Monday, November 10, 2014

November 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

So, I'm in the freakin After Life. Again. I've finally made it back to my body, but now I am trying to teach Maleficent how to be kind. What sort of cruel joke is this? I've got people to reunite with on Earth! Where I belong. Not in this nightmare that has gone on all freaking year! Someone help me!

Miss M

Miss M: Ok, how many times do I have to go over this? When you see a baby crying in the middle of the street, what do you do?
Maleficent: Point and laugh at the miscreant's misfortune?

Miss M: You've already answered that and I said no before. (sighs loudly) Let's move on to another topic. What are your thoughts on True Love's kiss?
Maleficent: Ugh. I just threw up in my mouth. What is it with you and True Love?
Miss M: I don't know. I mean, who wouldn't want to find someone to share a life with?

Maleficent: Get a henchman. Or a pet. Stop relying on True Love's kiss. It's pathetic. You're a woman of a particular age. True Love does not look good on you.
Miss M: Well your attempt to be Sour Grapes doesn't smell so good on you either! So there!
Maleficent: Do you really want to keep this up? You are doing a tragic job of teaching me to be kind and the longer you fail at this the longer time goes on with the people you love on Earth.

Miss M: What are you talking about? I've only been here for like 30 minutes.
Maleficent: Yes. But you know time is different in the After Life. It. Goes. By. So. Slow! (claps her hands) But on Earth, time just keeps moving. There's no telling how much time has passed. Keep this up any longer, and you won't know anyone by the time you go back.
Miss M: No! Please no! There must be a way.

Maleficent: There is a way dork girl. Teach me to be kind. The clock is ticking...

Meanwhile, on Earth...

Leonardo: Mikey, you realize you are getting married in a few weeks right?

Michelangelo: Totally bro. Isn't it gnarly?
Raphael: It's a bit quick isn't it?
Michelangelo: No, not when the love bug has crawled up and eaten a hole in your heart.

Donatello: Mikey, that sounds like heart failure.
Leonardo: Come on guys, leave Mikey alone. We've got to stick together. Which is why I propose we have a bachelor party for our baby brother that's gettin hitched.
Donatello: Yeah, who would have thought Mikey would tie the knot first?

Raphael: A bachelor party? That doesn't seem like you Leo, you are the boy scout.

Leonardo: I don't know what you had in mind, but this bachelor party is going to be good clean fun. I say we start off by getting a little revenge, on Shredder.
Mikey: Totally! Make him pay for what he did to Sensei! Score!
Raphael: So what are we doing to get some payback?

Leonardo: Watch and learn. (picks up phone, dials a number, and disguises his voice) Hello, Antonio's Pizza? I'd like to order 77 pizzas with extra anchovies.
Michelangelo: Cowabunga! We're gonna be eatin good!

Donatello: (shakes head) No Mikey, I don't think those will be for us.
Leonardo: (continues the order) Yes, my address is 5457 Shadowloo Drive and my name is Shredder. (snickers) I'll be paying cash.
Michelangelo: No way! Shred-head is gonna flip!

Leonardo: (hangs up phone) All right guys, justice is served!

Raphael: Really Leo? That's your idea of payback for Shredder for nearly killing our dad?
Leonardo: Baby steps Raph. We send a message first.

Michelangelo: I feel bad for all that wasted pizza. Poor pizza. What did all that pizza ever do to you Leo?
Donatello: I must say brothers, I can't believe Leonardo actually did this prank. He never pranks!
Leonardo: What can I say? It's not every day we have a bachelor party for a brother.
Raphael: So we live it up by sending a bunch of pizzas to our enemy? What else you got planned Leo?

Leonardo: Oh, I dunno. Maybe we could get our LARP on?

Moments later...

Michelangelo: Best bachelor party ever dudes!


