December 2014 Woman of Wonderosity: Oh Christ. It's Another Christmas Special

Dear Diary,

It's Christmas. Ba-hum-bug. Velvet Sky is free to do whatever she wants. Michelangelo and Mona Lisa are happily married. I hate my best friend April O'Neil. I am just over the holidays. I want nothing to do with Christmas. It's all just lame. That's all. Oh. And I was suppose to interview someone for the Woman of Wonderosity spot for December, but that's totally not happening. I'm vegging out and drinking tons of Dr. Pepper. That's my Christmas gift to you.

-Miss M

And now...

December 2014

Woman of Wonderosity: Oh Christ. It's Another Christmas Special

Irma: Hey M, Guy Friday and I are about to leave to go ice skating. Would you like to join us?

Miss M: Ugh. And be a third wheel for some sappy romance on ice scenario... No. I'd rather swallow shards of glass laced with acid.

Guy Friday: Ouch. That sounds like strep.

Miss M: Yeah. Just leave me alone. I've got lots of Dr. Pepper so I'll be in a sugar induced buzz for like a few hours.

Irma: Ok. Well. Have fun. Alone.

Irma and Guy Friday leave.

Guy Friday: She seems really different.

Irma: Yeah. When someone as bubbly as her hits a rock bottom and those bubbles pop, it's bad. She's like an old miser.

Guy Friday: Totally. Let's go ice skating lovely lady.

Irma: Ok kind sir! (giggles)

Miss M: Why on Etheria did I ever agree to share rent with the lovebirds?

Suddenly, a knock on the door.

Miss M: Hello?

Spike: Hello ma'am. Would you like to buy some candy for a fundraiser? I'm trying to raise money for Christmas at the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning.

Miss M: Seriously? Christmas is like tomorrow. You're too late. Bye now.

Spike: But wait...

Miss M: I need another glass of Dr. Pepper.

Meanwhile...

Megan Fox: You can't just come in here!

April: Where is your damn boss? Where is Mila?
Megan Fox: I don't know. You have to leave though, this is not your office!
April: If you don't get out of my way, I will hit you.

Megan Fox: Excuse me?!
April: With a lawsuit! Now where is she?

Megan Fox: She's in her office.

April: Wonderful.

April: Mila.

Mila: April.

April: So here's what we are gonna do. I want my office back. And my shares of Diary of a Dorkette as well as Channel 6 news. This whole game you tried to play is over. I'm back.

Mila: Ha. This is my office now, my business. And business is good. The public loves the new April O'Neil as played by Megan Fox. I bring in the numbers.
April: Your sister killed my best friend.
Mila: That has nothing to do with me.
April: Don't mess with me, I will bury you.

Mila: Go ahead!

Back at the snowy cabin...

Miss M: Damn this Dr. Pepper is good. (hears a knock at the door)

Miss M: Listen kid, I'm not helping you! Or anyone. I hate Christmas!

Miss M: Hey. No one is there.

Miss M: Oh my goodness, what are you doing here? I'm not going back to the After Life am I?

Miss Elizabeth: No my dear. I was just wanting to say hello. And warn you. You've lost the spirit of Christmas.

Miss M: You came all the way to the After Life to tell me that? Seriously?

Miss Elizabeth: If you can't find a way to be happy and celebrate the holiday, a vortex will open over the city unleashing the gates of Hades. The world will be plunged into darkness once again and there will be no stopping it.

Miss M: Sounds like a regular day in the life of a Marvel comic. I think I'll go back to drinking my Dr. Pepper.

Miss Elizabeth: I am serious Miss M. You will be visited by three spirits, each showing you a glimpse of the past, present, and yet to possibly come.

Miss M: Wait a second. Now I know I'm buzzing off of soda, because this whole scenario reeks of a Dickens tale. I'm too cute to be a Scrooge. This is lame. Nice seeing ya Miss Elizabeth. Tell Ed I said hi.

Miss Elizabeth: Ok. Suit yourself.

Miss M: I'm not afraid of no ghosts. Please. (takes a swig of Dr. Pepper) Hiccup!

As Miss M crashes from too much Dr. Pepper, more drama unfolds across town.

Mila: I think you are a has-been April. Give it up already.

April: I'll never give it up. I will not stand for your annoying ways!

Megan Fox: Excuse me. I hate to barge in on this tragic mess, but I'm leaving for the night.

Mila: Thank you Megan. After I've taken the trash out, I'll close everything up.

