

Michelangelo: I think that's only if I see you in your dress.
Mona Lisa: I think you're right. So... can I ask you something Mikey?
Michelangelo: Sure.

Mona Lisa: Do you really want to marry me tomorrow?
Michelangelo: Of course. Why would you ask that dudette?

Mona Lisa: Well, you were in love with Miss M. And she died last December, so maybe this is too soon to be joining our hearts.

Michelangelo: No way. No way dudette. I love you. Nothing can change that. Like, ever. You got me outta a rough spot. My heart was broken and you totally put it back together, just like that lil egg dude that sat on a wall and fell hard.
Mona Lisa: I love you Mikey.

Michelangelo: I love you too Mona Lisa. And I know that somewhere up there in the starry night sky, Miss M is looking down at me and happy that I have found love again.

Mona Lisa: You think so?

Michelangelo: I know so babe.

In the After Life...

Miss M: Ok, so how do you feel about the whole kindness lesson?

Maleficent: I feel somewhat competent. I feel like I have it in me to be partly nice. If I'm feeling like it of course, which I probably won't.
Miss M: (sighs) Ok. Well. I'm done. I can't keep doing this. I want to go back home. You can't keep me hostage in the freakin' After Life!

Maleficent: Why do you want to return to Earth anyway? I heard everyone carries knives down there.

Miss M: Really? Well I carry a gun. In my heart. Now let me go! I can take care of myself.
Maleficent: You really want to run back to him, don't you?

Miss M: Of course. He is the love of my life.
Maleficent: Ha. Love. It's all so pathetic isn't it? Look at you. Panting like a dog in heat. All for a talking turtle.
Miss M: A ninja turtle. There is a difference.
Maleficent: Whatever. Go on and go. I set you free.
Miss M: Really? No tricks this time?

Maleficent: No. No tricks. Though I do have one thing to say. You aren't a princess. You are marginally pretty. You are actually rather annoying, like a rash from a drunken binder.
Miss M: Thanks. While I love these insults, I'd really like to go home.

Maleficent: I'm not finished. My point is, there is nothing special about you, so you technically are not deserving of special help. However, if you ever need the help of a fairy godmother, I'd be willing to be yours.
Miss M: What?

Maleficent: You heard me. Consider it an act of kindness. Ha. Hahaha. Now go little dork girl. Go back to your boring little life on Earth. With guns blazing in your fluffy pink heart. Goodness you make me sick.

Miss M: Umm, thanks?

And just like that, Miss M is transported past the After Life, through time and space eventually to find herself falling to Earth, falling to her love...

Jessica: Hello fans of glamour and glitter, this is Jessica Wray for Z! News covering the wedding of Michelangelo and Mona Lisa! We're recording live inside the Precious Moments Cathedral and the white carpet is open. What will be the fashion choices? Who will the bride be wearing? Will their vows be written or made up on the spot? No one knows, but Z! News is here to provide you all with up to the minute coverage. This is the wedding of November! And now, a quick word from one of our sponsors, Bow's Place...

Miss M: Ooff! Crap. No one tells you how hard it is gonna hurt your ass when you fall from the After Life. Geez. Ok, dust yourself off and get some help!

Miss M: (looks up) Oh. I landed in front of Wayne Manor. How convenient.

Jessica: Welcome back to the wedding event of November. I am Jessica Wray and the guests are beginning to arrive on the white carpet. Up first I see we have friends of the groom and bride, April O'Neil and her husband Casey Jones. April, who are you wearing?

April: A lovely designer by the name of Valentino. He makes my custom yellow suits, and I just wanted something old school for this auspicious occasion.

Jessica: Congratulations on your one year wedding anniversary a second time around. Casey, what's the secret to a happy marriage?

Casey: Always find a way to keep your weapons separate. A his and her weapon's rack goes a long way.
Jessica: Seriously?

April: Pay no attention to my husband. He just likes to tear stuff up.
Jessica: April, can you comment on the recent takeover of Channel 6 by Mila Rosnovsky?

April: Ya know Jessica, I think with what today's occasion represents, I'm going to refrain from discussing that. Today is about love and happiness. We're here to support our friends. Thank you.

Jessica: Thank you April, always nice to see you.

Jessica: Ok, who do we have next! Oh my goodness, if it isn't Sydney Rutledge! Sydney, come here, tell us who you are wearing?

Sydney: Oh my goodness, I don't even know. Seriously, I just threw this dress on at the last minute. I had no idea what I was going to wear, or if I'd even be leaving my house.

Jessica: That's right, there's been rumor of a stalker in your life.

Sydney: Oh I don't know about that, it's just hard being in the public eye.

Jessica: Yes, well hurry and grab a seat. The wedding will be starting soon!

Miss M: Bruce! Bruce, are you home?

Bruce Wayne: It's you.
Miss M: Hi. It's me. The real me.
Bruce Wayne: How did this happen, I don't understand?

Miss M: Maleficent finally did the right thing. This is me!

Bruce Wayne: You are very pretty.
Miss M: Bruce, there's so much I need to say, that we need to discuss.
Bruce Wayne: I know.

Miss M: I don't even know where to begin, but before we talk, I need to get to my old house. I literally just fell from the After Life in your front yard.

Bruce Wayne: I'm just happy you are ok. You can explain later about what has been going on. You probably need to hurry before it's too late.
Miss M: Huh?
Bruce Wayne: Well, Michelangelo and Mona Lisa are getting married today.
Miss M: What?! It's Halloween!

