June 2014 Heroic Hottie!

Dear Diary,

I'm still a lifer inside Arkham Asylum. I mean, you really get used to it. In fact there is a formal happening right now. I took a break to freshen up and try to look presentable in a new dress. It isn't couture, but it has a certain flair. My hair is in perma-crimp mode still so there really isn't much I can do with that. Not that it even matters. At the end of the day, I'm still stuck in the wrong body and I'm living inside Arkham Asylum. I find myself wondering about my friends from my old life. And even Roach from my brief stint living under a bridge on Main Street. He might have been an insect, but he wasn't that bad. Oh goodness, it doesn't matter. I need to get back to the formal. 

See ya!

M

Poison Ivy: I hate these things. This formal reminds me of being in high school: standing alone by the punch bowl and watching everyone else having a good time.

Miss M: At least you went to your school formals. I never did.
Poison Ivy: Why not?
Miss M: Oh heavens no. I had dreams. And some dreams are just never meant to be and I chose to do something different than attend an event where I'd be experiencing anything less than what I had hoped for.

Poison Ivy: That sounds depressing.

Jean Grey: I loved attending school dances. Granted, my school dance was at a posh mansion with other mutants, but it was still awesome.

Miss M: (looks over to Poison Ivy) Yeah. For awhile there she was the only girl at her school. I'm fairly certain she got asked to dance a great deal.

Jean Grey: It wasn't like that. Bobby was such a clown and Beast was like a brother. Of course there was Warren and Scott. And then Wolverine. And then...
Miss M: Ok! We get it! Lots of guys crushed on you heavily. Must have been nice.
Jean Grey: Maybe you shouldn't worry about a guy crushing on you and instead just have fun, like Harley is. Look at her, she hasn't stopped dancing all night.

Harley: (spins around) La, la, la. La, laaa! Laaaaa!

 Poison Ivy: She is such a fool. (gets ready to walk off)

Miss M: Where are you going?

Poison Ivy: I'm going to see if Harley wants to dance. I keep hoping someone will play some Cyndi Lauper.
Jean Grey: That would be nice.
Miss M: I agree! If they play Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, I say we all go in and do a group dance!
Poison Ivy: Oh you are lame for a villain, ya know that Crimp?

Miss M: (sighs) I'm not really a villain. And my name is not Crimp.

Poison Ivy walks off.

Miss M: Ok Jean. Looks like it's just us two.

Jean Grey: Yeah.

Gentleman Ghost approaches.

Gentleman Ghost: Would you like to dance?

Miss M: Who, me? Oh... umm... sure!

Gentleman Ghost: No, I was wanting to ask Jean.

Miss M: Oh. Of course.

Jean Grey: I can't leave my friend alone.
Miss M: No! You go and dance. Have fun! It could always be worse. You could be in the White Hot Room.

Jean Grey: Ok.

Miss M stands alone.

Miss M: Well, isn't this something. Maybe someone has spiked the punch by now. (whispers to herself) I really want someone to ask me to dance. It'd make my night.

Riddler approaches.

Riddler: Riddle me this luscious lady, what can make you laugh while thrilling you to your core?
Miss M: Oh wow! You're here?! I thought you were officiating marriage ceremonies.
Riddler: I was. I was also running from the law. I got caught. Hey, you seem familiar. Were you at one of my weddings?

Miss M: Yes. I was there when you married April O'Neil and Casey Jones.
Riddler: Ah yes, their second marriage on Halloween. I don't remember you being there though.

Miss M: I had a different face back then.
Riddler: Yes. Well, you never guessed my riddle.
Miss M: Ok. I don't know what can make me laugh and be thrilled at the same time. Sorry. (whispers to herself) You maybe ask me to dance though...

Riddler: (ignores her plea) The riddle is such an easy answer though: it's a joke.

Suddenly the doors to the formal slam open and the music stops. Everyone turns to stare at: the Joker!!!

Joker: So sorry to be so late! Now the fun can truly start.

Guards rush to stop him.

Joker: Tsk. Tsk. I'm afraid not!

Joker takes care of the guard by the door as residents of the asylum scream.

Miss M: Oh my goodness.

A second guard tries to stop the Joker.

