Thursday, June 11, 2015

Miss M Presents: Toys and Troma Part 2!

The tribute to Troma and the Toxic Crusaders toy line was so big it had to be split into two parts! Here's the grody stuff you missed... While looking back at their brief time at Tromaville High during their junior year, April O'Neil and Miss M embark on their first day at Nuke 'Em High. There they met April's cousin Wheeler and a gang of mean teens who want nothing more than to destroy Miss M. While about to have her behind handed to her, Miss M met her soulmate Toxie. He quickly helped save the day, and with a little help from his friends, got Miss M to join the Toxic Crusaders to stop the new mysterious school principal Dr. Killemoff! The vile Killemoff (that's Dr. Killemoff!) is poisoning the school lunches with radioactive waste. But for what reason? Will April find her missing father? Can Wheeler, who now goes by Bonehead following a gruesome face lift by Psycho, be truly saved? And what will become of the star crossed lovers Toxie and Miss M? Find out in the riveting conclusion!


It's just another regular day at Tromaville High...

The loud speaker buzzes, announcing its dominance among the halls of the school...

Dr. Killemoff: Attention students of Tromaville High, tonight is the school dance. Weapons, drugs, and sexual paraphernalia are strictly prohibited unless you have a note from your doctor. There will be refreshments provided by Mayor Max Grody, so come with a thirst and appetite. It'd be rude to not imbibe in the generosity of our mayor. He is helping to make sure that all the Tromaville High students have a bright future! Have a shining day.

April: You are full of lies and deceit! Lies! And deceit!
Dr. Killemoff: You just can't shut up can you?

April: You aren't getting away with this.

Dr. Killemoff: Of course I will. It's all so simple. You Earthlings are feeble...
April: Earthlings? Where are you from? Just who are you!

Dr. Killemoff: You can't even begin to know what I am about. I can assure you, I'm getting away with it all. Now, we just need to find your miserable friend...

The hallways are a buzz with social activity common for teens from 199?

Lady Death: I hate this school. We should burn it to the ground.
Purgatori: Or we could just burn that little dork girl.
Evil Ernie: And the toxic freak that helped her.

Lady Demon: They aren't getting away with what they did to us. My mouth still tastes like a toilet after that disgusting toxic bastard used his mop on me.

Purgatori: So what do we do? Hmm Lady Death, our fearless leader?

Lady Death: Oh I love a night of crime and murder, so let's start there. Let's murder the dork girl and sacrifice her soul to a demon! Or we could just go to the dance and cause a ruckus.
Purgatori: The dork girl could be there.

Lady Death: In that case are we going to the dance tonight then?

Evil Ernie: Eh. Why not? Maybe we could crash it and beat people up.

Purgatori: I'd like to kill tonight, more than anything, I just want to kill.

Lady Demon: Yeah! That ugly shit stain dork girl has it coming. Where is she anyway?
Purgatori: Probably trembling in a puddle of her own pee. Ha. She's so basic.

Lady Death: We need to go to this dance tonight. Something tells me Purgatori is right. That dork girl will come out of hiding and show up. She looks like the type that would show up for love and stupid shit like that.

Evil Ernie: Yeah. And when we see her tonight, we'll get her.

Lady Death: Definitely. And when we're done with her, no one will want her. Not even that green toxic freak with the wonky eye.

The mean hyper developed teens laugh at their devious plans for the evening. Meanwhile, Miss M and Toxie grow closer across town...

Miss M: I really don't understand this plan.
Toxie: It will make sense. We go at night during the dance. We'll hide in a large Trojan box of condoms, no one will suspect us as we sneak in.
Miss M: How do people keep buying things in bulk around here?

Toxie: Tromaville finally got a Sams.
Miss M: Who is Sam?

Toxie: I'll take you there one day. It'll be a cool date.
Miss M: Yeah. Sounds like a blast. I just hope April is ok.
Toxie: You two are close?

Miss M: Yes. We are the best of friends. She wants to be a journalist one day and deliver hard hitting news to people from all over the world. She'll probably win a Nobel Peace prize or something. What do you want to do with your life Toxie?
Toxie: I don't know. Protect the world I guess.

Miss M: Anything else? The world isn't going to always be in danger.
Toxie: As long as there are polluters on this planet, Earth will always be in danger.
Miss M: True.

Toxie: However, if I could, I'd love to be a janitor at a gym. These biceps won't work themselves up on their own ya know?
Miss M: I do love your biceps. They're so green and bubbly. But firm!

Toxie: What about you?
Miss M: I don't go to the gym. I watch soap operas.

Toxie: No, I mean for your future.
Miss M: I want to work at Contempo Casuals forever. Mostly for the discount, but also because I don't know what I want to do with my life. I have a year left of high school to figure it all out and nothing makes sense. April's lucky. She knows what her future path will be. I have no clue.