Cheetara: Are we going to address what has happened?
Black Cat: What do we address? We just buried a friend and member of the Cat Ladies.
Catwoman: I can't believe Tigra is dead.
Cheetara: Neither can I, which is why we need to discuss this. She died in an explosion.

Catra: That was meant to be me in the explosion. She died in my car. Damn it why can't we just get around on beasts like in the old days? If I still had Clawdeen none of this would have ever happened!

Cheetara: But it did happen Catra. Tigra is dead and now we have to come to terms with the realization that someone wanted you dead.
Catwoman: Or maybe someone wants all of us dead.
Black Cat: What?

Catwoman: Come on, if someone was after Catra, they'd just kill Catra. Causing a car to explode could have taken out more than just her as it obviously did. What if someone is hunting us? Someone could be hunting the Cat Ladies!

Black Cat: You read too much Nancy Drew. Come on, let's focus on getting an arrest made on Velvet Sky.
Cheetara: Yes, but before that, let's try to honor Tigra.

Catra: Agreed.

Else where, in more murky parts...

Dr. Blight: How have the sales of Plastic been Dr. Badvibes?

Dr. Badvibes: I've managed to infiltrate most of the hot spots in town. I have been dealing enough Plastic to start a meltdown. The city will be under the Foot's rule before you know it.

Shredder: Wonderful.
Dr. Badvibes: There is one minor problem though. My supply is running low.
Shredder: I thought I gave you plenty?

Dr. Badvibes: What can I say, Plastic has become a hot item.

Suddenly, a knock on the door...

Dr. Blight: I'll get it.

Shredder: Thank you Dr. Blight. Now Badvibes, do you have any idea the amount it takes to make one bag of Plastic?
Dr. Badvibes: No.

Shredder: I didn't think so. Plastic does not grow on trees.

Dr. Blight: Shredder, did you order 77 pizzas?

Shredder: What?
Dr. Badvibes: What is that smell?

Dr. Blight: (gags) Anchovies.

Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: Look, I'm not leaving until someone gives me my money.

Shredder: What is the meaning of this? I did not order any pizza.

Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: Well then who is Shredder?

Shredder: I am Shredder.

Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: Great. Then you ordered 77 pizzas with anchovies on them, the total is 800 dollars. Now someone needs to pay up or I'm calling the police.
Dr. Blight: For God's sake just give him the money.
Shredder: I refuse to pay for pizza I did not order.

Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: That's it, I'm calling the police.
Shredder: You will do no such thing. Come here, let me show you something.
Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: What is it?

Shredder: I want you to stand on that platform.
Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: I don't know about that...
Dr. Blight: It's safe. It's like those devices that shoot money all around you, you'll have to grab as many bills as you can...
Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: For real?
Shredder: For real. Now stand on that platform and be very still.
Dr. Badvibes: What is going on?

Dr. Blight: Pay attention Dr. Badvibes, Shredder is about to share with you the secret to how Plastic is made.

Shredder: I am terribly sorry young man. You just happened to step into the wrong place at just the right time. Dr. Badvibes, pay attention.

Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: Wait, what's happening?

Shredder: Don't worry, it won't last long.

Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: Dude, this is getting really hot. No. Ow. Holy shit this is really hot!

Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: Hey man, let me off this thing! My skin, it's burning! AHHHH!

The Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen screams in pain as he is melted down into a warm pool of mushy goo.

Dr. Badvibes: Fascinating. What do you do with his remains?

Shredder: We bottle it up and you deliver it to the junkies, dealers, and party kids in this troubled city. Usually we melt down a mutie freak and the high is supremely better as is the pay out. However this boring simple pizza delivery boy will do just fine. Now go. Let the masses know that their new drug of choice is back on the market. Everyone will be wanting to play with Plastic.

Dr. Badvibes: Of course Shredder. I know the perfect customer, she's a spoiled rich little princess. Endless supply of cash.

Dr. Blight: Shredder, what do we do about all these pizzas?
Shredder: Feed them to the homeless. (pauses) Don't give me that look. I'm not always a foul villainous beast.
Dr. Blight: As you wish Shredder.

