Friday, July 29, 2011

Flashback Fridays: Too Hot to Trot

Flashback Fridays is a special day of the week. Here I will share previous misadventures that should help you laugh a little bit. And maybe even help prepare you for what not to do on the weekend. Seriously, no one wants to end up on Snake Mountain as a sacrifice to the Snake Men. This could save your life!

In my early twenties I loved going out to the clubs. Dancing and hanging out with friends was the perfect way to celebrate the end of the week. I'd throw on a cute outfit, do a lil smokey eye and be out the door. It was great. Of course I would also be in shoes that were not the best to be dancing in, but whatever. When you are in your early twenties you can wear skyscraper stilettoes like it is nothing. No one is worrying about hip replacements ok?

Now this particular night-out occured sometime in December or January. It was cold and windy, and yours truly thought it would make perfect sense to leave her nice long coat with faux fur trim in the car. After all I just had to show off the outfit I had planned on wearing all week long. Oh and can I just say this was an amazing outfit. I had on this shiny purple one shoulder top with this flowy knee length black skirt. The shoes were delicious peep toe pumps. To top it all off I had this bright yellow belt to really make it pop.

It may sound like a lot, but I thought I looked like some glam disco goddess. I walked into the night club like I owned the joint! I said my helloes, did a little dancing. Conversed with people on the patio, accepting compliments graciously. I was having a fabulous time, until the cold air started to really get to me.

Let's face it, any smart person would be more concerned about staying warm in the winter. Not me, I wanted to flash skin in the cold. A whole lotta good being 23 years old did for me huh? I excused myself from my friends and made the walk back to my car, totally stopping to smile at the door man because I really thought he was dreamy.

Anyways the parking lot was across the street. I made my way over there and stopped dead in my tracks. The entrance to the parking lot had a closed gate in front of it. Ya know, one of those low slung iron gates with two connecting like doors with an opening below. They aren't very tall. Well I could've lifted my legs over the gate and been on my way, but I was in a skirt! I wasn't about to do that!

Being the ever smart 23 year old that I was, I made the choice to crawl under the gate. Limbo style. I held onto the center of the two gate doors and prepared to walk under. All of a sudden the gate doors swung open. I screamed and slipped on my back on the driveway. I thought the gate had been locked, but clearly that was not the case.

So there I was, lying on the cold concrete looking up at the stars. I couldn’t get up! I was embarrassed hoping no one had seen me fall. Then I was hoping that the dreamy door guy across the street had seen the whole thing and surely he was going to rush over to help me. Right?

Wrong. The only thing I got was a gust of wind that blew my skirt up over my hips exposing my panties to the heavens. I had really hoped the Greek gods were a myth, because Zeus totally got a show that night. That was when I realized I really needed to get up because a girl lying on the ground with her skirt up in front of a night club would warrant the wrong kind of attention. 
I rolled over and slowly got up, dusting myself off. I looked around to still make sure that no one had been watching. They hadn't. I could have been mugged and no one would have noticed. So I got my coat out of my car and rushed back inside. 
What is the point of this story? I will tell you. My biggest mistake was expecting that the dreamy door guy was going to rush over and save me! The point my dear readers is that you gotta save yourself! Pick yourself up and dust off your behind. I have always had this complex with wanting to be saved by some guy. When I was little I would tie myself to trees and hope for the boys in the neighborhood to rescue me. They would ride by on their bikes and laugh.  
If you fall, or find yourself tied to a tree, figure out how to get out of it on your own! After all, it is what She-Ra would do. Of course that broad had a sword she could turn into anything she wanted for help, but whatever. I still love her!    
So be here for the next Friday Flashback! It is a cautionary tale I like to call- The Suppository.

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