Monday, September 21, 2015

September 2015 Heroic Hottie!

Dear Diary,

Read all about it. Glimmer's dead.

-Miss M

(editor's note- previously on All My Toys, Glimmer drove off a cliff out of sadness for being diagnosed with TOYS. She also ran down Velvet Sky. Also, Miss M is gravitating the world of parenting with Bruce Wayne, though they did finally pick a name for their little bat baby bundle of joy, Yvonne or Yvie for short. Also, there's a cosmic force searching for Maleficent and Miss M for all kinds of dastardly evil reasons...)

Family and friends arrive at the wake for Glimmer...

It's a somber affair as no one expected Glimmer to die. All anyone can do is recall the vivacious pink haired princess who captured the hearts of many. She was the people's princess who stumbled upon hard times with an addiction to the club drug Plastic...

Frankenberry: I'm not sure why I'm even here. I hardly knew Glimmer, except for that one time I partied with her at the bar Bow's Place. I held her hair back as she got sick. Sweet girl. 

Perfuma: It's so nice to see you Sydney. It's a shame it has to be under these circumstances.
Sydney: Yeah, I can't believe Glimmer is dead.
Perfuma: Very unsettling. Hey, I thought you were in Swans Crossing?
Sydney: I was. I've actually been there for months, I just got back.

Perfuma: What were you doing there? I seem to recall someone was stalking you.
Sydney: Yes, I had traveled back to my home town to find out who was stalking me...

Sydney: (looks to you, yes you, the audience) So here's the thing. My slasher filled adventure in Swans Crossing was supposed to be posted back in May. It was going to be a splashy affair called 'Scream for Swans Crossing.' It was going to be a loving look at the Swans Crossing toys while also being a fun toy story tribute to Scream, one of Miss M's favorite movies ever. Sadly she could never get it written just perfect enough, and then Wes Craven died, rest is scary soul, so now Miss M isn't sure she should post it or not because it might be too corny. What she doesn't understand is that this whole blog is corny and Wes Craven's scary soul would probably get a kick out of 'Scream for Swans Crossing.' Though probably not. So for now, only I and the other Swans Crossing toys knows what happened. Does that make sense Perfuma?

Perfuma: (looks off in space) I'm dating Stinkor. He's the best lover I've ever had.

Sydney: Well... there ya go.

Frosta: I hate funerals. I want to do anything else but sit around and mourn the loss of my friend. Ya know Adam, you look like He-Man. I normally don't sleep with boring men, but I have a loin cloth you could wear if you'd like to give it a go out back?
Adam: Umm...
Frosta: Oh come on, I need a distraction.

Adam: I'm in love with Teela.
Frosta: (sighs) Of course you are.

Cheetara: How are you holding up?
Lion-O: I couldn't save her. How do you think I'm holding up?
Cheetara: Oh I am so sorry Lion-O.
Lion-O: I just want to scream. She should still be here with us. I was willing to do whatever I could to help her, protect her. I couldn't though. Her biggest threat was to herself.

Cheetara: I know you did everything you could. As much as you loved her, I know she loved you.
We all loved her. Has anyone seen her cousin Double Trouble? I feel like everyone should be here for her.

Bow: Double Trouble is probably on some super glamorous spy mission.

Miss M: This is just crazy. I never expected to be at a wake for Glimmer, of all people.
Mermista: I haven't been able to sleep one bit since her death.

Miss M: I just wish I had talked to her sooner, I haven't really told anyone, but Bruce Wayne's pharmaceutical division of Wayne Enterprises was working on a cure for TOYS. She would not have suffered for much longer.

Mermista: Glimmer went on a self destructive path. It was hard for any of us to get through to her.

Miss M: I know. I don't want the others to know that a cure has been in the process of getting made. I feel like that would hurt too many people right now.
Mermista: Of course, I won't tell anyone. This makes everything so much more bittersweet though.

Miss M: I know. Which is why I wish I had gotten a hold of her sooner! I didn't do enough.
Mermista: You can't think that way. You mustn't. The universe is a strange place. We never know what will happen next.

