All My Toys: 2018 Conference of Evil!!!

Megan Fox: Good afternoon fans of evil. This is Megan Fox coming live to you at the 2018 San Diego Comic... Wait. Wrong gig. My colleague Pixel Dude is attending the 2018 San Diego Comic Con while I am here at the dank 2018 Conference of Evil! Join me as I talk with the masters of evil about what they have in store for the rest of the year and how fans both young and old can collect and connect with their favorite villains and products! Now come back after this brief commercial break and join me as I talk with the master of ceremonies himself: President Chocula!

(editor's note: just click the link!)

2018 Conference of Evil

Thursday

Megan Fox: I am standing here right now with President Chocula and I must say Mr. President, it is quite odd seeing you here. What made you want to be the host of this year's Conference of Evil?
President Chocula: It was really quite simple. After my sweeping executive decision to close down all the prisons in this country, I knew the evil turn out for this year's event would be at an all time high.

Megan Fox: This is true, because last year there really weren't many people in attendance.

President Chocula: Well the lame stream media would have you believe that no one turned out last year but there were people. The numbers were huge, it's just the pictures that were small. Everyone loves the Conference of Evil.

Megan Fox: Well considering that I am a part of the lame stream media I do recall covering the conference last year and the turn out was worse than a Limp Lizard concert. I guess emptying out all those prisons was the right thing to do. Any comment though on what will be happening to all those empty prisons?

President Chocula: Ho ho Megan Fox, you do like to ask those tough questions.
Megan Fox: Mr. President I do not believe it was that difficult of a question.

President Chocula: Soon enough everyone will see what we have in store for the country. We're gonna make this country greater than it has ever been. (smiles to the side) Ahh, here comes my (tries not to gag) here comes my beautiful wife. (editor's note: Count Chocula is actually Zartan and his sister Zarana is masquerading as Strawberry Shortcake)

Megan Fox: First Lady Shortcake, how nice to see you.

First Lady Shortcake: Yes. Isn't my husband just the greatest? Look at all he is doing to make this country great again! No more prisons. His yummy chocolate cereals have been replaced with special white chocolate cereals and he is giving bags of it to everyone, all for free! He is feeding this country! No one is hungry. He is doing so much. He is the greatest President in the history of Presidents.

Megan Fox: Yeah, he is a real stand up guy. So tell me, what are you most looking forward to at the conference?

Across town a group of the coolest monsters watch Megan Fox's live stream of the conference...

Boo Berry: Guys. Are you all watching the same thing I am watching?

Yummy Mummy: Trying to. One of my eyes rolled around and I am watching the back of my head.

Fruit Brute: Is anyone else going to say it? To say what we have been holding back?

Franken Berry: That is not Count Chocula.

Boo Berry: I also don't think that is Strawberry Shortcake.

Franken Berry: It's not. I should know. I was in love with her!

Yummy Mummy: (fixes eye and then loses his arm) Yikes! I'm falling apart!

Frute Brute: (looks at Yummy Mummy with caution) You haven't seemed like yourself either Yummy. You need to put yourself together man! Either way, whoever is behind this, they are doing a lot of damage. I heard that the white chocolate cereal that is being given to people for free is rotting their brains.

Franken Berry: Guys. This leaves us with only one thing to do. We need to get to the bottom of the bowl on this one and find out what has happened to Count Chocula and Strawberry Shortcake. Before it is too late!

2018 Conference of Evil

Friday

Dr. Blight: Toxic waste. What is it? How does it really affect the world around us? Let's talk about that.

Dr. Blight: Toxic Waste must be thought of like one of our tastes. It's like the sour taste. We think it is really bad but it is a natural part of how we sense the world. Which is why I am proposing we take all the poor misunderstood toxic waste in the world and make it into sour candy.

Dr. Blight: Something happened to a generation in the 90's. Poor clueless children were fed lies about protecting the planet. Saving rain forests. Climate change. (shudders) It's disgusting.

Rocksteady: I thought a bunch of scientists said treating Earth like a dump was a bad idea though?

Dr. Blight: No, no, no. Take it from me. I am a doctor and a scientist. I know what I am talking about. Toxic waste is good for the planet and it is good for you.

Dr. Blight: So this is what you can look forward to consuming in the second quarter of 2019. Each barrel of Toxic Waste will have different sour flavors and come with a build a set piece to construct your own waste dump.

