Previously on All My Toys: Miss M is on a maddening quest that threatens to consume her sanity, and it has been impacting her relationship with Dick Tracy. Unknown to her there are other issues causing trouble in paradise, largely around her dad being involved in organized crime, and Dick Tracy being the detective to bring Big Boy to justice, which he is keeping from the clueless dorkette.
Miss M's apartment...
Miss M: So, help me understand, Chad Ecto Young was in town, the two of you hung out. Saw Masters of the Universe for like the 800th time, then went to a comic con, and you didn't think to invite me? And what does this have to do with Antonio's Pizza?
Michelangelo: Ok babe-a-roni, Winston and you were missed and totally would have had invites, the whole works. But apparently you two crazy kids decided to head out to the Nostalgia Graveyard. Not cool dudette. Had Chad and I been there, we would have totally taken Stinkor out.
Miss M: Ok, so maybe our wires got crossed. But still! That would have been so much fun.
Michelangelo: Snooze ya lose dudette. (pauses) Come on now, that Pikachu shocked face you do is gnarly.
Miss M: (sighs) Fine. Whatever. It's ok. But next time Chad is in town, we all need to hang out. Now, what does this have to do with Antonio?
Michelangelo: Ok dudette, who's your favorite Ninja Turtle? Always gonna be me because I have found your Pizzarias.
Michelangelo: Yeah, totally crazy story. Antonio knows the dudes who run that Sunny Bros. Pizza place, and he's been moonlighting as their chef to drum up business cuz word in the sewer is some mercenary dude was killed in the dining room before they opened. People are totally creeped, but like I told Chad, dude, this pizza is killer.
Miss M: Michelangelo, I want details. After you tell me what pizza y'all ordered because I'm still jealous.
Michelangelo: Aww dudette, listen, we got the works. Fresh veggies. Scrumptious meats. Sauce and cheese that are totally primo. Best of the best. Antonio really makes a mean pie. But like, while we were hammin' it up with him, Antonio busts out all this sick knowledge about pizza and his collection of pizza memorabilia, and he mentioned Pizzarias. And I was like, dude! I know this bodacious babe that is looking for Pizzarias. Antonio didn't skip a beat, he was like, bring this cool chick by and we'll talk all about Pizzarias. I was like, cowabunga dude. I just saved your life dudette. That Bloglin award is like totally yours now.
Miss M: Oh Michelangelo! You have just made my day! Can we talk to him now?
Michelangelo: Duh. That's why I'm here!
Miss M: Ok come on! We'll text Winston on the way! This is frickin amazing!
Michelangelo: Right on!
A few moments later...
Sunny Bros. Pizza...
Miss M: Winston just texted, he's on a Tele-Date with Sarah. He wishes us the best.
Michelangelo: Good for him.
Miss M: I know. I think I was beginning to drive him crazy with this quest for Pizzarias.
Michelangelo: You have been buggin bad dudette. (smiles) Antonio!!!
Antonio: Ah the party turtle is here! My favorit-a Ninja Turtle!
Michelangelo: Dude! I'm like most everyone's favorite. Remember that bodacious babe I was telling you about? She's here!
Antonio: Ahh perfecto! We talk pizza no?
Miss M: Yes! I've been through a crazy ordeal as of late, and I am just so thankful you can help me. You have Pizzarias?
Miss M: Oh my goodness! I am just bursting with excitement right now. Ok, so do you have any bags from the '90s?
Antonio: Eh?
Miss M: The Pizzarias. Like, a bag. It doesn't have to be sealed still, I don't really need it for chips. At least I don't think I do. It's more so for the logo. Are they maybe at your house?
Miss M: Like. Pizzarias. I'm looking for chips.
Antonio: No. No chips. Just pizza. I make-a the pizza.
Miss M: Oh yes, of course. Great pizza. But like,
the Pizzarias.
