May 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

Ok. So here's the latest scoop. I'm still in Arkham Asylum. I have no idea when I'm getting out. It really sucks. I have made some new friends though. Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy took some getting used to at first, but they aren't so bad now. Sure Harley goes on and on about her Mr. J and Ivy rattles on about plant facts ad nauseam, but it really is nice. Jean Grey also stops by for visits from her stint in super hero rehab on the first floor. The rehab floor is pretty cool. The patients there aren't treated harshly like the criminally insane floor. They have a spa and there's the underground mall. Plus they get to go to group therapy and actually have someone listen to them talk about their problems! I have been trying to get someone to listen to my problems for months. Who knew I just needed therapy? Anyways, I guess this is where my story will end. Arkham Asylum isn't that bad. I can see myself growing old here. I'm in control of Moth Lady's body and I know I'll never find this silly dragon figurine that Maleficent keeps talking about. Plus, I think there is even going to be a spring formal where the women will get to mingle with the men. Maybe this is where I'll end up finding my next great love. After all, Michelangelo is never going to love me looking like this. Oh well Diary, I'm out!

-Miss M

Miss M: I'm really glad you slipped away to have lunch with me Jean. I'm just so happy to see you!

Jean: I know. It has been taking some getting used to with this new look of yours, but I think this new look is great.

Miss M: Now I know you are crazy. This look is awful. My hair is crimped and fried. I have a lame facial tattoo. I couldn't even get into the body of someone with a half decent facial tattoo. And have you seen my thighs?
Jean: I think you are too hard on yourself. I recall you finding fault with your thighs in your old body as well.
Miss M: Ha. I need to write a book on my life. The Fault In Our Bodies. I see it on book shelves now.

Jean: More like The Fault In Our Minds. You are a stunning creature M. Never doubt that about yourself.
Miss M: Anyways. What do you have planned for the day?

Jean: Well my spa day was wonderful. Up next I've got some cold yoga and then group therapy. The topic this week is: working through dating the wrong men. I have so much to learn.
Miss M: Yeah. I'd imagine that whole Scott and Emma thing was tough huh?

Jean: I'm not talking about it. Goodness, I have a lot of work to do. I should probably get going. I'll talk to ya later.
Miss M: Bye!

Jean leaves as Miss M's other friends show up.

Harley Quinn: Hey Crimp!
Miss M: Hi gals. What's new?
Poison Ivy: Not much. We just finished talking with the staff nurse. Guess what?
Miss M: I'm getting out of here?

Harley Quinn: Ha ha! No Crimp. Guess again!
Miss M: I don't know.

Poison Ivy: (rolls her eyes) Ignore M's lame passiveness Harl. We're excited because there is going to be a formal.

Harley Quinn: Co-ed inmate formal!

Miss M: That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Who is running this operation?
Harley Quinn: (shrugs) Who knows? I'm excited because I'll get to see Mistah J! Oh I can't wait to see him in his nice suit. What should I wear?

Poison Ivy: As long as it isn't some silly two tone corset, we should be good.
Harley Quinn: Oh Red, you're never any fun.

Miss M can only look on at her friends in silence. A spring formal in a house for the criminally insane. This will be the event of the year. (Editor's note: Or so she thinks! Stay tuned dear readers!)

Meanwhile in the dank depths of despair, otherwise known as Snake Mountain, a team of Cat Ladies are slinking about trying to sneak into Skeletor's lair!

Black Cat: So that's really my issue with all of it. He wants to swing into my posh apartment like a damn thief in the night to flirt with me, but he'll never really see me as anything other than a great pair of...

Cheetah: Do you ever think that maybe you are the one holding yourself back? Maybe something could really work out between you and Spider-Man.

Black Cat: Please. He'll see MJ a mile away in distress and come a running. I mean, how can I compete with the always sunny Mary Jane or the dead saint Gwen? What is my place in this sordid tale other than the sexpot fantasy?

Cheetah: Lots of people end up with their fantasies. It isn't unheard of.

Black Cat: Well it isn't for me. I have bad luck.
Cheetah: No you don't.

Black Cat: No really, I do.

Up ahead, Catra motions for everyone to be quiet.

Cheetara: (whispers) Is anyone home?

Catra: I can hear Skeletor's maniacal laugh, can't you?

Cheetara: Sort of. All right. What's the plan?

Catwoman: I can hear his laugh too. He sounds so silly.

Tigra: None of this sounds silly. Did you see the giant snake head at the top of this place? We're probably going to die.

Catra: We can either go in quietly or take a more bombastic approach. It's your call.

As the Cat Ladies formulate their plan, Skeletor is busy yelling at his minions.

Skeletor: How many times have I told you Beast Man? How many times? Stop spoiling the Mattel releases for me. I wanted to find out the secret reveal for next month.

Beast Man: Uhh, I'm sorry Skeletor. I just thought you'd be excited.

Skeletor: Excited? Me? I don't think I like a baby version of me out there. It makes me look... cute. Yuck. I hate looking cute.

Beast Man: Uhh, I don't know Skeletor. I think it is cool. You were a cute baby.

