Wednesday, May 28, 2014

May 2014 Woman of Wonderosity!

Dear Diary,

I'm having to write this entry in chalk on the bathroom floor of my padded room. I'm locked up in Arkham Asylum and they won't give me any writing utensils. I don't even know where I should begin. My heart aches for Alfred. I can only hope I have not hurt him. Well, it was not really me, it was Moth Lady. She regained control of her body and I slipped away. But only for a few moments! I feel her slipping into control more often now. Oh Diary, I am so scared she will regain her consciousness. And then what will become of me? I can't cease to exist! My story is only just beginning! There's so much I want to do still. Instead I got shipped to Arkham Asylum. Oh Diary. It's pretty bad. The people who have rooms on my hall are... interesting. I just want to go home. I don't know how much longer I can take it inside... Arkham Asylum!!!

-Miss M

Harley Quinn: So Red, I was thinkin, can we bust outta this joint? Mistah J would really like to see me I'm sure.

Poison Ivy: No he wouldn't. Why you find yourself smitten with that jerk is forever at a loss for me.
Harley Quinn: Nah, it isn't a loss for me. Mistah J is a real gas. He likes to treat crime like a laugh track. The coppers won't get us this time.

Poison Ivy: They always get us. Come now Harl, this is our 8th stint in this dump.

Harley Quinn: I know. (sighs) And to think, Mistah J is locked up in the other wing...

Miss M: (shouts from her bed) Ok!! We get it. We all get it. Mr. J is like your Mr. Big. (points to the two ladies) And you two have a little Thelma and Louise complex to attend to, we get it! But I have just one thing to say, don't you broads ever go to freakin sleep?! In your own rooms!? I can't take this anymore!

Poison Ivy: Yeesh. What sort of rash crawled up her legs?

Harley Quinn: I remember that one time Mistah J and I gave that door man a rash for trying to call the cops on us.

Miss M: Whatever! If you don't mind, how does this work? My understanding of an asylum is that the inmates can't mill around visiting each other at any given hour. How is it that you two never go to your own rooms?
Harley Quinn: Because we've taken a liking to ya Crimp.That's my new name for you with all that crimped hair of yours.
Miss M: I get it. And for the last time, my name is Miss M. Or M if you are feeling lazy.

Poison Ivy: Darling, don't be so touchy. Harl and I keep visiting you because we like you.
Harley Quinn: Yeah! Us bad girls gotta stick together! Right Red?
Poison Ivy: Positively darling.
Miss M: But I'm not a bad girl! I'm one of the good guys.
Poison Ivy: You don't look like a good guy. (both ladies hop off M's bed)

Harley Quinn: Yeah! Crimp, you look like a villain. That face and those wings gives ya away. Besides, you're on this floor with us. Only the baddies make it to this level of Arkham.
Miss M: I'm not a villain!
Poison Ivy: It's ok darling. Some of us take a little longer to accept our true colors, but when we do, that is when we begin to fully bloom.

Miss M: I need a break. By all means, you two stay here. I'm going out for some snacks.
Harley Quinn: Ohh! Bring me back some Baby Cakes, ok Crimp! That frosting is so good. (looks sad) Mistah J liked to stay up eating those treats when we were together. I miss him so much.
Poison Ivy: Le sigh.
Miss M walks off leaving the two partners in crime alone.

While walking through the dangerous pitfalls of Arkham Asylum, Miss M makes her way towards the vending machine. Soon enough she comes across a familiar face she has long been trying to find. Why, she comes across the...

May 2014 Woman of Wonderosity!

Miss M: Jean Grey! Is that you?

