Sunday, October 25, 2015

October 2015 Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

The plans are coming along for April's Halloween bash. I'm really hoping that her party will be a hit. Can I be honest though? I kinda just want my Halloween to be simple. Maybe do a little trick or treating with Bruce and Yvie, and then just go home and veg out with some horror movies. Maybe have a little spooky adult fun with Bruce after Yvie falls asleep for the night. Come to think of it, ever since Bruce and I became a couple we haven't really consummated anything. Like, he isn't waiting for marriage is he? No. Bruce Wayne is a playboy. He has slept around more than I can count, so then why hasn't he tried to sleep with me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Am I, gasp, boring? I heard boredom is a sure fire way to slay a boner. Heaven help me.

-Miss M

At the offices of Diary of a Dorkette,

Miss M: Everything is going great for your party April.
April: I know. Chris Gaida has been the perfect Halloween party planner. I'm thinking of finding a job for him permanently. We could certainly use the help. Irma is gone and Guy Friday has been sulking since things ended with Irma. Do you know he has not shown up for work in days? I don't even know where he is.

Miss M: Do you really think it is a good idea to hire someone else though?
April: Of course I do. Now that you are busy playing house with Bruce and your baby, there's no telling when you'll leave too.
Miss M: I'm not going anywhere. I might be incredibly busy right now but it won't be forever.

April: We'll see. So, how are things with Bruce anyway?

Miss M: I don't even know. I feel like they are great. Taking care of Yvie with him is just the best. There's just one problem. He and I haven't had sex yet.
April: What? I'm confused.

Miss M: I know! I am too! I thought that when two people were in love with each other they would do the dirty. Like a lot of dirty. The only time I've ever had sex with Bruce was when I was trapped in Moth Lady's body when Yvie was conceived.

Miss M: Gasp! You don't think he won't sleep with me because I don't look like Moth Lady do you?
April: I doubt that.

Miss M: Seriously though, maybe I should crimp my hair and get a facial tattoo like her. Do you have any purple hair dye?

April: No I sure don't. We need to figure out how you two can get laid. With each other. Because let me tell you something M, if he isn't sticking you up old western style, you're as good as an old ghost town. With cobwebs.

Miss M: What does that even mean?

April: Think about it sweetie.

Across town,

Superman: It's nice to just catch up ya know?
Batman: Agreed.

Superman: So what's it like being a dad? I never would have thought you'd be a father. It's strange. No offense.
Batman: None taken. It has been a bit weird but in a good way. Yvie is really great. She's the perfect baby.
Superman: I need to stop by and see her.

Batman: Yeah, you might need to hold off a bit. My house has been jam packed with guests as of late.
Superman: M's family come to visit?
Batman: You could say that. (editor's note: Miss Elizabeth and the warrior woman Angela are visiting from the After Life!)

Superman: Tell me about it, there can be a lot of headaches when family comes to town. I deal with similar issues with Wonder Woman. Her family practically invented the family drama. Hopefully you're still able to have some quality time with M. It's so great you two decided to act on your feelings.
Batman: Yeah. Not a whole lot of acting going on I'm afraid.
Superman: I don't follow.

Batman: We're a couple in name only it seems.
Superman: Wait. You two haven't??
Batman: No. We haven't.

Superman: Oh... is she frigid? She seems really awkward. I love her to death, she's a great girl, but she seems awkward. I've just assumed that would translate to the bedroom too.

Batman: I'm afraid our lack of sex is all on me. It's the weirdest thing. All I've wanted for months now was to be with her, and I do mean all of her. Now that we're parents though and she has become a really great mom, I find it hard to be turned on.

Superman: Huh?

Batman: This is going to sound really weird, but when I think of M now, all I can think about is a mom. This then leads me to thinking about my mom, which then makes me think about seeing my mom get shot in an alley, and you can guess the rest. It's hard to be in the mood when all I can think about is my dead mother.
Superman: I don't mean to be rude, but you have some issues.

Batman: You're telling me.

Back at the office...

April: So here's what you need to do. Give Alfred the night off. Find a babysitter for Yvie, and then you find the sexiest negligee and then just start dusting. Clean the mansion from top to bottom but only when you know he is going to catch you. Once he sees you all scantily clad and cleaning his house he'll think, "She cooks, she cleans, she don't smell like onion rings." He'll practically ravish you on the floor!

