February 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

I'm dead. I've been dead for awhile now. I don't really know how long. Everyone in the After Life keeps telling me I will get used to the sense of time around here, but I just can't. I have new friends though. Miss Elizabeth has been a terrific presence in my life. I'd be lost around here for sure. I've even gotten to know Aerith Gainsborough! Of Final Fantasy VII fame! She is so sweet and kind. A little paranoid about getting stabbed in the back by folks, but I guess it is understandable. I've also become friends with this really cool guy named Ed. He's like almost as much of a dork as me and he wears a panda suit. It sounds totally weird, yet, we're dead, so what does it matter? He's also building me a house. Like I thought once you were dead you didn't have to worry about those things, but it is straight up the Sims Life in the After Life. This thing called a Blue Moon happens where like evil folks creep out trying to do harm. However they can't because (duh) we're all dead. That's why everyone needs a home. So we can just shut out all that crazy noise. Everyone has one, but me. And he built me one so I didn't have to be left out. He's actually become a really nice friend. We do a lot of Nintendo talk and movie talk. It's a shame we never really knew each other when we were alive. Who knows what could have happened. Oh well. I miss everyone from when I was alive. Each moment that passes though feels different. Almost like those people were all part of a dream. April. Casey Jones. She-Ra. Michelangelo... Oh my dear Michelangelo... I think that's enough diary. I'm getting white girl emotional. Never pretty. I've got to stop this. I don't even know how I'm recording this right now since paper isn't even allowed in the After Life. I'm out!

-Miss M



Somewhere in the After Life...

Ed: Ok M, check it out.

Miss M: (removes her hands from her eyes) Wow. My house is a tree house!
Ed: For now. I'm not finished yet.

Miss M: How is this even happening? I have rhinestones on my house! This is everything!
Ed: I'd even install a Nintendo in it if we had one. I keep waiting for the After Life to get one. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Miss M: Beyond amazing.
Ed: Yeah. So, I know I need to get a door and everything, but it hasn't been easy to find the right items. It's coming along nicely though.

Miss M: I can't thank you enough.
Ed: It's nothin really. When you have all the time in the After Life, you can get a lot accomplished.
Miss M: Tell me about it.

Ed: So... umm.. I was wondering about something.
Miss M: Sure. What's up?
Ed: Well, I was tuning into the cycle of time, and I think it would be around the time of Valentine's Day for those living on Earth, give or take a few days.

Miss M: Oh. Wow. Really? I loved that holiday.
Ed: I bet you had a ton of Valentines.
Miss M: Not really. In fact, no. I guess something special could have happened had Michelangelo and I made it to that point, but we never made it that far.
Ed: Hmm. That's unfortunate. Well... would you want to be my Valentine?
Miss M: Huh?

Ed: Look, I know you still miss your Ninja Turtle boyfriend and I would never try and make a sudden move on you, but I think you are a really great friend. And I never got to spend Valentine's Day with anyone, so maybe we could do something fun to celebrate? Just as friends of course.
Miss M: Oh. Ok. Yeah, sure. As friends. That sounds cool. So, what do we do?
Ed: Well... we start by you taking a long walk. I've got a surprise for you.
Miss M: (smiles) Really? That's very sweet of you.

Ed: Yeah. So you have to go.
Miss M: Ok. I'll go. And maybe I'll bring back a surprise for you too!
Ed: You don't have to worry about that.
Miss M: It isn't a worry at all. I'm more than happy to do that! I'll be back soon.
Ed: Can't wait!

While Miss M leaves, Ed goes about crafting the ultimate surprise for Miss M.

Ed: (waves to her as he sighs to himself) I just want her to know how wonderful I think she is.

While Ed finishes his surprise, Miss M wanders around the After Life, trying to figure out a way to surprise Ed.

Miss M: Wow, I don't know what to do. I've never been in a situation like this before. I can't believe it took me until being in the After Life to actually have a worthy Valentine. But what does this mean? I mean, we're only friends. He is cute. But I love Michelangelo. Right? I can't start developing feelings for Ed. Although, it is nice to have Ed as a friend. He's a nice guy. But what am I even doing? I'm in the After Life. I'm like dead. I never have to worry about a thing anymore. There are no bills to pay. I never have to worry about encountering a mean person ever again. Why am I even worried about love? I have new friends now. And a new home. I'm going to be ok.

Miss M continues to walk around the After Life, wondering when she should return to Ed and the surprise. Suddenly though, the dead dorkette hears the rustling of footsteps behind her.

 

She turns around to see the stunning image of the...

February 2014 Bodacious Baddie!!!!

Miss M: Oh. My. Goodness. Gracious. What are you doing here?

Maleficent: (strides towards Miss M) My darling, why wouldn't I be here? I'm always where the action is.
Miss M: But how are you dead? I saw you at this past Summer's Conference of Evil. I don't get it.
Maleficent: Oh my sweet child, there is so much you do not know. I've been gone for a long time. Every now and then though magic allows me to visit the land of life. To walk among the living can be a precious thing. Had it not been for me, who would have saved you at the Conference?
Miss M: Well yes, of course. You stepped in to save me. I am forever grateful.

Maleficent: (magic begins to bloom behind her) Lovely my dear. I am so pleased to hear such things.
Miss M: So... no offense Maleficent, but aren't you evil? Why are you here in the After Life?
Maleficent: Now why would you say such a thing about me? I have a pure heart. (leans in close to Miss M and grins) Listen to me dear. I require your help. You owe me a favor for saving your life.
Miss M: (recalls her chance meeting at the Conference of Evil) Ah, yes. Of course I do. What could I possibly do for you though?
Maleficent: What if I told you that I could bring you back; back to life.
Miss M: Why would you do that? Is it because you want me to check out the biopic about your life this May?