Jean Grey: Yes, it is.
Miss M: Oh my goodness! I have been looking all over for you! For months! I thought you were dead.
Jean Grey: No, I've been alive this whole time. After working with Grant Morrison, Marvel wanted to put me on suspended hiatus. They said I needed to go on vacation. Apparently they were concerned that I wasn't going to have much story. After being without work for so long and realizing that the powers-that-be thought my ghost was a better direction for my character, I had a break from reality. I nearly went all Dark Phoenix on the world, especially after I found out they were bringing me back, but as my younger self from the past. I just couldn't deal, ya know?
Miss M: I know exactly what you mean. Life has been real messy.
Jean Grey: Right!? Anyways, a friend told me that Arkham Asylum had a special program for people wanting just a slight rejuvenation on life. I mean, nothing like the floor for the criminally insane, but just an out patient relaxation spot. There are so many interesting aspects to this asylum that the general public has no idea about. There's even a mall in the basement, like full on Barbra Streisand mall in the basement. Anyways, I've been treating my time here like a getaway. With bars on the windows.
Miss M: Oh wow. So, what are you doing on the criminally insane floor?

Jean Grey: This is the floor with the best vending machine in Arkham. The Baby Cakes are very addictive.
Miss M: I've been told that. I might have to try some.
Jean Grey: What's your name?
Miss M: I'm Miss M.
Jean Grey: Wait a minute. I had a friend named Miss M.
Miss M: It's me Jean.

Jean Grey: That can't be, Miss M died...
Miss M: Died? Yeah, since when has that stopped anyone we know?
Jean Grey: Ok. Good point. But you look nothing like my friend.
Miss M: Look, I could explain, but I won't. Instead, read my mind. I have been waiting to come across a telepath!

Jean looks into Miss M's mind and locates the key moments leading up to the present...

Jean Grey: Oh my goodness! It is really you! Oh Miss M, you poor thing!
Miss M: You know now. Someone understands. Oh I could just collapse into your arms in a fit of sobs. I am so thankful for mutants.

Jean Grey: But, M, there's another psyche with you.
Miss M: I know. Moth Lady. She's dangerous and threatens me at every chance she gets to regain control of her body.
Jean Grey: Maybe I could help.
Miss M: How?
Jean Grey: Since we don't know how much longer you have in this body, I could temporarily meld both your minds together and leave you as the dominant presence.
Miss M: That makes my head hurt.
Jean Grey: And it will hurt M. Essentially you'd be cramming her whole life with your life. That's a lot of memories and experiences. Do you think you'd be up for taking on Moth Lady's past demons?
Miss M: I'd do anything if it meant I wouldn't have to worry about her gaining control and hurting another person. I don't think I could live with that. I have to ask though, will this change who I am? By taking on her mind, will I become evil?
Jean Grey: I don't know. You could very well open yourself to the darker aspects of life, but I know you. Your heart is pure. No matter what, your heart has always been pure.
Miss M: Ok. Fine. Let's do this.
Jean Grey: All right. Stand still.

Soon Jean unleashes a stream of psychic energy on M's head and begins the process of melding the minds.

Inside the mind of Moth Lady...

Moth Lady: You stupid dork girl! You can't do this to me!

Miss M: It's happening Moth Lady! You won't win this.

Moth Lady: I'll die trying! (closes in on M)

Miss M: Get away from me!
Moth Lady: But this is my body!!! Mine!!! You can't control my body!!!!

Moth Lady screams as a streak of psychic energy zaps through her rendering her unconscious.

Miss M: (stands very still) Moth Lady? Are you there? Moth Lady? (realizes she is safe) Oh wow. I'm so sorry it had to end this way, but, I have to fix this. I can't have you getting in the way of things.

Back to the real world...

Miss M: Jean. Thank you so much.

Jean Grey: You are welcome my friend.
Miss M: Now we just need you to tell everyone that you read my mind and that I am who I say I am.
Jean Grey: I can't do that.
Miss M: Why not? Your approval could get everyone I know and love to see that I indeed came back to life.

Jean Grey: I'm under contract with Marvel. I could lose everything if I showed my face around town. Before they can reignite my story they want to see how this time displaced younger version of me does. I'm stuck here, with this throwback look to the 90's.
Miss M: I like this look. It's a very iconic piece.
Jean Grey: Oh my dear dorky friend. I look like the worst part of the 90's.
Miss M: Trust me Jean, there were plenty of worse looks from the 90's.