Miss M: What does the onion ring have to do with the cleaning?

April: I don't know, it's a song lyric. The point is, make sure you have the mansion to yourself and just bombard him by wearing lingerie. Or be totally naked. Whatever. Just let him know you are ready for anything. Men like that a lot. It goes a long way in the gesture department.
Miss M: Romantic relationships are so screwed up.
April: I can find you a babysitter, just give me a date for when Operation Bat Wing is a go.

Miss M: I'll think about it. Hey! That made me remember something.

April: What's that?

Miss M: Our first jobs! Don't you remember? We joined an academy to be certified babysitters around Halloween when we were teens.
April: I do remember that. Aww! We had our first jobs together!

Miss M: I remember it like it was yesterday...

Time to take a trip into the past for a special Halloween themed:

October 2015 Bodacious Baddie!

At the Mary Poppins School For Gifted Babysitters circa 199X...

Mary Poppins: All right class, let's all remain silent. I am very proud to look at all of you right now. Just a few short months ago you all came in broken, lost, and in desperate need of extra money. We are but a short ways away from graduating from the Mary Poppins School for Gifted Babysitters, but before we can pass out those diplomas it is time for the final portion of your learning experience: the field exams!

Mary Poppins: This is the moment where you all will take everything you've learned and apply it to a real life babysitting gig. Please step forward for your assignments. The field exams will be in a few days on one of the busiest times of the year: Halloween.

Miss M: This is so cool! We are so close to becoming paid babysitters!

April: I know! I'll finally be able to save up for a car.

Miss M: Forget that, I plan on getting an entire wardrobe from Contempo Casuals. Fritz will be eating out of the palm of my hand! (sighs) If only he'd notice me. What about you Glo?

Glo: I'm not sure yet. Probably add the extra money to my college fund so I can go to a nice college after I graduate high school and finally get out of this town. Oh and M, you deserve way more than Fritz.

Miss M: Thanks Glo. What about you Ms. Lucille?

Cue the angry grumpy lady music...

Lucille: Bah! The youth of America. I don't have the luxury of using my money to better my education or my wardrobe. This is the only chance I have at making money and paying rent. Some of us need a job to actually live you lousy spoiled little monsters!

Glo: Ok. We're just suburban teens. That was harsh.

Miss M: Tell me about it. I was just trying to be nice. The elderly do not always deserve respect. Seriously. I'm also doing this new thing where I tell the truth. It's a fun new look.

Lucille: Oh shut up you brat! Always with the mouth.

Miss M: So rude. Right?

April: Come on, let's get our assignments.

A few days later...

With the friends set for their babysitting field exams, Miss M and April settle into their respective babysitting homes and make time for some phone calls, via speaker phone...

Miss M: How is your night going?
April: It's ok. This whole babysitting exam is so simple. I've been fortunate enough to have a really cool child to look after. She just got back from some weekend warrior camp so she's been showing me all these cool things like a spirit stick with sword inside and an awesome bow and arrow!
Miss M: That's cool.

April: For real. I'm actually waiting for her to go to sleep so I can sneak Casey in.
Miss M: April! You can't sneak your boyfriend in! Are you nuts?! You're a babysitter!
April: Whatever! Live a little. It's Halloween. I am not going to miss out on seeing Casey. It's not like we're going to have sex in the parent's bedroom. We're just gonna hang out and eat pizza.
Miss M: That's trouble. Although can I just say, I've never understood the appeal of randy teens sleeping in the parent's bed. That just seems grody, and probably why they get killed in the end. Of course this is why I'll never have a boyfriend because I'm too goody goody.
April: Probably. You do need to stop confusing goody goody with annoying though. Hey! Let's get a three way going with Glo.

Miss M: They really need to come up with a new name for three way calling. It's so vulgar.
April: Oh M. I feel for your future.

Moments later...