Miss M: Very true. I was told you were there when they found the wreckage.
Mermista: I was. Angella sent a group of us out to look for her.
Miss M: That must have been horrible.

Mermista: It was horrible, but not as gruesome as one would expect. We located the car from her GPS signal, and when we saw the wreckage... we all about collapsed on the ground. It became rather strange though. The car must have exploded on impact, that's the only reason we've been able to come up with because there was no sign of Glimmer's body. No blood. No body parts. It's like she disintegrated.

Miss M: Is it possible she survived? She could be lost somewhere...
Mermista: No M, there's no way. They searched everywhere. We've all been contacting hospitals. The way that cliff was, there would have been no where for her to go. She just didn't make it...

Angella: Soon the voices and the chatter below will be gone. Everyone will be back to their homes and lives.

Angella: And I will be alone in this castle. My dear daughter, why couldn't you have reached out to me...

 Angella turns at the sound of her name.

Miss M: Angella?

Angella: Hello Miss M.
Miss M: I don't mean to disturb you.

Angella: Oh never. I have just been keeping to myself.

Miss M: I wanted to offer my condolences. I'm just heartbroken that Glimmer is gone.
Angella: You are so kind. Glimmer thought highly of you. She was so thrilled when you found her hidden in Castle Grayskull all those years ago. You were a calming presence in her life.

Glimmer: We both had a lovely effect on each other. I can't tell you how much I will miss her. Is there anything you need, anything I can do?

Angella: Visit me every now and then? Don't forget about me.

Angella: They always say that a parent should never bury their child. It's one of those grief cliches, but it's so true. It feels horrible to have a funeral for my daughter.

Miss M: I can't even imagine. I haven't been a mom as long as you, but if something happened to Yvie, I would be unable to take it. You aren't alone Angella. I will visit you. You will still be a part of my life.

Angella: Thank you. I'd love for you to bring the baby too. There hasn't been a baby in this castle in many moons.
Miss M: Oh Yvie would love that.

Angella: When Glimmer's father fell in battle when she was little... I could have embraced another man in time, to add more additions to my family. I just focused on Glimmer though. She became my world, my life. Now that she is gone, I'm not sure what will be in store for my life.
Miss M: That might be something uncertain, but know this, you will not have to do any of it alone. We are all here for you.

Miss M: All of us.
Angella: Thank you. Thank you so much.

On the other side of town, at the Cat Lady lair...

Mila: Excuse me? Is someone here? I require help.

Mila: Oh this is ridiculous. Hello!

Mila: Anyone?! Hello! I require some services!

Catwoman: My goodness, you sure do drone on and on.
Mila: Oh lovely. Lady in the gimp suit, I'm looking for my sister. Do you know Velvet Sky? I received a rather strange distressing call from her but I was out of town in Swans Crossing. I was told she was staying here. I'd like to talk with my sister. I'd also like a bottle of Evian and a can of hairspray.

Catwoman: I should have known you were related to her.

Mila: Well, I can assure you, I am the prettier one.

Catwoman: You're both still annoying broads though. Your sister was here. We were protecting her for a time, but that has changed. She left awhile ago, and none of the Cat Ladies know where.

Mila: Hmm. I wonder where she is at?

In a seedy area of the After Life...

Helspont: I was told this was the place to go if I needed information.
Jabba the Hutt: (translated from Huttese) I can get any information you seek, it is not cheap though. All information comes at a price.

Helpsont: Price is of no option, though I must tell you, I work for Lady Kale, queen of the Cosmos. She could write you out of the universe with the flick of her wrist.

Jabba the Hutt: And then she would lose all my secrets. Information is power. I might be dead, but I'll never truly be gone. Haha.

Helspont: Lady Kale has no desire to eradicate you. However we do need your help, and would appreciate your services out of the goodness of your heart, no price tag attached.

The dancers look on in shock, having never seen Jabba treated in such a way.

