My lovely kindred dorkette Laura (from Boo Bobby) is one of my many inspirations from blogging online. She is a shooting star full of energy and fearlessness. I adore her and one of the things that I try to borrow from her is this whole idea of opening up about the personal things that we all go through. Diary of a Dorkette has always been just that, a diary. (That I let other people read.) So I totally get that the name of this blog is a bit silly. Diaries are meant to be a personal experience right? Shared with only myself and the four walls of my bedroom and of course She-Ra. But I don't know so much about that way of thinking. After all, there are lots of circumstances where one reads someone else's diary. Like when an Indiana Jones-type finds some hidden journal from a secret tomb. Or when a nosy younger brother decides to pour through the diary of his big sister and then rattle on to their parents. Sometimes it just feels fun to read someone's diary. I think.
With that said, I wanted to share some things with you all. I have gotten emails and messages from so many of you wanting to see how I have been doing, and for some, this news will not be totally new. But out with it already. I moved back home with my parents because my marriage is over. Like over in a bad way over. I won't go into the details because I am a woman of a particular age and a lady does not divulge the nitty gritty details of her soap opera love life. Needless to say I have been in a fog. Not so much that I am regretting my decision, but more so that it just hurts. It hurts that my life was one way and now it jumped to page 87 in a Choose Your Own Adventure book when I had clearly wanted to go to page 22.
I'm doing ok though. I really am. Moving back home with my parents has been an adjustment, but it hasn't been all that bad. I've really been having a nice time with my parents and brother. Sure they don't get the dork thing that much, but I have totally introduced my parents to DVR. They now never miss a show. I also got my mom hooked on the show Meet the Goldbergs. (Though she is not a fan of Trophy Wife or Cougar Town.) My mom is also happy to have me there to help with the house cleaning because she gets a bit swamped with things and I am happy to help. My brother and I gossip about everything while also going out and doing fun things. I get to see my friends more. My dad laughs more now than ever before because he thinks I'm funny. I'm somehow making my mess of a life work. (I've also begun capturing my mom on Vine. She'd kill me if she knew, but she is pretty funny.)
My mind is not free from fear though. I cry a lot at those Pedigree dog food commercials where the dog is abandoned and then finds a good home. I also cry a lot when I'm driving home from work. I just don't really cry around others, because I think it bothers people. Like no one knows what to do when I cry. So I just save it for when I'm by myself. God that sounds like the saddest Tammy Wynette knock-off song ever. French fries from McDonald's really help though. French fries make everything better.
I think I'm scared that I will be alone forever; that I will literally become the old toy lady or that my mom's prophesy that we turn out like Grey Gardens will come true. I'm a romantic at heart and I love the idea of love, but I am really scared that I will never really know what that is. I know that sounds hokey and a little bit angst ridden, but it is something I fear. I've only ever done my best to be a great girlfriend or a great wife, but I just have the most rotten luck in finding a knight in shining armor to appreciate me. Of course at this moment in my life, I don't even know that I am wanting to deal with any of that love stuff. I've gotta get my stuff together!
Which is why I need to channel my inner She-Ra or Wonder Woman. I'm not letting my lot in life stop me from doing what I do best, and what I do is dorky! I have been going through my collection and finding things to part with. It is actually easier than I thought. It will take me awhile, but I have many care packages to send out. I also have wonderful toy interviews and stories to still tell that will keep you all on the edge of your seat. (I might actually be interviewing real life people too, but more on that for another time.)
I finally got my Marriage and Family Therapy license renewed! I'm still waiting for the paperwork to be mailed to me, but my status says active online! So that is really exciting. I can now practice again. I've also been continuing to sell makeup and perfumes to people. I am really good at selling stuff to people. I smile a lot and know how to paint my face up. Plus I like smelling good and that shows in selling fragrance to someone who also wants to smell good too. Ya know?
There has been a lack of fun vintage toy talk on here lately, I know, and that is because I have been officially writing for Retro-Daze.org! I have mentioned this before, but there is now a side panel of all the articles I have lovingly written for that wonderful site. I am very honored to have been given that opportunity. So for those who are wanting to enjoy some fun retro reads, please check them out. I have the best time writing about so many of my favorite topics. (I'm not the only one that writes stuff either. There are other wonderful writers too and even a forum!)
I've also been very busy on a super fun secretive project that has kept me away from posting as much as I'd like. So once I have finished that up I will be posting more on here and really getting down to the fun side of things. I really am doing fine. I have been keeping myself busy while trying to pick up the pieces of my life. The Diary is not going anywhere. I might not be posting as much right now, but I have a lot of stuff to still say. I also adore each and every one of you.
