All My Toys: We're Back!

Dear Diary,

Do you smell that diary? It's fresh non-apocalyptic air! That's right! The world has returned to normal. We're back baby! Cities look the way they once were. I'm somehow living in my old apartment again. This makes sense of course considering Wayne Manor was destroyed this past winter. It's like the perfect do-over! I'm back and things are better than ever!

-Miss M



At the offices of Diary of a Dorkette,

Miss M: April! April! Do you smell that? It's freedom! And it's so great to be back at the office! You will never believe what I have been through. It's like the last few months were this weird dream set in a post apocalyptic toy world.

Miss M: What do we have in store for our readers? Who is the new Heroic Hottie for July? I can't wait to interview him.

April: What in the world are you doing here!? You can't be here! Did anyone see you come in?

Miss M: I mean, I don't think so. What's going on?

April: Are you high? You can't be walking around town. The world hates you.

Miss M: Umm, I'm pretty sure that was in my post apocalyptic dream. The world doesn't hate me.

April: Honey, that whole post apocalyptic toy world was real. It happened. And then it's like we all woke up with our lives back to normal. Those same toys hate you even more now for giving everyone a huge mind fuc-

Miss M: Hold on. You mean to tell me everything really happened? I'm still the world's most hated and underrated toy?

April: You should really stop trying to objectify yourself. You are not some toy for other's amusement. You're a young woman with dreams and aspirations. You just can't share any of that in these offices.
Miss M: I work here though.

April: Oh M, not anymore. I had to send out a press release saying that you were fired because mobs of angry folk were waiting at the doors to throw tomatoes and sharp Lego bricks at you. It was just no longer a safe area. I had to do something. Now the angry mobs think you are fired and homeless and they feel better.

Miss M: I need to sit down for a moment. What am I going to do now? I can't just go home. I need a job. How am I going to pay rent? Oh my goodness, will I have to become an escort?

April: Sweetie, no way you could be an escort. Aim for a different direction, like maybe something... Oh I don't know. You'll figure it out. I love you though! We had some nice moments before Glitter pressed the reset button, huh?

Miss M: This is insanity. Who is going to take over my writing duties? There isn't anyone else that can do what I do!

Chris Gaida: Of course there is.

Miss M: Chris! What?
April: Sorry M, for now Chris will be taking over the interviews for the monthly Heroic Hottie, Woman of Wonderosity, and Bodacious Baddies. Sponsors love those features and they are a huge investment piece for Diary of a Dorkette. You have to understand this.

Miss M: I don't know what to say.

Chris Gaida: You could say congratulations. Gosh.

Miss M: No. I mean. You're right. This is very exciting for you. Just treat those interviews like the greatest piece of journalism. Because they are.

Chris Gaida: Sure thing kid.

Miss M: April, will we still hang out? We're best friends.

April: Oh of course we will. It just can't be anywhere in public. Not until people forget about everything you did. You've really pissed a lot of people off.

Miss M: Ok. Well. I guess this is good bye for now.

April: Yes. For now. You really are the best M. Oh, and before I forget, there was a letter sent for you. I don't think it's a bomb because it's in an envelope. Although it could be Ant-Tracks. You'll be covered in bites if you spot an ant in there. Just don't let them crawl on you. That's the best advice I can give ya.

Miss M: Umm, thanks. I'll proceed with caution.

Miss M takes one last look around the office,

before heading out into an uncertain future.

Moments later on Main Street,

Miss M: What am I going to do? I don't have a job.

Miss  M: The world still hates me. How can I get in the good graces of society again?

Miss M: (spots Michelangelo) Oh thank goodness! Hey! Michelangelo!

Miss M: (pauses as she sees Mona Lisa too) Oh wait. Please don't notice me.

Miss M: They seem so happy together. I'm glad he survived the apocalyptic nightmare.

Miss M: Ok. Let's see. What do I do now? I could apply at the Fire House. Maybe the Ghostbusters are actually renting that space.

Miss M: Oh who am I kidding? No one is going to hire the likes of me. I'm practically a horrendous person. Just horrendous.

Miss M: (looks up into the heavens) Are you there Sug? It's me, Miss M.

Wilma: Excuse me, are you that Miss M girl?

Miss M: (lies) I have no idea what you are talking about.

Wilma: You look just like her.

Miss M: I'm just a basic bitch. We all look the same, which is basic. Have a nice day!

Miss M: Come on, get these legs moving.

Wilma: Hey! Wait! Stop right there! We all know what you did!

Miss M: Oh dear. This is so not fun. Where do I go?

Miss M: Come on chick, get the hell out of here!

Miss M: Whew! I think I lost her.

Miss M: Corny woman, I totally left her in the dust! Oh my feet really hurt though in these heeled booties. I miss wearing sensible hero boots.

???: Need a safe place to go to?

Miss M: Bruce! Oh my goodness you are alive!
Bruce Wayne: Of course I am.

Miss M: You aren't still crazy are you?

Bruce Wayne: No. I'm afraid not. I've been looking for you ever since the world returned to normal. I'm so sorry for what I did in the mad world. I don't know why things got so out of hand.

Miss M: It's ok. I screwed things up. Of course you tried to save me in the end.
Bruce Wayne: I'm always going to try and save you, just like you would for me.

Miss M: Oh Bruce I really went and did it huh? I even lost my job because of this whole world hating me thing. I feel like I should go into hiding.
Bruce Wayne: I can help you with that. I've been rebuilding Wayne Manor, but the Batcave is back up and running. It's nothing fancy but I do have some cots. And a microwave.

Miss M: Thank you Bruce, but luckily my apartment is still a safe place to be for now. If that changes I'll let you know.
Bruce Wayne: Of course. What happens now though?

Miss M: Oh, I probably buy one of those funny face masks. You know, the kind with the glasses and mustache. I don't think people will recognize me.

Bruce Wayne: No, not that. I mean us. What about us? I have missed you.
Miss M: I've missed you too. It's just, ever since Yvie...

Bruce Wayne: I know. I think about our little girl every day.

Miss M: I guess the only solace I have with her death is that she doesn't have to be in anymore danger, because sticking with me usually leads to bad things. I mean that totally led to her death in the first place. My goodness I make a horrible mother.

Bruce Wayne: Stop. You can't be responsible for what Lady Kale did.
Miss M: I miss our baby so much Bruce.

Bruce Wayne: I know. She was a special little girl.
(Editor's note: little baby Yvie is still alive and being tortured by Barbarocious! -M)

Miss M: Well Bruce, I should get going.
Bruce Wayne: I understand. Would you like to have dinner tonight?
Miss M: (pauses for a moment) Sure. I haven't had a nice meal in awhile.

Bruce Wayne: Great. I'll pick you up.

Miss M: Until then.

Miss M prepares to head back to her apartment, taking a more hidden pathway.

Miss M: Oh! The letter from April! I need to read that.

Miss M: (reads the letter aloud) 'Dear Miss M. You are cordially invited as the guest of honor at this year's Conference of Evil. Prepare to share your stories on being the most hated woman in the world and how the greatest minds of villainy can prosper just like you. No need to RSVP, because the party will be coming to you. Sincerely, the Board of Evil.'

Miss M: (gasps) Oh no. This is not good. Not one damn bit.

Up Next!

In keeping with the yearly tradition, Diary of a Dorkette will proudly post the 2016 Conference of Evil! Don't miss it!