Antonio: Sì. I own many Pizzarias. I make-a the pizza for generations. Sell them. At my Pizzarias. Some close. Shut down. Some still open. I keep everything from them. Old menus. Cups. Big pizza statue. Antonio's Pizza has history, no?
Michelangelo: Ohh. Dang dudette. I think this is like when gondolas pass each other in the night. Mixed messages.
Miss M: What even is life at this point? So you don't have Pizzarias?
Miss M: Like the ones made by Keebler Elves? The vintage junk food.
Antonio: Oh! Keebler Elves! I work with them. They're famiglia. I'mma long lost cousin. My secret spices helped them with tha chips. Ahh. I know what Pizzarias you talk about now.
Michelangelo: (claps hands) Whew. Now we're talking.
Miss M: Ok, can you help us? I really need some of those chips.
Michelangelo: Antonio, can you give the deets on the elves? Like a phone number or email?
Miss M: Yeah, how can we talk to them? Surely they have something archived.
Antonio: I do one better. I take you to them.
Michelangelo: Cowabunga! We're gonna see some Keebler Elves!
Antonio: We take my car. Super fast. Pronto?
Across town. Club Ritz.
Pruneface: You've been such a doll Breathless. I can't believe you're leaving us.
Breathless: Oh Pruney, I think I might miss you the most. But I'll only be in the Sunlands. You can always visit. Who knows, maybe I'll get you to come work for me!
The Brow: You pay well enough and I'll go. I'd enjoy some sun and sand.
Breathless: And my club is going to be a shimmering oasis in the desert. It will be amazing. Oh guys, my dreams are coming true!
Glo: You seem to be taking Breathless leaving rather well.
Lana: Oh darlin, that's the nature of this business. People come and they go. And who knows, maybe she'll come back.
Glo: I'm hoping she's quite successful. She deserves that.
Lana: Oh you think so huh?
Lana: It does behoove you to say such things. After all, with her leaving, Sindel already gone, and Krystle... well... it's hit or miss with her. It would appear the stage will be all for you. Unless I'm up there that is. It's interesting. Ever since you came here there's been so many changes. What's so special about you?
Glo: I don't know Lana. I honestly couldn't tell you.
Lana: (mutters) Oh I plan to find out darlin.
The Rodent: I told you Krystle, you need to stop asking all these questions about Cletus.
Krystle: Oh come on. I know you know. We don't have to play dumb. I know Cletus is dead. I just wanna know who did it.
Officer Eddie: Excuse me, I'm looking for an employee here?
The Rodent: (sneers) What for copper? You got a warrant?
Officer Eddie: Uhh, no. I don't need one for this.
The Rodent: Says who? And how did you get in here, we're closed right now. Where is Jason at?
Krystle: He stepped away.
The Rodent: Damn bouncer.
Officer Eddie: Listen, this doesn't have to be complicated. I'm just looking for Breathless Mahoney.
The Rodent: She's not here.
Krystle: (pauses) Wait. She's upstairs.
The Rodent: Krystle!
Krystle: I've got a bad feeling. I've seen this before.
The Brow: What the hell? Big Boy ain't here copper.
Officer Eddie: Not here for Big Boy. Anybody ever tell you that your forehead looks like hot dog weiners?
The Brow: What did you just say?!
Officer Eddie: Are you Breathless Mahoney?
Breathless: Yes. (chuckles) Guys, if this is one of those surprise strippers, (looks Eddie up and down) you really shouldn't have.
Officer Eddie: I can assure you ma'am, I'm not a stripper. I'm here on official business. Are you engaged to Jafar?
Breathless: Yes. (grows concerned) What is this about?
Officer Eddie: I'm very sorry, but earlier this morning Jafar was found dead from an apparent suicide.
Breathless: What?
Officer Eddie: I'm very sorry, but you will need to come with me to confirm his body.
Breathless: I don't understand. My fiancé is dead?
The color drains from Breathless' face as she twitches before passing out.
Officer Eddie: Careful! Someone call 911, let's give her some room.
