Wednesday, November 22, 2017

All My Toys: Thanksgiving Terror!

Dear Diary,

Oh my goodness dating Burnheart has been the best! We have been dining all across town. He has been saying all the right things. He even has his own bodyguards. Because he is a space prince!!! I am dating a space prince! It is like all of my dreams have come true. And I am not even questioning any of it. Everything is just so weird. Is this what true love feels like? Where you just make insane decisions and ignore everyone in your life? Ever since I looked into the holographic flames on his super natural chest I have just been hooked. We are going to fly among the stars. I have never been happier!

-Miss M

All My Toys
Thanksgiving Terror!

Jessica: This is Jessica Wray for Channel 13 News reporting to you live from the President's annual pardoning of the turkey. An event steeped in centuries long tradition turned horrific as President Chocula and First Lady Strawberry Shortcake proceeded to eat the turkey, while still alive, on national television. Fans of the president have insisted that this is all a hoax perpetrated by lame members of the media.

Jessica: This all comes as yet a new twist in the ever changing political climate that President Chocula has presented to the world a year ago. It was a shock to many last week when First Lady Shortcake appeared at a fundraiser after a month of being hidden from the public eye. Her new look seemed to be just a regular occurrence to the president's loyal following. And to think, not long ago the mere idea of a first lady simply baring her arms was enough to have this same group of loyal followers across the country clutching their pearls in distaste. We live in truly bizarre times.

Jessica: We should all take a moment and bow our heads for the turkey that was not pardoned and for the rest of us. Who knows what will happen next. This is Jessica Wray for Channel 13 News...

Billy: (flips television off) So... That just happened.

Miss M's super hero teammates are all silent for a moment.

Billy: Well at least it was a free range turkey.

Samus: Can we talk about Strawberry Shortcake's new look? How are people not realizing that something truly weird is going on?

Glitter: My computations have all concluded that the woman on television was not the real Strawberry Shortcake. The amount of cosmetic work that she would have gone through to look this way would not have been healed in time from the last time she was seen in her original form in public.

Oola: What do we do? We have still been at a loss for information at what Cobra has been up to in regards to the election.

Brian Farrell: We need Miss M. Where has she been?

Glitter: Our team leader has been busy in a whirlwind romance with a mysterious space prince named Burnheart.

Oola: Ok so her priorities are screwed up right now. We can figure this out without her.

Samus: That is a bad idea. Miss M had ideas on how to get information on Cobra.
Oola: We have also been gathering our own intel. We are this close to finding out what Cobra has done with Count Chocula and Strawberry Shortcake.
Brian Farrell: We could still get some work done while we wait for Miss M to come back to us.
Billy: I know my friend. She will be back. Miss M is not going to fail this team.

Samus: I agree. Do we just wait though?

Billy: We wait just a little longer. In the mean time, let's follow up on some other leads. I might have some ideas on who would know about Count Chocula better than anyone else.

Across town at the office of counselor Deanna Troi...

Deanna Troi paces around her office room with Arkham Asylum on her speaker phone. She has been on hold for 20 minutes.

Deanna Troi: Goodness how long must this take?

Deanna Troi: I really need to let them know I made a mistake about Miss M...

Cobra Commander: Is the good doctor in?
Deanna Troi: (jumps in surprise) Excuse me, I do not have any openings today. I am actually closed. How did you get in here?

Cobra Commander: The door was unlocked. Besides, I am a government official. Secret government official. I need to speak with you about a phone call you made to Arkham Asylum a few days ago about one of your clients.

Deanna Troi: (panics and hopes that her speaker phone still remains on hold) I can't discuss my clients. Ya know, client confidentiality and everything.

Cobra Commander: Very true Ms. Troi. You should know though that making a phone call to Arkham Asylum about a client who is threatening an act of terror against the government needs to be properly investigated.
Deanna Troi: Oh that. Yes. Well I made a mistake.

Cobra Commander: A mistake?
Deanna Troi: Yes. I ended up making a call to Arkham Asylum but I later learned that the person who told me those things was not a real client. Something about a plant from Yelp, trying to test my abilities as a counselor. It was a mistake on my part.

Cobra Commander: Be that as it may, I will need to see the records of this client for proper standards and procedures.

Deanna Troi: That is the thing, there is no client file for you to see. It was all a mix up. You would have to contact Yelp about that.

Cobra Commander: I will have to do that Ms. Troi. However if I find out that you do indeed have a file, it will not be pleasant for you.
Deanna Troi: I understand.

Cobra Commander: Very well Ms. Troi. Have a nice day.

Deanna Troi: I really went and did it this time.