Skeletor: Ugh, did you not hear a word I just said Beast Man? I didn't even have that skull face when I was a baby! If you don't watch it, I'm going to turn you all into babies just like Evan's idea from that Geek Fallout podcast Evil-Lyn is always playing on her Skull-Pod.

Beast Man: (notices trouble) Umm, Skeletor?
Skeletor: Oh what is it now Beast Man?

Skeletor turns to see a cadre of Cat Ladies!

Skeletor: What is this?! How dare you enter into Snake Mountain!

Catra: Can it Skeletor.

Cheetara: Yeah. And don't dare think of contacting your other evil warriors. Let's not make this messy.

Skeletor: What are you all doing here?

Tigra: Yeah, why are we here again?

Black Cat: Umm, did you just have a massive brain fart? We're here to get the details on who killed Miss M.

Catwoman: You know who Miss M is, right Skeletor?
Skeletor: Never heard that name before.

Beast Man: But Skeletor, that was the girl...

Skeletor: Quiet you!!
Catra: Oh come on Skeletor. Make this easy on all of us. We have it on high authority that you were involved with a shady person involving the death of Miss M. Now spill the beans or we'll spill your guts.

Tigra: Eww. Are we really going to kill him, because I think I'm still an Avenger and I can't do jail time.

Black Cat: Yeah, we aren't gonna kill anyone right? Just scare him, that was the plan. I'm trying to be better in all my gray areas.
Catra: (rubs her temples) No, we aren't going to kill anyone. It was a bad cop threat.

Suddenly, the party gets even bigger!

Evil-Lyn: That's a shame about your lame threat. I know I'm not above killing any of you.

Catra: Evil-Lyn, this does not need to concern you. We just need answers from Skeletor.

Evil-Lyn: I wonder what Hordak would say if he saw you here, cavorting with Cat Ladies.
Catra: Hordak would probably be pleased to see me kick Skeletor's ass.
Skeletor: That would not happen my dear. (calls out for evil warriors) Let's even the playing field, hmm?

Mer-Man, Trap Jaw, and Two Bad menacingly enter the room.

Skeletor: It's only fair that I make this the perfect co-ed formal.

Tigra: Ladies, this doesn't look good.

Cheetah: Please, I've held my own against worse.

Catwoman: Me too.

Cheetara: Catra, what do we do now?

Catra: All right Cat Ladies, we pounce!

As the battle to end all battles begins, a loud voice booms from high above!

Booming voice: Now that isn't very nice! I hate not being invited to a party.

Skeletor: (looks up) What?

In a flash, She-Ra and Wonder Woman crash through in battle poses!

Skeletor: Oh you have got to be kidding me! Curse you She-Ra!

She-Ra: Curse you Skeletor. (motions to all the Cat Ladies) I don't know what this is all about, but I'm here for my friend Sea Hawk.

Wonder Woman: And I'm the added muscle.
Skeletor: I'll break you both like twigs!

She-Ra: Sounds like a regular Friday night. Ready Wonder Woman?

Wonder Woman: Always.

Meanwhile in the After Life...

Maleficent: (looking in on Miss M through magic) That fool girl isn't doing anything. She is still in that silly Asylum with no motivation to get out. Must I always start a revolution?

Maleficent: (calls to Widow Maker) Fetch me the blood of a Dark Pony! I need my magic capacitor at full strength!

Widow Maker: What are you going to do?

Maleficent: I'm doing what every Disney villain does oh so well. I'm stepping out in a new body. I can't keep this image up on Earth, but with just enough magic energy from Dark Pony blood I can disguise myself into something... super...

Back to Earth, most notably the Arkham Asylum...

The Joker: Look at those fools in the commons area. All planning some silly dance. As if to fool us into forgetting where we truly are. I hate this place. I belong out there in the world with my particular brand... of creativity. But that's ok. Nothing good ever happens to the disturbed. Though what could be disturbing about me, in a parade? With toxins. HaHAHAhaHahAha!

Suddenly a slight quake rattles the structure as a guest crashes through kneeling on the ground.

The Joker: What is this interesting turn of events?

Maleficent is disguised as Superwoman!!!!

Superwoman: Hello.

The Joker: Who are you?

Superwoman: I am an interested party. I hear you want to start a revolution.

The Joker: How did you know that?

Superwoman: Oh it's very simple. I can sense the chaos in your heart. What would you say if I were able to start the spark you need to unleash your particular brand of creativity on this city?
The Joker: I'd say you are full of it.
Superwoman: Fine. You don't have to believe me. But let me show you just in case. (snaps fingers as the Joker hears the sounds of his cell doors unlocking and opening)

The Joker: What the-

Superwoman: Told you. Now you go out and raise a little hell...

Superwoman strides out of the room with a grin on her face.

Superwoman: ...while I hunt for a dorkette.

The May 2014 Bodacious Baddie has spoken!

To be continued!!!

June can only get hotter as the action and adventure unfolds!

Also, stay tuned. I will be posting something in a few days about a way in which to get us all in the mood to celebrate the Diary of a Dorkette anniversary! This should be pretty darn fun. Take care everyone!