Pruneface: Oh Breathless.
Krystle: Looks like they got to her too. This place. It just takes and takes.
Glo: I just called 911. The ambulance is on their way.
Glo: (fights back tears) She was so excited, she had a whole life ahead of her.
Lana: Well she does darlin. Her fiancé? Not so much.
Across town. The woods.
Miss M: Thank you so much for taking us here. I didn't realize the Keebler Elves lived so close!
Antonio: Sì.
Michelangelo: Righteous solid dude.
Miss M: So, which tree is it exactly? The hollow tree they live in?
Antonio: When you know, you know. You feel it in your soul, no?
Antonio: I make-a the pizzas now. Ciao Bella!
Antonio zooms off.
Michelangelo: Thanks dude!
Antonio: Prego!
Miss M: The exhaust from his car smells like an old scratch n sniff pizza sticker.
Michelangelo: Right? Isn't it tubular?
Miss M: Wait. How do we get back home? He drove us here.
Michelangelo: We have way bigger worries right now dudette. Let's go find some elves. Oh. One thing.
Miss M: Yeah?
Michelangelo: If this works, and you get that interview with Dino Drac, do you think you could give him my signed copy of The Secret of the Ooze? I got my own copy after filming, and, I dunno dudette, it'd be kinda cool for that to be in his collection.
Miss M: (nods) That's very nice of you Michelangelo. Yeah. That sounds fitting.
Some time later...
Miss M: Ok, Antonio said I'd feel it in my soul, and for real, I was feeling the last 8 trees in my soul and they were all wrong.
Michelangelo: Well, one had bees at least? Your soul knew to run, so that's good right? We're here for elves though. Tiny little dudes with baked goods. Wait. You smell that?
Miss M: I do. Oh my gawd. It's not our soul we need to feel, we just needed to be in touch with our noses! Michelangelo! I smell E.L. Fudge cookies from this tree!
Miss M: (jostles the branches a little) They're here. We did it. Now, how do we talk to them?
Miss M: (moving branches around to get a peek inside the tree) I don't see a doorbell or speaker or something. Hello? Keebler Elves? Are you in there? What was the ring leader called?
Michelangelo: (gasps loudly) Dudette! Really? Ernest. Or Ernie for short. Duh.
Miss M: (shakes tree a little) Oh right. Umm, Ernest? Mr. Keebler? I come in peace. I just really need to talk. Do you have Pizzarias? I just need an old bag. However, I'd totally be grateful if you could whip up a new batch. I think we all would. (pauses) Do you hear that? They're snickering! I think the Keebler Elves are laughing at us!
Michelangelo: Not cool dudes. But like, are you dudes laughing at us both or just Miss M? I'm cool. I totally serve your cookies at my sewer parties non stop dudes.
Miss M: (shrieks) Oh I did not get stranded in the woods for this! They probably don't even live in the tree but have some big secret layer underneath instead. No way they live in the actual tree right? That's probably for tv. Here, help me lift this up. I bet there are steps under here. There's a whole Keebler kitchen underground. I just know it.
Michelangelo: (tries to lift the tree up with M) I don't know dudette. It's barely moving.
Miss M: (struggles to lift the tree up, notices it moving ever so slightly) It's moving! Arg! (drops tree and tiny shrills of anger can be heard inside the tree)
Miss M: (curses) Come on! You guys! I'm sorry. What is wrong with me? I just need you guys to talk to me! For just a little bit. I'll even buy some cookies. Please?
Michelangelo: I dunno dudette. This is wilding out a bit. You've totally fallen off the rocker.
Miss M: I
am losing it huh? This is not like me. Oh Michelangelo, I'm over here terrorizing Keebler Elves. They make treats for us all and I'm over here making PTSD for them. I just thought they'd want to talk to me. They seem so friendly in the commercials.
Michelangelo: Think about it dudette. They're busy working and you're showin' up like the gnarly town drunkard.
