February 2014 Woman of Wonderosity!

Dear Diary,

Love is the most important thing. All kinds of stories exist about love and the pursuit of that one person that is going to "get" you. I found that person. He is a Ninja Turtle. And not even the confines of the After Life can stop me from reuniting with Michelangelo. True, I had to make a dreadful deal with Maleficent, but that's ok. I doubt I'll ever find her silly dragon figurine. I have just one problem though. I'm not in my old body. I have a new body. It's a bit haggard. I have these slimy insect wings. I smell like moth balls. I feel like this body once belonged to a villain from Golden Girl. My hair is in desperate need of a wash and set. I look like a villain. However none of that matters, because I am trying to fly to my old house to reunite with my love. At least I'm trying to fly. Having wings now from never having them before is, like, way weird. Flying is hard.

-Miss M




Inside April O'Neil's office...

April: (stresses at all her work) Crap! I can't take anymore of this. The site is backlogged on everything. I don't even think we'll be able to interview a Woman of Wonderosity for February. Give me an update Guy Friday.

Guy Friday: Sure April. There isn't much to say. She-Ra keeps calling trying to get us to print a story about her missing friend Sea Hawk on the front page news. We're still trying to get in touch with Jean Grey. Meanwhile Emma Frost is begging for an interview. I think she made me think I was a three year old girl afraid of confetti for about a day when I told her we didn't have anyone to do the interviews...
April: Damn Emma Frost. Always trying to be a boss ass bitch. Go ahead and schedule her soon. If we have to we can just put her in a room with designer clothes and a tape recorder. What else?

Guy Friday: I don't know April. Things are looking pretty bleak around here. Do you want me to file Chapter 11?
April: Heck no. This isn't even half way through the end of the book yet. Maybe we need to find Judy Jetson. I bet she has an interesting story.

Guy Friday: Judy Jetson?
April: I know. That sounds far fetched. I just don't know what we are going to do...

Just then, every thing is changed when an old friend walks through the door.

Irma: Still need my help?

April: (in surprise) Irma! You actually decided to come here!
Irma: Of course. I had to help my old friend.

The two women embrace.

April: Hold your tongue, I'm not old. Now tell me, how long are you here for?
Irma: As long as you need me. Looks like things are a mess.

April: They are. (motions towards Guy Friday) Irma, this is Guy Friday, my right hand man. Guy, this is Irma.

Irma: (looks to Guy) Are you single?

Guy Friday: (blushes) Umm... Ahh... I don't know what to do right now...
April: (shakes her head) Pay no attention to Irma. She is just boy crazy. Guy Friday, go get us some tea please. Irma will take two sugars and I'd like mine long.
Irma: Thanks Guy Friday!

Guy Friday leaves.

Irma: Oh wow April. He's a dream boat hunk!
April: Calm down girl. He isn't all that. Where are your glasses?

Irma: Oh, those. I tripped yesterday and they broke. I've resorted to contacts, but they just feel so weird.
April: Yeah. I see you still have fashionably challenged ensembles. Nothing changes with you does it?
Irma: I could say the same about you April. You look like you just stepped out of 1992.

April: Oh I've missed you!
Irma: Me too. I'm sorry about Miss M.
April: I know. It sucks that she died.

Irma: I know M and I had our own dorky rivalry, but she was a part of our group and deserved a lot better than being blown to bits in a sewer. Was it true she was dating Michelangelo?
April: Yes. She was deep in turtle love.
Irma: That sounds really gross.
April: Nah. It wasn't anything skanky. He's actually been pretty heartbroken.
Irma: Sounds sad. But I know we aren't here to jump into a sob story about her. Your phone call was super urgent. What can I do to help? (quickly adds) Please tell me I am not going to be a secretary.

April: Of course not. You've done your time. I need you for your other skills. Since M's passing I've been in serious need of a writer capable of bringing in the hard hitting interviews that go on around here. I'd do it myself, but I'm a very busy woman. So can I count on you for this? Can you restore Diary of a Dorkette to its former glory?
Irma: Of course I will!
April: Great! Now let's get to work!

As the two master their minds together for the perfect spread of interviews, another pair meet up.

Black Cat: Good. I'm glad you could make it.

Catwoman: What is this about? I was in the middle of a little heist action.
Black Cat: Better not be on my part of town.

Catwoman: I go wherever I please. Now get on with it.
Black Cat: I need to call a meeting of the Cat Ladies.
Catwoman: Everyone? Even Simone?
Black Cat: If you can find her.

Catwoman: What is this about?
Black Cat: I've really missed Miss M lately. She was our honorary Cat Lady and her death has just really set me off. I haven't even wanted to flirt with Spidey. And I can find time to flirt with him on my worst day.
Catwoman: It is sad news, but she was just a dorkette at the wrong place and the wrong time.