Now let's end all this talk with some toys. I recently traveled to the future and caught a glimpse of myself:
But in my mind, this is how I envision myself:
Also, I recently bought this on eBay for real cheap. We are all Flintstone Kids.
thanks for sharing miss m. for when you said you moved back with your parents i kind of figured out no more marriage for miss m. sadly but that doesn't mean you will never love again for some one will come along and prove worthy of you. and love the future lego block figures of you .
ReplyDeleteThanks demoncat. That is very nice of you to say, and yeah, turning into those future Lego characters seems pretty good to me! I hope you are doing well.
Delete" It hurts that my life was one way and now it jumped to page 87 in a Choose Your Own Adventure book when I had clearly wanted to go to page 22."
ReplyDeleteYou ARE funny! Believe me, I feel your pain, I do. But I also know that as fogged-in as you feel, there is a genuine heroine in that fog, slashing her way out with a Sword of Protection.
You will heal from this. But in the mean-time you will need to keep writing incredible posts like this one. I am so incredibly proud of you for keeping your head above water through all of this.
Hang in there.
Thanks Derek! I really am thankful for your words. I love the idea that I have a sword of protection and I'm hacking through this fog. I know I am going to be fine. I know in my brain, but it is my heart that needs to catch up. And I will be just fine. I've got so many people in my corner and that is a wonderful feeling. I hope that you and your family are doing well.
DeleteYou will be ok M you are She-Ra strong and i highly doubt you will alone forever because you are far too lovely and fun for someone to take notice.
ReplyDeleteThank you John! I am She-Ra strong! I want that on a shirt now. And thanks for the kind words, I hope that someone will think of me as a fun person to be with in life. I hope you are doing fantastic!
DeleteSometimes I envy you and my other league peers that you can be this open, with a sort of "Dear Diary" setup, while I try to balance personal with professional on a blog thats meant to promote my self-employed business.
ReplyDeleteI'm fighting to say "I know how you feel" because I'm currently unemployed, unattached and likewise living at home, but I doubt I'll know the kind of heartbreak you're dealing with right now. Don't be afraid to tell me to "shut up" and "you don't know what you're talking about" if I get too touchy.
My parents will often record their shows onto a disk to keep from missing them. Consequently we have over a dozen DVDs with one episode of "The Mentalist" on them. I need to keep my personal stash hidden for whenever theres something on TCM I want to add to my collection.
Helping out around the house actually gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment that I don't often get anywhere else. Its gotten to the point were I have come to enjoy scrubbing toilets and shoveling snow. Pretty wild huh?
French fries huh? Based on what I've seen in movies and TV I just figured Chocolate Ice Cream was a woman's default comfort food. Shows what I know!
Eager to learn more about this big secret project. I've got one of my own (If I can ever get this paperwork resolved), but I spilled the beans to you already, so you've one-uped me in the secret keeping department.
Oh My, I've seen that dark future too, and now I know that the M in Miss M stands for MADEA!!! http://media.theiapolis.com/d4-i1S2D-k2-l1EF/tyler-perry-as-madea-in-madea-s-witness-protection.html
Though Rockin' Mermaid and I may have something in common. I had the place to myself today and was really laying into the Disney Karaoke while I worked this afternoon.
Best Wishes M! You always have such cheery posts and its a pleasure to converse with you though the comments!
Well I can honestly say, I do have a hard time posting these personal things about my life. I really do. Hence why I am always adding humor and other stuff into it because I know it can be a lot for people to read. On the other hand though, I've had friends and family members tell me that my life would make one crazy book, so I think that is why I do post some stuff because of the realization that if I am going to be a writer one day, (I know I am a writer now, but the kind of writer that will one day have a book of some sort) I want to be able to write about all kinds of things. I do understand though that you have bigger reasons to avoid writing personal stuff on your blog for obvious reasons.
DeleteAnd I would never tell you to shut up. Like, ever. I am a firm believer that even though we all have our struggles and concerns, we can relate to each other on some level. So I thank you for sharing with me what you go through too. It means a lot. Plus, I do like helping out around the house too. I mean I did that when I was married, but even when I was living with my parents before, I was always helping. I like doing laundry. It is soothing. And I totally saw your picture with the shoveling of the snow. That is really helping! I don't know that I'd fare well with that.
And I am glad to know that you sing Disney Kareoke. I do that too, among other things. I tend to sing songs as well as reinact my favorite quotes and movie scenes. lol Mess, I know.
I do love ice cream, don't get me wrong. But nothing can compare to french fries. In terms of ice cream I love vanilla soft serve or bubble gum. They are the best followed by rainbow sherbet at Baskin Robins. However, french fries always take the cake. In all actuality I just really like food. A lot.
lol Madea. lol Oh goodness. lol Those glasses do look similar to the Lego figure though. and speaking of Madea, I sometimes wonder if Tyler Perry was influenced by that name from the Greek play. I loved that play when I was in college, even though it is a pretty sad and depressing play.