Miss M: I think that's why I'm always wanting a boyfriend too. I want to have that one person that will be my sidekick so neither of us will ever be alone. April will leave one day, and I don't want to be in this life alone. Plus it's fun to make out with a guy.

Toxie: Well you are never going to be alone, not as long as I'm here. Plus, making out with you is freaking hot.

Miss M: Oh Toxie! Can we really have it all?

Toxie: Of course we can. Now come on, there's a dance we need to prepare for. Let's round up the Toxic Crusaders and go over the plans for tonight one last time...

Back at the school...

Sister Areala: You must understand, something has happened to the children. The teen youth group at our church, they haven't shown up! I fear something has happened. Something dastardly evil!

Psycho: Sister, but what can I do? That is all I ask. I am helping to run a school. We have numerous students, I can't keep up with them all.

Sister Areala: Well certainly I can be led to their classrooms or other such avenues to which I could find out what has happened to them. You don't need to trouble yourself at all.

Psycho: Sister, we have a dance that the school is preparing for.

Psycho: It's a rather busy time right now. How about you try back later?

Sister Areala: What is wrong with this world? Why can't anyone think of the children?

Psycho: I don't make the rules sister.

Sister Areala: That rather large man is obnoxious. And smells of fried vittles. I'll find the teens myself!

As night falls, the dance begins!


Quistis: I just feel like no one stands up to the jerks in this school.

Selphie: I know, jerks are so annoying, but like screw them, let's take a Selphie.

Quistis: What's that?
Selphie: It's where we take our throwaway cameras and we try to take a picture of ourselves in the hopes that it'll turn out right.

Quistis: That sounds weird.

Selphie: Trust me, I just know it will catch on one day.

Hannah: Hey Jack, wanna make out in your Cadillac?

Jack: Oh hell yeah.

Psycho: Would you like some food? How about you?

Psycho: Come on students! Be sure to have refreshments!

Princess Whats-Her-Name: This punch tastes like caca.

Psycho: Oh just drink it and shut up!

Psycho: Ah! Dr. Bender! Fender! Where have you two been? You've ditched your classes the past couple of days and your substitute teacher has been missing.

Dr. Bender: Sorry, we were a bit under the weather. Fender slept with a jellyfish last night and may have caught something.
Fender: Dude, it was not like that! That's not helping us get girlfriends!

Psycho: I don't care, just find more supplies of Toxic Waste. We are running low on refreshments and the students need more waste.

Dr. Bender: Right on top of that Rose!

Psycho: Ugh, those two are idiots.

Psycho: Ah! Major Disaster. You've become a major disappointment. The school dance has needed chaperons, and much like Dr. Bender and that conjoined oaf, you have been missing. Everything all right?

Major Disaster: Couldn't be better! I was simply stopping to smell the flowers and got sidetracked. I'm here now though and ready to chaperon these kids.

Psycho: Perfect. Watch over them, I shall return shortly.

Major Disaster: (buzzes in to the Toxic Crusaders) All right guys, the operation is blooming beautifully!

Toxie: Great, now we wait. I'd offer you some refreshments, but ya know, they're poisoned.

Miss M: I know. Thanks for being a gentleman. This is kind of a blew night. It's a dance! And I'm wearing the same basic dress I've been in since I got to this town.

Toxie: (walks around to take her all in) I think you look dazzling.
Miss M: Thanks Toxie. You look dreamy as ever. I need to go and find April. I just hope they don't play any good songs. I'd hate to miss a dance.

Toxie: If a good song comes on, just look for me. I'm not good at dancing, but I'd follow you anywhere.
Miss M: Cool. Ok. Here goes nothing, I'm going in.

Toxie: Don't go far.

Miss M: I'll be fine, I promise.

Toxie: Just scream my name and I'll be there.

Miss M makes the rounds looking for April...

Miss M: Hi, I don't mean to interrupt, but I was wondering if you've seen April O'Neil?

Quistis: Sorry, I don't know who that is.

Miss M: Hey, kinky cool outfit! Have you seen my friend April or her cousin Wheeler?

Lord Humungus: Umm no. Do you like to be gagged?

Miss M: No! Good luck on your search for the perfect gag though!

Miss M: Ok guys, you are like way existential.

Ren: Did you hear that Stimpy? We've made it!

Stimpy: I just leaked a little!

Miss M: Crap. Where is April?

Evil Ernie: Well if it isn't little miss dork girl.
Miss M: Look, I don't want any trouble. I just have to scream for Toxie, and you're toast.

Evil Ernie: You deserve everything that's coming to you. I'm gonna love ripping you up.

Miss M: No!

M fights Evil Ernie off as if it were just the two of them...

Miss M: I'm in charge of what happens to me!
Evil Ernie: Come on, just be the bubble in my gut already...

Miss M: Listen dick snot! I've had it! No more! I'm no longer going to put up with this bullshit! (Miss M kicks him hard, like, real hard)

Evil Ernie: You just kicked me in the dick!
Miss M: And I'll hurt you even more if you try one more thing at me.