Megan Fox: Dr. Badvibes, you have partnered with Dr. Blight for this very controversial item to be released to the public. How do you explain that?
Dr. Badvibes: Ms. Fox it is quite simple. Like Dr. Blight said in her eloquent speech, toxic waste is misunderstood. It is not as dangerous as we once believed. This will usher in a whole new market for consumers.
Megan Fox: (pauses) Ok. But it is poison... you know, never mind. I have another question. The both of you have been incarcerated but recently set free thanks to the president's executive decision to close down the prison system across the country. What do you say to consumers who are nervous about buying a product from two doctors found guilty of making Plastic, a dangerous street drug, that destroyed many lives around the city and even spread out into the rest of the country?

Dr. Badvibes: My goodness Ms. Fox, you don't hold back do you? Dr. Blight and I served our time. In fact we were mere pawns. The person really behind that drug ring was Shredder and he is dead. Now, I think I am done with these questions.

Megan Fox: (continues to talk as Dr. Badvibes walks away) Well technically your sentence was for life, but with the ever changing world we live in you got out sooner. You are a lucky man. Thank you for answering these questions, I am sure your new product will be gobbled up soon enough.

2018 Conference of Evil

Saturday

Megan Fox: Hello faithful viewers! We are here at the 2018 Conference of Evil. It is Day Three and I am standing here with Commander Sela of the Romulan Star Empire.

Megan Fox: You've traveled a long way to attend the Conference of Evil. Has Earth been everything you hoped it would be?
Sela: I am quite familiar with Earth. My mother had traveled to Earth from time to time when she was alive. It was quite a trip, however I rather enjoy what this conference stands for and wanted to make sure there was a Romulan presence this year.

Megan Fox: And with a Romulan presence, what kind of message are you wanting to send to the attendees? What are you most excited about?
Sela: I want to enforce the ideals of the Romulan Empire and put our name in the ring for interstellar dominance. I am also very curious to meet this strange man by the name of Jake the Snake.

Megan Fox: Well you are in luck. His panel is about to begin, let's listen in.
Jake the Snake: Members of true evil, I thank you for attending my panel on Snake Mountain. The rumors are true. I have restored glory to the throne left behind by Skeletor. Snake Mountain has become a haven for all the greatest snake themed characters in the universe. Why last night we had a special by invite only party where Snake Man tortured Indiana Jones by dipping him in a pit of mechanical snakes. It was a good time had by all.

Jake the Snake: The problem though is that Snake Mountain is just not big enough to contain all these festivities and growing membership, which is why I am here to announce plans to build a bigger Snake Mountain. This is going to be an all new all massive Snake Mountain with space for all kinds of individuals, snake and non-snake alike! I am going to be king of this mountain! And to build it all I am going to need the help of some muscle. Which is why I am asking all of you, my evil brethren, to help me find the muscle bound fools of this city and force them into building this great vision for Snake Mountain.

Verminous Skumm: What about muscle bound fools with green mullets?

Jake the Snake: Even better! Gather them all. I am going to do what the former master of Snake Mountain could not. I am going to get He-Man and his friends to kneel before me and build the largest Snake Mountain ever!

Quick Charge: Are you ok being here?
Oola: A little. I thought I saw Jabba the Hutt but it was someone in cosplay. I am surprised his image can still send shock through my body.
Quick Charge: With what you went through, I think that makes sense.

Oola: Are you sure it is ok that we are here?
Quick Charge: Of course. I am a former villain and no one will even recognize you. They'll just think you are a fan of evil.
Oola: Ok. Did we get everything set up?

Quick Charge: Yep. Multiple points are bugged and recording everything. If Cobra slithers in we will hear about it.
Oola: Wonderful. So is this what the Conference of Evil is? Just a bunch of people talking about their crazy ideas for the world in the coming year?
Quick Charge: Pretty much. I was hoping though that this year they would finally debut the trailer for Jaws 5, it was supposed to come out like two years ago.

Oola: Oh wow, look! Cobra Commander.
Quick Change: And Bane! Let's hope the conversation gets recorded.

Bane: We need to talk.

Cobra Commander: We can retire to my inner chambers.
Bane: No. We can talk here, unless you are worried about other bad guys listening to our bad conversation?

Cobra Commander: I am always concerned about who might be listening in on my plans.