Maleficent: Silly little girl. I have already lived my life, I have no need to see it unfold on the big screen. (whispers to herself) Though it had better be good.
Miss M: Yeah. I'm kind of excited about it. I mean, it is about time we see that kind of movie, I just hope that one day they do a movie on Ursula. She just seems so complicated...
Maleficent: Enough dear. Answer my question. Do you want to return to life?

Miss M: Well... I guess. But that is not possible.
Maleficent: It is with magic. Anything is possible with magic.
Miss M: You would do that for me? You'd bring me back to life?
Maleficent: Of course I would. Not without a price though, remember, you owe me.
Miss M: (looks worried) I know.
Maleficent: Don't worry. You and me, we are a lot alike.
Miss M: We are?

Maleficent: Of course we are. We collect things. There are a few things I collected when I was alive that I search for when I visit Earth. Sadly, there is one thing I miss the most. Something given to me as a child, an item so divine it would make the sun pale. If I bring you back to life, I must have your word that you will help me find this item.
Miss M: What is the item?

Maleficent: I'm so glad you asked. I'm missing a special dragon figurine, made up of the darkest gemstones in the universe with eyes of sparkly emerald. I want you to find that item for me.
Miss M: Umm, but I'm confused. If you are dead, and you can't bring anything with you to the After Life, why even bother with this dragon figurine?

Maleficent: (her eyes flair) Because. When I am able to grace the world I once touched with my magic, I will want to capture the image of the figurine before having to return here. I will grant you a second chance, all for the moment to look back on my most cherished item. Will you agree to let me bring you back?
Miss M: (pauses) Well... I don't know. I've sort of gotten used to being dead. I kinda like it here, I've even made new friends...

Maleficent: What of your old friends? The ones on Earth? I am giving you the chance to reunite with your love. Don't you want to see Michelangelo? Come now dear, let me bring you back. You owe me this favor.
Miss M: (thinks about it for a second) Ok. I'll help you.

Maleficent: Splendid.
Miss M: I'll even go to the movies and report back on your biopic.
Maleficent: (grins) Aren't you so sweet.
Miss M: So... how will this work?
Maleficent: Very simple dear. You must stand still while I cast a spell right here.

Miss M: Now? Oh. Well, I just need to say good bye to my friends Aerith and Ed. I want to also say good bye to Miss Elizabeth.
Maleficent: (eyes flair wide) No! There isn't much time. Magic like this is not easy to come by, or I would have already brought myself back. We must do this now.

Miss M: (pauses) Oh goodness, I'm not so sure. I can't just leave without a goodbye. Especially to Ed.
Maleficent: Don't worry, I will tell them for you. Now, are we to do this proper?
Miss M: (nods in excitement) As long as you can tell everyone goodbye for me then yes. I'm ready to return.

Maleficent: Wonderful.

Maleficent opens her hands, palms facing up.

She begins to chant a few words creating a haze of smoke around her and Miss M. The smoke smells like Thierry Mugler's Alien. Miss M wants to fall asleep. Her body feels strange, like she is growing into a whole new skin. The thought crosses her mind that her body on Earth was blown to bits, how would she ever be put back together again? In a matter of seconds though Miss M is knocked backwards into a swirl of magic, flowers, and lace.

Falling into the magic, Miss M soon feels a tendril of feathery smoke start to swallow her whole.

Miss M: What is happening to me?

Miss M: Just remember, you are doing this for love. Always for love.

And just like that the magic consumes her until there is nothing there...

Soon that is all but an afterthought as the magic clears and Miss M soon finds herself on the ground. With her eyes fluttering open, she turns to look at a structure in front of her.

Miss M: Wait. That's my house in the After Life. Did I just get punk'd by Maleficent? (pauses) Wait. I can breathe. Holy Etheria I can breathe! I'm alive! It happened! I'm back!

Looking around at her surroundings, Miss M soon realizes that something feels different about her.

Miss M: My thighs. They feel weird. (looks down at her hands and feet in a blur)

Miss M: Whaaat? What is this? What has happened to me?

Realizing that she is in a completely different body, Miss M freaks out.

Miss M: I just got Psylocked! Oh my goodness! I look like a villain. My hair is crimped! And I have giant wings! WINGS! Slimy insect wings. I feel so sick. How do I even begin to fly?

Miss M: I have facial tattoos! I look like a villain! What is happening to the world?!

Miss M: Oh no. This can't be happening to me. I was tricked! That blasted Maleficent tricked me! (takes time to reflect) On the one hand though, it is nice that I have a nice bronzed glow. But still, I'm not in my body! What ever will I do now?

As Miss M contemplates her new world, another poor soul continues to wait for his crush to see her new home...

Ed: Hmm. I wonder what could be taking her so long? I don't want her to miss this surprise. I worked really hard to build her the perfect dream house...

Ed waits for a mini eternity. He soon realizes that he is never going to see her again. She isn't coming back.

Ed: Where are you Miss M?

Ed: Was it something I said? Did I come on too strong? Why didn't she come back? She was a flash in the sky, someone that made me feel something I never thought I'd feel. I didn't just dream her up did I? Maybe I did...

Meanwhile...

Maleficent: Foolish girl. You've fallen into my very own trap. Now go forth with your time on Earth and find me my dragon figurine. Find it for me so that I may finally get the After Life to bow down at my feet!!!! And soon after the After Life, I shall take the Universe into my hands and crush it!!! (laughs with a sinister cackle that only Maleficent can do, not even Angelina Jolie can touch her!)

Februrary 2014 Bodacious Baddie!