Night of the Living Roach 5: The Hunger
And now without further delay...
Night of the Living Roach 6: New Blood
On the third floor of an apartment complex by Sunny Lakes our lovely heroine, Miss M, is helping a close friend with a particular sad move. "Milton, I just don't understand why you are moving into the city. It is so far."
Milton (M.B.) is taping up a box and looking at his friend. The two have known each other for many years. They met through a mutual friend (Paddy) and instantly became close over their shared sense of humor and affinity for the cable series Dead Like Me. "M, the city isn't that far. You act like I am moving to another planet."
Miss M jumps up, "Well you might as well be! The new place is on the far north side." Miss M stops the packing and hops onto Milton's couch. Milton laughs, "What is wrong with the north side?"
Shrugging her shoulders upwards Miss M looks over some compact discs in an unsealed box, "Oh there is nothing wrong with the north side, unless you count moving next door to a Correctional Facility."
"Actually it is a probation site and it could do you good to hang out there. Those men will be fresh out of jail and they may need a woman's touch, and girl, you are in need of some touchin." Milton smiles raising an eyebrow at his friend. Miss M shakes her head, "Oh please, that is all I need. Some convict slitting my throat, having his way with me and then dumping my body in a lagoon..."
Milton laughs out loud, "I don't think it works that way." Miss M jumps up from the couch ready to express her next point, "And let's not forget what we saw on the way to your new place. How could anyone forget the lovely crack lady standing in the middle of the road with her legs wide open looking at the ground for something that wasn't even there! I just don't understand why you are moving there." Miss M had no concept of the various workings of a city.
"Ok. So the neighborhood is eclectic, what's the big deal? Why are you being so judgemental? As for those hot prison guys on probation, suit yourself. That'll just be more for me." Milton smiles. Miss M groans out loud, "Oh Lord, why does everything have to be an Oz episode with you?" The two friends look at each other, there is more going on than just the move.
"M, I think you need to start being honest with why my moving is bothering you so much. My moving means you'll be down to one gay friend and then what will you do? You'll have to stop relying on your gay friends to be your surrogate boyfriends, and maybe find a real one?" The truth hits Miss M right in the chest, the after shock visible on her face, "What in the gay hell are you talking about?"
Milton gives a look full of faux attitude, "Don't steal my line!" The two laugh to break some of the seriousness, "M, you've been burned by too many guys. So you have relied on me and Paddy to be your stand-ins. I'm sorry hon, but I frequent the beef buffet. I'm never going to want to eat a fish sammich."
Throwing her hands in the air Miss M shakes her head, "This is all ridiculous! I do not think of Patrick and you as surrogate boyfriends. What does that even mean? And for the record, I am not dealing with some third degree burns from a slew of exes. I have had a bit of a rough spell, but I am fine. I am content being single and enjoying hanging out with my friends, one of which is a gay guy talking all sorts of mess to me right now!" Miss M knows where Milton is coming from, but she did not want to play along with the conversation.
With eyes narrowed Milton says pointedly, "When's the last time you hung out with your girl friends? Huh? You spend all your time with Paddy or me. I can't even bring a guy over because you are attached at my hip. I love you girl, but you need to figure your shit out. And for the love of Buddha, stop collecting all those action figures. That is not helping your cause." Miss M's mouth is hanging open in pure shock, Milton has never been this honest with her, "Whatever. I can't believe this. I spend plenty of time with my girl friends. Just the other day Glo and I went for soft serve at D.Q. She taught me how to eat ice cream off a cone and believe me, if that stunt can't get me a date with a guy that wants a bite outta my fish sandwich, I am worse off than I thought!"
Getting very animated Miss M continues, "If you want a damn booty call just tell me! I have no problem leaving you to it. I know you have all kinds of needs. I get it. I've just been through a lot lately, you just can't possibly understand. And now with you moving, I know I won't be seeing you as much. I guess I just wanted to spend as much time as I could, before everything changes."
The two look at each other, highly aware of the truth lingering in the air. Life was going to change. Milton walks over and hugs his neurotic friend, "I'm sorry M. I know I was harsh. I am not moving far, but I guess things are going to be different, and I want you to be ok. I still love you, you're my fruit fly. That will never change!" Miss M has tears in her eyes and let's out a laugh, "Thanks I guess. And you better not find some new city fruit fly to take my place!" Milton laughs, "Never!" Miss M wipes her eyes and smiles, "Ok enough of the melodrama." M points to the items and boxes, "I need to get some of those boxes packed."
