Miss M Presents: Kill She-Ra! The September 2014 Bodacious Baddie Extravaganza!

Dear Diary,

They want me to kill She-Ra. That's all.

-Miss M

And now...

Miss M presents...

How to Get Away with Murder...

Just kidding.

Miss M really presents...

Kill She-Ra!

The September 2014 Bodacious Baddie Extravaganza!

She-Ra: It feels so nice to get away, from everyone and everything. My relationship is in the pits. Being heroic suddenly became such a complicated job in the last ten years or so. Everyone has to have an edge now. Whatever happened to just being nice? I was nice once. And then I had to go and kiss a pirate while the man I love had no idea. Maybe we're all just going through a mid life crisis? Bow is opening a bar, and for what reason? He doesn't even drink. As for the pirate; Sea Hawk is gone. Off to find treasures in parts unknown. Why do I have a hard time finding happiness? I'm the most powerful woman in the universe and I just can't get it together...

She-Ra pauses in mid thought.

Standing off to the side is Miss M, still trapped in Moth Lady's body, with a knife!

M is ready to kill She-Ra!! (Dun-dun-duuun!)

She-Ra: Ya know, if you really want to kill me, a plastic toy dagger/hair curler is not going to really work. At best there will be a bruise and at worst you'll tangle my hair.
Miss M: Crap! I knew this wasn't going to work.
She-Ra: Do you normally sneak into people's homes trying to kill them with plastic weaponry?
Miss M: No. I'm actually a really great citizen. I just was in the wrong body at the wrong time.
She-Ra: Huh?
Miss M: It doesn't matter. There is a force of evil that wants you dead and they tried to get me to do it.

She-Ra: Who wants me dead this time? Catra? Hordak? Skeletor?
Miss M: No, none of them.
She-Ra: Then who? Don't tell me it's a group of vintage purists? I can't handle them. 2015 is happening, we're all gonna get Perfuma like it or not.
Miss M: That's not where I saw this going. It's a villain by the name of Dragon Queen.
She-Ra: I've never heard of her.
Miss M: So like, Dragon Queen was this villain from Golden Girl. Golden Girl was your pink aisle rival in the 80's.
She-Ra: Oh I remember the Golden Girls. So this Dragon Queen is what, like an evil Bea Arthur Drag Queen or something?

Miss M: No. Not Golden Girls. I'm saying Golden Girl. Singular. Though an evil Bea Arthur drag queen calling herself Dragon Queen would be pretty crazy. But no! Listen to me! Golden Girl was another warrior woman, like you! Or you were like her. It doesn't really matter who came first. The point is, Dragon Queen and her evil forces killed Golden Girl and now they want to kill you! Something about ridding the world of heroic warrior women. You gals already are an endangered species, so this is not good.
She-Ra: I won't argue that point.
Miss M: Anyways, so I used to be a part of Dragon Queen's evil forces, but through a series of unfortunate and crazy events, I am not her. Oh this sounds so confusing. Just know that I am one of the good guys and they tracked me down.
She-Ra: You are good. You helped save the world when it fell into Total Darkness.
Miss M: Oh that was nothing. So yeah, I was given no other choice but to kill you. Only I can't kill you. You are She-Ra! You're my role model. I've looked up to you since I was a little girl when my hair was less crimped.

She-Ra: Ok. So what do we do now?
Miss M: Well, I was thinking about that on the way up here. How about we fake your death? That way you can take some time off and let the villains think you are gone, and then you can come back kick some bad guy butt and all will be right with the universe.
She-Ra: That sounds complicated. I could just stop Dragon Queen and her evil forces.

Miss M: But she is really strong. Her time to shine was for but a brief moment in the 80's. She's had a long time of lurking in the shadows and feeding off her hate over the realization that warrior women toy lines can never really last long.
She-Ra: Ok stop rambling, I got it. I'll help you. But I will need your help in return.
Miss M: Anything.