Megan Fox: Great. Merry Christmas.

April: Ugh. How can you both be so annoying?

Mila: Come on April, step into a bag so I can throw you in a dumpster.

Megan Fox: (heads out) Funny, I could have sworn I heard something...

Grizzlor: Remember, Hordak wants to make it look like an accident.

Leech: Sure thing. Let's hope this will send Velvet Sky a message.

Grizzlor: Yeah, not to play with fire! Tee-hee.

They leave as something deadly is started...

Back at the snowy cabin...

Miss M: Ugh. My head. How much did I drink?

Chewie: Woof! Grr.
Miss M: What are you growling at boy?

Chewie: Grr...

Miss M: Oh my goodness. What is this?

Aerith: I am the ghost of Halloween Past.

Miss M: I think you've got the wrong holiday sweetie.

Aerith: Oh yes, my mistake. I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past. Until Valentine's Day, and then I become the ghost of something else.
Miss M: I don't know what that means. What do you want?

Aerith: I want you to save your own Christmas spirit. If you can't the world will crumble.

Miss M: I doubt the rest of the world will crumble.

Ghost: No, the world will go on just fine, but I am referring to your own world. You will lose everything. Come, we are traveling to the past.

Miss M: Hey. We're in my old house. How is this happening?

Aerith: Just look...

April: Thanks again M.

Miss M: For what?

April: For letting me stay here with you for Christmas. My dad is always so busy working, and with my mom gone, I just didn't want to be alone.
Miss M: April, come on. You are my best friend. You are more than that, you're my sister. No need to thank me for this. You'll always have a place to celebrate the holidays.
April: I'm so happy we know each other.

Miss M: Of course. Do you think it'll always be this way?
April: Of course.
Miss M: What happens if you become some hot shot news reporter and I just end up living in my parent's basement with all my toys and comics.
April: Well, it wouldn't change a thing. It'd just mean I'd have a friend with the coolest toy collection in the universe.
Miss M: Yeah. Come on, let's shake some of the gifts under the tree and guess what's inside.
April: Totally!

Miss M: Should we maybe see if the Turtles want to sneak in and have a party in my room tonight?

April: Now you are just playing with fire.

Miss M: Ha!

Miss M: That was one of my favorite Christmases.
Aerith: How does it make you feel?

Miss M: Like I'm going to be sick for wearing stupid brown contacts to impress a guy. I was so stupid in high school.
Aerith: Sigh. Miss Elizabeth was right. This will be tough.

Meanwhile...

April: Give me back my company!

Mila: Never! It's mine!

April: You blonde bimbo!

Mila: You brunette bombshell!

April: That's a compliment moron!
Mila: I know! Psych!

April: Oh you aren't getting away with this!

Across town and time dimensions...

Miss M: Let me guess, you are the Ghost of Christmas Present?

Ghostling: Hardly. That diva is always late. No, I am the Ghost of the Probable Future.

Miss M: Oh goodness, I need some more Dr. Pepper.

Ghostling: But don't you want to know what is possible for your future?
Miss M: Not really. I have no future. I'm just going to wither away with my collection of toys and become an old bitter crone.

Ghostling: That's not good. Here, look...

Miss M: What am I doing in the Crystal Castle? Hey, where'd you go Ghostling?

Ed: Merry Christmas hon.

Miss M: What?

Ed: Babe, don't tell me you forgot. It's Christmas.
Miss M: I know. It's just that, you're here. Alive.
Ed: Oh no, have you been watching too many soap operas? I'm perfectly fine.

Miss M: Oh my goodness. What is happening? I must have had a nightmare.

Ed: Aw babe. There's nothing to worry about. But try not to freak the kids out ok?

Miss M: (gasps as their children walk in) Kids?

Emmy: Ugh. Mom is so weird.

Chip: Mommy! Daddy! It's Christmas!

Miss M: (smiles) It is. (recalls her stint in the After Life) You built me a Crystal Castle replica.

Ed: Run along kids, we'll be there.
Emmy: (rolls eyes) Fiiine.

Chip: Yay. Hurry though!

Miss M: We will! I promise, we will.

Ed: Did I tell you how happy I am?
Miss M: You are?

Ed: Yeah. You've made me the happiest dude in the world.
Miss M: Ed? You look really good. I'm happy too.

Ed Walks off.

Miss M: Leave it up to me to have a moody daughter, she's gonna give me hell just like I did my mom. Then there's Chip. Why did we name our son Chip? And Ed. He's not in the panda suit anymore. He is like my perfect nerdy counterpart. We have two children... Wait a second. How is this my future? Ed is dead. I can't have children. What is going on?