Anyways, I look forward to hearing more about your projects!!! I do know a little bit, but I am just really overjoyed for you, I can't say that enough. I hope you are doing well, and thanks for always catching up with me.
I intuited that you were either divorcing or separating from your husband the second you said that line where Toy Miss M had a dream about leaving her husband and selling perfume to mermaids. I didn't get the perfume to mermaids part, I know you do cosmetics, but the mermaid thing seemed unrelated! (I know you like mermaids but still don't get that part)
ReplyDeleteAnyway,I can relate to you in your whole doomed romantic perspective. Why do you think, at thirty years old, I can still relate to characters on teenage vampire shows? It's not JUST because I am a super hot guy with pale skin who wears leather jackets! (though I am that) it's cuz vampires are reaallly old, and they have been ravaged and destroyed by love. In our terms, thirty-something is old.Sometimes I feel like I'm a thousand years old, mostly because I was hurt a lot by girls a long time ago. And I stopped loving..well I didn't stop loving girls, but I stopped actively pursuing girls. And since I've come back to school to finish it off, I have been trying to avoid thinking about them, kinda hard because there are a lot of girls at college! And I fear, much like you fear, that I can't be with someone because I''m too eccentric. But we shouldn't give up hope-it's like that whole Shawshank Redemption quote, "hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." -hell, you you and I were born with weird diseases, I, with my heart condition, and you with..well, whatever you have, I know you have something. So, yet another way we can relate to the whole vampire thing is that we are these weird immortal creatures who have lived even when we weren't supposed to. For people like us, anything is possible. (except, maybe getting a copy of Action Comics #1) -and my condolences for your break up, but I knew that guy wasn't good enough for you! Well, actually, I knew practically nothing about him, and saw only like one picture of him ever, but still! It would be tough to find a man worthy of being called Mr. Miss M!
lol Well the mermaid thing was mentioned just cuz i love mermaids. lol So yeah, it didn't make a great deal of sense at all. Your comment really brings up a lot for me, especially with the idea of hope. I feel like at 31 I should abandon hope and just dissolve into a warm pool of cynical goo, and I certainly have some cynisism in me, I mean after all, I was a teen in the 90's, but I also love Disney movies and She-Ra so hope is going to always find a way to win out.
DeleteI hope that you find love one day Nick. You are a really funny guy. Plus pale guys rock, so you have that going for you. I wish I had paid more attention to guys in college. I was always so busy with school and stuff. I dated every now and then, but not really much. I have always had a rough time with guys, and I thank you for your words. lol I need to find a man tough enough to be called Mr. Miss M. lol That is funny.
Oh, I have found some girls that I consider to be "loves" I love too many girls, but either it's unrequited (like what would happen when I was younger) or I just don't follow through with it because I'm afraid of being hurt (like now)-and don't get me wrong, I'm every bit as cynical a person as you'll ever meet. But I have that two sides of the coin thing going, Where, I guess, in the back of my mind, I haven't given up. That is how I can coach people and help my friends, even when I feel like melting into goo like you do. Also, I think I really have a bit of a narcissistic god complex, That's why I think I can help people, and sometimes, I can, but not always. Now YOU are a marriage and family counselor? and you are getting divorced. How does that affect your work? You obviously have to talk people through stuff, even though you feel like giving up. I wonder, how do you approach that? I'm just curious, because, I think I could be a good counselor, but I know if I were one,I would be advising people to literally, "do as I say, not as I do" because, while I may wallow in drink and despair, I don't think that's the appropriate course to advise anyone on!
DeleteWell it does not totally affect my work. I think if anything my training and background in therapy allowed me to finally come to a point where I knew things needed to end because there was just no way that things were going to work. I treat therapy in a few ways. It is a particular mindset, like I want to make sure that my clients know they can feel safe to talk about anything and that there won't be any judgements, because I fully believe that a person has to feel safe if they are going to share what is going on with them. And I also treat the client as the expert, as in I have knowledge and experience on the process, but the client ultimately know what is best for them and I simply work with them to figure out how they can make their lives better.
DeleteAnd yeah, I have a dash of cynicism too, but at the end of the day I am a hopeless romantic till the end.
I'm not trying to ask you anything way too personal about your Ex-because this is a big public forum and all. But in one of your other responses to me, you mentioned that he was not supportive of your blogging and your toy passions. Did that play heavily into the discordance the two of you experienced? Again, I apologize if this is too personal, but I am just curious if the fact that you had these quirks (that obviously, many people love, based on your large amount of readers) and he did not, was an important factor in you determining your relationship was not working out. And if that was the case, I'm glad you got outta that situation! Because no one should ever not appreciate a wife who is willing to go that extra mile and create elaborate dioramas involving She-Ra and Ninja Turtles!!
