Swans Crossing was a line of doll figures that were based off of the teen drama of the same name in 1992. I never watched the Swans Crossing show because it lasted for like three months. I could never quite find the airing schedule and by the time I was ready to watch, the show was gone. However the toys were so much fun because the characters were all like Nene Leakes: very rich. Since I wasn't rich at all I enjoyed these glitzy characters with their popular friendships and shiny cars. I also didn't have any friends in '92. Oh, here is an interesting factoid: Sarah Michelle Gellar played Sydney Rutledge on the show. Sydney was the daughter of the mayor.
Anyways let's look at some pictures of Rock Concert Mila Rosnovsky!
The packaging for Mila was quite simple. There were various drawings depicting rich teen life in Swans Crossing. Horseback riding and Country Club Sports. Evening parties. Random columns and a sailboat. Once these toys came out I had briefly flirted with the idea of learning to horseback ride. It was very Betty Draper before we even knew the Drapers. However I am not big on being outside all on account that you really can't watch soaps or cartoons. Anyways Mila came with a set of musical instruments and a comb.
Here is Mila decked out in her awesomely bad '90s finery. The thing that originally drew me to this figure was the boots. Ever since Frosta walked around in her thigh high boots, I have always loved boots that went over the knee. When I was much younger I had asked my mom for a pair of boots that went over the knee. She just about died in her steps and replied, "Good girls do not wear boots over the knee. You don't want to be a trashy girl do you?" Well if looking like Frosta or Mila meant I was trashy, then so be it. Of course after my mom and I both survived my turbulent teen years she didn't really care what kind of boots I wore as long as I wasn't rolling my eyes and yelling all the time. (The ironic thing is that now she would be the one to rock some thigh high boots. I've been told something just changes after you turn 40.)
The back of the card had an interesting way of showing the other toys in the Swans Crossing line. Set up like a Society Section of a newspaper, certain social events described who was who in Swans Crossing and just who you'd be wanting to add to your collection next. Interested in more?
There was a sporty collection of the characters. Sarah Michelle Gellar's character was Sydney (far left.) So here is my confession, I have always liked SMG. And her horseback riding figure was actually the main reason I wanted to horseback ride too. I really wanted to be like her. (Don't even get me started on when she was Buffy.) Anyways as creepy as that all sounds the part I love best in this section was: J.T. Adams pitcher for the Swans, was voted "Most Improved Player." Yeah. Right before he went to teen rehab for steroid abuse. Come on, we were all thinking it.
The Swans Dance Blast was one of my favorites. Not only did Swans fans get to see their teen idols decked out in shiny fun dresses, but "the big question of the evening was which lucky teen beauty would spend the evening dancing in the arms of super-hunk Garrett Booth? Sydney? Mila?" Swans Crossing fans had to make that up in their imaginary play. And since I was missing most of these toys, the cat fights only happened in my mind. Do you see why I didn't have any friends in '92?
The Slumber Social marked the realization that I was truly a sad and desperate dorkette. First of all I hated slumber parties. Partly because I had been invited to only one, at the age of 5, and the other reason was due to the fact that nothing is better than sleeping in your own bed. Secondly the whole description of the "most outrageous slumber party" had me green with envy. I wanted to be included in a group where someone would honor the party after a friend. Or where "good-girl Glory and Callie (that mysterious new girl in town) supplied the gossip and the popcorn." The only gossip I knew of was on my soaps and we all know how that has turned out. My relationship with these toys was not unlike that of a sadist and masochist. I felt awful for wanting a toy that made me feel like a loser but I really couldn't help but want all of them.
The next section of social news addressed the Rock Bash being a hit. This was a cool set. Though the premise was anything but rock 'n roll. Really? A rock 'n roll concert to support Sydney's father's mayoral re-election rally? Do teens even want to do that? Though I guess this line was out around the time of the whole "Rock the Vote" movement. And check out the character to the far right, doesn't she look like a contestant from Rock of Love? She looks like Heather the glassy eyed stripper.
No Playmates toy would be complete without a really cool bio card. I love how Playmates always had a bio card for every toy line. Mila's bio is interesting. Apparantly Mila was a tot TV star. And at the Rock Concert she was going to be making her singing debut. My favorite line is this, "Secretly, Mila knows she's no singer, but her loyal friends have total confidence in her. If only she was a "normal" teenager, people wouldn't expect so much!" Right, because no one expects anything from normal teens.
What was I thinking? Is it any wonder that this toy line was truly a blink and you'll miss it line? I can't believe I was so excited for these toys. Just take a good long look at these teen characters dear readers. You will see them soon in the latest Housewives of Swans Crossing on Bravo, set to air in Fall 2012. I still have a fondness for them though, even if they have to be the most shallow of toys ever made. Of course, aren't we all a little shallow sometimes?
Society News Feb. 7, 2012
Realizing that living in Swans Crossing was making her go morally bankrupt, Mila decided to skip town and start a new rock band consisting of rebel rousers, intergalactic back up singers and her dear mummy.
Ok toy fans that is about it for this week's edition of Toy Chest Tuesday! Be sure to check back often as there are some really great things coming up on DiaryofaDorkette! I'm talking reviews. New stories. And toys, toys, and more toys! Also, follow me on Dorkette Tweets. Studies show it will improve your motor skills and make you instantly cooler at grocery stores.