Jabba the Hutt: Ho ho! The flame haired man wants to run this place. Tell me funny man, what do you want from me?

Helspont: I'm looking for a resident in the After Life. Her name is Maleficent, and she has been hiding rather well here. I need to know her location.

Jabba the Hutt: Ah the dark fairy. I have heard of her. She used to be in the more dangerous locations of the After Life now she is beyond the doors.
Helspont: Yes, I have searched the nicer sides of the After Life, and have turned up nothing.
Jabba the Hutt: She can't hide everywhere.

Helspont: This is why I need you. Help me find out where she is hiding.

Jabba the Hutt: I can do this. My informants will find her, for now enjoy my club. Find a dancer. Enjoy the night, you will soon find out where Maleficent is.

Back on Earth at the offices of Diary of a Dorkette...

April: Hey. Where's my chair?

April: Guy Friday! Guy Friday!

Guy Friday: Everything ok April?
Irma: We heard you shouting. That's not very good on your vocal pipes. I saw this thing on Dr. Phil once, it was about a Goomba growing in the pipes of this man's throat. I think it's where Goombas come from...

April: I don't care. I'm missing my office chair. Where is it?

Irma: Don't ask me! I didn't take it, I can't even sit.

Guy Friday: I think I saw it in another room. Things get messy from time to time and it isn't unheard of that office furniture goes missing.

Irma: You know what's sad, this is currently the dialogue we are discussing. A whole bit about a missing chair. It must be a slow story day. Nothing exciting ever happens here anymore.

April: I do miss the old days when Miss M and I were at the old office. There were interviews, new toys to talk to. You're right, nothing ever changes. It's all the same boring rehash with a Heroic Hottie font pasted underneath some picture of a dude.

Guy Friday: I could be a Heroic Hottie...
Irma: Nah. That's ok Guy Friday. You're the best at what you do, and what you do is be April's Guy Friday. I must say though April, while things around here haven't changed, you really have. Remember how mean and bitchy you used to be? And ever since you stopped getting those lunch time procedures, your face moves more now than it ever has.

April: I miss being mean.
Irma: No one else does.
Guy Friday: Tell me about it. She once made me recreate that scene in Gremlins 2 with the sandwich in the mousetrap.
April: I just wanted to see what would happen...

Irma: If you really want to be mean again, we could hire Megan Fox to work here. I've never seen you meaner than when you're around her.
Guy Friday: Yeah, that would be fun!

April: Bite your tongue! That harpy shows up to this office and I will implode. And then explode. All over the walls.

Irma: That sounds awful.
April: Maybe what we really need is an overhaul. A change to the format.

Irma: But how? How do we do something different?

Louis: Irma?
Irma: Louis Tully!? What are you doing here? Are you a Ghostbuster?
Louis: Yeah, I've been through a lot...
Guy Friday: (whispers to April) Who is this?
April: (whispers) Louis Tully dated Irma back in college. He broke her heart when he left her to move to the big city and then he became a Ghostbuster. Or something. I don't know, he's a bit strange. I recall there being something about evil ghost or demon possession, I don't know.

Louis: You look really nice Irma.

April: Irma, don't listen to this little turd. Remember, we always said we'd never forget the mess he put you through!

Guy Friday: Wow, she dated him. What does she see in me? I don't look cool like this dude. He's a Ghostbuster!

Louis: Irma, I would really like to talk to you, if you don't mind.

Irma: Umm... Ahh... I don't... Ok. Let's talk.


Do I have to say it? Louis Tully is the September 2015 Heroic Hottie, but will he spell the end of Irma and Guy Friday? Find this and so much more out next with the September 2015 Bodacious Baddie!


  1. was not expecting louis . plus love the bat babies name kind of sound like a tribute to yvone craig. also love jabba in the after life running a club . and laying down the law that even in the after life the true power is knowledge.

    1. Louis has been a long time coming! I was just trying to find a way to fit him in. I also loved the idea of Jabba running things in the After Life like he did while alive. Oh goodness I am so excited to get to the rest of this story!