Time for an all new Women of Wonder! Click the link to see who is breaking through!
Miss M: She's got style. And flair. She's sensational! It's Charlotte Flair!
Miss M: The queen of the WWE! A real Superstar! Join me for a one on one with WWE royalty!
Miss M: Now I've always been curious, how did you become WWE royalty?
Charlotte Flair: Umm, it's mainly because I'm a second generation wrestler. Thanks to my dad.
Miss M: Oh. Interesting. Who is your dad?
Charlotte Flair: Umm, seriously? Like. Oh you are for real. My dad is Ric Flair.
Miss M: What?! No way. I guess I'm today years old when I found that out. Wow. Your dad is such a character. Well, this just changes all the questions I have for you. Of course, your look and everything, it all makes so much sense now...
She-Hulk: Speaking of sense, how about something truly sense-sational. Eh? Make way for your... Oh.
She-Hulk: You can't see my face huh? Does this thing move? I don't want to break it. Can I get some help here? I know the budget for this blog is nonexistent, but, we need the money shot. Anyone?
She-Hulk: Yeah, I can just bend down. Ta-da! It is I, the Sensational She-Hulk, not to be confused with the Sensational Sherri Martel. Scary Sherri! Talk about the good old days. Anyway, I am here as a heel. In a nice mindful purple boot. Very demure. Are we still engaging in that trend?
She-Hulk: You know, the demure trend? It's like all over TikTok. Some people are over it, but I still think it's cutesy.
Charlotte Flair: What?
Miss M: (through clenched teeth) She-Hulk, what are you doing here?
She-Hulk: Hey girly. So here's the thing, I've been patiently waiting for a nice Women of Wonder moment, and I thought, you gotta be the change you want to see in the world. So, I'm here to be the August Woman of Wonder. Or is it Women of Wonder? I've been very confused by the wording of this feature. Regardless, I'm here to wrestle for the title if need be.
Miss M: There's no need for any wrestling. This is just a simple interview. No fighting. And I was talking with Charlotte.
Charlotte Flair: What are you doing here? This is a closed set. Of course if you want a match, I'll give you a match.
Miss M: Ladies! There will be no fighting! We don't have the liability insurance for this kinda thing.
She-Hulk: Aren't you engaged to Bruce Wayne? A billionaire? Not demure. Not mindful. Oh, and props for the merging of different pop culture universes over the years, I've always wanted to tell you. You've been doing a good job with that.
Miss M: What are you talking about?
She-Hulk: I'm talking about that pretty pink matter under that big mound of brunette girly! I know most of us have it gray, but I have no doubt yours is all pink. And glittery plastic.
Miss M: She-Hulk. You can't Kool-Aid man your way through this photo set. I'm still trying to understand why you are here? Do you need something?
She-Hulk: Ladies, you know what we really need? A femininomenon.
She-Hulk: A what? A femininom- (crack) oh. Whoops. That's embarrassing.
Miss M: Oh my god. You just broke the table.
Charlotte Flair: That was an Ethan Allen custom...
She-Hulk: More like Ikea. And that is putting it nicely.
She-Hulk: Besides, M can cover it. She's engaged to a billionaire. Remember? Keep up blondie.
She-Hulk: Wait. Is she still engaged? The storyline for this blog has been all over the place for years now. You all know what I am talking about.
Miss M: Who are you talking to?
She-Hulk: I'm talking to you dear reader. Sure, Charlotte Flair is a great figure and would probably make for a good interview, but I know about Chappell Roan and am ready to talk about her music. She's a national treasure. I had a really good solo series that was judged a little too harshly. And I honestly think I should be the feature for August. I mean come on. This skin is the perfect shade of green.
She-Hulk: Right? Look at these poses. Ignore the broken Ikea table by my feet.
She-Hulk: I promise I won't break this '90s club couch. It's all in the definition and tone. I'm setting the tone.
She-Hulk: Anyone a fan of Shoresy? I've been watching it on Hulu. See? Lots of things I can talk about in a splashy interview. I've been using this summer to immerse myself in as much entertainment as possible.
She-Hulk: And we're performing classic comic poses.
She-Hulk: I'm sure they are wondering what I am doing, but they don't have that special gift. To speak to you! Through this screen. Only a few others possess this unique skill. Hopefully Deadpool won't slink in, that darn minx. I don't think the universe could take it. Yeah, I might be a little salty that I wasn't in that big summer blockbuster.
She-Hulk: Could you imagine if I had been? The mayhem and fun we could have had?
She-Hulk: This will do though. The little blog that could. I'm shocked the lil dorkette keeps churning these things out.
