The streets aren't safe and they have no name. Mutants are missing left and right in the city. It's kind of a scary time. You know what else is scary? Dating. It's atrocious and grody. In fact, I don't even know why I should put myself back out there. I should just be content that I had near success with Michelangelo and another near success with Bruce Wayne. And of course there's always Ed in the After Life. At some point we'll reunite for sure. Just not anytime soon because I'm living my life Diary. One date at a time. Oh, and on a side note, the big ball to celebrate the new start for the Diary of a Dorkette offices is almost here!
Editor's note: This is post 497! The countdown is on!
Inside the nearly complete Diary of a Dorkette offices, Miss M gets a visitor from a man she has been talking to...
Joh Yowza: Hey babe. I really needed to see you. I made a mistake. I know I said I wanted us to be friends because I wasn't sure I could date a dorky girl like you, but I was wrong. I really like you.
Joh Yowza: I know, but shit, it's been a rough week. And I think you're so beautiful.
Miss M: (sighs) Ok, I think you need to go. And by go, I mean I'll call you a cab. How did you even get here?
Miss M: Yeah. Join the club. But maybe next time, don't mix pills and wine together, ok?
Joh Yowza: Yeah.
Joh Yowza: Nah. I've done this before. Can I see you later on beautiful?
Miss M: You're telling me.
April: Hey guys! Sorry I'm late, I was getting work done on the new office space. Are we ready to party or what?
She-Dragon: Lovely. You guys can't come in though.
April: Beyond. Who knew Storm was a boss ass bee with an itch?
Storm: See what I mean? I know how to get things done.
The adventurous group heads inside while She-Dragon makes a mysterious phone call from the chip inside her ear that no one can see.
Inside the club...
April: Where's your brother?
Raphael: Ah, Mikey and Mona Lisa are dancing somewhere.
Raphael: Yep. It's a full fledged affair with all of us... Clubbing. This might be the dumbest scenario we've ever been in.
Storm: All right then, since we're all here now, we move on to our next plan.
Leonardo: Which is?
Else where in the club...
Dr. Blight: Oh, you must be Shredder's niece. Yes, he is here tonight. Follow me, I'll lead you to him.
Jasmine: I think I should save that tale for another time.
Jasmine: Ok, sounds great.
Dr. Blight: This isn't some high class joint kid.
In other parts of the night club...
She-Dragon: I'm on break. Are you having fun?
Donatello: Ok, what alternate universe is this? Girls like you never talk to a turtle like me.
Donatello: I feel really funny in my shell right now.
She-Dragon: So, if you'd rather be geeking out in a basement somewhere, why are you here? In a nightclub of all places?
Donatello: Well, for instance, who is your boss?
She-Dragon: That's a tricky question.
She-Dragon: What? You don't know the answer to that?
Donatello: Not really.
She-Dragon: Ok. If I tell you, then you need to do something for me.
Donatello: Like what?
Donatello: Oh my. My heart. It feels funny.
She-Dragon: You're cute. The owner of this club is Shredder.
Donatello: Gulp. What?
Donatello: I don't think I can go on a date with you, not with Shredder being your boss.
She-Dragon: Hey, like I said, it's tricky when it comes to my boss.
More conversations continue as the swirl of the night blends into people's brains...
Apone: Dr. Badvibes. Freaky isn't it?
Old friends meet up to discuss business...
Wasp: I'm saying this isn't the only place that Plastic is being used. They say it is a powerful drug.
Wasp: Sure. I've been getting samples so Hank can run tests.
Storm: Mind if I have a bit? I'd like to do some of my own research.
Let the music play!
As the newlyweds dance the night way, heroes stalk the night skyline observing the hot happenings in the club below.
Batman: You should still be scared. Who are you? This isn't the place for noob heroes.
Batman: I'm on it!
Thank you Ma'am!
(March 2015) Woman of Wonderosity!
WoW: That's right, run off like a darn fool. Are you all right?
Marrow: I'm fine. I can handle my own.
Batman: We both arrived to help.
Marrow: You really don't know what's going on here do you?
WoW: The news has been reporting...
WoW: Why though? What does Shredder want with you?
Marrow: No one knows for sure, but find the good doctor. If you can.
WoW: I might know someone that can help.
WoW: I'm good. I can handle my own. Later Batman.
Meanwhile, in a special area of Arkham Asylum: The Club!
Bebop: At your service boss.
Rocksteady: We got the pony. She's in the cells with the mutants.
A few moments pass.
Things get heated as the group begins to argue!
Tensions rise and a fight nearly breaks out. Of course, things get even weirder!
Jasmine: Uncle Shredder! There are two of you!
Bebop: We nab the Shredders!
Jasmine walks away as Dr. Blight fumes...
Dr. Blight: Sounds serious.
Shredder: It is. We need to make sure no one finds out that our cash cow designer drug is coming from the bodies of dead mutants.
Find out what's in store for She-Ra!
And! Helspont makes it to the After Life!