September 2014 Woman of Wonderosity!

Dear Diary,

I'm in trouble. I really should have stayed in Bruce Wayne's mansion. While moving back to Moth Lady's home under the bridge, some of her old friends found me. They have no idea that I am inside Moth Lady's body, so they think their old friend is still there. The problem is I absorbed Moth Lady's memories thanks to Jean Grey, and now I am in control of Moth Lady's body. So this Dragon Queen and her accomplice have asked me to do something terrible. They want me to kill She-Ra. Yes, She-Ra. One of my ultimate role models. How in the world do I kill She-Ra? 

Miss M




Inside a Dairy Queen...

Miss M: I wonder where April is? And I wonder why she wants to meet in a DQ to discuss work...

As Miss M waits, her mind drifts to a few days ago...

Miss M: You want me to kill She-Ra?
Dragon Queen: Of course. We've been noticing you in the gossip rags. You've been quite busy hobnobbing with some of the city's finest super heroes.
Wild One: It's impressive. Pretending to be a do-gooder when all you are really about is pure evil. Infiltrating the system is brilliant, isn't it Dragon Queen?

Dragon Queen: Of course it is.
Miss M: There's just one problem. I can't kill She-Ra. She's like the most powerful woman in the universe. I can't do it.
Dragon Queen: Well you are gonna try Moth Lady, because if you don't, we'll just have to show you how serious we are about letting you go from our group.
Miss M: Maybe I don't want to be a part of this group anymore.

Wild One: What's gotten into you? Why would you say that?
Dragon Queen: Quiet Wild One. (looks at Miss M) It's rather simple. Kill She-Ra or we find a way to destroy that man you were staying with, and his old butler too.
Miss M: (lies) I don't care what you do to him. He's just some rich dude I was using.
Dragon Queen: Something strange has happened to you Moth Lady. You used to be more evil. Now you can't even lie right. I know that man, Bruce Wayne, was your friend. I always told you being friends with men would be your undoing.

Miss M: Leave him out of this.
Dragon Queen: Fine. I will. After you agree to help kill She-Ra.
Miss M: (panics) Fine. I'll help kill her.

Dragon Queen: Good. Now here's what we're gonna do...

Back to the present...

Miss M: How am I going to do this?

April: (arrives in a flurry) How are you going to do what?
Miss M: Nothing. Well. I was just wondering how I am going to eat here. The food here will just wreak havoc on my thighs.
April: Invest in a good fluffy yellow jumpsuit. Now let's get down to business.

Miss M: I thought you had a nice office. Why are we meeting here?
April: I no longer have my office. Some stupid tart named Mila Rosnovsky took my office from me.
Miss M: What?
April: It's a long story. Needless to say, I am no longer in control of Diary of a Dorkette. So, we are doing guerrilla journalism at Dairy Queen.
Miss M: Is that even a thing?

April: It is now. We need to make sure that the rest of the interviews for this year are top notch. We must, and I repeat, must make sure that we continue to talk to the most interesting toys out there. Got it?
Miss M: Got it.
April: All right. So who would you like to interview? Any ideas?
Miss M: Yes. I was thinking of talking with Flutterina.
April: Who?
Miss M: Flutterina. She's a friend of She-Ra. She's like a look out for the Great Rebellion.
April: Never heard of her.
Miss M: She's really popular with the older set. She'll bring in big numbers.

April: Ok, get an interview set up immediately. I'm gonna order us some Hunger Busters.

Miss M: You eat Hunger Busters? I've never known you to eat a greasy cheeseburger.

April: I eat when I'm stressed. And besides, you barely know me.
Miss M: Oh yeah. I'm Moth Lady. Duh.
April: (looks strangely) You are a weird woman.

Miss M: Yeah. Don't I know it.

Meanwhile...

Irma: Can you believe this? I mean can you Guy Friday? How nice of Megan Fox to let us stay in her Malibu home. I could get used to this. And I abhor the sun.

Guy Friday: Yeah, it's nice, but isn't it slightly weird? Why would she thank us for rescuing her from that pit by sending us to her Malibu home? Don't you think it's odd that we've been here for so long? Maybe we should head back?

