Monday, December 11, 2017

All My Toys: The Ring!

Dear Diary,

I am getting married! Me! I don't even know how to process this except to say that I never thought my fiance would be some mysterious space king. I am going to have the opportunity to tour space! And! I am going to be a queen. I am meeting some of my friends to tell them the good news. This is just the best. I have never felt this happy, it is as if my heart has taken control of my body.

-Miss M




All My Toys
The Ring

Miss M: I am so glad you both could meet me here at DQ. Their soft serve makes my heart sing.
April: True. Plus it is nice to see you out in public life again.
Miss M: My death threats are only minimal now.
Billy: Why did you want to meet us here?

Miss M: I have something really big to share with you two.

April: Oh! Let me guess. You found out about Mikey's divorce and you are going to ask him out?
Miss M: Umm, no.

Billy: Well it can't be that you are going to try and get back with Bruce Wayne. That guy was a rich ass clown.
April: (nods in agreement) He really was. Also he was horrible at letting people in. Not his mansion, but his heart.

Miss M: Why do you both think my life always revolves around finding love?
April: Because that is all you have talked about since you were 4.
Miss M: Ok, maybe so. Well I might as well tell you two! My big news is that I am getting married!

Miss M: See! Look at my ring! It has so much fire!

April: (looks at Billy with concern) Oh wow. That is some ring.
Billy: (looks back at April with the same concern) Here she goes again.

Billy: M, it's ok. We know you want this so much that you believe it is real, but it's ok to pretend once in awhile. I support this level of delusion.
April: I mean maybe you finally sprung for one of those real dolls. I heard they make male versions now and I think that is just so empowering for the lonely single girl in the city.

Billy: Either way, we support you M. We'll even go to the wedding.

Miss M: I would hope you would both be at the wedding. Guys, this is really happening. And not with some real male doll. The guy is actually real. April, he is that Burnheart guy, the one that stopped those wrestling zombies on Halloween.

April: Oh shit. That's right. You've been dating him. Wait. You are getting married to him?

April: M, you hardly know him.
Miss M: I know enough! I looked into the slightly scary holographic flames on his chest and saw my whole future with him. Our star essences are meant to be together. He has been searching the universe for me.

April: Honey, have you been mistaking bath salts for Nerds again? Your love affair with candy has been known to turn deadly.
Miss M: I am being serious! Why can't you believe that a great guy would swoop in from space and freakin ask for my hand in marriage?

Billy: It's not that we don't believe you. (sighs) Ok maybe we thought you were embellishing, but M, marriage is a big deal.

April: And if that guy is from space, where will you live?
Miss M: In space. Duh. I mean he is the ruler of some kingdom and we will have to fly the cosmos to get there.

April: Honey, I love you, but how are you going to just up and leave? You have a life here.

Miss M: Really? What life? I was killed a few years back. Left the After Life and was stuck inside the body of Moth Lady where I fell in love with Bruce Wayne, had a baby with Moth Lady's body. Somehow found my way back to my real body, thank goodness it never decayed, and then I lost the child and Bruce. The bastard cheated on me. Freakin Vicki Ho-bag Vale. I also threw the world into some post apocalyptic ruin that threatened to destroy the world. I have only just started having some people forgive me for that. And that is not even counting all the other messy things I have been through. I now have a chance at real happiness.

Billy: Real happiness? I thought you were happy being a super hero and being the leader of a rag tag team that goes around fighting social injustice around the world. What will become of that?

April: Billy has a point. You would just walk away from being a hero?

Miss M: Well the team could find another leader. You could be the leader Billy. Besides once the world's regular heroes stop making all those movies they will go back to doing what needs to be done to make the world a better place.

Billy: I can't believe you are saying that.

Miss M: Well believe it. The team will be fine without me. I have finally found a chance at real happiness, a real love! And yeah it sucks that the guy does not have a face and relies very heavily on holographic gimmicks, but I don't care! And if you two don't want to support me fine, don't come to the wedding.

Billy: M, of course we will be there for you. This is just a lot to process.
April: Yeah. Billy, I don't want to think about what life will be like with her gone.

Miss M: Guys, you will be just fine. April you have the dreamy Casey Jones by your side and Billy, well, I know things are complicated with your husband Sulu, but you two always work it out. I have to work things out for me now.
Billy: Are you really sure you want to go through with this? To just leave us all behind?

April: Yeah. You could really just walk away from it all?
Miss M: (fights back tears) Why am I getting ready to cry? (shakes her head) Stop! I know what I want and nothing is going to stop me!

Miss M: I have to go. The wedding is in a couple weeks! I hope you both will be there but if not, oh well! (storms off)

Billy: Something is not right with her.
April: You're telling me! This Burnheart guy just showed up on Halloween. Now she is going to ride off into the stars with him? Why is she always so messy?
Billy: I know.

April: We need to call out the big guns. You know what this means right?

Billy: I know. Do what you have to do. Give the guy a ring on your phone and tell him what is going on. Hopefully he can stop this before she makes a huge mistake.

Meanwhile, at the super hero lair of the unoffocially named Un-Avengers...

Glitter: (beeping through a Walkie Talkie) Come in Brian. I am sending you the information needed for this new mission. Make sure Oola plants that wire in a pot or something. We need to capture recordings from Cobra and President Chocula.

Glitter: Also, I love you.

Deanna Troi: Excuse me, I don't mean to barge in but I am looking for someone.

Glitter: Who are you and what business do you have with someone here? Don't think about lying either. I must warn you I have the ability to take care of myself, through any means necessary. (emits glittery rabid sparks from her mouth)

Deanna Troi: That is terrifying.
Glitter: (circuits light up) How can I help you?