She-Ra: I'm working with the Cat Ladies to solve the murder of a dear friend. You have connections with April O'Neil and Diary of a Dorkette right?
Miss M: How did you know?
She-Ra: Your job was announced on Twitter.
Miss M: Wow. She-Ra tweets. Too cool!
She-Ra: I just try to stay on top of things, ok? Either way, you can find information on the inside. We are looking for a woman who goes by the name Velvet Sky. We have reason to believe she killed our friend.
Miss M: Finally! We're really going to make her pay! I will help you. Oh my goodness, I will help you. I saw first hand what Velvet Sky did. I'm a witness. Beyond a witness!
She-Ra: Really? This is kismet!

Miss M: Totally. I'll help find Velvet Sky and bring her to justice. (whispers to herself) If only I could tell you the truth, that I am the real Miss M and Velvet Sky must pay for her crimes! But no one will believe me. Le sigh.

She-Ra: Were you just whispering to yourself?

Miss M: No. It's just lunch. I had a Hunger Buster at Dairy Queen earlier...
She-Ra: Ok. Too much info. I got it. All right, what do we need to do to fake my death?

Moments later...

Miss M: I mean, faking a death doesn't have to be this complicated. I really just need a fantastic fashion of yours with some fake blood on it. Let's just take it old school Greek tragedy. Back when they didn't really need a lot of proof.
She-Ra: We really should make this believable though. A fake bloodied piece of clothing just seems lazy. Here, punch me in the face. Go on, punch as hard as you can.
Miss M: Ummm, I can't do that. It goes against everything I believe in.

A loud battle cry can soon be heard from outside.

Miss M: Did you hear that?
She-Ra: Yeah.

Outside...

Dragon Queen: She-Ra! We know you are here! Come out and face the forces of evil!

She-Ra: That's Dragon Queen? (looks out at the villains below)

Miss M: Yeah. She is joined by Wild One with the serious braids and Vultura with the white streaks.
She-Ra: Is Vultura the daughter of the Bride of Frankenstein?

Miss M: I don't know. Can the Bride of Frankenstein even have children?
She-Ra: Don't answer that. Come on, I've got a plan.

Wild One: Where is she Dragon Queen?

Dragon Queen: I am not sure. Vultura, are you certain your vision was true?

Vultura: Of course my queen. Moth Lady deflected. Something is not right with her. The Moth Lady I know would not be like this.

Dragon Queen: Very well. We do not need her. (shouts) The time has come She-Ra! Show yourself! Let us end this like strong warrior women!

Soon the doors open and a silence falls across the land. She-Ra arrives!

She-Ra! She-Ra!

She-Ra: How rude to show up uninvited, and without a housewarming gift, tsk tsk.

Dragon Queen: Enough with the remarks. We've come here to kill you. Your time is at an end She-Ra. You shall be banished to death like the other heroic warrior women before you. I have already vanquished Galaxie Girl, the Goddess of Wonder and the Ultra Cosmos, and only recently my arch nemesis Golden Girl. You are the proverbial pig's head with the apple in its mouth, the one everyone wants to tear into.

She-Ra: Personal Speech not counting, I find you to be deplorable. What did anyone ever do to you? It is time you end this Dragon Queen. I'll let you go home before you make an even bigger full of yourself.

Wild One: Never! My queen will stay and slay the most powerful woman in the universe.

Vultura: And then we'll deal with you Moth Lady for being a traitor!

Miss M: She-Ra, you are sorely outnumbered.
She-Ra: I've faced bigger threats. With one arm tied behind my back too!

Suddenly everyone turns to stage right as a voice calls out from the cheap seats: Room for more?

Everyone turns to see: Golden Girl and some of the Guardians of the Gemstone!!!

Golden Girl: This party has just gotten started!

Dragon Queen: Curse this! I killed you!

Moth Lady: Look She-Ra, the odds just got in your favor!

Golden Girl: You can not kill the spirit of a heroic warrior woman Dragon Queen. Though I plan to try.

Dragon Queen: Whaa?