Back to reality!
Lady Death: What's going on here? She's like spacing out.

Miss M: Oh no. I was daydreaming about kicking him in the dick.

Lady Death: Come on, let's hurt her real good.

Miss M: TOXIE!

April: Why are you doing this?! And what's that vial over there?
Dr. Killemoff: That is none of your business. Stop asking so many questions!

Dr. Bender: Hello Killemoff!

Dr. Killemoff: That's Dr. Killemoff! Why can't anyone remember this?

April: Because you aren't a real doctor!

Dr. Killemoff: Shut up! Dr. Bender, have you been emptying out the toxic waste?

Dr. Bender: (lies) Yes, I have. Fender and I have been following your orders. Now, why don't we discuss what happens next. What's your end goal Killem- I mean, Dr. Killemoff?

Dr. Killemoff: Why are you aiming a gun at me? Oh it makes no difference, the plan is simple...

April manages to switch a button that turns the intercom on, broadcasting Dr. Killemoff's voice throughout the whole school.

Miss M: Leave me alone! Toxie thank goodness!
Toxie: You ok?

Miss M: We're starting to get outnumbered.

Toxie: Wait, Dr. Killemoff is speaking...

The crowd quiets down as they listen to the good doctor...

Dr. Killemoff: These people are stupid. My plan has been going along smoothly ever sense I arrived here from Smogula.

Fender: Smogula? Is that in New Jersey?

Dr. Killemoff: No you fool. Smogula is my home planet. I am not from this world. Smogula is a polluted planet that my kind thrives for. However our numbers have multiplied and I've been charged with finding an extra place to create a Smogula 2! That's what this is all about. I'm trying to infect Earth with my toxicity. Along with the help of Mayor Max Grody, I've been utilizing the toxic resources of Tromaville to create the perfect living conditions for Smogulans.

Quistis: Is this happening right now? Why is Principal Killemoff saying all this?

Major Disaster: He's evil kiddo.

Dr. Bender: Why poison the school cafeteria food though?

Dr. Killemoff: Why not? The youth of this planet are the only hope for ecological survival, but how will they ever care if their brains are being diminished by toxic waste infused food. By poisoning the students in this city and dumbing them down, they won't care about fighting for the future of their planet. They're only concerned with fornicating, rock music, drugs, and video games.

Fender: Hey, what's wrong with rock music?

Dr. Killemoff: Shut up! I'm poisoning the world around me so that no one will be able to fight for what they love most when the Smogulans take it over.

April: I wouldn't speak up so soon. The whole school just heard you, the intercom is on moron.

Dr. Killemoff: What? How? Impossible!

Psycho: (jumps up into the room) Oh shit! It's happening. My vision!

April: I'm through with this! No one is hurting me!

Dr. Killemoff: Psycho! Hand me the vial of super synthesized toxic waste and inject it into that red headed scatty McGee!

Killemoff: Wonderful! Thank you.

April: No! What does that do?!

Dr. Bender: Fender! Do something!
Fender: Must save cute girl! (Fender jumps in harm's way)

Dr. Killemoff: Fools!

April: Ooph.

Killemoff: This wasn't meant for you fools!

Psycho: Oh no. What did I do? How could I let this vision happen?

Dr. Bender: Fender, I feel odd.
Fender: Me too.

April: What is happening to them?!

April: They've passed out! Oh God! They've passed out!

Dr. Killemoff: They are mutating into the next stage of toxic waste mutation! They are becoming a killing machine...

Down below, chaos breaks out as the student body realizes they've been had.

Radiation Ranger: Calm down students. Return to your homes. The dance is over!

Evil Ernie: Man, screw you!

Lady Death: Down with this school! Let's burn it to the ground!

Toxie: All right gang, we need to stop this.

Toxie: Are you all ready for your positions? Toxic Crusaders come together! Right now!

No-Zone: What are we doing again?
Toxie: Really?
No-Zone: Come on, I'm just snortin with ya.

Junkyard: Man this is better than that time I dry humped the mail man.
Major Disaster: We're in war! Look alive! Less humping, more skull bashing!

The Toxic Crusaders jump into the fray to stop the madness from destroying the school.

No-Zone: My boogers are epic.

Lady Demon: Nasty ass runt!

No-Zone: Behold, the Snot Rocket!

No-Zone focuses all his power to unleash a wet booger fueled by toxic rocket fire power!

Lady Demon: Get. It. Away. From me!!!!

Purgatori: Ugh. Figures you'd be one of the Toxic Crusaders. So lame.

Major Disaster: Now is the time to panic! We are at war! With ourselves! Plants, help me out!

Purgatori: (hears the rustling of a plant monster) What is that thing?

Purgatori: Oh hell no. What are we supposed to do against that?

Evil Ernie: You aren't getting me this time. I'll shove you up Toxie's ass before you clean my filthy mouth out again!

Mop: Boom! Yer nasty!