Ghostling: I am the Ghost of the Probable Future. This might not be your exact future, but it is a testament to the idea that anything can be possible for your future.
Miss M: Well that makes no sense.

Ghostling: Of course it does. Life is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Depending on the choices you make...

Miss M: You might fall into a spiked ravine on the search for an abominable snowman or you might get stuck on the mountain until your toes fall off.
Ghostling: Exactly. You gotta be careful what you choose.

Miss M: That only works for the books. In real life you can't cheat and skip the pages to see what happens.

Ghostling: Maybe not. But if you aren't getting this all yet, then you can't really see much of anything huh? Come on. This isn't working.

Miss M: I don't want to go. Can we stay here?

Ghostling: No. We can't stay here anymore.
Miss M: But it's their Christmas...
Ghostling: Come on, there's only one more chance.
Miss M: What does that even mean?

Ghostling: I don't know. Let's go.

Meanwhile...

April: What are we doing? We can't keep fighting. This is getting old.

Mila: Agreed, because we both know I'm not giving in. But fighting is not working.

April: This can be a truce. I am so beyond over this. We can figure this out, the solution is simple...

Mila: Wait. Do you smell that?
April: It smells like smoke.

Mila: The office is on fire!

April: Oh my goodness, the door is locked.
Mila: And the office is really on fire! Like, this is bad!

April: Wait, let's call for help.
Mila: There is no signal. Where is your cell?
April: Shit, I left it charging in my car.

Mila: The office is on fire!
April: We've got to get out of here! Come on we've got to find a way out.

Mila: (They fall to the ground) There's so much smoke!

April: Don't breathe it in. Oh my goodness, stop drop and roll!

Returning to Miss M...

Miss M: Oh what next?

Tickler: Hey girl.

Miss M: So, what's the deal...

Tickler: I'm the Ghost of Christmas...
Miss M: Presents?

Tickler: Haha. No. Present. As in, the present time. Would you like to see what the people in your life are up to?
Miss M: Do I have to?

Tickler: Yes.

Miss M: Ugh. Must Irma and Guy Friday be so darn cute? Next.

Miss M: Honey mooning at the Crystal Falls? Total next.

Miss M: Poor Bruce. I haven't been fair to him.

Miss M: What is this?
Tickler: The present.

Miss M: Wait a second. That's April and Mila. The office is on fire. Is that really happening right now?
Tickler: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Miss M: Why are you showing me this?

Tickler: Because M. You have a choice to make. You have many choices actually. You can sit in your cabin feeling sorry for yourself or you can find a way to live your life and still find time to enjoy it with the ones you love.

Miss M: It's not that simple.
Tickler: Of course it is, you are the only one holding you back.

Miss M: I can't let her die...

Miss M: I can't let her die!

Miss M: Oh my goodness, I'm back at the cabin. I've got to help April! (quickly calls the fire department)

Miss M: Oh they have to make it in time. They just have to.

Miss M rushes to the old offices of Diary of a Dorkette.

A short while later at the charred remains of the offices of Diary of a Dorkette...

Miss M: Excuse me, I am looking for April O'Neil.

Megan Fox: I'm right here.
Miss M: Not you Megan. The real April O'Neil.
Megan Fox: They've been checking her out in the ambulance. She should be ok.

Miss M: Thank goodness! What happened?

Megan Fox: I don't know. Someone started a fire at the offices. Luckily I came back to get my old lunch in the fridge when I saw the smoke. Someone had already called the fire department though, so Mila and April were both saved in time.
Miss M: I need to find her.

Miss M: April! Oh my goodness, I'm so happy you are alive. You could have died.
April: I didn't think you cared anymore.
Miss M: Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't in a good place. I don't want to be mad at you. You are my best friend.

April: You're my best friend too. Oh M, we haven't really celebrated this: you are alive. Let's set aside all the bullshit and sadness and just be excited that you are somehow alive. You're back.
Miss M: And you could have just as easily not been here either. My goodness the fire destroyed everything.

April: I'm planning on being a better person. Not just because my old office just burned down, but because I never thought this would happen, that you'd be back.

Miss M: Ya know, it's Christmas.
April: I know. We didn't really get to celebrate last year.

Miss M: Yeah. But we can change that. It's not too late. We can have Christmas at my new place. Let's call everyone we can think of.

April: Hold on.