Jean Grey: You have a point. Listen M, it's getting pretty late. I should get back to my room. Tomorrow is my spa day.
Miss M: Oh, ok. Sure. Will we get to hang out again? I'm not really sure how long I will be here.
Jean Grey: Of course! My goodness, you're alive! Trust me, you get used to coming back from the dead. Although, I never had to deal with swapped bodies. You should maybe talk to Psylocke about that topic.
Miss M: That makes perfect sense. Talk to you later Jean!
Jean Grey: Farewell Miss M!

May 2014 Woman of Wonderosity!

But wait, there's more!

As Miss M heads back to her room, the melding of her mind and the mind of Moth Lady creates a temporal lobe distortion.

Miss M: (braces against a wall) Ohhh I don't feel so good. All these memories and all that evil, it's making my head spin. I feel so queasy.

Suddenly a voice cheerfully calls out.

Pinky Pie: You need a seltzer! Or confetti. Everything is better with confetti!

Miss M: Why do you always find a way of popping up?

Pinky Pie: Because. I'm stuck on you!
Miss M: Like a piece of glitter or confetti?

Pinky Pie: Now you are getting it!
Miss M: Are you real?
Pinky Pie: I'm real in Ponyville.
Miss M: You know something! More than you let on. What are you doing here?

Pinky Pie: I'm your spirit pony Miss M.
Miss M: Wait. Like, my spirit pony or Moth Lady's spirit pony? I'm confused.
Pinky Pie: I'm your spirit pony Miss M. The real you, not this old grody Moth Lady.
Miss M: What does a spirit pony do?

Pinky Pie: A spirit pony helps guide individuals through life, through the good and the bad.
Miss M: Where were you when I was in my old body? This is the first I've ever heard of this.
Pinky Pie: Oh I don't know. Maybe I was planning a party with lots of confetti.
Miss M: That's one long party!
Pinky Pie: I know. I plan the best parties!
Miss M: Ok. So does this mean you aren't in party season right now, because I have been seeing you a lot lately.
Pinky Pie: I'm here because you are in grave danger.
Miss M: That never sounds good.
Pinky Pie: Oh it totally isn't. You're right. Danger is around every turn. (whispers loudly) You are in a building with a lot of baddies!
Miss M: I know.
Pinky Pie: (looks scared) I've gotta go M. She's coming.
Miss M: Huh?

In a matter of seconds, Pinky Pie is gone and a plume of smoke soon fills the air as Maleficent enters!

Maleficent: Well, well, well. You are a hard woman to keep track of...
Miss M: Oh what do you want!? You can leave me the heck alone. You tricked me!
Maleficent: I did no such thing.
Miss M: Hello! You said you'd bring me back to life, but you failed to tell me I'd be in the wrong body!

Maleficent: You should never get caught up on the details my dear. You are alive again, that is what matters most. Besides, I needed to make sure you'd still help me find my dragon figurine. For all I knew, I'd put you back into your body and you'd just run off for true love. We made a deal and I had to make sure that deal worked. You must understand, hmm?
Miss M: Whatever. How do I get back to my old body?

Maleficent: Well let's see. Now that you know what I am capable of, you will have more motivation to find my dragon figurine yes? And upon finding it, I will grant you what you seek most in this world. Your old life in that pale raggedy body.

Miss M: I don't know that I can trust you.
Maleficent: And it was I that did not trust you. For which I am terribly sorry. Now let's finish these games. Go out and find me what I seek.
Miss M: Why can't you find it yourself?

Maleficent: Oh must you be so coy. I am still in the After Life. You are seeing me by mere magic and my powers aren't strong enough to keep this up for long. It has to be you Miss M. You'll find the dragon and then everything will make sense.
Miss M: Ok fine. There's just one other problem.
Maleficent: Of course there is. There's always a problem with you.

Miss M: Umm yeah. Hello! I'm locked in an asylum. Or did you not even notice?
Maleficent: (grins) Don't worry about that. There's enough unrest in these halls that you should be getting out real soon. I can assure you.
Miss M: Oh. That sounds... scary.