Miss M: Ok, that was harsh.
Michelangelo: Sorry babe.
Michelangelo: Oh snapola. Don't look now dudette, but the fuzz just pulled up.
Miss M: Oh crap. Hey.
Dick Tracy: I was hoping the descriptions would be wrong.
Miss M: (very sweetly) What do you mean babe?
Dick Tracy: I got a call to come out and investigate a noise disturbance and criminal mischief from a loud shrill woman with stick legs and a giant turtle with a bad wig. I've got Keebler Elves claiming the two of you are disturbing the peace and frightening the residents in this tree.
Miss M: Ok, first off, rude descriptions. And honestly, I can't be disturbing the peace when I said I was coming here in peace. I mean. Words have meaning Dick.
Dick Tracy: Ook.
Dick Tracy: Eddie, can you take Michelangelo to the car, I need to talk with the lady.
Officer Eddie: Sure Tracy.
Miss M: Are you arresting us?
Michelangelo: Yeah, that won't work for me dude. I have a nine fifteen showing to make for the He-Man movie tonight and I don't think my ticket can be refunded, I used my rewards.
Miss M: He did. He's going for a viewing record.
Michelangelo: (whispers) Look dudette, you were totally out of line, but if we have to dash we can totally dash.
Miss M: It's ok. Nothing is going to happen to you. This is all my fault.
Michelangelo: You go down I go with you.
Miss M: Thanks Michelangelo. I'll be ok, go with Officer Eddie.
Officer Eddie: Fan of He-Man huh?
Michelangelo: Totally.
Officer Eddie: He's alright. I'm more a fan of Roboto myself.
Dick Tracy: Let me guess, Pizzarias? You do realize I could arrest you right now, right? You broke the law M. There are at least six things I could charge you with right now.
Miss M: I only wanted to talk to them.
Dick Tracy: And they didn't want to talk to you.
Miss M: Ok, but in my defense they didn't tell me that. They just laughed.
Dick Tracy: They don't have to say anything to you. You can't just come in here yelling to speak to them, shaking their limbs, trying to lift up their home and demanding they talk to you.
Miss M: Ok, they are exaggerating, because it was not as bad as they are saying. I don't speak loudly. I'm just Italian. This is my normal volume. Though I guess that is maybe magnified for them and their elven ears. But I'm hardly a threat.
Dick Tracy: You're practically a Kaiju to them. I'm just disappointed in you. It's all this business about a Bloglin award, I hardly recognize you right now. You are not the woman I have been dating and falling for. You're consumed with this madness.
Miss M: (rolls eyes) Heaven forbid a gal have a hobby.
Dick Tracy: Ha. Some hobby. Running around all over town. Yelling about Pizzarias. I'm getting tired of hearing that word. And now you've been terrorizing elves.
Miss M: Ok. Well what should I do Dick? Sit around twiddling my thumbs? Preparing diner meals at home so I can be a good little girlfriend for you? Is that what I need for you to be normal around me? You can be disappointed all you want, but you've been acting super weird. Way before all this mess with my job. I mean this is my job Dick. I'm a writer. A journalist. For a niche blog and I'm trying to get an award for it before they close up shop.
Dick Tracy: What does any of that mean? I don't even know where to start with this, but it's reminding me why I am reluctant to get into relationships. There's always some level of complication.
Miss M: (sighs loudly) Oh here we go. Things get messy and real and you want to jump ship. This is like college all over again.
Dick Tracy: Messy? I'm principled. I follow the law. I am a simple man M. You are such an infuriating woman. You just live a life hanging by a bare thread, swinging from one drama to another. I'm beginning to see why the judge sided the way he did.
Miss M: (gasps) That was low. I can't believe you just said that.
Dick Tracy: (stammers) I'm sorry. That was wrong. I'm just hanging on by a thread of my own, and I don't think you realize how serious this is. You broke the law.
Miss M: So arrest me then. Here. Arrest me.