Milton laughs, "Well that phrase sums up your life..." Miss M playfully slaps his arm, "Shut up!" The two go back to working. Miss M is putting some more items in a box and taping it shut. Milton is by the fireplace removing some large candle holders. He pauses, "What in gay hell is this?" Miss M looks up, "Something the matter?"
Calling her over, Milton cautiously says, "Look at this. What is it?" He points to a lump hidden under a lot of dust and cobweb. Miss M shakes her head, "I can't tell with all the dust and cobwebs. It almost looks like a corpse." Milton looks at his friend and rolls his eyes, "M, it isn't a body. It almost looks like a dead insect."
That last sentence lights a bulb in M's brain, a bulb filled with dread, "Oh God. Leave it alone, it could be a Roach." Groaning out loud Milton looks at the lump, "Shit, don't tell me this is going to turn into another one of your Roach stories. M, the first five was really more than enough. I'm being serious." Miss M closes her eyes and nods, "Look I know you think I am crazy but these creatures have put me through hell and back. Just leave it alone Milton."
Milton is not listening and looks closer, "We don't even know for sure that it is a Roach. Let me wipe away some of the dust." Grabbing a dust rag off the table, Milton tries to wipe way the debris. He reveals a very old dead Roach, "Would you look at that?" Miss M looks over his shoulder, "Great, we're a regular couple of paleontologists, let's send it to the Smithsonian and call it a damn day." Miss M is filled with dread, something does not seem right. Milton looks closer, "Wow this thing has been here for a long time!" Staring just a few centimeters away from the Roach, Milton jumps back as one of the legs quickly moves with a slashing effect.
"Shit! That thing is still alive! It cut me!" Milton's right hand wipes his cheek, feeling blood on his fingers. Miss M is horrified, "Oh no, it drew blood." The two friends turn to look at the Roach as it starts to mutate and change, becoming larger. Miss M backs away panicking, "Oh no, it sounds like a Michael Bay film. This isn't going to be good." Screams erupt from both their mouths as the Roach appears taller than them both. Letting out a roar the Roach bellows, "Relic." The Roach repeats the word again and Miss M whispers, "I think he is telling us his name." The Roach lets out a howl and lashes out at Miss M. A Roach leg flings the lovely heroine into the living room wall. She crumples to the floor. Milton dodges a deadly attack and runs to the bathroom.
Sitting up in a daze M calls out, "Don't leave me alone with this thing!" The Roach loomes over M, nasty drool hanging from its mouth. M wants to gag, but quickly rolls over. She has not given up yet, and won't start now. With a swift kick M knocks Relic back. Looking for any way to survive M notices a heavy duty vacuum near the kitchen entrance. While crawling towards the vacuum, Miss M feels the Roach grab her by the ankle, dragging her towards her imminent death. "NOOO!" She screams.
Milton races back in the living room, "Hang on M! I've found a weapon!" Milton pulls out a can of his nice hairspray. Popping the cap off, he takes aim and sprays into Relic's face. The Roach staggers back momentarily blinded. Miss M gets up and races towards the vacuum, "Milton, hurry! Plug it in!" Relic lumbers towards the two humans, thrashing about and making contact with Milton's neck. Screaming in short breaths Milton is afraid he may actually die as the Roach lifts him in the air.
Miss M screams and turns the heavy duty vacuum on, aiming the gun attachment towards the giant Roach. Relic lets out another howl as he feels the suction make contact with his legs. The grip around Milton's neck is loosened. Falling to the floor, Milton rushes next to M. The vacuum is on full blast and within a few seconds begins to take Relic apart piece by piece. Soon the howls stop as Relic is finally and fully sucked into the vacuum. Milton reaches over M, "Here, press the incinerate button. It'll burn what's inside." Miss M is impressed, "I've never seen a vacuum do that before."
Milton catches his breath and sits on the couch, "Ok, I believe you now. If anyone thinks you have lost it, I'll back you up. Roaches are truly after you." Miss M nods, glad that her friend believes her, "I know, but I've got a little something for them. I've set my own special traps back home, they won't be attacking me anymore and I have Entrapta to thank for that." Milton looks at his friend, he is glad to know her, but he can't help but find her really odd, "Ok I didn't understand any of that. Wanna order a pizza? I'm hungry." Miss M shrugs, "Works for me."