Deanna Troi: (plops on the couch and turns the phone off) I need to find Miss M. I had no idea she was telling the truth. I thought she was delusional. I have to make this right. 

Meanwhile downtown... 

Miss M: This was another really lovely date. Thank you Burnheart.
Burnheart: The pleasure was all mine my love.

Miss M: It is getting cooler outside.

Burnheart: I will keep you warm my dear. You will never have to worry about a thing anymore.

Miss M: Are you sure we are meant to be?
Burnheart: What do you mean?

Miss M: I mean I don't usually have men stick around. They tend to run off for greener pastures. Are you sure about this? Are you really going to always be there?

Burnheart: Of course. You never have to worry about that.
Miss M: (jumps) Did you hear that? It feels like evil is here.

Barbarocious: There you are. I have finally found you. Where is my pet?

Miss M: I am sorry, I don't know who you are.

Barbarocious: Your pet. I took it from you and now you took it back and I want it! It is mine!
Miss M: Umm, I have only ever had two pets. My dachshund Luke Skywalker was murdered and Chewie my pink poodle is sleeping at my house. Maybe waking up for a moment to eat the rug in my bedroom. I probably shouldn't be telling you this. Are you ill? Do you need help to Arkham Asylum?
Barbarocious: Am I ill? How dare you. I want my pet.

Miss M: And I have already told you, I do not have your pet.

Barbarocious: You liar! You are getting me back for what happened. (editor's note- when the evil Lady Kale destroyed Wayne Manor with Miss M and Bruce Wayne's daughter in it, Barbarocious took the baby as her pet)
Miss M: I don't know what you are talking about but stay away!

Miss M: Please?

Barbarocious: (growls) You fool!
Miss M: (chokes) Yep, you aren't gonna stay away.

Barbarocious: (hisses) Give me my pet. Where is she?

Miss M: I. Can't. Breathe.

Barbarocious: (tosses Miss M to the ground) You will tell me.

Barbarocious: Or you will die.

Burnheart: If I may step in for a moment. 
Barbarocious: Who are you?
Burnheart: My name is Burnheart. I am a super natural being from a Medieval pocket in space.

Barbarocious: I don't care. I want her dead.

Burnheart: You can't kill her. She is mine.

Barbarocious: Excuse me?
Burnheart: Here. Look into my flames and see what is possible for everyone involved in this sordid melodrama.

Burnheart: These flames burn bright with certain truths.

Barbarocious: I'll be damned.

Barbarocious: Very well. She can live. What of my pet though?
Burnheart: She clearly has no idea about the pet you are referring to. Maybe you should retrace your steps towards someone else?

Barbarocious: Maybe I shall.
Burnheart: Yes. Best of luck to you.

Barbarocious leaves quickly.

Burnheart: No one will disrupt my plans.

Burnheart: Here my darling, let me help you up.

Miss M: Oh my goodness how long was I out?
Burnheart: Not very long. I took care of that miserable woman for you.

Miss M: Really? Thank you. I mean what a loon right? What do you think she was meaning by the whole pet thing?

Burnheart: I have no idea my love. I am just glad you are ok. Should we take you somewhere to check on your head?

Miss M: Oh, I have fallen on my head plenty of times. I should be ok.

Burnheart: Well maybe so. I just don't want you to be hurt. We have so much of a life to experience together. Witnessing this recent melodrama has had me thinking about something. Time is too short. Marry me.
Miss M: What did you just say?
Burnheart: I am asking you to marry me.

Miss M: Marry you? Like real marriage?

Burnheart: Yes. Real marriage. I could take you away. You would be my queen.
Miss M: I don't know what to say.
Burnheart: Well say something.

Miss M: (rushes into his arms) I say yes! Yes I will marry you!
Burnheart: You have just made me the happiest man in the universe.
Miss M: O.M.G. I'm marrying some random stranger from space. But we're like star essence soul mates so it is all good. This is so exciting!

Up Next!

Everyone reacts to Miss M's impending nuptials! 


  1. Well at least President Chocula has stopped trying to hide his evil agenda. Lady Shortcake also seems be doing the same with her new stripper look. My theory is that when you're possessed by an evil entity, one which is only used to the cold recesses of the underworld, it doesn't know how to handle a 96 degree body temperature and needs to cool off. We'll see how she handles December weather to see if I'm right.

  2. I haven't commented lately. Happy Thanksgiving/Black Friday!

  3. oh poor toy miss m can''t she ever find some love that won't either betray her for some evil agenda. and wouldn't be surprised if some where in arkum is the real chocola and strawberry like being neighbors to a certain clown prince of crime.