DeleteHang in there, Miss M! From what I've seen, you're still pretty young and a young pretty if I may say! More importantly, you're a loud & proud dorkette! Someone will find you! I mentioned it in your battlecat plush post, but when a guy meets a girl geek, it takes so much pressure off of him to be "a guy" and lets him be his true self around you.
ReplyDeleteAnd if all else fails, you've still got us :D
Thank you Dex! I would like to think I am still young. lol There are some days where I feel as old as dirt, but 31 is still young. I won't truly be old until I'm like 93. And thanks for your words. It makes me feel good to think that if I ever do find love again it will be with a guy that will appreciate and even be geeky. I think those things are important.
DeleteAnd you are absolutely right, at the end of the day I have all of you and your comments and friendships. That is a very great thing!
have you seen this?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdEy-p-86vE
I guess this episode of Batman, the Brave and the Bold, was banned in the U.S. (or at least edited) you can see how the lyrics are a bit gulp worthy! I love the Huntress design! I just love this show!
This is amazing!I have never seen this. The lyrics are a bit gulp worthy, but they are also a lot of fun. I love that Catwoman look too. Oh how fun is this? Thanks for sharing.
DeleteThe Catwoman look is classic Silver age. So are most of the designs on this show. This show lasted for three season and I now own all of them on amazon! I had stopped watching the cartoon network out of frustration before this show even began airing. I hated the cartoon called "The Batman" that, I think, was the Batman cartoon that came out prior to this one. (because it followed the classic 90's and early 2000's Batman the Animated Series and Justice League related shows, and it changed it up was a stupid supposedly "darker" re-imagining.But really it only amounted to bad character designs.) but just this past Christmas break, I decided to give this show a look, because I heard it was a big campy love letter to the comics of the 50's and 60's -and it is! It knocked my dick in the dirt!! Best Batman cartoon ever! This is the direction I'm going to take Moose Comics. If I cant be graphically "adult" -I can still be fun beyond belief! Only problem is, the very last episode of the show, they used my idea! They had a joke where Gorilla Grodd (bad guy gorilla from DC comics) uses a ray to turn people into bananas! Now I think I should change Joey Bananas origin to something like, maybe he comes from another planet with people who have fruits for heads, and that is why the space apes are chasing him and he hates them. I dunno. but the very fact that I had an idea so close to this show, makes me know that I am on the right track for success!!
DeleteThe Silver Age Catwoman is one of my favorites. I love the cape and the dress. The color combination also looks cool. I will really need to check out this cartoon. It looks really cool.
DeleteAnd that stinks about your idea! I hate it when things like that happen, but on the other hand, that is cool in a way! You are right, your ideas are good. I know you will come up with something good.
I could go on about all the things that went wrong with the 2000s "The Batman" series. Its chief problem was not having a distinct identity in the scope of the Batman franchise so most episodes felt very schizophrenic, altering between dark situations and high camp, often in the same episode!
Delete"Brave and the Bold" was a breath of fresh air after that, dipping its toes in the untapped fun of the silver age with an emphasis on "fun" and made sure the tone stayed consistent.
As a comic artist myself I'm interested in see the progress of your work. Where can I go to see it?
Did u request a knight in shining armor? https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8b5lbL1lIUxY0gta25rMzNqTjg/edit?usp=sharing
ReplyDeleteI think this is the first time that anyone has ever edited one of my photos! How fun! Thanks for sharing that Sir Lancerlot. Hope you are doing well.
DeleteWait... aren't you She-Ra?!
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up girlie....
I wish I was She-Ra! I want to get around on a flying unicorn. lol Thanks for the comment!
DeleteJust discovered your blog while searching for info on Entrapta, whom I just picked up. I'm sure you're in a better place by now, but I'll add another cliche to to the millions I'm sure you've heard: what you describe in this is precisely how most of us who've been through divorce feel (and mine had unspoken, gritty details as well). It was eight years ago for me, but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened - now I have a soul mate and two wonderful young children.
ReplyDeleteLove the blog -- following on facebook now. Good luck!
Thank you so much for this comment! I'm glad you found this little blog and especially by way of Entrapta! I'm glad you picked one up!
DeleteAnd thanks for the kind words. It is pretty rough, but like you have mentioned and what i have heard from other people, I can only hope that I am able to work towards the life I've always dreamed of. Thanks for reading and I hope you continue to do so. I have a lot of fun on this blog and hopefully you will too!