Deep in Attic #3 at Miss M's home the Prince of the Cock Roaches, Roach Clip, is slowly scurrying over boxes with his aid, Vegemite. Roach Clip looks around, "Man we need to find a place to rest really fast. I also need something to eat, I'm hungry." Vegemite looks at the prince, "Master Roach Clip, we must hurry, your sister is awaiting us. There is news about the humans, we don't have time to rest. I never should've agreed to join you on this... excursion." Roach Clip coughs, a billow of smoke coming out of his mouth, "Yeah whatever man, you had a good time." The Roach prince stops and scans the area, resting his sights on a black building with a neon sign on the roof that says, 'Motel.' "Dude, let's stop by that motel before we see my sister. I bet they'll have food. And cable." Roach Clip slowly makes his way to the motel and Vegemite shakes his head, "Oh Master Roach Clip wait up!"
The two Roaches make their way into the motel, a gorgeous doll with pink and purple braided hair greets them, "Would you like a room?" Roach Clip nods, "Yes, my aid will take care of the bill. I just need to rest for a little bit." The doll nods. Vegemite and Roach Clip slowly walk down a hall passing all sorts of closed doors. Vegemite is slightly scared, "Master Roach Clip, I don't like the looks of this place." Roach Clip enters a room and plops on the bed, "Look around Vegemite! This place is awesome! I think I'll light up too one last time, my sister hates it when I smoke."
Vegemite looks around and gasps. Next to the bed is a dead Roach on the floor, "Master Roach Clip!! Look!" Roach Clip puffs from his goods and looks down shrugging, "Some people can't handle a good time. Now where's the remote?" Roach Clip flips the television on, "Awesome! Night of the Living Dead is on!" Vegemite shakes his head, "No I think we should leave." Vegemite tries to reason with the prince, but Roach Clip won't budge.
Having had enough of the whole bit, Vegemite quickly leaves with the promise to return. His plan is simple, call for Rita the Roach and have her get her lousy brother out of the motel. Only Vegemite notices something strange start to happen. The windows and doors to the motel all start to have gates close down over them. Vegemite rushes to find the doll, only she is nowhere to be found. "Oh what have we gotten ourselves into?" Vegemite says out loud. Moving as fast as he can, Vegemite scurries out from under the closing main door. Vegemite's antennae move furiously, he is calling out for any and all help.
Back inside the motel, Roach Clip is oblivious to a strange poisionous gas being released throughout the building. He coughs a little bit between puffs, "Man this is some good shit." Roach Clip sits back and continues watching the movie until he hears a voice call out, "You should have left with your friend." Roach Clip pauses and looks around, finally pausing to stare at the dead Roach, "Man this really is some good shit! I thought you were dead!" The dead Roach sits up and stares at Roach Clip, "I am dead you moron. And so are you, you just don't realize it yet." Roach Clip shakes his head and looks at the Roach. The Roach is most certainly dead, "What is with this place?" Roach Clip says to himself. He gets up and leaves the room, "I am so hungry, where is the food?"
Walking down the hall Roach Clip notices that everything seems shut down, "What?" Soon the prince starts to see multi-colored clouds of gas swirl around him. "Aww man, someone mixed something in my stash!" Roach Clip starts to run around looking for a way out. He soon makes it to the main door and tries to open it. The door won't budge.
On the outside of the motel Vegemite is relieved to see the Cock Roach leader, Rita the Roach, approach with an army of Roaches. She snarls, "What is the meaning of this, where is my idiot brother?!" Vegemite explains the situation and Rita is not pleased, "Can't any of you ever listen to me? This was a death trap!" Rita races to the front of the motel. The doll from earlier is at the front, "Can I help you?" Rita screams, "Let me in! My brother is in your establishment and I want him back!" The doll grins, "I'm sorry but he paid for a room, and is not ready yet."
