Sunday, December 11, 2016

All My Toys: Enter the V

Dear Diary,

Whoa. It's been awhile. 2016 is over with though right? No. Almost over. We have a few more weeks. We can do this Diary! We can survive! It's been a crazy year. The toy world was thrust into a post apocalyptic mad world. Kinda at my own hands. Sorry world. I'm still kinda in hiding because the entire toy world hates the ground I walk on and probably wishes I'd just sit on a big rock. Or whatever. Count Chocula is president in what some are calling a rigged election at the hands of Cobra. A mess. I did get to star in the new Jaws 5 film. Not just star, but I actually got to become the lead role! It all happened so sudden. I was only supposed to be an extra but then somehow Mark Hamill the director saw a bigger vision and said, "Miss M, you will be the star of Jaws 5!" It was so unexpected. However I can't say anymore about the movie. We wrapped filming a little while ago. That's kinda why I've been so quiet on here. At some point soon they will release the behind the scenes super special making of the movie thing all about Jaws 5. You'll go behind the lens and really see how this highly anticipated sequel to the iconic Jaws series made it to the big screen. This will also be my chance to fall into the good graces of the world again. I'm tired of always leaving my home in secrecy. 

Oh Diary, there's one more thing. Bruce Wayne and I are struggling. We are both still in pain from the loss of our daughter Yvie. It's put a strain on our relationship. He keeps begging me to meet him in public for a real life date among other things cough-sexual relations-cough but I'm just not ready for (writes in a whisper) sex. Well... I guess I'm finally ready for the actual date though. It does look like I've been stringing him on a long while now. So that's it. I'm about to get ready to meet my weird boyfriend for dinner at Tres Bliss. Let the toy soap opera commence!

-Miss M

At the ultra chic and fancy French restaurant Tres Bliss...
Waiter: Pardon me Mr. Wayne, but would you like some Grey Poupon with your bread?

Bruce Wayne: No thank you.

Waiter: Very well. I do apologize for the lack of chairs at Tres Bliss. We have had a shortage. They should be sending some rather soon. Will you be dining alone as usual Mr. Wayne?
Bruce Wayne: No, not tonight. My girlfriend, er, lady friend, er, I don't know what we are, but she will be here soon.

Waiter: Wonderful sir. I'll check on the chairs and be back shortly with some bread and a drink order.

Bruce Wayne: (whispers) What kind of fancy restaurant gets a shortage on chairs? I should have gotten a McRib instead.

Bruce Wayne: Thank you.

Miss M: I'm here!

Bruce Wayne: Hey! (pauses) What's with the mask?

Miss M: It's a disguise so no one will recognize me. The world still hates me. Remember?

Bruce Wayne: You are still hung up on that?

Miss M: Yes! This is serious! I mean once the world sees me in Jaws 5 that will totally change their opinion of me but for now I have to wear a disguise.

Bruce Wayne: I want to kiss you, but you have a mustache on.

Miss M: And? At some point I'll be an old lady with one anyway so you might as well get used to it.
Bruce Wayne: Please let me see your face. This is silly. We are both crime fighters, you know nothing bad will happen to you here.

Miss M: Bruce...

Bruce Wayne: Come on. This is silly.

Miss M: Ok.

Miss M: Ta da! It's just me.

Bruce Wayne: I like just you. I can't believe we are finally having a real date. It's been awhile.

Miss M: I know. To be fair things were a bit busy. I was making my film debut.
Bruce Wayne: How has that been? I've read about the shake ups behind the scenes.

Miss M: Oh Bruce, it was a dream come true. Sort of. Working with the fake shark was a pain in the fin. There were some divas on set. I got a little lost in my co-star's eyes, but don't worry. There was no romance on set because I only have eyes for you.

Bruce Wayne: Haha. I'm glad. It's nice to know you still think about me like that.

Miss M: Of course I think about you. You're my boyfriend.

Bruce Wayne: Oh I am? I was kinda confused on what we were.

Miss M: Bruce, what are you talking about? I thought we figured this all out. We've been through a rough year. We love each other though.
Bruce Wayne: We hardly see each other.

Miss M: That's not true! We fight crime like every night.
Bruce Wayne: I'm talking about us. As a couple. We hardly see each other out of our suits. When's the last time we even tried to make love?

Miss M: You know I'm not ready for that. After everything that has happened between us, I can't be vulnerable like that with you.
Bruce Wayne: (sighs) I know. I respect that but it's not easy. I love you.