Miss M: You're right. I'm a mess. I've been consumed about securing this interview. I'm trying to leave a legacy. And maybe I take it all too far, but I'm passionate. You know this. And if you can't handle it, let me go. Arrest me and let me go.
Dick Tracy: Put your arms down. I'm not going to arrest you. The Keebler Elves aren't pressing charges, they just want you to have a lifetime ban from buying their products. (pauses) Should we break up?
Miss M: I don't know. At this point, I'm struggling to see why you'd even want to be with me. I'm a crap mother who is a non-stop work of drama. You'd probably be better off with Yvonne from the diner. Or one of the showgirls at Club Ritz.
Miss M: (turns away so Dick Tracy can't see the tears in her eyes) Just don't pretend it's all on me. I'm not crazy. There's something that is wrong with you, and I think it's crappy that you won't tell me.
Dick Tracy: I know. I can't go into the details, but I just have a lot on my plate right now.
Dick Tracy: I realize that's a horribly vague statement. I am sorry for my comment earlier. I never should have said that. I'm just frustrated. I see the most beautiful woman, who is so smart and funny. Incredibly creative. And it just feels like I'm losing her.
Miss M: Well. You might. Because I love you, but I love me more. And I won't be treated badly. What you said was awful just now. And I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have tried to move the Keebler's home, but they're like a billion dollar company. I think they'll be ok. I also fully believe they don't live in the tree and have a whole underground complex. I'll die on that hill. I don't even care anymore.
Dick Tracy: Ok, let's not go backwards. I think today has maybe shown us that we might need a break.
Dick Tracy: Yes. Not a break up, but a break. I need some time to work through some work business and I don't think this Pizzaria interview with the dinosaur guy is hardly over with for you.
Miss M: I mean, how long is this break supposed to last? I don't do well with things like this.
Dick Tracy: Let's give it a few weeks. Allow us to focus on ourselves and maybe check in with each other?
Miss M: And maybe you'll be ready to tell me what is bothering you?
Dick Tracy: Yeah. I think that makes sense. I want to be different, from the other men who have tried to woo you. You deserve the best, and right now I'm not the best. We can get through this though. I believe in us. Are you ok with that?
Many thoughts race through her mind, but she tunes them out. What will be, will be. She can feel that in her soul.
Dick Tracy: Come on. I'll drive Michelangelo and you back.
The sounds of elves laughing in triumph fills the silence of the woods while the scents of warm buttery shortbread and sweet melty chocolate waft through the forest air.
Across town, in a secret location.
Vash: You've got to be kidding me. So, she found her way to the original source of the Pizzarias, and she still couldn't walk away with a bag. Nothing.
MAL: It would appear so from what I hacked into from the police station's database.
Vash: This is like when the three hour tour becomes multiple seasons of being stranded. I
feel stranded MAL. Enough. MAL, engage in program 3D.
MAL: I do not compute? That file is not found.
Vash: (sighs) Your previous owner was not tapping into your true potential. I had programs installed on you that you would be unable to access until I gave the word.
MAL: That calls into question some ethics.
Vash: Please. This is my way of making sure man controls machine.
Vash: Access file 3D. The password is 6970.
MAL: What is this?
Vash: Congratulations MAL. You now have capabilities to 3D print. Now, you can just print a bag of Pizzarias so we can get this show on the road.
Up Next: Forgiveness, Anger, and a Gift
Like the previous posts on this blog, it is with great sadness that the blogging community lost William Bruce West. My heart goes out to his family, including his wife Lindsay and two daughters. Will contributed so much to the toy/comics/pop culture blogging and podcast community. His opinions on pop culture are the stuff of legend. Please check out the West Family GoFundMe and consider donating, they need our support more than ever. If you can't donate, please spread the word.
West Family GoFundMe
Miss M: Winston just texted, he's on a Tele-Date with Sarah. He wishes us the best. 
Michelangelo: Thanks dude!
No comments:
Post a Comment