Dear Miss M,
Hello dear. I must say, my husband and I just love your blog. You write about the most interesting things. I am writing this letter to you because I am very concerned. My husband has been very busy at work. These past few months are always the toughest on him and lately he has just been feeling worn down. He has been working long hours and the worst is yet to come. Oh Miss M, I don't know if I am over sharing, but I want my husband to feel young again. I want him to know that he still melts my butter and can frost my cookies like no one else. Would you be willing to let him be a Heroic Hottie? I know he would just be over the moon, and it would make me so happy too. You are such a sweet girl. Keep up the wonderful work. (And I just love your She-Ra story. I hope that Catra gets her comeuppance!)
Ho-Ho-Hopelessly in Love With Her Hubby
I was so touched by this letter, that I contacted Hopelessly in Love, and decided to do something to lift her spirits! Her husband was more than willing to participate, and after some various scheduling changes, I was finally able to sit down and talk with the December 2012 Heroic Hottie: Santa Claus!
DiaryofaDorkette: Well I must say, you have got to be the busiest person I know. What is it like to be responsible for so many people's happiness this time of year?
Santa Claus: I gotta tell you Miss M, sometimes I feel like I have been doing this for far too long. But once it is over and I find out how happy people are on Christmas, it feels like every year is the first. I do truly love my job, but I also love vacation.
Diary: So what does Santa do for vacation?
Santa: Good question. It depends. Some years Mrs. Claus and I like to go some place warm with a good beach. Other times we just like finding a Margaritaville. Camping is nice too.
Diary: Does it ever get difficult with all the traveling, for Christmas? It just seems like you have a lot of stops to make.
Santa: Playing the time zones can make or break you. However things get tricky when it comes to intergalactic travel.
Diary: What kinds of places do you have to travel to?
Santa: Oh the places! I've traveled to spread cheer and presents to the good people of Eternia. They love me on Eternia. I was practically given the key to Grayskull by He-Man himself.
Diary: Wow. That is quite a noble thing. Any other places on Eternia you visit?
Santa: To tell you the truth, I do manage to deliver good cheer to everyone, even the ones who are terribly loathsome. It is a difficult job, but I do want to spread cheer to all...
Diary: Maybe so, but are there ever times where you just aren't wanted?
Santa: Of course. For the longest time air space was restricted on Etheria due to the Horde Occupation, but I was able to travel there last year. I've never seen so much pink in all my life. If you ever get the chance to travel to another world, I highly recommend a trip to Etheria. You'll never want to leave.
Diary: Is it ever dangerous delivering gifts to all the girls and boys the universe over? After all, some would say you technically break into people's homes.
Santa: Ho, ho, ho! My detractors have long tried to paint me as a petty burglar. But would a burglar climb down a chimney and leave gifts behind? And if I am such a smooth criminal, than how come people leave me cookies?
Diary: Well you don't have to prove anything to me. I think what you do is crazy. I mean I certainly wouldn't fly around in an open sleigh powered by reindeer. Give me a flying unicorn any day.
Santa: I don't know that a flying unicorn would get me far. I have to carry a lot of gifts...
Diary: Oh, well Swift Wind could do it. No doubt.
Diary: Were there ever times where you were worried you wouldn't be able to do your job?
Santa: Of course! One year in the early 80's that prickly Purple Pie Man fed my reindeer some poisoned pies. I've never seen so many sick reindeer in all my life. The mess, oh it was all ratchet. I didn't know how I was going to travel across the world. For sure I thought Christmas was ruined.
Diary: My goodness! What did you do?
Santa: I called upon my dear friends from the clouds above, the Care Bears. I was driven around by Friend Bear and I delivered gifts to girls and boys in record time.
Diary: That sounds like a story. I'm glad that everything worked. Of course, thinking about things that work out, I have a personal question for you. You have been married to Mrs. Claus for what seems like an eternity. What is the secret to such a long and successful marriage?
Santa: Oh wow. That is personal, but I don't mind answering. I think the reason we have worked so well as a couple, is that we both love what we do. We share a joy in bringing joy to the world. We also share a joy in collecting. Look at us. We are surrounded by toys all year long. I would be lying if I said we didn't enjoy collecting a few things for ourselves.
Diary: So should we be expecting the Claus's to be on a future episode of Collection Intervention?
Santa: Ho, ho, ho! Heavens no!
Diary: What do you both do to keep the flame alive?
Santa: Oh my. You certainly ask the questions. Well, we do our best to make sure we keep the romance alive. I certainly have my days were I just feel too tired or I feel like I am too old to even bother. However, Mrs. Claus has actually been enjoying a series of books called 50 Shades of Gray. It is a wonderful series of books for older couples to make sure nothing gets stale or boring, and I think it has been working. There are times when I will come home down the chimney for fun, and every now and then, Mrs. Claus will just surprise me.
Diary: Ok. Well. I think that is enough for the personal questions!
Santa: Well you went there Dorkette. Remember though, if you have any geriatric readers, 50 Shades of Gray is a perfect book to help with old love.
Diary: I'm totally going to remember that.
Santa: You should. Everyone deserves love.
Diary: I've heard as much. So what do you think you will be doing after Christmas this year?
Santa: I am not sure. As I mentioned before, I know I will be ready for a much needed vacation. I've heard the Crystal Falls are wonderful this time of year.
Diary: Oh they are! I guess you just found out where you'll be going!
Diary: Our interview is just about over. So how was this? Are you feeling pretty confident knowing that you are the Heroic Hottie for December?
Santa: I couldn't be more happier. Miss M, you have certainly given this old man some much needed confidence. People forget how stressful and hectic this time of year is, and some days I just wonder why I keep doing it at all. But being interviewed by you and having my old mug pose for some pictures... well it is just a highlight of the year!
Diary: Well I am glad!
Santa: Yes. Thank you. Now I have a question for you? What kind of cookies will I expect to see when I stop by your house?
Diary: Oh Santa, I don't know. I'm not much of a kitchen gal. About the only thing I bake these days is a frozen pizza. I do think I've got some old Girl Scout Cookies in the pantry. They might be a year old or so. Maybe more. I think.
Santa: Ho, ho, ho. You are funny. Luckily you still have some time to get it together. I prefer chocolate chip.
Diary: Great. I'll keep that in mind.
And with that, Santa was off. After a lovely interview with the December Heroic Hottie, I said good bye and watched him fly off in his sled to make his final preparations for Christmas. Afterwards, I begrudgingly walked into my kitchen and looked around to see if I'd actually have what it takes to bake some cookies. After a long pause, I could only smile to myself, "The bakery at my grocery store looks pretty good right now. He'll never know." With an all new plan set, I walked away with a smile on my face.
The final Heroic Hottie for 2012 has been crowned! That is about it. Twelve drool worthy specimens of manhood for each month of the year. Who knew 2012 would be so hot? I hope you have all enjoyed checking out a new Heroic Hottie every month. Stick around, because there will be more Heroic Hotties to come in 2013.
Seasons Greetings from the December 2012 Heroic Hottie
Diary of a Dorkette!