Black Cat: But I don't think she was a casualty of rotten sewer gas. I've been listening to some word on the street. I think Miss M was murdered.
Catwoman: Murdered? Miss M? Who would want to kill some pale dork girl?
Black Cat: I don't know. I intend to find out though. If someone was responsible for her death, we owe it to Miss M to avenge her.
Catwoman: Shouldn't we get the super hero type to do this kind of work? Women like us aren't really known for doing the right thing.

Black Cat: True. But, and I've never told this to anyone, Miss M is the one that taught me the hair flip trick. And it works every time. We owe her this.
Catwoman: Fine. Get the Cat Ladies together. If someone killed her, we'll find out the truth...

Hopefully they can. Though the actual truth might be stranger to deal with. At that same moment, Miss M makes her way to her former home and prepares to reunite with her love.

Miss M: Ok. Here I am. Back at my old house. No other choice but to go on inside and kiss the man I love!

Realizing that she can't just walk in, Miss M looks around and soon knocks on the door.

Miss M: Wow. I'm dead for just a few months and my house looks so dirty.

Michelangelo: Hello? Can I help you?
Miss M: (finds herself speechless) I don't know what to say...
Michelangelo: Whoa. You have wings.
Miss M: (smiles) I do. Can I come inside? I don't mean to be weird, but I have something important to tell you.

Michelangelo: Ok dudette, come on in. You aren't going to hurt me are you? You look like a raging villain. You also smell like some gnarly moth balls.
Miss M: Thanks. I can assure you, I am not a villain. At least I haven't done anything villainous recently. The 80's were awhile ago, am I right?
Michelangelo: (looks at her oddly) Right. So... what's this all about?

Miss M: Ok. I guess I should just come right out and say it. It's me Michelangelo, Miss M.

Michelangelo: (stares blankly at the woman before him) Huh?

Miss M: Look, it's a long story, but I'm really here. I died in the sewer and went to the After Life. Side quest: it's really cool there. I was granted a second chance by Maleficent in exchange for finding some old toy from her collection. The catch is that I was returned into the body of a former 80's toy villain from a toy line that looks like it is related to He-Man and She-Ra. I'm just so happy to be back though!

Miss M reaches out to kiss her boyfriend, only he steps away.

Michelangelo: Not cool. Not cool at all.
Miss M: Excuse me? Michelangelo, it's me. Honest.
Michelangelo: I don't know what kind of crack head dudette you are, but this is soo not cool. I just lost my girlfriend. I'm in a wicked state of grief-ola. That's major grief. Get out of my girlfriend's house.
Miss M: But Michelangelo, this is my house! I'm her. I'm Miss M! I'll do all the tests like in the movies and soaps. I'll share with you some strange detail about us that only you would know. Umm... I am using your real name! I am the only one that calls you by your full name! I was even murdered!

Michelangelo: How double dog dare you come here and say these things. Get out.
Miss M: (looks gut punched) What? I can't leave. I came back from the dead for you. I love you! Please, just look at me. Look into my eyes. Hold my hands. Please, I am begging you. It's really me.
Michelangelo: If you don't leave I am totally going to call the po-po. They are killer when it comes to this.

Miss M: I love you. Can't you hear it, can't you see it? My heart is right here. I'm not making this up. I love you. It's really me.
Michelangelo: Miss M would never do this to me. You aren't even a bodacious babe. The Miss M I know and love would have arrived with her hair fixed up and some better clothes on. She'd never wear some ribbed turtleneck body suit. If you were really her, you wouldn't be such a messy looking person.

Miss M: I'm not messy. Well. Maybe I am. I have no where else to go. These are the only clothes I have. I'm not even sure how to change into anything else since these wings are on my back. They're also slimy. I also think I am able to communicate with insects, which is really grody.

Michelangelo: I don't care. I just want you to get out. Don't ever come back here.
Miss M: But...

Michelangelo grabs Miss M and ushers her out of the house.

She knows it is no use. Michelangelo does not see the real her. He can only see someone else. Miss M leaves her old house and life.

Miss M: (stands alone) What do I do now? I have nowhere to go. I don't have a home. I don't have a boyfriend. No clothes. No car. No money. I'm all alone. Except for all these damn bugs everywhere. It's like I can hear their thoughts. Crap. What is my next move? I guess I'll just spread my wings and... fly... Goodness I sound like the biggest loser in the universe. I'm going to be ok. Someone has to believe me. It just has to happen. Right?

As Miss M contemplates her next move, the world keeps on moving. April is back in business thanks to Irma. The Cat Ladies map out their Nancy Drew skills. Even She-Ra gets in on the fun as she tries to put her own special skills to the test in finding the pirate Sea Hawk. All these women are bound together and driving their own story, why it's enough to say that these women are all full of wonder. They are all the:

February 2014 Women of Wonderosity!
In March!

Stick around. The month of love may be over, but there is still more jam-packed action and suspense just around the corner.

Can Miss M get anyone to believe she is back from the dead?
Will Irma save Diary of a Dorkette?
What happened to Sea Hawk?
Are the toy interviews ever going to get good again?

Find out in March!