Evil Ernie: Not again punk ass fool!

Junkyard: What I wouldn't give to get down with you. Wanna catch fleas together? Spread some nasty between us?

Lady Death: No. I'd rather rip your throat out. With my teeth.

Junkyard: I've got hooch.

Lady Death: Keep talking.

Suddenly a song comes on during the dance, a song so great that Toxie and Miss M can't ignore it: Space Age Love Song!

Miss M: Toxie! It's this song! I used to listen to this song when I was a kid! It's so epic!

Toxie: I love this song!

Miss M: Let's dance!

As the song plays and a blurred war between every manner of oddness unfolds, Toxie and Miss M relish in their romantic moment...

Miss M: I love being in your arms. Oh my goodness I never want this moment to end!
Toxie: It's magical. I can't believe a girl like you would fall for a guy like me.

Miss M: Oh Toxie, you're perfect!

Toxie: I have a hanging eye and my skin is radioactive. I'm not perfect.

Miss M: Please. Radioactive skin? That's just another way of saying you are freakin hot. Ya know, when I came to this school, it was to help my friend. I never expected to find my soulmate.

Toxie: I know what you mean. When I first saw you, I was only wanting to stop those bullies from hurting you. I also didn't want to have to clean your blood and guts off the cafeteria floor, but I'm glad I stepped in. You dazzle me Miss M. I have another reason aside from the violence towards evil to live on this fucked up world. I'm never letting another thing happen to you.

Miss M: We're like star crossed lovers! Like Tromeo and Juliet! I mean Shakestroma knew how to tell a damn good love story!

Toxie: Ya. I know what you mean. Song's almost over.

Miss M: I know. Can't we just dance a little longer?

Toxie: We can dance more once we've cleaned up this school. We need to make this world a better place. We've got a lifetime to enjoy after this. Just remember, once in a blue moon when the smog settles along the Tromaville skyline, those stars will be for us babe.

Miss M: Ok, that's a deal. Kiss me before we kick some ass!

Toxie: Happy to oblige!


April: Help!

Miss M: Oh my goodness April!
Toxie: What has happened?

The new and mutated Headbanger looks down below...

Dr. Bender: RAWR!

Fender: Shh. He just wants to play.

April: Help! We're in trouble! Everyone needs to leave the school immediately!

Headbanger growls and howls, and jumps into the dance.

No one is expecting it...

All anyone can do is scream as the monster descends...

The new Headbanger attacks, swinging every which way.

Evil Ernie: Get this Mop off me! That thing is coming for us!

Headbanger: RAWR!

The students scream in a panic trying to escape.

No one feels safe from the mutated monster known as the Headbanger!

Fender: He only wants to play...

Radiation Ranger: Halt! You are not supposed to be doing this.

The crowd panics as Headbanger attacks the school and a Radiation Ranger!

Major Disaster: Hurry this way! Get out!

Miss M: I've got to help April!

Toxie: No, stay back, I've got this.

Taking a break from fighting, Junkyard and Lady Death are finding out why they call it puppy love...

Junkyard: You and I are going to howl at the moon.

Lady Death: Mmm I've always wanted to do it doggy style. Let's leave this place. School dances are so ten years ago.

Bonehead: Not so fast. No one leaves. Alive.

Bonehead: You two are disgusting.

Bonehead: Come here boy, wanna play?

Junkyard: Boy, I used to get into bum fights. I'll kick your ass all over town.

Bonehead: Sounds fun.

Bonehead quickly lunges at Junkyard, catching him by surprise!

Junkyard: Ugh.

Bonehead bashes and thrashes Junkyard, spraying blood everywhere.

Lady Death: What the hell?! I smell like bloody wet dog now.

Bonehead: One down. Just a few more Toxic Crusaders left.

No-Zone: Come on dip sticks! Who wants to be my personal Kleenex?

Bonehead: I do! I do!

No-Zone: Who are you?

Bonehead: I'm the one that's going to give you a nose job.

No-Zone: Cool. Let me just get rid of one last big Snot Rocket!

The two struggle...

Bonehead puts up a fight with No-Zone, but both get rattled by Headbanger!

Headbanger: RAWR!

Headbanger: Grr.
Bonehead: Thanks for the unexpected help mutant freak. Now, who's next?

April: Oh M! Am I happy to see you!

Miss M: Where have you been? Were you able to find out anything about your father?

April: No, I don't know where my father is. It was a mistake coming here. I was being held against my will! This town is corrupt.
Miss M: You're telling me! But it wasn't all for nothing. I've found my soulmate. My trashy soulmate. It's just perfect.

April: I'm thrilled for you sweetie, but we have to get out of here. My cousin has become a deranged psychopath.

Miss M: Wheeler? But he seemed so sweet.
April: That was before these sick jerk-wads skinned his face and turned him into a monster!

Toxie: Who are you calling a monster?
April: Who are you?
Miss M: This is Toxie, my soulmate.

April: Huh? You drank the water didn't you M?