Deanna Troi: I am looking for Miss M. She is a client of mine and through a series of events I may have put her in danger.

Glitter: How did you know Miss M would be here? This is a secret location.

Deanna Troi: She wrote this address down in the emergency section of her paperwork.
Glitter: So you are a therapist? Huff. Breaking confidentiality. You don't seem like a smart therapist.
Deanna Troi: Look, I need your help. I don't have concrete evidence, but I strongly believe Cobra rigged the election and after they got word of some things I reported about Miss M to Arkham Asylum, they are looking for her. I want to help make this right.
Glitter: Very well. Let's see what I can do.

At the airport in Brussels, of all places.


Moth Lady: Hurry up kid, we need to find a special attendant that can find a place for us to stay.

Yvie: Ok Moth Lady. (looks at her food friends) Shh.

Moth Lady: Did you just shush me? Wait. What is this?!

Yvie: They're my friends. I couldn't eat them when you caught them for me at that Fight Zone.
Moth Lady: You mean the Fright Zone. You messy child. You were supposed to eat them, not befriend them!

Yvie: I know. I am not supposed to play with my food. I just like them. They are so cute and the pizza looks so gassy. He is funny.

Moth Lady: Great. This does not look bizarre at all. Just keep a low profile and if anyone asks, the Grossery Gang is your lunch.
Yvie: Kay.

Yvie: Moth Lady, do I have a mom?
Moth Lady: Shit. You aren't supposed to be asking me that kid.
Yvie: It's ok if I don't. You can be my mom.
Moth Lady: We'll talk about this when we get to our safe spot. Now come on, hurry.

In other areas of the airport...

Ring. Ring. Ra-ra-ring.
Bruce Wayne: (speaking to the phone bud in his ear) Hello Alfred. I can't talk much, I am trying to get to my flight. (pauses) Yes, the European leg of the tour was great. Everyone loves watching Batman perform in glam rock costumes. I am getting used to flying public too. I am trying to be one with the people.

Bruce Wayne: I'll be heading to Canada next. I have no desire to return to the states. Just keep the mansion up and running. I am sure I will return home one day soon. (pauses) What is it Alfred? I don't have much time. (pauses) Oh. Good for her. Miss M deserves the best. I am sure her wedding will be nice.

Bruce Wayne: (sighs) Alfred, it's over between M and me. I will not be going back home to stop the wedding. (pauses) It's no use. We just aren't meant to be together. (pauses) I know she thinks I slept with Vicki Vale. I had to lie to her, it was the only way she would walk away. I am no good for her. I never was.

Bruce Wayne: Now, if you'll excuse me Alfred, I really need to be going. (pauses again before hanging up on Alfred) Wait a minute.

Moth Lady: Come on Yvie. Hurry up. I am never getting you junk food again.

Bruce: Hey! You! Is that you Moth Lady?

Moth Lady: Oh shit. This is horse shit.
Yvie: Potty mouth!
Moth Lady: Quiet you!

Bruce Wayne: Hey! Stop right there. Who is that with you? Moth Lady, wait!

Yvie: Ahh!
Moth Lady: Come on, this is just a fun ride we are going on.
Yvie: I can't lose my food friends!

Bruce Wayne: Wait! Damn it!

Bruce Wayne: Was that her? That's not possible. That is not what our daughter looked like. But I heard Moth Lady call her Yvie.

Bruce Wayne: (rings up Alfred) Sorry Alfred. I didn't mean to drop the call. I think I just saw a ghost. Change of plans. I'm coming back home. I need Miss M. I think our daughter might be alive. 

Dun-duuun-duuuuuuuun. Dun. 

Up Next!

It's a nice day for a pink wedding! 

9 comments:

  1. Wow. I was just at Dairy Queen for lunch and I cannot believe how accurate this playlist is right down the cups!

    Should you find yourself at a real Dairy Queen sometime soon I recommend their new Candy Cane blizzard. It's a perfect blend of hard candy and soft serve ice cream! I also tried their Hot Cocoa Blizzard which is fine but once you get past the cocoa powder and whipped cream on top it's just a regular chocolate sundae and doesn't feel that special. I was surprised that for all the holiday flavors they are bringing out that they don't have an Egg Nog flavor. I don't know that I'll buy Egg Nog if I have to drink it all by myself but pair it up with a one time dessert treat and I can check that novelty beverage off my "get into the spirit of the season" list.

    Every time April opens her mouth it's a new adventure. "Have you replaced bath salts with Nerds?" Is a phrase I need to find a way to say sometime this week!

    That's quite a rock that Toy Miss M is waving. Here's hoping Real Miss M gets some well deserved hard earned far out heavy duty bling for Christmas too!

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    1. Thank you for this comment Erik! I have been behind on my comments and getting back in touch with everyone. I hope you had a really nice Christmas!

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    2. I think we're all a little behind after Christmas. Comes from carrying around all those sweet cookies long after I eat them!

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  2. at least toy miss m soon to be new ex fiance has nice taste in rocks and figured sooner or later yvie would be discovered alive by either toy miss m or bruce or even april . should be interesting to find out toy miss ms reaction when she learns yvie is alive and moth lady has some explaining to do

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    1. What happens with Yvie is going to be so much fun to share. I have been building up to this for years now! I hope you are doing well!

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  3. SO, the obvious takeaway from this entry is that you SUPER LOVE Nick Moose! I mean, look at that DQ background!! (And yes, I DID just talk about myself in the third person, which is lame, I REALIZE , but still less lame than fucking HOLOGRAM FACE!!! A Moon face looks WAAY awesomer!! Haha)

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    1. You are so funny. Yes, the hologram face dude is pretty lame. And maybe even pretty evil? I hope you have been doing well, third person and all!

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