She-Hulk: But if she's gonna pick a superstar, why not let it be me? Have you seen how they painted my highlights? This is peek action figure performance.
She-Hulk: Even without a camera flash the colors just pop.
She-Hulk: Hasbro has truly outdone themselves again. I fear I've never looked better. I can hear the crowd cheering me on. Maybe I should quit law and go into wrestling?
Miss M: What has gotten into her?
Meanwhile, across town...
Casey: April, you didn't even finish your tiramisu.
April: I couldn't stand being in that restaurant another minute! That obnoxious man!
Casey: He wasn't that bad...
April: That bad? He parked his private jet in the parking lot, like it was a car. Then he waltzes in, wearing that tacky green suit with dollar signs on it, waving money around like he owned the place.
April: Casey. This is Tres Bliss. It's 5 Star dining, not some set for a third rate wrestling act. And then he recognized me, and said he'd pay me a hundred dollars for my autograph, and an extra hundred if I could interview him on television. A hundred! For an autograph.
Casey: Babe, you've never charged money for an autograph.
April: I know, that's not the point! Maybe one point would be that there'd never be enough money in the world for me to sign a thing for that buffoon!
April: I don't even know anymore! He was just insufferable!
Casey: I think you are upset over something else. I totally get being upset with him of course, but I feel like this is deeper.
Casey: You can talk to me. I'm guessing you have yet to tell Megan or M that you are leaving the blog at the end of the year. Am I right?
April: Curse you for always knowing what is going on. No, I haven't told either of them.
Casey: I knew telling M might take awhile because of your friendship, but Megan? April, you are both business partners.
April: So? Yeah, we decided to put our differences behind us last summer and work together. But then she ran off to make movies and release a book. Of freaking poetry. Poetry Casey. She's all high art now. She doesn't care about this blog. And as M...
April: This is supposed to be an exciting year for her. She's planning a wedding with Bruce. She's finally getting back to herself and her writing. I just don't know what would happen if I tell her.
Casey: But April, you can't keep this from either of them.
April: I know. I'll tell them both. Soon. I promise. Now, can we go home? This night has sucked.
Back to the WWE stage...
Charlotte Flair: I know darn well that table was an Ethan Allen custom. The nerve of that neon green she-beast. Let me find out that she stole any of my outfits...
Baroness: Pay no mind to the tawdry She-Hulk. No one cares. Now Miss M on the other hand, she fills others with such true primal rage...
Charlotte Flair: Excuse me? And you are?
Baroness: Royalty knows royalty darling. You can call me the Baroness. I've been in need of someone like you.
Charlotte Flair: Is that so?
Baroness: Wrestling might be fake, but your strength and flair for coming out on top, it's real and exactly what I need.
Charlotte Flair: Sorry, but I'm under contract with the WWE. I don't plan on leaving for some random lesser known group.
Baroness: Oh no, this has nothing to do with wrestling. I need you to help me with someone. Do you know Velvet Sky?
Charlotte Flair: Le sigh. Of course. She's decent in the ring. Though she is nowhere near my standards.
Baroness: See, that's perfect. A number of years ago Velvet Sky helped get rid of Miss M. Now, she is no longer interested in getting her hands dirty, but we need someone unassuming. Someone no one would ever suspect.
Charlotte Flair: I'm not interested in killing someone. Especially some boring dork girl who moonlights as a second rate April O'Neil.
Baroness: Second rate is right. I mean she didn't even know who your father was. She is a menace. My associate and I need you. And maybe you don't kill her. We just need her to go away.
Charlotte Flair: I have bigger things to worry about. I don't really care that some dork girl didn't know who my dad is.
Baroness: Fine. Velvet Sky operated on petty vengeful rage, but you strike me as someone with refined tastes. Would a large amount of cash suffice? More than enough cash to fulfill all your desires. Why, you could even buy out all the polyester and rhinestones for your robes and bedazzled bras. Marabou feathers too. You name it.
Charlotte Flair: Cash hmm? Ok. I might be interested in hearing more. How much would we be talking about?
She-Hulk: O.M.G. Gotta love a recycled storyline.
She-Hulk: Someone should probably tell Miss M about this dastardly evil plan. I mean, I could, but I've been to the writer's room. It's not up to me to interfere.
She-Hulk: I'd stick around though. M may have said that All My Toys is over, but you all know darn well she changes like the wind. I mean she said she was downsizing. My existence proves she has done no such thing. Either way, the end of the year is gonna be a shocking one. Now, go on, I need to hear what else these two are talking about. Until next time!
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