Major Disaster: Never fear remaining students, even though we are at war, we can still leave this madhouse in an orderly fashion.
Bonehead: This isn't war old man. This is a bloodbath.

Major Disaster: Who are you?

Bonehead: You gave me an A- on an exam once, and it took my GPA down half a point. Now look at me? Do you think I'll ever get into a good college?

Major Disaster: What?

Bonehead: Let's light up, you smoke?

Major disaster: No, it's bad for the...

Bonehead: No hard feelings.

Bonehead lights Major Disaster on fire!

Major Disaster: AHHH!
Major Disaster: I'm on fire! And I smell so damn skunky!

Major Disaster: It's spreading! Help!

Major Disaster: Ugh...

Bonehead: War huh? I heard you come back from that a changed man.

Psycho: Killemoff! Killemoff where are you?

Psycho: Now I know I'm in trouble when he isn't yelling back at me. Dr. Killemoff where are you???!!!

Headbanger: Grrr.

Psycho: Oh no.
Headbanger: Sshh. 

Psycho: I didn't create your mutation, I swear!

Headbaner: GRR.

Headbanger growls again before killing Psycho!

He soon sets his sights on April, Miss M, and Toxie...

He bursts in full of rage!
Toxie: You don't want to do this! You've hurt enough people, but you are a Toxic Crusader! You took an oath!

Headbanger: RAWR!

April: We're next.
Miss M: We have to do something!

April: Wait! I've got it.

April: Hey, you left this behind. You should go surfing. Clear your mind some, huh big guy?

Miss M: But all the water around here is polluted!

April: Just go with it!

Miss M: Yeah! You remember surfing don't you? Surfing is like, rad, and stuff. Right? Bro?
April: You aren't good at this.

Miss M: I am too!

Headbanger breathes heavily.

Toxie: Headbanger is slowing down, look at him.

April: Here, take the surf board. Go and enjoy the ocean. Be free!

Fender: Really dudes?

Headbanger tests it out...

The feeling is familiar...

Headbanger: MINE!!

Headbanger: Groo?

Toxie: Go for it.

Headbanger races off to be with the waves, his true home.

Miss M: Well. That was some dance.
April: I think everyone is safe.
Toxie: Except for a few people.

Miss M: Oh totally, I didn't think this was over.

Toxie: It's kinda good though, right? You aren't bored yet are you?

April: I'm actually getting a little bored. How could anyone want to actually go through this entire story?

Bonehead: How sentimental. Free Headbanger. That oaf. Now. On to the main event. I've been waiting for this moment. Toxie. You're dead. Oh... did I cut into your conversation?

Toxie: No way Bonehead!
Bonehead: (pulls out a knife) No one makes it out alive!

The two enter fisticuffs!

April: Stop! Wheeler, I know you are in there! Stop! Don't do this.

Miss M: Oh my goodness, why does everyone like so much violence? That's my soulmate you are fighting and he is gonna kick your ass!

April: M! No ass kicking, that's my cousin!

Miss M: Sorry April. I know that's your cousin, but he doesn't have a face. So like, yeah. Kick his butt Toxie!

April: Wheeler, come on! Don't let your bonehead get the better of you!

Miss M: (turns to see her bully) Oh no. My bully and me.

Evil Ernie: Did you think you'd get away from us?

Miss M is lured off by the bullies!

Miss M: Let me go a-holes! I am serious! I'll punch a bitch!

Purgatori: I'd like to see you try.

Lady Demon: Come on, quit moving. You're making this difficult.

Lady Death: All we want to do is kill you. Is that so much to ask? Well, we also want to sacrifice you to a demon. So maybe we are asking for a bit much.

Evil Ernie: Well I'd like to screw you, but I can do that afterwards.

Miss M: I'm dizzy. I can't take anymore. Just leave me alone!

Lady Death: Someone hand me my knife...


???: Holy Level 3!

A bright light washes over the Tromaville bullies...

Miss M: What?!

Sister Areala: I knew I'd find you. My goodness, what did we do to you?

Lady Death: I feel so weird.

Evil Ernie: Why do we look this way?

Purgatori: We're not ourselves. My God my breasts are huge! We were also really mean.

Sister Areala: I was blind and followed the orders of Father Frollo. You all drank toxic water from the tap disguised as Holy Water. It mutated you.

Lady Demon: We were lied to?

Sister Areala: I'm terribly sorry, but yes. The Church lied to you.

Miss M: What is this? You mean to tell me, you sickos get away with being douche lords because you thought the toxic tap water was Holy? So, you like, drank it and became mutated turd knockers? What is up with this city!?

Lady Death: No. We were awful to you. I don't even know why.
Evil Ernie: I can't believe the things I said. I'm sorry dork girl. I never really meant any of it. I wouldn't sleep with you ever. I think I'm actually gay.
Purgatori: Sister Areala, what happens now?
Sister Areala: Assuming you can live with your actions as I have had to do with mine, I suggest you all find what makes you truly happy. Leave this place before it destroys you.