The Joker quickly dispatches the second guard before busting out into infectious laughter.

Harley: Oh Mistah J!!! Is that really you?!

The Joker strides to his lady love.

Joker: Ah my sweet little pet. Shall we dance?
Harley: (screams in delight) Of course! La, la, laaa! La, la, laaa!

Joker: DJ! Play some music now, before I hurt someone.

The DJ plays some music, a song called Lady in Red, and the two dance.

Meanwhile at another part of the asylum...

Bruce Wayne: Thank you for taking the time to see me. I am here about a patient. I'm looking for a lady by the name of Moth Lady, she might also be calling herself Miss M.

Marvin Monroe: I'm sorry, I can't let you see my patients right now. Visiting hours are over and the residents are attending their formal.

Bruce Wayne: Yes, I was told that, but I have been trying to see Miss M for some time now. I keep getting the run around.
Marvin Monroe: Hmm, let's see. Miss M is not real. Moth Lady is a dangerous woman pretending to be a dead dorky girl. Now Mr. Wayne, why would you want to talk to someone like that?
Bruce Wayne: Because she was staying with me and she harmed my butler.

Marvin Monroe: Ah, the woes of the wealthy. I'm sure you'll find another butler. Now if you'll excuse me, I have more case notes to attend to.

A guard rushes in.

Guard: Dr. Monroe! We have a problem.
Marvin Monroe: What is it?
Guard: The Joker got out.

Marvin Monroe: Impossible!

Guard: He's out and he has locked himself inside the formal. Reports are that he has already killed the guards inside and the rest of the residents might be in danger.
Marvin Monroe: Sound the alarms. Put this place on lock down.

The guard leaves.

Marvin Monroe: Mr. Wayne, I am terribly sorry for this, but I must leave. I am asking you to stay here in my office until the lock down is over. For your own safety of course.
Bruce Wayne: Of course.

Dr. Monroe exits.

Bruce Wayne: She is going to need a knight.

Back to the formal...

Joker: I told you all to let the music play! That didn't happen. So now look, the DJ is dead. Now, would someone PLEASE play some more music!

Harley: Oh Mistah J, you know how to make a girl feel funny inside.

Joker: Only the best for you my dear. Anyone else wanna play games with me? HahaHaHAha!

Jean Grey: M, what are we going to do?

Miss M: I don't know. Can't you just walk into his mind and shut him down telepathically or something?

Jean Grey: Oh no. I won't step a foot in his head. There's no telling what I'd find in there.

Poison Ivy: Bravo Joker. Look at you, all big man on Arkham. The MVP. So what's next?
Joker: Why Poison Ivy. As thankful as I am for your friendship with watching over Harley, I won't be needing you to take care of her. That is my job. (Harley can only stand there)

Poison Ivy: She can take care of herself. She doesn't need you.

Joker: But of course she does my dreadful dear. I'm the one that's gonna bust us all out. (calls out to everyone in the room) Listen well you ingrates! I'm loose and I'm gonna get the goose! HaHaHA! I'm gonna burn this place to the ground, so you can either escape or stick around to be turned to ash. Arkham Asylum is done for.

Harley: Oh Mistah J! Such big plans.

Poison Ivy: They're stupid plans. You can't bust us all out of here.

Joker: Watch me.

Miss M: Oh Jean, we can't let them get away with this.
Jean Grey: Just be quiet for now. No need for either of us to get hurt.

And then!

Marvin Monroe: All right Joker. You've had your fun. Place your weapons on the ground or the guards will open fire.

Joker: I need to place my weapons on the ground? I think not.

Marvin Monroe: Joker! Make this easy on all of us!

Joker: I shall recall one of the most beautiful lines from film ever spoken: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... Dyin' time's here! HaHahaHAHAha!

Miss M and Jean duck under the table as crazed villains attack Dr. Monroe and his guards. Chaos soon unfolds.

Miss M: What's going on out there?

Jean Grey: I'm reading some minds right now, it is awful.
Miss M: Jean, I don't know what to do.
Jean Grey: Miss M, hang tight. I'm gonna see what I can do!

Jean gets ready to leave.

Miss M: Jean, don't leave me!
Jean: I'll be right back. I'm going to the spa level. They have a phone there. I'll call the X-Men.
Miss M: Can't you just reach out to them telepathically?