Golden Girl: She-Ra, I and the other Guardians of the Gemstone are here to annihilate you.

Onyx: You got that right! No one will stop my lightning quick reflexes from snapping your neck like a piece of vulgar plastic.

Jade: We plan on spilling your blood and making it shine across this glistening castle like the color of my hair: Loreal Feria P67 Pure Spice Power.
Miss M: You must be confused. This is She-Ra! You both fight for the side of good!

Golden Girl: No. More than anything we fought each other. The 80's were not good to either of us, but She-Ra was lucky to have a show. She won the warrior woman war and she was hardly a warrior woman! My line should have dominated, and now it will. I will destroy She-Ra and allow Middle Earth to pick the best warrior woman franchise, which will be mine, the only one left standing!
Dragon Queen: This is insanity!

Another voice calls from the shadows...

She-Ra: Who goes there!

Catra: (slinks into the group) No one will kill She-Ra, but me!

Entrapta: I was told I could help.

She-Ra: Catra, what are you doing here? I thought we were working together with the Cat Ladies to solve Miss M's murder?

Catra: (purrs) Of course Sheee-Ra. But when an opportunity to kill you comes up, I simply can not let anyone else do it but me. You understand, don't you? (whispers) Besides, it's only for the sake of this story. Just go with it.

Dragon Queen: We surely can not all have a go at her!
Miss M: She-Ra, I'm really scared.

She-Ra: There's no reason to be. I've got it all under control.

Yet another voice fills the room as everyone turns to stare in anticipation...

Miss M: Geez, who else wants you dead?

She-Ra: Et tu, Wonder Woman?

Dun-dun-duun!

Wonder Woman: No, I am not here to kill you. I am here to aid you in safety. Since I have long been considered the original warrior woman I will not stand for this cheap villainy!

Catra: Le sigh. We can get rid of you. And that little lasso too.

Dragon Queen: Less talking, more killing!

As Dragon Lady makes an attempt at She-Ra's life, another voice calls out.

She-Ra: Xena? You are here too?

Xena: Yes, it is I, Xena: Warrior Princess! I have sensed danger in the air and feel it best to take you all out and stand triumphant over the mere fact that my toy line was the best.

Miss M: Well, that's debatable.

Xena: Quiet Moth Ball Lady. I was planning on making you live to spread the word of Xena.
Miss M: I don't spread very easily.
She-Ra: Sweetie, that doesn't sound right.
Miss M: I realize that now. After the fact.

Dragon Queen: Enough! Let the battle begin!

Everyone is locked in struggle, ready to fight when another voice calls out.

Xena: Oh, here comes trouble.

Callisto: How dare you! I am far from trouble and you will finally be able to pay for what you did to my family!
Xena: Didn't we already hash this all out before?

Callisto: Maybe, but let's do it again. For old times sake!

Dragon Queen: I'm beginning to think this battle will never happen.

Golden Girl: I agree.

Entrapta: I'm bored.

She-Ra: Fine. Let's get this mess over with!

Another attempt at an all out warrior woman war begins and quickly comes to a stop when yet another person jumps into the fray!

Xena: Wait a second...

She-Ra: There are two of them!

Lucy Lawless: Hi gals. I'm Lucy Lawless as Xena the Warrior Princess. I'm looking for the set of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Am I in the right spot?

Miss M: I'm feeling dizzy.

Catra: If Hordak were here this would have ended already.

Dragon Queen: My request was simple enough, to kill She-Ra! How did it go so wrong!?

Lucy Lawless: Can someone please tell me what is going on?

Golden Girl: We need to settle this once and for all! We need to kill She-Ra!

The warrior women shout in approval as they all decide to attack She-Ra!

Miss M: She-Ra! Do something! You can't let them kill you!

She-Ra: All right ladies, this is enough! Enough!

An eery calm falls across the rowdy women.

Dragon Queen: What manor of trickery is this now?

She-Ra: No tricks. But more of a choice. I get it. We all had our moments to shine, some of us longer than others, but there is no reason to kill me. It won't change anything. Fighting and violence will not be the answer.