Bane: Let me make it easy for you. I still can't find the giraffe and we had a deal.
Cobra Commander: We still have the deal. You have until November to find the giraffe. That is when we have our big celebration where our plans will be known. It is going to be quite a show.
Bane: And if I can't get the giraffe?
Cobra Commander: You will find him. I want you to visit my colleague, Dr. Mindbender. He might have some ideas on finding Geoffrey.

Quick Charge: I was able to hone in on the recording device near them.
Oola: What did they say?
Quick Charge: Nothing but a bunch of vague mess, however Cobra is planning something big for November. And Bane is a part of it, but only if he can deliver Geoffrey the Giraffe to them. And they mentioned getting help from Dr. Mindbender. Whoever that is.
Oola: What does any of this mean?
Quick Charge: I am not sure, but we need to get back to the firehouse.
Oola: Yeah, get us out of here!

Across town,

Evil-Lyn: (looks off at mystery figure) Thank you for meeting me down here. We should not be disturbed for a little while as the man pretending to rule this mountain is at the Conference of Evil.

Evil-Lyn: I am taking a huge risk in bringing you here. I've done this before and it didn't work out well for me.

King Hiss: Well thisss time can maybe be better. Now, why am I here?

Evil-Lyn: Jake the Snake believes he has some right to this place. He is planning on tearing it down and building a much bigger and more fearsome Snake Mountain. I want him stopped. I want him gone. Things were peaceful and fine with Skeletor gone and no one trying to rule this place. Then that foolish man came in and has been a bothersome pest.

King Hiss: Ssso you call upon me, the true king of thisss mountain and your goal isss to create peace?

Evil-Lyn: Yes. I want to create peace and quiet here! I am tired of stupid men trying to take control of shit. I just want to be. And you will help me because I know how you can find an even better home. But only if you agree to help me.

King Hiss: What place could posssibly be better than Sssnake Mountain?
Evil-Lyn: Simple. Castle Grayskull.
King Hiss: Ah. I'm lissstening.

2018 Conference of Evil

Sunday

Michael Myers: (breathes heavily)

Dragon Queen: I am telling you, it is entirely possible that Moth Lady is attending the Conference of Evil. She attends every year.
Barbarocious: Yes, but our searches have proven that where we think she might be she is usually not. We need to find the commissioner.

Dragon Queen: True. Our trip to Europe did prove that Commissioner Gordon does probably know where Moth Lady is, but this is the Conference of Evil! It only happens once a year!

Barbarocious: I am beginning to feel that you are not invested in finding Moth Lady.
Dragon Queen: Honestly? I am losing interest. I am failing to understand why you need this pet that Moth Lady had? There are tons of pets out there. I think a new one would be fine. Don't you?

Barbarocious: No. I do not. Your team of warrior women have ruined my life. Moth Lady needs to be found now! I am seething with rage right now! The longer that time goes on and my pet is not with me...

Barbarocious: (sighs) I am getting ahead of myself. I should not let my anger get the best of me. Let's go into the conference and see if Moth Lady is there. And maybe see some familiar faces, like that old man always looking for a woman with green eyes every year.

Dragon Queen: Oh you mean Lo Pan? It's so sweet. He got married at last year's conference and it was actually to a woman with green eyes! His dream finally came true!

Barbarocious: What a lucky woman. That man is a god among pathetic loser men. Come on, let's go inside. But afterwards we are going to visit Commissioner Gordon. Yes?
Dragon Queen: Of course! You are gonna love it and I am just sure Moth Lady will be here!

Mega Fox: Ladies and gentleman, what a weekend. The 2018 Conference of Evil has been full of all kinds of news and exciting things to look forward to. As we wind down the end of the con, I wanted to take a moment and gather the thoughts of evil super fan Bomb Man.

Megan Fox: So tell me, what have you enjoyed about your weekend?
Bomb Man: Everything has been a blast! I like the plans for the bigger and more improved Snake Mountain. I look forward to tasting toxic waste next year. The parties have been insane. Godzilla and his monster friends are gonna make 2019 an explosive year. I'm even curious to learn more about Aquaman. I hope the film will explore how to overthrow an undersea kingdom.
Megan Fox: I don't think that will be happening, it is about Aquaman, he is a hero.

Bomb Man: A hero? Eww gross. That trailer is sending out false vibes. Who wants to see a movie about heroes?