Jean leaves.

Miss M: Well? None of this makes sense. (looks on at the chaos around her)

Miss M: (backs away) I've got to do something!

Miss M bumps into someone behind her.

Miss M: I'm so sorry! Oh wait, it's you!
Batman: Care for a dance?

June 2014 Heroic Hottie!

Miss M: I don't think now is a good time. Thanks for asking though. It feels nice to be asked. That's neither here nor there though! Everything is crazy! I'm really glad you are here. I am so sorry for what I did  to Alfred...
Batman: Not now. We'll talk later. Right now, I need to stop this and get you out of here.

Miss M: Wait, what?

Batman: Come on, follow me.

Joker: Well if it isn't Batman! I should have known you'd show up!

Harley: (looks at Miss M) Oh Crimp! Look, Mistah J is free!

Miss M: I can see that Harley.

Joker: Batman, Batman. What do you think you are going to do? You can't stop me this time!

Batman: We'll see Joker.

The two enter into fisticuffs!

POW!

OOOOFF!

WHAMM!

SMASH!

Joker: (sprawled on table) Why won't you ever stay out of my way Batman?!
Batman: You seem to find a way of staying in mine. Now surrender and return to your cell!

Joker: No, no, no! This will not be my swan song! (grins as he presses a button triggering a series of mini explosions)

With the walls of Arkham Asylum torn down, the residents feel free to choose their own adventures.

Harley: (looks around the rubble) Mistah J! Mistah J! Where are you?
Poison Ivy: Harl, let him go.

Harley: I can't do that Red. He needs me!
Poison Ivy: No he doesn't! Look at this mess he created! Can't you hear the sirens in the distance? We gotta go, now!
Harley Quinn: I can't leave my Mistah J.

Poison Ivy: Don't even go there, because he'd certainly leave you. Now is your chance to do the right thing. Run off with me, we can be the two best friends in crime. We'll tour the states. Maybe even scare a few pedestrians. We'll never know what lies beyond these broken walls if we don't go together. Come on Harl. Make up your mind!
Harley Quinn: All right Red. Let's bust outta this joint! Hurry, before the coppers come!

The two friends rush off like thieves in the night, for this, their 70th adventure.

Miss M: Batman, are you ok?

Batman: Yeah. No sign of the Joker though. He got away.
Miss M: Well go ahead, find him. Find him before he comes after anyone else.
Batman: Not yet. First I have to get you out of here.

Miss M: Oh Batman, I'm a lifer here. After what I did...
Batman: Look, I don't know what happened, but I have a strong feeling you are innocent in this. Come on, I'm getting you out of here. We're going back home.
Miss M: You'd do that for me? Won't this action go against your moral code?

Batman: I'm not a knight in shining armor. My armor is gray. Sometimes choices have to be made that aren't simple. I just know you staying here won't do any good. Now come on. Take my hand, hurry!
Miss M: But I need to say good bye to Jean!
Batman: No time! Come on.

Batman and Miss M quickly leave before the authorities arrive to assess the damages.

As Miss M and Batman drive back to Wayne Manor, Miss M finally confesses her truth, that she is indeed the real Miss M. That she died last December in an explosion in the sewer. She was spirited away into the After Life where she in turn made a deal with Maleficent, only the deal was more of a trick as she returned to Earth in Moth Lady's body. Struggling for dominance, Miss M cries about her evil actions during the times that Moth Lady regained control.

Miss M: So that's my story. That's why I wanted to end my life, so I could stop Moth Lady from hurting another soul. I feel terrible that I let my mental defenses down and allowed Moth Lady to take over control and harm Alfred. It was all just a nightmare.
Batman: Everything's ok though. Jean Grey helped you, right?
Miss M: Yes. I am now in control of this body, 100%.
Batman: Good. Now we just need to figure out how to handle Maleficent.
Miss M: Wait a second, you are talking as if you believe me.

Batman: I do believe you.
Miss M: What?! You do?
Batman: I have no idea how this is all possible, but I believe you. I've seen too many things in my life. I know when someone is being honest. That moment on the mountain, I could tell you were worth trusting.
Miss M: Oh my goodness! Batman! I could just hug you forever. This means the world to me to have someone trust me.
Batman: Well, I do. Now you said something about a dragon figurine. What does Maleficent want with that?