Irma: Are you serious? Why? This is paradise.
Guy Friday: Something seems fishy to me. April O'Neil had Megan Fox locked in that dungeon for some weird reason.
Irma: You know that April gets paranoid at anyone younger than her.
Guy Friday: Yeah, but it's almost like, who let's two dorky people stay in their Malibu home no strings attached?

Irma: Megan Fox does! She's a celebrity with a heart. Come on Guy Friday, let's use this time to get closer. I never thought I could be this happy with you. Look at us, we're living it up in Malibu!

Guy Friday: You do look pretty hot in that long skirt and sweater by the pool.
Irma: Come over and kiss me, ya big lug!
Guy Friday: Hold on, kisses can wait. We really need to know what our plan is. We can't stay here forever. I also can't believe we've been making out for days. I've wanted this moment to happen for a long time now.
Irma: Who knew we'd be such a great pairing? I think it's the Malibu air. I feel like this is a torrid soap opera romance. I never want it to end.

Guy Friday: You're right. They can live without us for a little longer. Come on, let's make out.

Irma: Finally! I thought you'd never shut up!

Back to reality...

Miss M: I am so glad you could talk with us on such short notice. You look absolutely stunning.

September 2014 Woman of Wonderosity!

Flutterina: Why thank you. I am actually a bit surprised. I never expected you'd want to interview me for the title of Woman of Wonderosity.
Miss M: How could we not? You have pretty wings and you wield a sword. Plus that hair! I think if 2014 can be remembered for anything, it is the trend of good hair. Lots of great hair on so many lovely toys.

Flutterina: Ok. It's natural. I was just lucky to have real purple hair.
Miss M: Totally. I can see why people would be jealous of you. It's hard to get the perfect dyed shade of purple. So, do you know where your friend She-Ra is at?
Flutterina: Ok. That's random.
Miss M: Well not really. Word in the Whispering Woods is that she's been in hiding lately and I was just wondering where she is hiding. We go way back.

Flutterina: I don't really wish to talk about her troubles right now.

Miss M: No, you're right. She is so mixed up with her romances right now to say nothing of the neverending threat of the Horde and whichever new villain is on the scene. So, let's talk about you. Is it hard to fly with those wings?

Flutterina: Not at all. It's really quite a breeze.
Miss M: Your wings look like fondant icing. Say, if I were to order a special cake for She-Ra, where do you think I'd need to have it delivered?
Flutterina: Huh?

Miss M: Well ya know, it's always nice to deliver cake to people. Especially if they are experiencing hard times.
Flutterina: She's the Princess of Power, she'll be ok.
Miss M: Right, very true. Are the rumors true that you are dating Clamp Champ?

Flutterina: Oh that's a shock. I wasn't expecting to be addressing that topic. I thought you'd be more interested in my environmental efforts to help save insects or my new work out DVD called the Butterfly Effect.
Miss M: Yeah, those things sound nice and all, but really your fans just want to know if you are dating Clamp Champ.
Flutterina: It's possible. I'm a single lady and I rather enjoy seeing what is out there. Clamp Champ is a very handsome man.

Miss M: You know who else is handsome? Bow. Has She-Ra been helping him with his new bar?
Flutterina: I don't understand what that has to do with my interview.
Miss M: Look, let me reason with you girl to girl. I need to find She-Ra. It's a grave matter, so if you tell me where she is, I'll donate like a thousand monarch butterflies to the Insectorium on Vine and 5th.
Flutterina: You would really do that?

Miss M: Of course. Just tell me where I could find She-Ra.
Flutterina: Well following the problems with her relationship with Bow and the kiss shared with Sea Hawk, She-Ra had a meeting with other female super heroes and then went on a mini vacay to the Crystal Castle. She said that place helps her think. She's also alone.

Miss M: (sighs) Ok. Thanks. That's all I needed. It was nice talking to you Flutterina.

Flutterina: Wait, where are the butterflies?

September 2014 Woman of Wonderosity!

Later on...

Dragon Queen: All right. It is done. Moth Lady has found the location of She-Ra. Our plan is ready to begin. In but a few days, She-Ra will die!

To be continued...