So, I'm in the freakin After Life. Again. I've finally made it back to my body, but now I am trying to teach Maleficent how to be kind. What sort of cruel joke is this? I've got people to reunite with on Earth! Where I belong. Not in this nightmare that has gone on all freaking year! Someone help me!
Maleficent: Point and laugh at the miscreant's misfortune?
Maleficent: Ugh. I just threw up in my mouth. What is it with you and True Love?
Miss M: I don't know. I mean, who wouldn't want to find someone to share a life with?
Miss M: Well your attempt to be Sour Grapes doesn't smell so good on you either! So there!
Maleficent: Do you really want to keep this up? You are doing a tragic job of teaching me to be kind and the longer you fail at this the longer time goes on with the people you love on Earth.
Maleficent: Yes. But you know time is different in the After Life. It. Goes. By. So. Slow! (claps her hands) But on Earth, time just keeps moving. There's no telling how much time has passed. Keep this up any longer, and you won't know anyone by the time you go back.
Miss M: No! Please no! There must be a way.
Meanwhile, on Earth...
Raphael: It's a bit quick isn't it?
Michelangelo: No, not when the love bug has crawled up and eaten a hole in your heart.
Leonardo: Come on guys, leave Mikey alone. We've got to stick together. Which is why I propose we have a bachelor party for our baby brother that's gettin hitched.
Donatello: Yeah, who would have thought Mikey would tie the knot first?
Mikey: Totally! Make him pay for what he did to Sensei! Score!
Raphael: So what are we doing to get some payback?
Michelangelo: Cowabunga! We're gonna be eatin good!
Leonardo: (continues the order) Yes, my address is 5457 Shadowloo Drive and my name is Shredder. (snickers) I'll be paying cash.
Michelangelo: No way! Shred-head is gonna flip!
Leonardo: Baby steps Raph. We send a message first.
Donatello: I must say brothers, I can't believe Leonardo actually did this prank. He never pranks!
Leonardo: What can I say? It's not every day we have a bachelor party for a brother.
Raphael: So we live it up by sending a bunch of pizzas to our enemy? What else you got planned Leo?
Black Cat: What do we address? We just buried a friend and member of the Cat Ladies.
Catwoman: I can't believe Tigra is dead.
Cheetara: Neither can I, which is why we need to discuss this. She died in an explosion.
Catwoman: Or maybe someone wants all of us dead.
Black Cat: What?
Cheetara: Yes, but before that, let's try to honor Tigra.
Else where, in more murky parts...
Dr. Badvibes: There is one minor problem though. My supply is running low.
Shredder: I thought I gave you plenty?
Suddenly, a knock on the door...
Dr. Badvibes: No.
Dr. Badvibes: What is that smell?
Dr. Blight: For God's sake just give him the money.
Shredder: I refuse to pay for pizza I did not order.
Shredder: You will do no such thing. Come here, let me show you something.
Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: What is it?
Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: I don't know about that...
Dr. Blight: It's safe. It's like those devices that shoot money all around you, you'll have to grab as many bills as you can...
Pimple Faced Pizza Delivery Teen: For real?
Shredder: For real. Now stand on that platform and be very still.
Dr. Badvibes: What is going on?
Shredder: Feed them to the homeless. (pauses) Don't give me that look. I'm not always a foul villainous beast.
Dr. Blight: As you wish Shredder.
Across town in a hidden location...
Magneto: Never. As long as the world continues to hate and fear us, I will stand firm in my views at making homo sapiens pay for their crimes against homo superior.
Megan Fox: Surely the police will get involved?
Megan Fox: And this is why you are a wanted man.
Meanwhile, out in the woods, four brothers partake in the ultimate bachelor party: live action role play!
Donatello: Good call Leo. We haven't had this much fun together in awhile.
Raphael: Yeah, it was all right.
Michelangelo: I just wish we had ordered some of those pizzas for ourselves.
Raphael: But we didn't Mikey. I wonder what old Shred Head thought when he got all those pizzas.
Donatello: I bet he is pissed.
Michelangelo: I know he deserved it. Listen guys, thanks for all this. I didn't think I could be this happy again after everything that happened this year, but with the wedding and this totally gnarly bachelor party, I just love you guys. You're my brothers and havin' you guys with me for this big moment is gnarly. Now, who is ready to make this a wedding Mona Lisa and I will never forget?! Are we all in?
All four brothers: Cowabunga!
Leonardo: I can't believe I just said that. We really need new vernacular.
Raphael: Mikey, I need to tell you something. I wasn't happy for you at first. I'm so sorry Mikey, I just wasn't happy. And in some ways it still feels weird that you are marrying a girl I went out with once, but I'm moving past that. I really want you to be happy Mikey. I mean that.
Michelangelo: Aww, thanks dude.
Donatello: It is a bit weird to think that you are getting married. I did think you'd spend the rest of your life with a video controller in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, but this new look suits you.
Michelangelo: Thanks. I think. Nah though, Mona Lisa is a cool dudette. She'll be next to me playing vids and eatin pizza till the sun comes up. There can only be good things that happen after you get married. Nothing is going to stop that, nothing!
The wedding of the year is coming up!
November 2014 Bodacious Baddie!
Dr. Blight: Now remember Dr. Badvibes, Plastic can be made from anyone, but for those special highs, we will need special specimens. You know, mutants, heroes, and ponies...
Dun, dun, duuuuuun!!!!!!