Miss M: Something about some childhood toy of hers, and that she was a collector like me and that I'd understand her wanting to reunite with it. I am not entirely sure. I just know that when I give her the dragon, she'll put me back in my original body.
Batman: That sounds too easy.
Miss M: I thought so too, but I want to trust her. I have to get back into my old body and reunite with my love, Michelangelo.
Batman: (looks away) Yeah. Sounds perfect.
Miss M: It does.
Batman: Hey, I'm a collector too. Maybe there is a way I can help figure out this dragon figurine mess. I know antique and other kinds of dealers from across the world.
Miss M: I don't even know what to say. (wipes a tear from her eye)

Batman: There's no need for any of that. I want to help you.
Miss M: Thank you.

A few moments later, at Wayne Manor.

Miss M: I am so happy to be back here.
Batman: I know. It was weird while you were gone. I hope you can think of this place as your home.

Miss M: Well, for the time being. Once I get back into my old body, I'll be moving back into my old home. Oh it'll be so nice to sleep in my old bed again.
Batman: Yeah.
Miss M: So, you said you were a collector?
Batman: Yes, I did.
Miss M: That's really cool. Maybe one day you'll show me your collection.
Batman: One day. I don't usually show people what I own. I tend to be a private person.
Miss M: I understand.

Batman: Yes, I'm glad that you understand. But... there is something about you. I feel like I've known you my whole life...

Suddenly...

Roach: Where have you been?
Miss M: Roach! How did you know I was here?
Roach: I've been searching for you, I was able to follow your sweet scent here.

Batman: Who is this? I don't understand.
Roach: You said you were coming back milady. You never did.

Miss M: Roach, I can explain.

Roach: No need to. I can see what is happening here.

Miss M: Nothing is happening here. Batman saved my life.

Roach: Liar! That was my job! You've been led astray by this mansion and his money! You are so weak. 

Batman: Hey, don't talk to her like that. 

Roach: And what will you do kind sir in a mask?

Miss M: Please, Roach, try to understand. I couldn't stay under the bridge forever.

Roach: He has filled you with lies milady! He should be taken out!

Miss M: (screams as Roach attacks Batman) Stop! What are you doing!

Roach: (slams an arm into the dark knight) I am doing what must be done.

Batman: (huffs) This Roach packs a punch!

Roach: That is not all I pack. (a buzzing saw opens up from a hole inside Roach)

The buzzing saw begins to fly out of his body.

Miss M: (screams as the blade slices into Batman's stomach) Roach! Stop this at once! You're killing him!

Roach: All for you milady. Once this vermin is extinguished we can be together again.

Batman: (coughs up blood and winces in extreme pain) Gurgle. Help.

Miss M: (continues to scream and then begins to use Moth Lady's powers over insects) I have no choice!

Miss M: Roach! I command you to leave this place at once and head to the nearest Raid Motel. Once you've checked in, you will never check out! Do you understand?

Roach: (pauses) Is that your wish milady? To send me to my death?

Miss M: Yes, I command it!

Roach: I follow your word milady. I always have. And I always will.

Miss M: (fights back tears as she sets him off on a course to death) I am so sorry.

Roach: You could change this course milady.

Miss M: (turns head) Not after what you just did. You're a menace Roach. I'm so sorry.

Roach: (turns to leave, as he was commanded) I understand milady. Farewell. I honor you, and only you.

Miss M: (tears stream down her face) I am so sorry for that. Oh what have I done? Please forgive me.

Miss M: (rushes to Batman) Bruce? Please, say something! Are you ok?

Batman: Ugh, I'm fading. I need out of this suit.

Miss M: I have to take you out of your suit?

Batman: Yes. My wounds need to be bandaged. I also have an ointment I will need you to apply to my stomach. Hurry, take my suit off now.

Miss M: Well, if you insist. 

Miss M prepares to remove Batman's suit and attend to his wounds. Admiring his body of work, Miss M makes sure he survives. After all, she can't let him die, he is the...

June 2014 Heroic Hottie!!!

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