Miss M: I love you too, but I also wiped you out of the universe before the toy world ended. I wrote that. And then in the post apocalyptic world you were demented and nearly killed me! I can't sleep with you and end up having some weird Buffy/Angel situation happen.
Bruce Wayne: I don't even know what that means.

Miss M: My goodness you missed out on the golden days of the WB. Look Bruce, we are getting back on track. I'm not ready to rush anything.
Bruce Wayne: I can't wait for ever.

Miss M: You've said this before and it really upsets me. It's like that old rich emotionally shut off jerk is shining through. Where's my guy at?

Bruce Wayne: Can you blame me?

Miss M: I'm doing my best here for you! You have me out in public knowing full well I don't want to be here. I want to be in hiding where it's safe.

Bruce Wayne: Great now I'm the ass that has you in danger. After all I've done for you this is what I have to hear.

Miss M: What does that mean?

Bruce Wayne: Nothing.

Miss M: Bruce Wayne you better tell me now, what did you do for me? Are you talking about that night you saved my life on the cliff?
Bruce Wayne: No.
Miss M: What the hell?! Bruce.

Bruce Wayne: I may have paid off someone at Universal to make sure you got the lead role in Jaws 5.

Miss M: (gasps) You did what? You mean... I didn't earn that role myself?

Bruce Wayne: I wanted Jaws 5 to be your chance to reenter the toy world and have people like you again. You weren't going to accomplish that in a bit part. You needed the lead, so I made sure that happened.

Miss M: How much was I worth Bruce? Ten thousand? Twenty thousand? How much did you pay to make my dreams false?
Bruce Wayne: That's not important.

Miss M: Of course it is! I thought I got that part because of my abilities to act in a Jaws movie! A life long dream! I can't believe you'd do that.
Bruce Wayne: I did it to help you.

Miss M: I have to go.

Bruce Wayne: What? We haven't even ordered our drinks. Or gotten chairs.

Miss M: I don't care! Do you realize what you've done?! You've made me into a fool.
Bruce Wayne: No I didn't.

Miss M: Just shut up! I can't stay here. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

Bruce Wane: Wait! Where are you going?

Miss M: I'm going home!
Bruce Wayne: Will you please calm down.

Miss M: No! I totally won't!

Bruce Wayne: Will you call me later on so I know you are ok?

Miss M: I'm a super hero crime fighter remember? I can take care of myself.

Miss M storms off.

Bruce Wayne: Waiter, I'll take this to the bar please.

Else where,

April: Chris Gaida! You damn fool! Look at you! Your articles covering the Heroic Hottie features have put Diary of a Dorkette back in the blue! Our advertising sales are through the roof. I've got agents calling in droves to get their clients an interview. You've saved this place.

Chris: I do what I can.

April: It's the best freakin thing to happen this year. So what's next?

Chris: I've got an interview with President Elect Count Chocula soon that should really mix things up with the Heroic Hottie feature.
April: Great, well get to work! We've got more information to put out for public consumption!

Chris Gaida: Sure thing boss.

April: Now where the hell is my desk chair? What is this mess, the great chair shortage of 2016?

Irma: April?

April: (gasps at Irma and Guy Friday) Where the hell have you two been?!
Guy Friday: We can explain!

Irma: April, we still have our jobs right?

April: You two have missed everything! The world was in post apocalyptic ruin. I had to fire Miss M because she caused the mess and Diary of a Dorkette was getting death threats. I mean what was so important that you have both been missing for a year? Were ya'll busy doing it?

Guy Friday: We were in Dimension X.

April: Dimension-why-do-I-even-care! Wait. Is that some adult toy store?

Irma: April please, we were looking for your father.

April: (looks somber) What?

Irma: There were a few reasons we were in Dimension X, but now I can't even seem to recall what they all were. Your father was one of the reasons though. We wanted to find him and bring him home to you. You've always thought he was still alive.

April: (turns away fighting back tears) Did you find anything?

Irma: No.

Guy Friday: We got a little sidetracked on our own crazy adventures.

Irma: We do believe he is still alive though.

April: Ok. I'm promoting you both.
Guy Friday: What?

April: Guy Friday, you will no longer be my Guy Friday. I will still call you that mind you, but I want Irma and you to be my lead investigative journalists. Find whatever you can about my father and his connection to Dimension X. Just find him.