Golden Girl: Well what is huh? How can a has-been like me get the glory I so richly deserve?

Miss M: Well She-Ra? You got an answer?
She-Ra: Let me think real quick.

Lucy Lawless: Is this supposed to be an episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D that takes place on a pink flashy version of Asgard? I never got that script. I thought Whedon was a professional. This is such a joke.

Xena: Quiet doppelganger! We must find out if there will be bloodshed.

She-Ra: Like I said, there will be no fighting. If you all want the chance to still make something of your selves as warrior women, this is what we are gonna do. We're gonna organize!

She-Ra: Dragon Queen and Golden Girl, you two join forces. Get a Kickstarter set up to rally support for a Golden Girl comeback. Raise the funds and make your reboot a reality!

Dragon Queen: What is a Kickstarter?

She-Ra: Google it.

Golden Girl: What's a Google?

Onyx: I'll help them.

She-Ra: Good, thank you Onyx.

She-Ra: As for you Catra.

Catra: (rolls her eyes) What now?

She-Ra: You have a murder to help solve. Now get to it, and take Entrapta with you.
Entrapta: Life was never this lousy when we lived in the Fright Zone.

She-Ra: Wonder Woman?

Wonder Woman: Yes?
She-Ra: Oh hon, all you need to do is say a Novina in the hopes that you'll finally get your solo movie.

She-Ra: Xena and Callisto? I'm referring you both to a therapist. Y'all need to work this out.

Xena: Agreed.

Callisto: I just want to hit something!

She-Ra: And Lucy Lawless, it's always great to see on a screen. Now get back to work!

Lucy Lawless: Sounds great!

Miss M: Wow. You just prevented a crazy war of warrior women. What if your plan hadn't worked?
She-Ra: (shrugs) I would have called for back up. Everyone knows I've got the coolest friends around.
Miss M: All right She-Ra. You truly are the most powerful woman in the universe.

She-Ra: Hardly. I just surround myself with great people. These warrior women, they didn't mean any harm. Once upon a time they all had such high hopes: epic toy lines, picture deals, awards, really nice weapon's racks. The list of dreams goes on and on. We warrior women are few and far between, but when we have a chance to shine, we shine. They'll do what they need to do. And those that love us will be there, heeding the battle cry.

Miss M: Oh She-Ra. I have something to tell you.
She-Ra: I knew it. I knew there was something special about you. Are you planning on telling me the truth now? That you are more than meets the eye?
Miss M: I'm not an Autobot.

She-Ra: But you are my dearly departed friend. I don't know how it has come to pass, but Miss M is in there, isn't she?

Miss M: I can't address that. I've come a long way to have people respect and like me. The truth will only make me look crazy.

She-Ra: I understand. My dear friend, I don't know how it is possible, but I know who you are. And together we are going to find your killer and make her pay for her crimes.
Miss M: Sounds like a plan.

She-Ra: But, before we do that, I think we need to do something with this hair.
Miss M: Yeah. I agree. It's really crimped.

She-Ra: Come on. Let's get your life back.

September 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Bonus Scene!

Michelangelo: Mona Lisa?
Mona Lisa: Hey Mikey. What's up?

Michelangelo: So umm, like, you're a bodacious babe. And after everything we've been through these past few months, I was thinking of doing something wicked special.
Mona Lisa: Define special?
Michelangelo: I got us reservations to Tres Bliss. Totally cool huh?

Mona Lisa: Michelangelo! That place is really nice. Why do you want to eat there?
Michelangelo: Aww I dunno dudette. I just wanna do something special for ya.

Mona Lisa: Sounds great. I think I'll even get my hair done up!

Michelangelo: Awesome!

Raphael: (to the side and highly jealous) Just what are you planning Mikey?

To be continued!

Another month down and only three left to go before All My Toys closes the year out in a big way! The stories get crazier and the moment we've all been waiting for will finally happen! Stay tuned!