Miss M: Hey Glo!
April: What's up?
Glo: Not much girls. This field exam is perfect! I got assigned two sisters.
Miss M: No way! That sounds so difficult.
Glo: It's been really great. The sisters get along. We've been playing with make up and dolls. Plus I think one of them is a mutant.
April: A mutant? That's so cool! What kind of mutant abilities?
Glo: The mutant girl has ice powers. Reminds me of that guy in our class who left for another school, what was his name? Bobby I think?
April: Wow. You've got a story! I'm jealous!
Miss M: I'm more jealous that ya'll have been playing with dolls. You are both lucky, sounds like perfect field exams.
Glo: Is something wrong with your kid?
Miss M: Everything! I don't even think I'm babysitting a kid. He looks like the family pet.
April: Maybe he is a mutant?

Miss M: I don't even know! He's covered in fur and he has these really big ears. I mean I don't even know what is going on, but his parents gave me these really weird rules for looking after him.
Glo: What are the rules?
Miss M: I can't get him wet, which makes me worry. How does he wash his hands or even bathe? The next rule is that he must avoid light, so this freakin house is dark and set in creepy mood lighting. Finally he can't eat after a certain hour, but I have already forgotten when that is. It's Halloween! He's been hyped up on candy as he should be. It's just weird.

April: Sounds like it. Well I wish you luck for the night. Casey should be here any moment with pizza. Have a good night!
Glo: Yeah, good night April and M!
Miss M: Wait, you don't have to leave too Glo! We can have more girl talk.
Glo: I'd love to, but I need to check on the sisters.
Miss M: But I'm so lonely in this moody house with the furry mog...

Glo and April: Night M!

Miss M: Night. Great, now what am I going to do?

Gizmo: Hi Mmm.

Miss M: Hey kid, I've already told you, it's just one M.

Gizmo: Gizmo caca!

Miss M: Do you need to go to the restroom? You keep saying that. What do you want from me?

Miss M: Why don't you go upstairs and use the restroom. And wash your hands!

Meanwhile at Glo's location...

Glo: You girls ok?

Elsa: Yes.

Anna: Could we have more candy?

Glo: Oh I'm afraid not. I think it's time for you to get ready for bed. Run on upstairs and I'll check on you soon.

Elsa: Ok.
Anna: (whispers) You got candy in your dress right?
Elsa: Yep.

Glo: Goodness my head feels so light.

Glo: (plops on couch) What is going on with me?

Glo: (feels her eyes getting heavy) Babysitting has made me feel so tired...

In the same neighborhood...

April: Good night Merida. Shout if you need me!

Merida: I will. You're the coolest babysitter ever. Next time you babysit could we play adventure princesses again? That was so much fun.

April: Aww, you are the coolest kid. We can always play adventure princesses.

Walks into the other room.

April: Darn it Casey, where are you?

Chchch Ahahah
April: Hey! How did you get in? I told you to knock lightly. I guess I didn't hear you.

Chchch Ahahah 

April: Nice hockey mask. Is that a new one? I'm not used to seeing you in this one. Ya know you can take it off. No one is going to see you.

April: Why are you being so quiet? And where's the pizza?

Back at Miss M's spot,

Miss M: You ok in there Gizmo? I thought I heard some loud splashing. You didn't fall into the toilet did you?

Miss M: (sighs) Damn it, I do not want to be cleaning up caca. He is covered in fur!

The sounds of heavy masked breathing echo throughout the kitchen.

Miss M: (hears a sound below) What was that?

Miss M goes to investigate the strange noise coming from below...

Miss M: Crap. Why does this house have to be so damn shadowy!

Miss M: Oh no. It's the boogey man.

Cue the Halloween music...

And a lot of heavy breathing...


Glo: Where am I? I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I've never had this dream before. Is this a boiler room? Why am I dreaming that I'm in a boiler room? I ate too many Reese's Pieces Buttercups. Note to self- check for a peanut allergy at my next doctor's appointment.


Glo: That doesn't sound good.


Glo: (whispers) What do I do? Do I go investigate that ominous noise? Should I say something? What if that's all a big mistake? I think I'll just be quiet.

Glo: Who are you?

Freddy: I am God.

Freddy: Welcome to my world bitch!

Glo: Ahh!

Glo: Leave me alone!
Freddy: (snickers) This never gets old.

Freddy: Watch your step.

Glo: No! Leave me alone! This isn't real.

Glo: Someone get me out of this shitty nightmare!!!