Guy Friday: We will April. We totally will!
Irma: I am so glad we still have our jobs...

Inside Miss M's apartment...

Miss M: Stupid boys in their suits and crap. Why did he think he could use his money and power to make me happy? I feel like a fool now being a part of Jaws 5. No one is going to take me seriously as an actress.

Chewie: Ruff!

Miss M: Oh Chewie. My sweetness. You are probably wondering where the heck I've been. I'm sorry, I know I've neglected you. It's just my heart is sad and broken.

Chewie: Ruff?

Miss M: Yes, very rough. I know. Bruce is a good man. He hurt me though. He's embarrassed me.

Chewie: Roo coo purr.

Miss M: Why do you sound like a cat? Oh it doesn't matter. I just need to calm down. I'll go to sleep and that will help. I love him too much. I'll go to his place in the morning and we will work this all out. That's right. We can work it all out. I love him....

Back at the bar in Tres Bliss...

Bruce Wayne: Bartender, another round please.

Bartender: Sure thing Mr. Wayne.

???: Do my eyes deceive me? If it isn't Bruce Wayne.

Bruce Wayne: Vicki Vale?!

Vicki Vale: In the flesh.

Bruce Wayne: How long has it been?

Vicki Vale: Let's see, Summer of '89?
Bruce Wayne: No way. It's been a long time. You look wonderful.
Vicki Vale: So do you.
Bruce Wayne: What are you doing here?

Vicki Vale: I came to town for an interview. The Gotham Gazzette has become a global magazine. We're flying off the shelves and our online sales have been robust. A lot has changed in Gotham. Of course Gotham misses you Bruce.
Bruce Wayne: I'm only a town over.

Vicki Vale: So funny. I'm staying at the hotel across the street and I thought I'd wander in here for a drink. Now out of no where I see you.
Bruce Wayne: We had some good times.
Vicki Vale: Yes. We did.

Bruce Wayne: I've been drinking already but care to share one with me?

Vicki Vale: Sure. I'd love to share a drink with you Bruce. Let's make a night of it.
Bruce Wayne: Well all right.

Awhile later...

Vicki Vale: (laughing from an ongoing conversation) We could have worked out but you always seemed to have your eyes on the rooftops too much.

Bruce Wayne: I seem to recall you not liking my dual life.

Vicki Vale: I was younger. I wish I had some sense back then. I would have gotten used to it.

Bruce Wayne: I know. (pauses) We're drunk.

Vicki Vale: Ha! It feels fun.
Bruce Wayne: Want me to walk you back to your hotel room?

Vicki Vale: No, it's depressing in there. I might just stay here all night.

Bruce Wayne: Nonsense. You can come home with me. Let's go get your things.
Vicki Vale: Excuse me!

Bruce Wayne: Come on, we're getting your things. You are leaving the hotel and staying with me in the Bat- well... I have some space underground. You can even see the new plot for my mansion. It was destroyed last year.
Vicki Vale: You sound like the X-Men.

Bruce Wayne: Come on already. Let's go.

Vicki Vale: Well if you insist.

They look at each other. He knows this is wrong but he doesn't care. Laughing their way out of Tres Bliss, Bruce calls for Alfred to pick them up. They soon walk out into the moon rise shining through the darkness below to wait for Alfred.

Vicki Vale: Nice night. It will be good to see Alfred.

Bruce Wayne: It's really good to see you Ms. Vale.

Vicki Vale: (moves closer) Is that so?
Bruce Wayne: (takes in her perfume) Yes.

Vicki Vale: The feeling is mutual Mr. Wayne. This is going to be a fun night. A very fun night...

Bruce Wayne: Yes. I think it will indeed.

Up next!

More chaos unfolds for your favorite toys!


  1. I'm right there with you on it having been a while with my own blog updates. You hit it square on the head in that Halloween post about the time monster. While holidays do tighten the schedule, they always bring people together at home and on the blogosphere.

    Looks like Pinkie Pie helped provide the disguise. Speaking of acting, I think if Bruce wanted to be supportive, he'd take a movie role himself. I hear they need someone to consult on the villain for the new Spider-Man movie. Who would know better how to portray the criminal element than Batman?