Shredder: Now, for the pathetic Ninja Turtles that sent me those pizzas, how dumb could they be to retaliate in such a way? I nearly killed their master, but what I plan on doing to them will simply pale in comparison. No one tries to trick Shredder and live to tell about it. No one. Come on, we plan our next devious move!


Across town in a hidden location...

Megan Fox: Thank you for agreeing to sit with us for this special one on one interview. You are a wanted man. Does this ever get old?
Magneto: Never. As long as the world continues to hate and fear us, I will stand firm in my views at making homo sapiens pay for their crimes against homo superior.

Megan Fox: Tell us what happened at Tres Bliss.

Magneto: I wanted to make a statement. All those foolish members of society eating their fancy French meal unaware that crime is gripping this city.

Megan Fox: What crime?

Magneto: Something is going on in this city, and no one seems to be paying attention. Mutants are going missing at an alarming rate. I have reason to believe they are being murdered. Innocent lives are being taken and no one is doing a thing about it because they are mutants.
Megan Fox: Surely the police will get involved?

Magneto: Why would they? The world still hates and fears us, which is why my reign of terror will not end. Not until the person or group behind these missing mutants are caught and brought to the light. And if the police and government refuse to help, I will take matters into my own hands.
Megan Fox: And this is why you are a wanted man.

Magneto: Let them come for me, and fall in my wake!

Meanwhile, out in the woods, four brothers partake in the ultimate bachelor party: live action role play!

Leonardo: Some great LARPing guys!

Donatello: Good call Leo. We haven't had this much fun together in awhile.

Raphael: Yeah, it was all right.

Michelangelo: I just wish we had ordered some of those pizzas for ourselves.
Raphael: But we didn't Mikey. I wonder what old Shred Head thought when he got all those pizzas.
Donatello: I bet he is pissed.

Michelangelo: I know he deserved it. Listen guys, thanks for all this. I didn't think I could be this happy again after everything that happened this year, but with the wedding and this totally gnarly bachelor party, I just love you guys. You're my brothers and havin' you guys with me for this big moment is gnarly. Now, who is ready to make this a wedding Mona Lisa and I will never forget?! Are we all in?

All four brothers: Cowabunga!

Leonardo: I can't believe I just said that. We really need new vernacular.
Raphael: Mikey, I need to tell you something. I wasn't happy for you at first. I'm so sorry Mikey, I just wasn't happy. And in some ways it still feels weird that you are marrying a girl I went out with once, but I'm moving past that. I really want you to be happy Mikey. I mean that.
Michelangelo: Aww, thanks dude.

Donatello: It is a bit weird to think that you are getting married. I did think you'd spend the rest of your life with a video controller in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, but this new look suits you.

Michelangelo: Thanks. I think. Nah though, Mona Lisa is a cool dudette. She'll be next to me playing vids and eatin pizza till the sun comes up. There can only be good things that happen after you get married. Nothing is going to stop that, nothing!

The wedding of the year is coming up! 

November 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Dr. Blight: Now remember Dr. Badvibes, Plastic can be made from anyone, but for those special highs, we will need special specimens. You know, mutants, heroes, and ponies... 

Dun, dun, duuuuuun!!!!!!


  1. Shredder's latest evil plan involves trying to out-metal Ultron in time for Avengers 2!

    1. Shredder does have a lot of metal on him huh? lol I'm actually looking forward to Avengers 2. I want to see what they do with the Scarlet Witch.

  2. shredders pay back for the pizza is no doubt turning the turtles into plastic or trying to . plus would not want to be shredder and bad vibes and blight when magnetoe finds out that they are the party he is looking for. and hope toy miss m gets out of the after life in time to at least crash mikes wedding. or runs into tigra

    1. Oh I totally agree! magneto is going to be livid when he finds out what Shredder is up to!