Chchch Ahahah...

April: Casey, come on, cut it out.

Jason moves ever closer with deadly determination.

April: (notices the machete) Wait, you're not Casey.

Ding ding ding! Now April must fight for her life!

April: Not about to happen! I didn't even get pizza out of this!

April looks on in horror as she prepares to be hacked, but pauses. Suddenly her assailant stumbles.

 Ch-ch-ch Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah...ah

April: I'm pretty sure he isn't dead, but what happened?

Adventure Princess is what happened!

Merida: You better leave my babysitter alone!

April: Merida! What are you doing?

Merida: That mean man was going to hurt you. So I shot him with my invisible arrow. Duh.

April: (they race outside) Come on, we need to find safety.

Screams pierce the night air from another house...

Miss M: This can't be happening! I'm not even getting paid for this!

She can only run.

While he walks. And stalks. But doesn't talk. That would just be weird.

Footsteps and screams. They go hand in hand.

Step One: She isn't having fun

Step Two: It's just him and you

Step Three: All she can do is scream!

Step Four: She knocks on the bathroom door!

Miss M: Gizmo! Gizmo!

Miss M: Gizmo, lock this bathroom door and don't let anyone in!

Miss M: You stay away from me! Help! Someone help!

Miss M: Why are you even here? This isn't Haddonfield!

Heavy breathing fills the room. He stands still as if he is contemplating other actions. Life is all about choices. There is only one choice he follows.

The footsteps and screams begin again.

Miss M: Gizmo stay locked in the bathroom!

Miss M: Somebody help me!

He always knows how to get a girl on a roof doesn't he?

Miss M: Ha! You can't kill me jerk-wad!

Miss M: Crap! These cheap Contempo boots! I'm slipping!

Running up the stairs is commonly known as a bad idea in a slasher tale even though it sometimes works. Nothing ever works well when one is on a roof. This is a life pearl of the wisdom variety.

Down the street,

Glo: (yawns and stretches)

Glo: (wakes up some more) The hell was that! That dream was too much for me.

Glo: I'm just glad it wasn't real.

Freddy: Ha ha! Nightmares are real. Let's play!

Glo: Ahh!

Freddy: I wanna see you bleed between my lips.

Glo: No!

Glo: Please let me be dreaming. Please...

Freddy: This is no dream. This is real.

Freddy: I smell fresh meat upstairs...

Glo: You leave them alone!

Glo: Elsa! Anna! Get out of the house!

Glo: (falls to the ground) Ugh! Girls! Leave!

Glo continues to fight, unwilling to fall prey to the ultimate predator. Except for Jaws. Everyone knows Jaws is the ultimate real deal. Coming soon to a Diary near you: Jaws 5! Now, back to your regularly scheduled Bodacious Baddie.

Glo: (cries out as she climbs the wonky stairs) Elsa! Anna! Get out of the house! Please!

She screams as Freddy grabs hold of her, his blades digging in.

Losing her balance she simply lets go.

Glo: Ugh...

Freddy can only snicker.

Freddy continues to stare, thrilled to be back.


April: Come on Merida, we need to get to my friends.

April: Glo! Glo, where are you? Glo?

Elsa: The scary man hurt Glo.

April: What? Is she dead? Where is she?

Anna: He has knives for fingers.

April: Oh dear. Come on girls, we need to get out of this neighborhood. This place is worse than Fear Street.

Merida: I've got a bow and arrow.

Elsa: Cool!
Anna: Is this a game of adventure princesses?

Down the street,

Miss M: Ohhh my head.

Miss M: Help me! Help me!

April: M? Are you ok?
Miss M: It's the boogey man! He's after me.

April: Where's the child you're babysitting?

Miss M: I locked him in a bathroom.

Elsa: Want some candy?
Merida: It doesn't have razors in it, does it?
Anna: No.
Merida: Darn. We could really use some razors right now.

April: I can't find Glo. I think she might be dead.
Miss M: Oh no! We were starting to become great friends! What is happening? This was never part of our babysitter studies!

April: Come on, let's head inside your place to get your kid.