Maleficent: Just keep your eyes on the prize my dear and I will come through for you. Now, I must get going. The After Life is waiting for me once more. Farewell Miss M.

Miss M: Ok.

With Maleficent gone, Miss M wanders back to her room uncertain how she will be getting out of this latest pickle...

Next time!

End May with one final interview! All kinds of chaos unfolds with the May 2014 Bodacious Baddie!!!


  1. You must have intentionally picked Jean to be your savior! She is maybe the ultimate X-babe for 90's fans! Have you seen "Days of Future Past"yet? I thought Kitty is a big part of that storyline- but they downplay her in all the ads! I haven't seen the movie, but I know Ellen Page just came out of the closest recently-hope they didn't downplay her character because of that!
    I loved the flashback in this post! And I loved the Arkham stuff! Hey, did you see the Arrow episode this season where they did a lil' Harley Quinn cameo? Let's just hope the upcoming Fox show "Gotham" can hold up to Arrow, and the upcoming CW flash show! I like Ben Mckenzie from the O.C, but otherwise, I dunno if I trust that a show like that will work unless it is on CW!

    1. I adore Jean. This version of her is one of my favorites. I have seen X-Men Days and it is a great movie. There were some plot holes due to the messy continuity of the other films, but all in all it was a great X-Men movie, if only because it really restarts the whole franchise. And they did downplay Kitty in the ads, but I don't think it had to deal with Ellen Page ocming out. I think it was more so about there just being so much that happens in this movie.

      Glad you liked the Arkham stuff too! I might give the Gotham show a shot. I need to see more. However, Arrow has been amazing! Just amazing!

  2. It is funny to think of this whole "animated actors" trope, with Jean Grey being repeated written as dead and having to disappear for a while. I imagine its kinda like celebrity rehab.

    Then again comic book death seems to have the same kind of revolving doors as Arkham so it makes sense to see Jean here.

    Don't sell yourself short Jeannie, you don't look like the worst part of the 90s. Although the headband, shoulderpads, high cut swimsuit trim and huge belt make you look like the silliest leftovers of the 80s. I'm sure you've also got the "long butt" that was popular at the time before Sir Mix-A-Lot's single said soul sisters sizzled smoothly.

    Maleficent seems to be suffering the same sudden size change since her last appearance like Spider-Man was experiencing in the last post. Perhaps Optimis Prime can give them all some pointers later. He knows a lot about that sort of thing.

    1. Yes, death is a very revolving thing in the world of comics.

      Your whole part about the long butts was so funny, because I do know exactly what you are talking about! lol There was a lot of that for sure. Maleficent has changed. It is difficult to incorporate a doll sized character with smaller environments. Plus they just don't make any nice sized articulated Maleficent action figures. lol Which is sad.

    2. I remember my first exposure to the longbutt in that scene with the lady at the door in "Point Break".

      All I could think is "ouch, that looks painful!"

      Perhaps we'll get some new Maleficent figures in the wake of this new movie.

    3. lol! Yeah that just looks awkward! lol I can't believe that was ever a look that women wanted to attain. lol

      There are some fun Maleficent items out in time for the movie. I like the dolls, but I do wish there were some nicely detailed six inch figures. The scale would work better with these stories.

  3. Replies
    1. lol I was hoping that would draw some smiles and laughs. I just think it would be awesome.

  4. I like the idea that Jean's just chilling out somewhere, waiting for her big comeback.

    ...And that Arkham's got a spa level.

    1. lol I have been waiting since Grant killed her off for her to return as herself and actually be a main character again. It has been a long time. I also want to go to the Arkham spa level. lol

  5. nice for figured if toy miss m would come across any telepath to help her why not be jean since one even Maliciefient would proably figure she is in the after life and toy miss m would not go seeking out a telepath for help. plus love that arkham has a spa level. for after killer croc and poision ivy have to have some way to stay moist too.

    1. I've been wanting to get to this story for months. I knew way back when that Jean was going to be the one to figure this all out, but it was just dealing with the waiting game. lol I also had to smile at the idea of Killer Croc and Poison Ivy needing some way to stay spa ready with the Arkham spa. lol