April: Hey, Mila and Megan. Let's call a truce. It's Christmas and we're throwing a Christmas party at Miss M's new place. Would you like to go?

Megan Fox: Mila, what do we do?

Mila: Oh hell, why not? We'll be there.

Miss M: Hey, kid, it's you! From the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning!

Spike: Yeah. You're that mean old lady from the cabin.

Miss M: Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I'm gonna send some money to the school.
Spike: Wow, the Christmas spirit must have finally got to you huh?

Miss M: Maybe, but I'd like to think it's something else. I'm realizing that there are important people in my life and while I can recall the past and dream of my future, it's this moment right now that really counts. And I'm planing on living my life to the fullest. Have a nice day.

Spike: Thanks lady.

A few hours and trays of food and drink later, Miss M and her friends gather together to celebrate an impromptu Christmas celebration.

All kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds were together to laugh and celebrate.

Casey: It sucks that your old office burnt down.

April: Yeah, but it's ok. A new year means all kinds of new things. I'm gonna bring things back to the way they were, trust me.

Irma: Wow Guy Friday, what do you think it was? How did Miss M do a total about change?

Guy Friday: Who knows, but let's hope it lasts.

Irma: I feel like it will. She hasn't smiled this much since she came back from the dead.

Mila: I'm worried. I feel like someone lit that office on fire on purpose.

Megan Fox: Why would someone do that?

Mila: I don't know, but I'm not letting it derail my plans. I'm still going to have an empire that will topple Sydney Rutledge!

She-Ra: How is Mikey and Mona Lisa doing?
Splinter: Last I heard they were enjoying their honey moon at the Crystal Falls.

She-Ra: That's really nice. I can't believe a new year is about to start again.

Splinter: Neither can I. Let's hope it isn't as crazy as 2014.

She-Ra: Agreed.

Bruce: Now this is the girl I like to see. You seem really happy.

Miss M: Ya know, I am. I am really feeling happy.
Bruce: I like that. You light up a room when you are happy, or maybe you just light up me.
Miss M: (blushes) Thank you Bruce.

Bruce: We really need to talk. About what happened.

Miss M: I know. We slept together when I was in Moth Lady's body. We shouldn't have done that.

Bruce: But we did. I think we need to talk about why we both let it happen. I care about you M. I'm not asking you to do anything about it now, but my cards are on the table. I want you in my life. Something to think about. (kisses her cheek)

Miss M: Bruce...

Bruce: Merry Christmas M.

Miss M: Merry Christmas Bruce.

Miss Elizabeth: Good job guys. Now let's make sure this holiday continues to be filled with love and happiness.

Merry Christmas everyone from all the toys at Diary of a Dorkette!

Bonus Scene!

Lady Kale: Have you found it yet?

Jana: Yes. We have located the signature. Dark magic was indeed used illegally with the laws of the Universe.

Lady Kale: And what do we know?

Jana: Apparently Maleficent used her dark magic to return the death of a soul back to the living.

Lady Kale: She knows the laws against such things. Foolish woman. She will pay for this.

Jana: What of the living dead girl?

Lady Kale: She will not escape this illegal act easily. The Omniverse must never be threatened. Come, we plan for their fates.

Lady Kale: (raises her arm to let in the magic of the universe) They must answer for their crimes against the universe. One way or another...

Extra Bonus Scene!

Dragon Queen: So... you've returned to the fold.

Moth Lady: As I said, I was not myself. I was not in control.

Vultura: Moth Lady speaks the truth mistress. The real Moth Lady is in control of her mind and body now.

Dragon Queen: Very well. It is nice to have you back.

Moth Lady: Thank you for vouching for me Vultura.

Vultura: Of course. Why wouldn't I? You are one of us. Though I won't expect you to be fighting in battle anytime soon, not with your condition.

Moth Lady: What do you mean?

Vultura: You do not know? Have you not been feeling sick?

Moth Lady: Slightly. Why?

Vultura: When I used my magic to scan your mind, I noticed the presence of another mind growing in your womb. Congratulations Moth Lady, you are with child.

Moth Lady: Impossible, I have not slept with anyone...

Moth Lady: (flashes back to when she slept with Bruce while sharing mind and body with Miss M) Oh no. That dork girl. What has she done? I'm pregnant with Bruce Wayne's child. Noooo!!!!!

All My Toys will continue in 2015 with even more crazy tales of toys trying to make it in a world gone awry.
In the mean time, stick around for the last After Dark of 2014!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone.