October 2015 Heroic Hottie!

Dear Diary,

The world is topsy turvy. But there are Halloween Whoppers at Burger King so it can't be all that bad, can it? I don't know. I'm more tired than usual. With work, a cosmic threat hanging over my head, the loss of friends, and raising a bat baby, I've been a busy dorkette. I also need to figure out my love life. Bruce Wayne keeps hinting at things, but can I truly open up to him? Is it worth it? I'm terrified. I don't want to be alone in this world, I want love and all that jazz, but I also can't get hurt anymore. I just can't. So I think I will refrain and just focus on work and Yvie. Love is my haunted house. It scares me more than anything.

-Miss M

On the city streets, a girl hangs with her favorite mega monster.

Miss M: So what do I do Godzilla? Hmm? You're still my pick for top boyfriend ever! But you aren't even real right now. This is all just wishful thinking on my part.

Godzilla: RAWR!

Miss M: I know, thank you. I have done something different with my hair. I also got some new shoes. That's sweet that you noticed. What should I do about Bruce? He so wants something to work between us, but I'm not sure I can. I'm being silly huh?

Godzilla: RAWRRR!

Miss M: Ok! I know! Life isn't fair. If it were we'd be strolling on the beach together sipping atomic ritas. I need to know what I should do about Bruce. Help me Godzilla! I trust you.

Godzilla: Rawr.

Miss M: Well that's it then, huh?

At the offices of Diary of a Dorkette:

April: Shit! Where is everyone? Damn it! This office is floundering. Irma has up and left. Guy Friday is taking some days off to process his break up with Irma. Crap. Office related romances are going to be forbidden from here on out. And where the hell is Miss M?! Ever since she got that baby she's been all domestic goddess and crap.

April: Damn it! I need a drink.

???: Do you have any vermouth?

October 2015 Heroic Hottie!

April: Excuse me? Who in the hell are you? And is that a vintage Derek outfit from his stint with Barbie and the Rockers?

???: I'm Chris Gaida, you've hired me to get your butt in gear for the best Halloween party the world has ever seen. Also, yes, this is a replica of Derek's costume. I perform in a Barbie and the Rockers tribute band. Mattel also pays me a pretty penny for wearing this. It's cool.

April: Oh yeah! I've got a Halloween party to plan. We were supposed to meet huh?
Chris G: Yep. That's why I'm here. Even though I could be back on stage rocking life.
April: Ok, ok. Let's talk. What can you do? How do I know I've got the best guy for the job?

Chris G: Because I've outfitted entire neighborhoods in preparation for this holiday. Every other Halloween party in a 100 mile radius will be shut down. That's a promise.
April: Ok. Where do you get your supplies?
Chris G: I live in a magical area where everything I need is within walking distance from my house. Anything we can't find I'll make with my man hands. I'll get it done in a forth night.

April: What kind of magical place do you live in?

Chris G: Canada.
April: Got ya. Here, I've got some drinks. Do you like Mr. Pibb?
Chris G: Ugh no. That's the poor man's Dr. Pepper.

April: I agree! My damn co worker Irma likes Mr. Pibb. I always tell her, never fall for a Mr. You wanna fall for a Dr. Know what I mean?
Chris: I, uh, guess. If you don't mind my asking, are you the only one working here?
April: Ha! That's a story. Come on, we'll get our Dr. Peppers and I'll tell you everything. I've also got some harder stuff to splash in the cups too, don't worry.

Chris G: I never was.

Moments later...

April: So you see, I'm practically a one woman show. And I've got this Halloween Party to throw like I do every year.
Chris G: I feel like these people you work with don't exist and you are truly alone. It must be tough.
April: Can I count on you?
Chris G: Was there any doubt? I assume there will a request for costumes?
April: If the guests feel as if they need to. Will you be in costume?

Chris G: I'm always in some sort of a costume, but this year I have big plans. I'm planning on honoring the greatest works of Sylvester Stallone, a multi-national treasure. I will be a combo of Rambo, Cobra, and Tango. You can be Cash. If you want. They make trashy girl versions of every male costume known to the human race.

April: I don't mess with those basic slut girl costumes. They are sooo 2003. However Miss M loves Cobra. Not to be confused with the terror organization that battles G.I. Joe but the actual Cobra movie. She just loves it. She'll get a kick out of meeting you.

Chris G: Now who is Miss M again?
April: An old friend of mine. Sweet as sugar and dense as pound cake. I love her though.
Chris G: Sounds like a moderately interesting lady.

April: You'll meet her in time. For now, we need to find a place to host this party. I want something full of grandeur and spooky thrills but with a sense of yummy.
Chris G: Yummy?
April: Yes. Yummy. Now come on, we must get this show on the road!

Chris G: (sighs) If you insist.

Meanwhile in Dimension X:

Magik: Here you all are, at Dimension X. The place where dreams come to die, reanimate, and eat your brains.

Ed: This isn't what I thought it would look like. Everything looks like it does on Earth.

Maleficent: Except this place is nothing like Earth. The people here are different. We must stay in the shadows. It's safer that way.

Oola: Any reason why?

Maleficent: Must I spell out the obvious? All manner of strange and peculiar beings roam this space. We are outsiders, and they will know this the moment they see us.

Magik: The dark fairy speaks the truth. I am leaving, are you sure you wish to stay?

Maleficent: Yes. Thank you for bringing us here Magik.

Magik: Good luck.

Magik leaves quickly.

Maleficent: Ed, that panda suit has got to go.

Ed: Umm, it can't. I may or may not be naked underneath. All right. I'm naked underneath.

Maleficent: Makes no difference. I can change that.

Ed: Do you really have to? I like this Panda suit. It's my signature look!

Maleficent: Yes, I see that, but there is only one Panda looking person here, since that is not you, I can't have you sticking out. Now, close your eyes.

Ed: Umm, ok.

Magical moments later.

Maleficent: Behold, a look befitting of a hero.

Ed: Wait, you think I'm a hero? I'm just a nerdy guy that got trampled to death in the mall food court by some Twihard tweens.

Ed: Wait! My arms! They bend at the elbows! I forgot what this was like!

 

Ed: No. Freakin. Way. I have sculpted hair! My feet are also bigger... I wonder if...

Oola: You look nice.

Ed: Thanks.

Maleficent: Good. Now remember, we stay in the shadows. Let's go. I have someone we need to meet.

The trio venture off into the mysterious land of Dimension X.

On Earth in the Fright Zone.

Louis: It's really cool that no one is here in the Fright Zone. This makes the perfect place to prepare for dimensional travel. So while we wait for our transportation to Dimension X, I thought it would be the right time to meet the new Ghostbusters team that will be joining us.

Irma: Ok. What happened to the old Ghostbusters?

Louis: Sadly Egon is no longer with us. Peter Venkman took it really hard and is off somewhere on a sabbatical. I think he is just getting drunk in a bar with Wolverine.

Louis: This is the new team...

Louis: Winston.

Louis: Janine.

Louis: And Ray.

Louis: Guys, this is Irma. The girl I was telling you all about.

Irma: You've talked about me?

Winston: He can't seem to stop.

Janine: This is true. Hey Irma. We've met a few times before. April must be losing her mind with you gone.

Irma: Nah. You'd think, but she's got Miss M. It's my failed relationship that hurts the most. Poor Guy Friday.

Janine: Yeah, Louis was telling us the dilemma you were in. Trust us though, what you are doing is going to change lives. 

Ray: I can smell that funky scent in the air. Our ride is here.

Magik: (appears in the room) Teleportation to Dimension X, all aboard. I say with absolutely no enthusiasm.

Louis: Hey Magik! We're ready!

Magik: Good. Come on.

They quickly teleport away.

In space.

Glimmer: What are we going to do? Do you think that lunatic lady named after kale will kill us?

Velvet Sky: How should I know?! Since you already ran me off the road I don't think it matters so much. We both should be dead already!

Glimmer: How many times must I say this? I had no idea you were on that road! I never meant to hit you.

Velvet Sky: Just be glad that weird alien chick named Horoscope swooped us up before we could crash at the bottom of the mountain.
Glimmer: What am I to be glad about? We're prisoners here and that Kale lady wants us to give up the location of Miss M. We can't do that.

Velvet Sky: Speak for yourself. I don't plan on staying here. Space sucks. It will literally suck the life out of you. Our kidnappers were nice enough to untie us so I don't think they will kills us. Once Lady Kale returns, I'm singing like a canary.

Glimmer: No! We don't know what this woman will do to Miss M! Haven't you created enough problems in her life?

Velvet Sky: No. Not really. She's had it coming. Miss M is annoying and deserves every bad thing to befall her.
Glimmer: I should have hit you full on with my car instead of swerving a little.
Velvet Sky: I heard that!

Back on Earth in the Fright Zone.

Guy Friday: Ok come on, how did it work for them?

After a few incorrect chants for Magik, Guy Friday finally calls forth the moody mutant.

Magik: You called for me?

Guy Friday: Umm. Yeah. Hi. How are you?

Magik: I'm busy. Being a taxi is not on my list of to-dos right now. There's a rerun of Golden Girls I'm missing right now.

Guy Friday: Look, I don't mean to take up too much of your time. You just took my friends to Dimension X. (lies) I was supposed to go with them. I was just late. Anyway could you send me there quickly?

Magik: (sighs) Come on.

Guy Friday: Thanks. Dimension X here I come!

As night falls Miss M and Bruce Wayne slink around the city donning their costumes and heroic personas as WoW and Batman!

With their baby being watched by Alfred at the mansion, the two heroes enjoy a night of potential crime fighting.

Batman: Crime fighting just has not been the same since you've been getting all these villains locked up. There's just nothing for a hero to do.

WoW: That's a good thing though, right? No worry about putting our lives in danger.

Batman: I guess. There is a thrill though with punching a criminal.

WoW: Is that so?
Batman: That is very so.

WoW: I guess. I prefer a good swift kick any day over a punch. I think it is because I've got strong legs from all the heels I wear.

Batman: To each their own. Getting out of the house and being here with you is nice though. Dressed in costume is a bonus.

WoW: Yep. I totally know what you mean. It's like every night is Halloween for us, ya know?

Batman: I certainly do.

Batman: (they both look at each other) Wanna get back home to Yvie?

WoW: (nods quickly) Yes. I know Alfred can handle a baby, but I just really like being at home with her.

Batman: Me too.

They prepare to leave.

He purposely swoops to the ground as she slowly takes her time climbing down.

While she maneuvers her descent, he looks up at her longingly. She is stunning he remarks to himself. Standing quickly, he sweats a little as her eyes catch him looking at her.

WoW: You ok?

Batman: Couldn't be better. Wanna stop and get some food before heading to the mansion?

WoW: Wait. One thing.

Batman: Yes?

WoW: I've been doing some thinking. About us. You know I have issues. I'm not good with love and romance. My trust issues are for shit. In fact I'm not even sure two people can find blissful happiness together. At some point someone will hurt someone else. You will probably get addicted to sexting hookers online and I'll be some crazed shrew of a once fun loving woman. We'll be miserable.

Batman: So is this what you've been thinking about with us? That sounds terrible.

WoW: Yes. But I've also been thinking that for all my eye rolls I give, I do want love in my life. It scares the hell out of me. But I want it. I want to share my life with someone and since Godzilla isn't on the table...

Batman: Are you saying I'm on the table? I can come in second place to Godzilla. He is pretty cool, but we can really make something work. I know this.

WoW: Wait! I'm just talking here, I'm not saying we need to do anything...

Batman: Stop. I know you are crazy and worry about the worst possible scenario. I do too. But M, from the moment I saw you jump off the cliff I knew I was in love. (editor's note: Check out the April 2014 Bodacious Baddie for a refresher!) That night I saw a woman that was lost and terribly lonely. It was something I felt as well. I've always been a bit to myself, it's always been safer that way. I feel like the darkness in my life is different with you. I never had much hope for the world after my parents died. I've spent a life time fighting crime and going through the motions. No more though. Not with you. Let's stop the talking and actually do something about this.

WoW: What if this just bombs completely? I feel like we are heading for another cliff.

Batman: And just like the last time you jumped off a cliff, I'll swoop in. Utility belts are good for that sort of thing.

WoW: Well, I mean, to be clear, I can swoop in to save you too.

Batman: I know. We can save each other. I love you Miss M.
WoW: I love you too Bruce Wayne.

Batman: Come on, let's go home.

As they navigate through the alleyways of the city, two lost souls grow ever closer while making their journey home. The night is no longer imposing. It will always be a threat, but it will be a threat they will handle together. A force greater than anything they've ever experienced, yet always wanted to, washes over them. She had always expected to find a knight in shining armor, but what she got instead was something she never figured she'd need: a dark knight with one heck of a utility belt.

Up next!

October amps up the spook factor with stories that will thrill and chill you! More to come so don't go too far!