Miss M: We should just go to the police. The boogey man is inside. Not to be confused with Booger Man. I'm sure the police will be able to handle Michael Myers. (Clearly she hasn't seen many Halloween films. Or has she?)
April: Come on M, what are we going to say to the police? That we're being stalked by slasher flick killers? Let's just save your kid.

Miss M: I can't believe I left him locked in a bathroom. I'm a terrible babysitter.

Elsa: Oh it's the bad man!

Freddy snickers.

Freddy: Wanna play?

April: Freddy's here. Shit.

Merida: Oh, you just said a bad word.

Miss M: Don't say bad words kids.

Miss M turns at the sound of more footsteps.

Miss M: (notices they are surrounded) Double shit!

Merida: I'm telling.

Miss M: Go ahead! We're probably gonna die tonight anyway.

April: M, we're surrounded by some of the scariest guys ever.

Miss M: What do they want with us?

Freddy: These two aren't going to say, so I'll speak for all three of us. We want sequels. A never ending supply of sequels, with excellent poster art from a bygone era. We can only get those wishes with fresh new blood.

Miss M: Like, just leave us alone! Ok?

The killers prepare to strike.

The group emits a collective gulp. When suddenly!!!

Glo: Not gonna happen!

Miss M: Glo!

April: We thought you were dead!

Glo: Umm no. I refuse to be the first person to die in something horror related and I'm certainly not going to be the last one either. Time for these guys to get the hell out.

Miss M: How do we stop them? They're mad movie men!

Glo: These guys are like half our size. Come on, this is a walk in the park!

It's adventurous babysitters versus tough guys with knives!

The kids look on at the madness while munching candy. Halloween never tasted so good.

They both eye the Snickers in Anna's hands. Maybe the heavy breathing is just a sign that they need a snack. After all, you aren't you when you're hungry.

Freddy: Focus you two!


Lucille: Enough!

Miss M: Who goes there!

Lucille: You dumb ass holes. Behind every deranged mad man is an even crazier woman.

Miss M: That is a gross stereotype. Not all crazy women drive men to being big screen serial killers. I'm like totally neurotic and I've never spawned a movie monster with 13 sequels. What are you even doing here?

Lucille: Trying to kill the three of you with help from old slasher flick heroes.

April: That makes no sense.

Glo: Why would you do that?

Lucille: Stop being idiots. You saw the number of people in our class at the Academy for Gifted Babysitters. If Mary Poppins graduates all of you then that's a high number of people all fighting for the same jobs. You three don't really need this job to survive, but babysitting is the only way I can make a living. By killing my competition I'll have a hold on all the babysitting gigs in the area. That's a lot of dough to rake in not even counting all the cool stuff I can steal from these rich idiots.

Miss M: You're worse than these three guys.

April: Total pure evil.

Lucille: Spare me. Now which one of you is going to die first?

Lucille: I plan on tying you all up and having those guys slash their way through your vacant heads. Now who goes first?

Glo: When will this end? It's gone on long enough!

Miss M: You don't have the guts to hurt us you old queen.
Lucille: I'm not joking. Maybe I'll kill you first, you seem like the most annoying out of the three.

Miss M: I'm not annoying! I'm really cool. Honest. I'm the cool one.
Lucille: Yep it's settled. I'm killing you first.
Miss M: Eww! No!

They struggle for survival.

An all out Streets of Rage brawl unfolds.


April: There. We took care of her.
Glo: Piece of cake!
Miss M: Thanks guys. Oh no! What do we do about them!
April: We should call the police. They can't kill those kids!
Glo: Are you kids ok?

Merida: This is awesome!
Elsa: (feels nervous) It's chilly in here, no?
Anna: I'm a little scared, but a Kit Kat would make me feel better.

Glo: What do we do?
April: We really need a plan.

Miss M: Ya know though, Kit Kats always make things better. Maybe we should just pass out some Kit Kats?

April: Ok, seriously what do we do with those three killers?
Miss M: Don't look at me. I got nothing.

Glo: Let's get it together girls. Time is a wasting.

They look at the monster men. They stand in silence, trying to come up with something...

Merida: Please don't kill us.

Anna: Would you like some candy?

Elsa: Your face looks like pizza.
Freddy: Old compliment kid.

Glo: We're doomed. It was nice knowing you girls.

April: M, do something!