Lady Death: What do you need to right our wrongs dork girl?

Purgatori: Would you like to pop one of my toxic infused implants?

Miss M: No. That's so grody. I just would like you to stop calling me dork girl. My name is Miss M.

Lady Demon: We are truly sorry for creating so many problems. Come on, let's go. There's a whole world out there we need to explore.

Lady Death: What of you Sister?

Sister Areala: I'm going to make the powers above us pay. This never should have happened.

Lady Death: You should make us pay.

Sister Areala: I'll have Nun of That nonsense. Go. Be kind to each other. Be kind to everyone.

The bullies leave.

Miss M: I feel like this should have been a blood bath. They sort of had it coming.

Sister Areala: Maybe so, but they are not the real threat. The real threats are the twisted in power, the ones willing to destroy everything. So there will be a bloodbath Miss M.

Sister Areala: I'm a nun and I have a gun. The evil masterminds behind this will pay!

Sister Areala leaves.

Miss M: Oh goodness. I've got to find Toxie.

Dr. Killemoff: Not so fast. This isn't over yet.

Miss M: Oh my...

Back to the school fight...

Bonehead: Come on! Try and stop me!

Toxie: This will not end well for you, so you should give up now.

April: Please, would you two stop fighting! Wheeler, come through! Come through that wall of hate and terror, stop this please!

Toxie: You won't win.

Bonehead: I don't care!

Toxie gives him one good wack in the skull. It rattles something off in Bonehead that he had not even expected.

Bonehead: Ugh!

Bonehead: Oh man. I'm starting to care...

Bonehead passes out.

April: Wait! Stop! Don't kill my cousin!

Bonehead: (gets up slowly) Oh no. What have I done?

April: Wheeler? Is that you?
Bonehead: My face. Oh April, what did they do to me?

Toxie: My poor sap, you were experimented on by Psycho.

Bonehead: NOOO! WHY?! WHY?!
April: We have to do something!
Bonehead: It's no use. I'm going to be stuck like this.

April: No, I refuse. This will not be your fate.
Toxie: Believe me, you aren't meant to be the real Bonehead, kind cousin of April.
Bonehead: I'm so sorry. I hurt your friends.
Toxie: Yeah, you might want to get out of here because once they wake up, they'll probably wanna kick your ass.

April: Bonehead, we will fix this. Put this mask on. We'll get you help.

Bonehead: Thank you.

Toxie: I think that's it.
April: I know. Everyone seems to be winding down from this madness.

Toxie: Wait... where's Miss M?

Miss M: Look, I can't deal with anymore trouble. I just can't.

Dr. Killemoff: Very well. You are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme anyways.

Miss M: No!

Dr. Killemoff shoots Miss M with invisible ray blasts!

Dr. Killemoff: That'll do the trick.

Toxie: M? M?! Are you in here?

His eyes rest on the body of his beloved.

Toxie: Miss M! Oh M! What did those damn bullies do to you?! Damn it I was too late!

Toxie: (goes into a fit of ugly sobs) Oh no! Don't be dead! I can't lose you.

Toxie: We were soulmates. We were going to look at the stars on a pollute free night. You're the dorky key to my locked heart.

Toxie: (kisses her cheek) I promise, I'll never love a woman like you ever again, it'll only be busty blondes from now on. I'll give you that respect.

Dr. Killemoff: Touching how love works, isn't it?

Toxie: What do you want Killemoff?

Dr. Killemoff: That's Dr. Killemoff! Can't anyone remember my real name?!

Toxie: Come any closer and I'll bash your skull in on this floor.

Dr. Killemoff: Hey, hey, I come in peace. I'm not here for a fight. Everyone already knows my misdeeds, so there isn't much more I can get away with.
Toxie: That doesn't matter. I'm still making you pay for your crimes.
Dr. Killemoff: I don't think so, because I have something you will want.
Toxie: What could that possibly be?

Dr. Killemoff: You just lost the love of your life, so the way I see it, you only have a few options. You can continue being the green mutated freak before me, bashing brains in of countless people until the rage consumes you. Or you can kill yourself to maybe reunite with Miss M in the After Life if such a place exists. Or...
Toxie: Or?
Dr. Killemoff: I could return you to your human form and give you what you have always dreamed of. A job, as a janitor at a gym.

Toxie: What? You can revert me back to my human form?
Dr. Killemoff: Of course I can. Why not? I have a serum that can shed that hideous visage and you can go back to the way things were. You can be normal. Well, you'd still be a dorky loser like this dead dork girl before me, but you wouldn't have the droopy eye.
Toxie: What's in it for you?
Dr. Killemoff: You let me leave this place. You let me escape back to Smogula. My plans are shot to hell for Earth. I will need to start from scratch and find another planet to pollute and allow the growing number of Smogulans to flee to. Earth is just too basic. What do you say?
Toxie: I don't know...

In his grief, Toxie makes a decision that feels right for him in that moment...

Toxie: Give me the serum. If M is dead, these muscular arms mean nothing. I want that job as a janitor at the gym and I want to look normal.

Dr. Killemoff: Very well. Good choice. Here, drink it.

Toxie drinks the serum and doubles over in pain.

Toxie: UGH!
Toxie: I feel so sick...

Toxie: It was a trick...

Toxie: Damn you Dr. Killemoff!!!

Toxie: Miss M...

Dr. Killemoff: Farewell Toxie. Radiation Ranger! Prepare for our return trip to Smogula!

Radiation Ranger: Will we ever return to Earth, Dr. Killemoff?

Dr. Killemoff: Of course. Give it time. My plans to pollute this planet and make it Smougula 2 will work. After all, I just killed my competition. Toxie will never be a problem again...

Radiation Ranger: To Smogula!!!

Toxie: (coughs up sludge) Oh M, Miss M...

Toxie: Together. Forever.

Moments later...

Melvin: Oh wow. He did it. He actually did it. I have returned to my old body!

Melvin hears a mumble...

Miss M: Ohhh. I have the worst abominable snowman cramps.
Melvin: You're alive?!
Miss M: I thought I was dead for a second, but I'm very much alive. Who are you?

Melvin: (his heart is breaking) I'm just a stranger. I heard all this commotion and thought I could help.

Miss M: Tell me about it. This was all a mess. I've never seen so much drama in my entire life. These bullies were ready to kill me, but a nun saved the day. We all kinda had this weird ass lame apology. And then I got shot by that evil Dr. Killemoff! I mean why would he shoot me?

Melvin: (feels duped) You were harmed by Dr. Killemoff?
Miss M: Yeah. He is a real a-hole. Like the worst.
Melvin: (realizes his mistakes) What have I done?
Miss M: I'm not sure, but I think you saved me. Hey. Do we know each other? You seem so familiar...

Melvin: (lies) No, we've never met.

Miss M: Oh ok. Umm, have you seen Toxie around? He's my soulmate. He has these dreamy muscular arms. He also has a hanging eye, but it's all good because he is radioactive.

Melvin: I haven't seen him. My arms are puny.

Miss M: Oh they look fine.

Melvin: I have to go. Glad you are safe.

He wants to tell her the truth. He wants to scream from the sky that her soulmate is standing right there before her. Sadly, he says nothing. How can he? She fell in love with Toxie; how, he wonders, could she ever fall in love with the skinny nerdling pimple faced young man before her?

Miss M: Well take care.

April: Oh M! Thank goodness! You are safe!
Junkyard: Hot dog am I glad to see you!
Miss M: Hey guys. You all ok?

No-Zone: We're a little worse off. We thought we had lost Major Disaster.

Junkyard: Yeah, we were going to have to smoke his remains if he hadn't made it.

Major Disaster: Very funny. I'm alive though. Where is Toxie?

Miss M: I don't know, I was hoping you guys knew?
Junkyard: We couldn't find him.
Miss M: Well he must be here somewhere?!

April: Look, we'll find him later, we have to go. It's an emergency. I have to get Wheeler to a Swiss Clinic for a face transplant.

Miss M: Oh, ok. Umm, let's go.
Junkyard: You girls be ok out there.
Miss M: You aren't coming along?

No-Zone: Nah. We belong here. Tromaville is our home.

Major Disaster: Besides, we need to wrangle Headbanger out of the water.
Miss M: Ok. Well... If you guys find Toxie could you please tell him that I love him. And I hope to see him soon.

Junkyard: Sure thing hot stuff.

April: Ready?
Miss M: Yeah. I guess this is good bye.
April: Couldn't come soon enough, I thought this latest adventure would never end!
Miss M: I just wonder...
April: Come on, you'll see Toxie again. The Toxic Crusaders will find him...


Back to the present...

Miss M: The Toxic Crusaders never found him. He was gone.
April: Oh M, I forgot you had your heart broken in Tromaville.

Miss M: I know. It sucked. I think I ate Humonga sized fries for like a month non stop after that.
April: More like two months. I was there. You put the food away during that time.

Miss M: I also think my time in the toxic wasteland of Tromaville is what ended up making my head so big. I feel like my head was smaller back then.

April: Our memories of the past are funny. Whatever happened to the Toxic Crusaders?

Miss M: Well my understanding was that they disbanded shortly after that ordeal at Tromaville High. Toxie was gone. Dr. Killemoff was nowhere to be found. There was no longer a serious threat.

April: I thought Toxie came back though?

Miss M: Yeah, there were some rumors that he had resurfaced as a Toxic Avenger or something. But those were just stories, I have no proof if they happened or not.

April: But do you personally think those stories are real?

Miss M: Oh in my heart of hearts I know the stories are real. Toxie is alive. He exists. Knowing my luck, he found the perfect busty blonde. I take comfort though, because I know that once in a blue moon, when the smog has settled across the Tromaville skyline and the stars can be seen shining bright... I know that's when he'll think of me, and how our love crossed paths, ever so briefly, to help save Nuke Em High!

For more information on how you can save Nuke 'Em High, please go and support the Return to Nuke 'Em High Kickstarter page and donate to help finish and release the grodiest movie in the 40 years of Troma ever!

This Toys and Troma Tribute was written by me and the pictures were all taken by me. I have a soft spot for Troma and I wanted to tell a story that would be a fitting tribute for what it means to me. I hope you have enjoyed, and may we get to see Toxie one day again!


  1. Replies
    1. Thank you Derek. I didn't think it'd ever get finished.

  2. nice and cool tribute espically how they used a surfboard of all things to stop headbanger.though kind of sad that toy miss m found love again then in the end lost it .

    1. Yeah I was thinking the surfboard would be a funny way to show off the piece that came with Headbanger and be an oddball way to get the mutated Headbanger out of there. lol Miss M does have a problem finding love. It's certainly a theme with these stories! I hope you have been doing well!

  3. Woah, just the mental image of Miss M's corpse getting raped by Evil Ernie is almost too disturbing even for me to bare! You are one sick fuck M! But the fact that you can be so messed up in the head while strongly resembling a littlest Pet Shop doll, makes you somehow even more adorable!
    Why did I feel like a giant mutated squirrel was gonna parade through this to end the story? Either that, or, you were gonna find out Toxie was really your brother! Oh well, that didn't happen but it was still a fitting tribute to Troma!

    But lets get back to the less disturbing, more adorbs stories we are used to now! I don't know how much more of my sweet little virginal Toy Miss M I can take being put in such untoward situations!
    ( Note to self: two possible ways to win M's heart, 1. Paint myself green 2. Wear a panda costume at all times)

    1. Ha! Yeah, I am not seriously about that life with my corpse being raped by Evil Ernie. This was one of those exercises where I had to come up with some gross things that would make my skin crawl if they were uttered my way.

      In terms of Tromie the mutated squirrel or Toxie being Miss M's brother and them running off to have mutant babies, I had thought about including those elements, but there just wasn't enough time. Well I have never intended on this story having a similar ending to Tromeo and Juliet. I referenced it slightly in the first part, but I wanted this to be an ending that would be fitting for this story while also not straying away from the original stories. I didn't want someone to be like, "Well that's not the continuity of Toxie!" Not that anyone would do that, but you never know!

      I also wanted to add more bloody effects with this second part but there just wasn't enough time. My goodness I had a lot of stuff I wanted to add to this. I wanted a sex scene with Toxie. I wanted a bloody battle with M and the bullies. I wanted a bloody battle with Killemoff, I also wanted to do an effect where Psycho gets his stomach ripped open by the mutated Headbanger, but it just didn't happen. Plus I didn't want to go too over the top because then it wouldn't have been totally true to who I am with the cutesy M stories. It was a balancing act with this stuff.

      It's over though! So those less disturbing stories are going to be back and I have some fun stuff planned for this summer. It's going to be a fun dorky summer at the Diary! And yes, ways to win my heart do include painting your body green or wearing a panda costume. Oh my goodness the things I have in store for Ed for the rest of the year!!! You are going to flip out!

    2. Well, I must admit your bloodlust does make you even hotter (if it is even POSSIBLE for a girl who owns her own MODULOK and writes MOTU fan fiction to be made any "hotter"), and I know that we both come from backgrounds of enjoying ultra-violence, but I do agree that there are some places where gore doesn't belong. I think Diary of a Gore-kette would be horribly disturbing, because it would hurt the adorbs-ness of the overall enterprise.

      Actually, on the same subject, now that I have my new Surface Pro 3, with Manga Studio 5 on it, I have been working on Moose Comics again, and I have taken my friends advice and toned down the ultra-violence and adult themes a bit. I realize my characters are great, and stand on their own -and are probably more marketable without being rated X-so I'll keep the offensive stuff to a dull roar.
      But I am guessing the effect you wanted with Psycho getting his gut ripped open was a nod to the first Toxic Avenger movie? At the end with the mayor? -it is very funny for me to think about people getting pissed about the continuity of Toxies story, because the first movie seemed in a total different universe than 2 and 3. 4 -that "Citizen Toxie"went back to the first one-but I that was also my least favorite episode in the series. And Toxic Crusaders is like, not even canon to any of those, so I think the only cannon with Toxie is that there is no canon!
      I can't wait for some Dorkette summer stories! Please tell me you will eventually do your take on the Kool Aid Wacky Warehouse! I always dreamed that those commercials were based on a real place and would love some Kool Aid Man related stories! Too many people in the last couple decades have only associated him with Dane Cooke and Family Guy, but people like us remember the good old days of Purplesaurus Rex and Rockadile Red!
      Also can't wait for the new Ed stuff!