Bruce Wayne: M, we're in November. You were gone for weeks.

Miss M: That's right, time is different in the After life. Crap! Well, I have to hurry. I have to get to the church.
Bruce Wayne: Here, you can take my car.
Miss M: Like, your Batmobile?
Bruce Wayne: Ha. No. More like my Coupe.

Miss M: You'd let me borrow your fancy coupe?

Bruce Wayne: Yes. No matter how I may feel for you, I want you to be happy and to reunite with your love. Here are the keys.
Miss M: Thank you Bruce. (kisses his cheek)

Miss M: (rushes off) I owe you big time!

Bruce Wayne: She looks great either way. Michelangelo is a lucky man...

Moments later...

Miss M: Damn Bruce Wayne! This is not what I was thinking of when he said coupe...

Jessica: We are back at the Precious Moments Chapel where in a few moments the wedding of November is going to start soon. Before we see the blushing bride, we have a special group with us, the feisty and sexy Cat Ladies themselves! Hi girls! Looks like we're missing a couple of ya!

Catra: Right. Well, we lost one of our own in October, Tigra was murdered. The investigation is still ongoing. And our other feline fatale is on an extended vacation.

Cheetara: That no one knows where she is at.

Catwoman: Totally true. No one really knows where she went for vacation.

Jessica: Sounds like a mystery. Speaking of mysteries, who are you ladies dating? Black Cat, you've been linked to Spider Man and Cheetara, ZMT was reporting that you were having secret meetings with Bow late at night? There have also been rumors that he has been your date for the wedding...
Cheetara: I uhh, I don't know what to say.

Bow: We are just friends...

Black Cat: I think I can speak for all of us when I say, there isn't much to report. We all lead pretty dull lives. We're Cat Ladies after all.

Jessica: Got ya. Well you girls have fun tonight.

Jessica: Let's see, who is coming up next. If it isn't the party princess herself, Glimmer! Hello rebel princess!

Glimmer: (slurs words) Hi. What are cameras and Z! news doing at a wedding? This is so weird.

Jessica: Glimmer, can you tell us who you are wearing?

Glimmer: Lion-O if I have my way. We've been hooking up for weeks. He's a lion in the bedroom. Insatiable! It was nice to see you April. I like what you did with your hair. Red is a new look. (stumbles off)

Jessica: Umm, I'm not April O'Neil. For the record, her breath reeked of designer impostor booze.

Jessica: Let's see, who is next? Oh, hello Mermista and Perfuma! I love that you girls have such a strong friendship. Mermista, how are you holding up?

Mermista: How does it look?

Mermista: I can't walk.

Mermista: I can't even bend my legs!

Perfuma: Yeah, we really just want to find our seats for the wedding, we don't have time for this.

Jessica: Well our thoughts are with you during this time. (sighs to the camera) I also couldn't really tell them, but there are no seats to the wedding. It's standing room only.

Jessica: While we wind things down for this White Carpet Special, we need to show you some more guests.

Jessica: Fankenberry and his broken heart has just entered the building. If you've been following Z! News you know that Strawberry Shortcake stepped out on the cereal mascot with Count Chocula. No word yet on what Frankenberry's next move will be.

Jessica: Also in the building is She-Ra, the Princess of Power. Poor She-Ra. Her relationship has fallen apart, no one knows when she'll get a movie deal, and it has been told by sources close to She-Ra, that she has fallen on hard times. In other words, she needs work.

Jessica: Well, we've covered as much as we can for the White Carpet. It's almost time for the wedding to start! This is Jessica Wray for Z! News.

Jessica: Stay tuned, once the festivities are over, we'll be reporting live at the reception. Don't miss it!

Meanwhile...

Miss M: Crapola! The traffic is so bad on Main Street! Plus I don't know that my feet can keep peddling.

Miss M: (honks) Come on! Move!

Miss M: Oh forget this.

Miss M: I'm bypassing this mess.

Miss M: (stubs her toe driving) Ouch! My toe! Oh no!

Miss M: Get out of my way! Oh no!!!

Miss M crashes Bruce Wayne's Cozy Coupe.

Miss M: Oh no. How am I ever going to get to the church on time? Shoot!

Suddenly...

Flash: Wow. This traffic looks terrible.

Miss M: Hey. I know you! You're the Flash! I was going to interview you for Diary of a Dorkette!

Flash: That would have been preferable. I had a bad time with the lady that tried interviewing me earlier.
Miss M: Yeah. April means well, but she's a bit rough around the edges.

Flash: Hey, this looks like Bruce Wayne's coupe.
Miss M: It is. He let me borrow his ride because I was in a hurry to get to a wedding.
Flash: You should have said something! I can get you to the church, in a flash!

Miss M: Oh would you? Could you? You'd really be helping me!
Flash: Sure, come on. And while we head over there, you can give me a proper interview.

Miss M: Sounds divine.

November 2014 Heroic Hottie!

The wedding begins...

Family and friends look on...

A groom stands nervous with excitement...

A blushing beauty heads towards her destiny...

Mona Lisa: Hi.

Michelangelo: Babe, you look totally... beautiful.

Reverend Lovejoy: Ladies and gentleman, we are gathered here today to witness a story that has unfolded between two people for sometime now...

And then she walks in, a woman simply in love...

Miss M: Michelangelo...

Michelangelo: M?

To be continued!