Glo: Yeah, come on! You fell off a roof! You've got this.

Miss M: Hold on, let me think.

Elsa: Hurry. I want to go home. I'm bored.

Miss M: (addresses the monsters) Just leave us alone! We haven't even done anything to you. Sure you're designed to scare people and make a blood bath in each of your installments, but what if you could actually do something different? Instead of killing us all, why not look after those young girls and protect them from the real evils of the world? You three need to focus your murderous rage on poverty, child abuse, and bullies.

Jason Voorhees listens in silence, recalling how he was bullied as a child. It didn't feel good.

Michael Myers listens as well. Escaping from the mental institution with no money and no where to go, aside from attacking those in his home town, really educated him on the issues of poverty.

Finally Freddy Krueger hears the words from Miss M and knows the horrors of child abuse all too well. He begins to wonder if he could actually make a difference.

April: Umm, M, what are you saying? You can't negotiate with these guys.

Miss M: Well why not? We're looking at the three most murderous dudes in cinematic history, could you imagine what they could accomplish if they started going after the douche-bags of the world?

Glo: I'm pretty sure the one in the hockey mask has taken out his fair share of douche-bags.

April: I can't believe I thought Jason Voorhees was Casey. They aren't even wearing the same hockey mask.

Miss M: Here's the deal, we look up to these guys because they scare the hell out of us. We support their crazy shenanigans and lose countless hours of sleep every time they return because in a twisted way they are our heroes too, just like Ronald McDonald or Thor. These psychos just need to be looking after us once in awhile instead of trying to kill us, that's all I'm saying!

Again with another "suddenly"

Mary Poppins: You have said enough my dear! No more words from you!

Glo: Mary Poppins!? What are you doing here?
April: She'll fix this.
Miss M: Why am I being shushed? Was I saying something wrong?

Mary Poppins: I've been watching this madness unfold with my state of the art nanny cams in each house. I rushed over as soon as I could. What is the matter with you girls? None of you are exemplifying the code and conduct from a student of the Mary Poppins Academy for Gifted Babysitters!

April: Hey, the kids are all right.

Mary Poppins: That remains to be seen! They're standing in front of the most gruesome slashers of pop culture history! And you Miss M, how can you suggest that these three killers look after these children? Why Freddy Krueger has harmed more children than he has ever helped. And this one that goes by Michael Myers, he killed his own sister! As for Jason Voorhees... well... he has severe... hygiene issues. However his mother was a really lovely woman. It's a shame what happened to her, rest her soul. None of these men are fit to protect children! The fact that you would even try to make that a reality lets me know you have learned nothing. You have failed this field exam!

Miss M: Wait! Does this mean I won't become a babysitter?

Mary Poppins: That is exactly what this means!

Miss M: Crap. I really wanted to save up for an all new Contempo wardrobe.

Mary Poppins: As for April O'Neil, you have failed as well. The rules were very specific, no boyfriends allowed and there you were ready to let your hoodlum boyfriend into your client's house!

April: Not cool! That wasn't even my boyfriend! Casey would have brought pizza, not a machete.

Mary Poppins: And Lucille... My goodness I expected more from you. The police will be here to arrest you.

Lucille: (grumbles in pain)

Lucille: (limps off) If they can catch me.

Lucille: Come on guys, let's scram.
Freddy: You said we'd get more sequels if we helped you.
Lucille: I lied. Now, are you goin' with me to Springfield or what?

Glo: What about me?

Mary Poppins: You took a nap during your role as a babysitter! Who does that? FAIL! I'm flunking you all! Also, we're missing a child! Where is Gizmo?

Miss M: (pauses) I locked him in the bathroom. I think he needed to take a number 2 but then he fell in the toilet. He should still be there.

Mary Poppins: He fell in the toilet? You let him get wet!?

Miss M: Sorry! I was gripped in madness: 80's slasher style. I didn't know what to do!

Mary Poppins: Hurry. We must get him. It may already be too late...

The group races into the house as the kids continue to eat more candy, thus rotting their brains like no slasher maniac could ever do.

Numerous footsteps echo throughout the house minus the screams. The memory of this Halloween night in 199X is slowly fading away.