Rita screams and lashes out at the doll. The doll starts to blink and then disappears. "A damn hologram! This has been a trick! Gaurds! Open the door at all costs!" The Roaches work at trying to get the motel open. Eventually the gates lift up as a ton of smoke seeps out. Rita gets everyone to halt, "Nobody go in there. Wait. I see something." The Roaches stand by silently as Roach Clip slowly makes his way out of the Motel. He stumbles a bit and collapses in front of his sister. Rita looks down, "Roach Clip? Are you alright?" She touches her brother, he feels incredibly dry and crispy. Roach Clip looks up at Rita, "Puff, Puff, Gi--" The Roach Prince lets out one final cough before disintegrating in front of everyone. Rita howls in pain. First her parents, and now her brother.
Looking down at her brother's remains Rita screams, "Sky-Spy! I need you! I know that bitch was behind this. I want answers. Hurry! Miss M is going to pay for this!" Rita the Roach screams in the hot Attic air...
Tucked away in her bed, Miss M is talking to Gambit, a member of the Action Figure Heros. She has been catching him up on the recent events of the day, "I just don't know what to do Gambit. Maybe Milton is right, maybe I do need to change."
"What is dis petit? Gambit think you are fine just the way you are." Gambit smiles. Miss M is touched by that, "Gambit, you are very sweet, but I haven't been on a date in ages. The last relationship I had ended so badly, I humiliated him on the daytime news! Maybe I need to just make a huge change in my life, become a whole new person."
Gambit is concerned, "What you mean petit? You plannin on gettin rid of us?" Miss M shakes her head and smiles, "Of course not! I can't get rid of you all!" Miss M motions towards the Action Figure Heros, "I would rather be old and alone than get rid of you all for some guy. No, I don't know what change will need to be made in my life. Maybe I'll go blonde again?" Miss M thinks about that idea until Emma Frost pipes up from the shelf, "Darling, do us all a favor and don't. There is no need for us to relive that tragic mess again." Miss M laughs, "I guess. Anyways folks, I am going to bed now. Good night, see you all tomorrow!" The Action Figure Heros say goodnight back.
Meanwhile... (for the last time)
Huddled over a computer in the dark, Milton is looking up articles on the internet. He has found startling information that will shed light on the experiences that Miss M has been going through. Placing the information on a disc drive, Milton grabs his phone and makes a call, "M, it's me Milton. I know it is late, but when you get this message please call me back. I have found something important that will change everything. I'll explain over the phone or over lunch. Call me! And thanks again for helping me pack up, you are a great friend by the way. Bye."
Milton hangs up and walks towards his bedroom. He looks around all the boxes, they got a lot of work done that day. Suddenly Milton hears a screeching sound. Looking around the apartment, Milton can't seem to find out where the noise came from. Except the noise is now getting louder. Running into his bedroom Milton locks the door behind him. He makes his way to his landline by the bed but stops after he hears a hissing sound. Turning around Milton shouts as he is face to face with Sky-Spy. "What is this?" Milton asks and looks around for something to protect himself with.
Sky-Spy hisses, "Don't worry Milton, I'm not going to hurt you. I want you to give me information, about your friend Miss M..." Milton is not believing this, "I don't know a Miss M." He lies, inching away from the flying Roach. Sky-Spy hisses, "Lies! Now tell me again, what do you know of Miss M?" Milton shakes his head, "I told you, nothing." M's friend tries to jump out of the way and through his bedroom window, but he can't move. Hordes of Roaches have gathered around his feet, rendering him immobile. Sky-Spy tilts his head back and hisses, "Wrong. Brainiac, come here!" Another Roach flutters into the room, "Yes Sky-Spy?"
"He doesn't want to give us information, so I would like you to extract some for me. Get what you can on Miss M, I want her strengths. Her weaknesses." Sky-Spy looks at Milton and asks one last time, "Well? Is there anything you would like to tell me about Miss M?" Milton realizes this isn't going to end well, "I'll say this much, Miss M is going to find out what you have done, and she is going to kick your ass." Sky-Spy hisses, "I'd love to see her try. Brainiac, now." Milton tries to run, but it is to late. Brainiac flys under the human's nose. In an instant Brainiac flutters up inside and is gone. Milton squirms doing his best to fight. He can feel the Roach in his head. Soon Milton's eyes roll up into his head.
Sky-Spy nods, "Good. Alright Roaches! The human is turned off. Now you can feast." Milton's body falls back as waves of Roaches race out from every inch of the apartment. The Roaches have not gotten a taste of new blood in quite awhile. And it tastes good...