    Seeing Guy Friday reminds me of how I finally pulled the trigger on watching "Prince of Thieves" when it was added to Netflix this past week. I got to the part were Kevin Costner saves Morgan Freeman's life, thus becoming his servant, then I started daydreaming about how much fun it would be to see them ditch the Robin Hood story and move into an apartment were they argue over whose turn it is to take out the trash and both try to woo the neighbor lady who always comes over to pick up the mail sent to the wrong house by mistake. Of course she's also an aerobics instructors and is always doing stretches in her tights whenever she comes over. Maybe Bruce can make some Hollywood connections for me while he's at it!

    Vicki's dress looks like a cake topper and makes me wonder why Batman hasn't had a pastry chef themed villain. Seems like that would be ideal for the 50-60s silver age style.

    Looks like things are heating up this Christmas, and I don't mean by the fireplace! I'll be sure to tune in next post, same Dorkette-Time, same Dorkette-Blog!

    1. The holidays are a nice time to be together with home and the blogs. I have been really quiet though lately. this year has hit me a little harder than before.

      I am liking the new Spider-Man trailer. It is nice to see Batman himself step into a different role. lol I also like the idea of a pastry villain. That would be pretty fun.

      That Robin Hood movie has a ton of memories for me. It was a big deal when I was a kid. I do like your ideas more though with them living together in an apartment. There needs to be more stuff like that.

      Thanks for reading and checking in! It's nice to hear from you. I hope that all has been going well.

    2. I know what you mean. This year is ending a bit leaner than I would like, and seeing my peers post cool Christmas pictures does sink me into "why can't I get my act together" terrority.

      Its no surprise that Robin Hood has so many memories. Its clear Costner and company wanted to revive the Old Hollywood style "epic movie" like what Mel Gibson did with Braveheart a few years prior, but what they pictured as a banquet slid into becoming a hot dog eating contest with just as much ham.

  2. Kim Bassinger V Miss M!? NO CONTEST!! Kim sucks. Did you ever hear about what happened when she was arguing with Ralph Bakshi about Cool World!? She wanted it to be a family movie and he wanted it to be a HORROR movie! No wonder the movie ended up being a disaster!!
    Is Bruce being a dick in this story supposed to be a reference to your ex being a dick in real life? It's always hard to tell when you are commenting on your own life or not!
    BTW ! My best friend and I had what we call "Blake'sgiving" this year! A Thanksgiving night when we finally watched the Shallows!(We have been wanting to get around to watching that movie for a long time ) It was very good and an awesome girl power movie! I recommend it! If you feel like coming to Medina Ohio and want to get on my couch and make out with me and watch it..or mean just come here and sit on the couch and WATCH it with me! We don't need to make out but I think it's gonna be tough to NOT wanna make out with me when you see how SPLENDIFEROUS my life is!! (That is a joke!) Haha! Anyway! The Shallows is good! Watch it and tell me what you think of the movie! It is SO different than what I thought it would be! (Still not as cool as Miss M fighting a shark though!)

    1. You say there is no contest but you'll just have to wait and see what happens! I did not know that about Cool World. I kinda like that movie though, even if it is a hot mess.

      I love the Shallows! I saw it in theaters and I own it on dvd! That movie is totally epic. I loved it from beginning to end. As for making out on the couch, that would be a first. lol

      I actually had this story line in the works a year ago when I wasn't planning on being single so this actually is not a commentary on my personal life. lol I hope you are doing well!

    2. I love Cool World too! I love all of Ralph Bakshi's stuff! But HE doesn't like that movie cuz it turned out to be so far off from what he wanted. Legend has it, he PUNCHED the head of the studio over the direction it was going! I actually thought the Kim Bassinger rotoscope in that movie was really good and really hot! She was up there with Jessica Rabbit! How did she think that could EVER be a family movie after getting rotoscoped like that!?
      And I'm glad you loved the Shallows as much as I do! Maybe next "Blake's-Giving" you should be in attendance!
      And YES I HAVE made out with girls on my couch before (If that is what you are implying! Haha!) But you would be a special case! (Never done that with a true DORKETTE before! It would be both an honor and a pleasure! Haha!)
      Unless you are meaning that YOU have never made out on the couch before! In which case, you need to come here RIGHT NOW so we can fix that!! (And your ex was WAY lamer than I even already thought he was to begin with!! haha)

  3. looks like bruce is going to wind up out of the fire pan into the fire once toy miss discovers what he just did with vikie christmas at the batcave is going to be memorable now.

    1. There will be a big surprise at the Batcave for sure! There will be some more stuff to come for sure. I hope you have been doing well. It is nice to hear from you.