Before time returns to the present, there is a fleeting glimpse of the upstairs bathroom. It looks like Halloween was far from over that adventurous night for teen Miss M and her friends.

Far from over indeed.

Back to the present.

Miss M: I totally forgot about that night. I guess I just wasn't cut out to be a babysitter.
April: Nah. But you did learn a valuable lesson.

Miss M: Yep. Never get a Mogwai wet. That bathroom was a crime scene when we got to it.
April: However, it was a very memorable Halloween.

Miss M: It was. We should call Glo and reconnect. It has been years since we saw her.
April: Yeah. I can invite her to the Halloween party. It'd be nice to catch up.
Miss M: I totally agree.

April: So what are you going to do about Bruce?
Miss M: I'm not sure. I guess try to seduce him, which I've never been good at. Seduction and me do not go hand in hand.
April: You'll do fine. Just remember, nothing can be as bad as your babysitting skills. I mean really M? You wanted Freddy Krueger to look after children?

Miss M: It seemed poetic at the time! Cut me some slack! I just can't win. Oh well, at least Halloween is almost here. Let the spooky times commence!

Spooky times for sure. There are many loves in a dorkette's life. So many it can be hard to keep count, though a dorkette never forgets the first three that made her scream. Here's to the slashers.

October 2015 Bodacious Baddie!

Up Next!

Time keeps ticking on. Halloween is getting closer and closer. This coming week will be one you won't want to miss. Take care everyone!


  1. cool halloween story miss m. for loved the twisted bit of having the three great slashers of movies start taking care of kids. mostly freedy kruger as a baby sitter plus also loved the crazy toy miss m added with the arrival of the gremlins. hope glo does show up for a reunion. the only thing did not like is that mary poppins barbie for barbie not only proved to make mary come off as a royal b to toy miss m and april but also the barbie face does not work on that character in plastic.

    1. Yeah that Mary Poppins doll was from a line where it was hit or miss on the likeness. I had some fun with this one. I didn't want her to be too bitchy but more proper and dignified. lol Thank you for reading as always! There was no way around having it be a little twisted with Freddy and stuff. lol Hope all is well!

  2. I have an idea for how M could seduce a guy! She could say, "My name is Miss M and I write a blog that mostly revolves around She-Ra and Master's of the Universe toys!" -INSTA-BONER!! Though, I doubt that will work on Bruce. We all know he has other issues that prevent boners in many sitches!
    I WANT those slasher toys!!! What line are they from!?
    Gizmo fell in the toilet, but that wouldn't turn him into a Gremlin. I didn't read this story carefully enough, did he eat after midnight? And even if he did-you are turning GIZ into a Gremlin too? I just don't get it!! Well one way or the other, I hope the Gremlins stay around till Christmas! I always associate that film more with that holiday than Halloween , but you switching it up is quite clever on your part!
    And High School toy Miss M might be the hottest toy Miss M of all!!

    R.I.P: Wes Craven! Freddy may have been a child killer, but he certainly was also a hero to the children.

    1. I don't think seducing a guy will work with the blog comment. lol Something tells me no. The whole bit with Bruce and the sex stuff was because I had noticed that there had not been a love scene between M and Bruce and I wasn't sure that I wanted to, so I came up with this idea that he can't sleep with her because she is motherly which makes him think of his dead mother. I just felt that was an odd crazy thing to go through and in some ways Bruce is a bit off from most normal people.

      And the whole thing with Gizmo is a bit complicated. One I could not flesh out more because I do not really have a lot of Gremlin toys. So my idea behind this was that Gizmo ate candy after midnight, and before going into a cocoon to spawn the Gremlins, he also managed to fall into the toiler and pop off some other Mogwais. The Gremlin in that last picture is meant to be a Gremlin coming out, but what I really wanted was a whole lot of other Mogwais and Gremlins all in the restroom just tearing it up. I just wasn't able to get to that, but that was sort of the back story for it.

      The slasher toys are by Funko for their Reaction line. It's a toy line of figures that are based off of an old Kenner figure line or something like that. It's a fun line. I have been enjoying it a lot.

      And I agree, RIP Wes Craven. That was my goal with the Freddy part, that while he was a total monster, he was also a hero for some of us. Anyways, I hope you are doing well!