Megan Fox: Actually a lot of people. Heroes give us hope, especially in uncertain times. Well thank you very much Bomb Man for your experiences at the convention this weekend. It has been quite the Conference of Evil. I thank you all for following this coverage. See you next year! (sighs) Hopefully at San Diego Comic Con instead. 

Across town in a more frightful area...

A group of evil masterminds secretly meet to discuss their dastardly horrible plans for the coming year.

Hordak: Welcome my dearest of friends. (snorts) We have much to accomplish today.

Hordak: The Conference of Evil is wrapping up but I like to think that this is the true conference. How is everyone?

Hello Kitty: Quite lovely. Ready to plot!

Sour Grapes: I am quite sour these days. My snake Dregs up and left me to live in Snake Mountain. I'm pissed.

Velvet Sky: (rolls her eyes) I am still here. Forsaking my wrestling career to payback Hordak for the legal troubles I created for all of us thanks to that raggedy Miss M.

Dr. Wily: I am quite proud of myself. With my extensive work on my robot masters I used my knowledge to bring back the greatest robot villain in the universe: Megatron!

Megatron: It's good to be back! I have been gone for far too long. (editor's note: Megatron died during the Total Darkness event a few years ago!)

 Mumm-Ra: It is nice to see you Megatron. Try not to get killed in a weak ass way this time, eh?

Megatron: Ah, Mumm-Ra. A frail old man on steroids trying to remain relevant.
Mumm-Ra: Well at least I am alive! And I can feel! And I know that people love me! Who loves you Megatron?
Megatron: That's harsh. I feel too.

Mumm-Ra: No one even missed you while you were gone.

Hordak: If we are done here could we please direct your attention to me please? I have one new person joining our little group. This vile piece of divinity has been out of commission for awhile, but when I told her my ideas, she was delighted to return to the fold with a delightful plan. (snorts) Please welcome her.

Megatron: I don't believe this.

Sour Grapes: Ah! Fabulous.

Dr. Wily: Trouble has arrived. 

Velvet Sky: You've got to be kidding me.

???: Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Hordak: Pizzazz (snorts) welcome back.

Pizzazz: After so many years! It's really good to see you all again. I'm not as tall as I used to be but what can I say? Aging is a bitch.

 

Velvet Sky: What is a dried up singer from the 80's going to do to help us?

Pizzazz: Simple you bore. I am going to do what needs to be done to take Miss M down once and for all. You started this Velvet Sky. All those years ago you pulled us together because we all wanted Miss M gone. You failed that plan. My new plan is going to pull off the greatest plot.

Hordak: (snorts) Are you curious to know this plot?
Pizzazz: Allow me to further share the details. Your idea to turn wrestlers into zombies to go after M was quaint, but why not have Miss M go after Miss M? I have studied her story for awhile now. When she originally died in that sewer explosion, her mangled battered body was put in a coffin. When she came back to life she did not crawl out from the ground. She materialized out of some chick named Moth Lady. So there is still a body in that coffin, Miss M's original body. We're gonna dig it up and with the help of some important friends, we are gonna resurrect that Miss M and create a whole lot of mischief. We're gonna practically slander her, leading to her eventual destruction.

Velvet Sky: That's your plan? Haven't we already discussed this plan? Haven't there already been thousands of plans to get that damn dork girl and they always fall flat! You are wasting your time!

Pizzazz: Aww poor baby. So sad you couldn't come through Velvet Sky, but I've got it taken care of now.
Hordak: Pizzazz is right. Your wish is finally granted Velvet Sky, you can leave the Fright Zone.

Velvet Sky: Thank God. You fools are all pathetic. You'll never kill Miss M. You might as well deal with her dorky positivity infecting this city. I'm gonna finally salvage my wrestling career.

Hordak: All right. Down to business! (snorts) 

Pizzazz: That's right. We all have a part to play. Up first, Sour Grapes. You know Miss M's mom. Call her. Find a way to bring her into town. It will unnerve Miss M greatly. Secondly, Dr. Wily, call up Drill Man. We've got a coffin to dig up.

Pizzazz: Remember what we are all capable of. Miss M has been a thorn in all of our sides at one point or another and she will continue to do so. Our plots and plans are better, and we're gonna get her. Finally. (they all laugh in evil glee)

Up Next!

Mother has arrived!