The deadline was fast approaching for this month's Heroic Hottie. April O'Neil had already been panicking that I was taking too long. I knew what I needed to do, so I finally reached out and got in touch with this month's hottie and he was a handful! Handsome as all get out and a total flirt, but slightly strange too. I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking under that helmet...
May 2013 Heroic Hottie
Red Ranger: Thank you Miss M. Time just flashes by in an instant. I bet you had my poster on your bedroom wall.
Diary: Oh well... no, not really. I mean you were one of my favorites for sure, but Power Rangers was more of a guilty pleasure. My brother was a big fan and I was a snotty brat at the time who acted like I was too good to enjoy the show and everything. Had my brother not been such a fan I probably would have liked it more.
RR: Ah, I see. But to be clear, if you hadn't been so snotty, you would have wanted me over your bed, right?
Diary: Um, I guess. I was never really one for posters.
RR: I see. That's a shame. Posters are pretty cool.
RR: You really want to talk about that huh? What do you want me to say? It was the start of something magical.
Diary: That sounds a bit rehearsed.
RR: I can go off script if you'd like? You can't tell, but I'm winking at you right now.
Diary: That's nice. Listen, if you'd like, we can totally do this another time.
RR: No, let's do this now. I'll behave myself, I promise.
Diary: Ok. So do you have any fond memories of the early show? What was it like working with the other Rangers?
RR: Oh we had the best time M. The best. We were at the perfect age, young enough to play teens but old enough to get into trouble behind the scenes. It was a great time. I'd never been chosen to help save the world before and have it taped for television. I remember Zack thinking it was all just the craziest thing.
Diary: Were there any problems on set?
RR: There were always problems, but I'll save the nitty gritty details for a tell all book that Rita Repulsa is writing.
Diary: Oh wow, that should be interesting.
RR: Yeah, Rita was a handful.
RR: No, Rita was all about her own look. At the time she was consumed with nothing but Madonna and the Blond Ambition Tour. She had said that her time in space had never prepared her for what she'd view on Earth. Rita was a mess. She also liked flirting with all of us.
Diary: Really? Oh my. That must have been awkward.
RR: Nah. She was only really grabby with Tommy and Goldar.
Diary: What are your thoughts on all the violence surrounding your show? I seem to recall there being a problem with parent groups about the nature of the Power Rangers.
RR: How could we be violent? We were fighting giant goofy looking monsters, the fate of the world was in our hands.
Diary: The fate of the world is in a lot of people's hands if you really want to get technical.
RR: Well I don't want to get technical. (At this point he developed a slightly angry tone) Our show was no different from other shows that had come before and after.
Diary: Easy! There is no reason to get all hot, I'm just trying to talk about the past.
RR: And I wish to talk about something else. I like the future. What are you doing later? Maybe we could meet for some drinks? I know a really nice bar.
Diary: Oh goodness, I don't even know what to say. The red Power Ranger wanting to go to a bar with me? There's just one problem though, I don't drink. If I go to a bar I usually order a cherry coke or something.
Diary: Well I'm far from being some square. I'm more like some 8 sided shape that just bumbles along bumping into things.
RR: You weren't very good at geometry were you?
Diary: No. Not really.
RR: I can tell.
Diary: Since you are an iconic relic from the 90's, are there any other pieces of 90's memorabilia that you like?
RR: I was a fan of 90210. I felt that in a lot of ways that show was similar to Power Rangers, except we were saving the world. We had Rita, they had Brenda.
Diary: There were also dreamy guys on both shows too...
RR: Exactly. See what I mean?
Diary: Yeah. I think so.
Diary: You are really persistent! I'm sorry though, I can't. It would just be so inappropriate. On many levels. Are there any plans for the 20th Anniversary of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?
RR: I don't know. I haven't heard of anything.
Diary: That's strange. I would think you of all people would know at least something.
RR: (growing agitated) Listen you miserable little dorkette, I don't know anything!
Diary: Oh my goodness. I'm sorry for asking. I'm only trying to do my job.
RR: I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what has come over me. Please forgive me. Maybe I could offer my apologies by taking you out to dinner?
Diary: I'm sorry. I think you are a very nice guy, but I think I'd like to remember you as someone from yesteryear. You are just a bit overwhelming to me. Good luck in your endeavors.
RR: No wait, I promise I won't be so annoying.
Diary: I'm afraid this interview is over. Take care Red Ranger.
Those were the last words from a most disappointing interview. I just could not believe my rotten luck! I had really hoped for an interesting sit down with the red Power Ranger. I just had to contact my mentor April O' Neil about this.
M: April? So yeah, the interview was a disaster.
April: Aren't they always though M?
M: Well not always. I'd like to think I've been learning a thing or two from you.
April: Oh sweetie, you can learn all you want, but you're never going to be as fabulous as me. You are decent though. What was so wrong with this interview?
M: Where do I even begin? He just wasn't what I expected. He was grody and he had a very funny smell. Like, he smelled deathly. And he kept flirting with me.
April: Wait, he was flirting with you? I thought he was gay?
M: No, you're thinking of the Blue Ranger.
April: Are you sure?
M: Yes, I'm fairly certain. I know when a man is flirting with me April.
April: That is debatable. You've had some strange encounters for sure.
M: Ok this is sooo not what I am wanting to talk about.
April: Ok, ok. Next time I will do the interview, how does that sound?
M: I guess that sounds good.
April: Perfect! I'll show you how it is done!
Joy. Nothing says "job well done" like April O'Neil showing you up. I just had to face it, I wasn't cut out to be a journalist. Another Heroic Hottie had come to a close and the sad realization dawned on me that there were seven more Heroic Hotties for the year. Joy indeed. Until next time folks, enjoy the lovely shots of Red Ranger Beefcake!
While traveling up the scary twisted steps of Snake Mountain, the Red Ranger walks with a purpose. Peering through his helmet, the Red Ranger begins to make his descent into the ultimate dungeon of evil. A villainous vixen greets him...
Red Ranger: No. I couldn't get the chance to be alone with her.
Evil-Lyn: Why not? I thought the plan was simple enough!
Red Ranger: No Evil-Lyn. Nothing is ever simple with that miserable Miss M. Ugh! I hate this helmet!
Twisting the helmet off, the Red Ranger shows his true identity! He is none other than SKELETOR!
Skeletor: Quiet you! We have a grave matter at hand. I wanted to rid the world of that wretched Miss M once and for all, but she wouldn't be alone with me. She kept hiding behind some silly journalistic integrity, but I felt like I almost had her. I was so close!
Evil-Lyn: I guess you are just going to have to follow the unanimous decision made by the other Masters of Evil. You'll take her down at this Summer's Conference of Evil.
Skeletor: But I can't wait that long! I want Miss M gone now.
Evil-Lyn: Of course you do Skeletor. We all want her gone. But good things come to those who wait. Soon Miss M will be nothing but a silly memory. Ha!
Skeletor: Ha ha.
Evil-Lyn: Ha ha ha.
Skeletor: Muah ha ha ha ha.
The evil pair continue their malevolent laughter. The sounds grow louder echoing throughout Snake Mountain. Evil is brewing...
May 2013 Heroic Hottie