I'm still a lifer inside Arkham Asylum. I mean, you really get used to it. In fact there is a formal happening right now. I took a break to freshen up and try to look presentable in a new dress. It isn't couture, but it has a certain flair. My hair is in perma-crimp mode still so there really isn't much I can do with that. Not that it even matters. At the end of the day, I'm still stuck in the wrong body and I'm living inside Arkham Asylum. I find myself wondering about my friends from my old life. And even Roach from my brief stint living under a bridge on Main Street. He might have been an insect, but he wasn't that bad. Oh goodness, it doesn't matter. I need to get back to the formal.
Poison Ivy: Why not?
Miss M: Oh heavens no. I had dreams. And some dreams are just never meant to be and I chose to do something different than attend an event where I'd be experiencing anything less than what I had hoped for.
Miss M: Ok! We get it! Lots of guys crushed on you heavily. Must have been nice.
Jean Grey: Maybe you shouldn't worry about a guy crushing on you and instead just have fun, like Harley is. Look at her, she hasn't stopped dancing all night.
She is such a fool. (gets ready to walk off)
Jean Grey: That would be nice.
Miss M: I agree! If they play Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, I say we all go in and do a group dance!
Poison Ivy: Oh you are lame for a villain, ya know that Crimp?
Miss M: No! You go and dance. Have fun! It could always be worse. You could be in the White Hot Room.
Miss M: Oh wow! You're here?! I thought you were officiating marriage ceremonies.
Riddler: I was. I was also running from the law. I got caught. Hey, you seem familiar. Were you at one of my weddings?
Riddler: Ah yes, their second marriage on Halloween. I don't remember you being there though.
Riddler: Yes. Well, you never guessed my riddle.
Miss M: Ok. I don't know what can make me laugh and be thrilled at the same time. Sorry. (whispers to herself) You maybe ask me to dance though...
Guards rush to stop him.
Joker: Tsk. Tsk. I'm afraid not!
A second guard tries to stop the Joker.
Harley: (screams in delight) Of course! La, la, laaa! La, la, laaa!
The DJ plays some music, a song called Lady in Red, and the two dance.
Meanwhile at another part of the asylum...
Marvin Monroe: Hmm, let's see. Miss M is not real. Moth Lady is a dangerous woman pretending to be a dead dorky girl. Now Mr. Wayne, why would you want to talk to someone like that?
Bruce Wayne: Because she was staying with me and she harmed my butler.
Marvin Monroe: What is it?
Guard: The Joker got out.
Marvin Monroe: Sound the alarms. Put this place on lock down.
Bruce Wayne: Of course.
Back to the formal...
Joker: Why Poison Ivy. As thankful as I am for your friendship with watching over Harley, I won't be needing you to take care of her. That is my job. (Harley can only stand there)
Jean Grey: Just be quiet for now. No need for either of us to get hurt.
I need to place my weapons on the ground? I think not.
Miss M: Jean, I don't know what to do.
Jean Grey: Miss M, hang tight. I'm gonna see what I can do!
Jean: I'll be right back. I'm going to the spa level. They have a phone there. I'll call the X-Men.
Miss M: Can't you just reach out to them telepathically?
Miss M: Well? None of this makes sense. (looks on at the chaos around her)
Batman: Care for a dance?
June 2014 Heroic Hottie!
Batman: Not now. We'll talk later. Right now, I need to stop this and get you out of here.
The two enter into fisticuffs!
Batman: You seem to find a way of staying in mine. Now surrender and return to your cell!
Poison Ivy: Harl, let him go.
Poison Ivy: No he doesn't! Look at this mess he created! Can't you hear the sirens in the distance? We gotta go, now!
Harley Quinn: I can't leave my Mistah J.
Harley Quinn: All right Red. Let's bust outta this joint! Hurry, before the coppers come!
Miss M: Well go ahead, find him. Find him before he comes after anyone else.
Batman: Not yet. First I have to get you out of here.
Batman: Look, I don't know what happened, but I have a strong feeling you are innocent in this. Come on, I'm getting you out of here. We're going back home.
Miss M: You'd do that for me? Won't this action go against your moral code?
Miss M: But I need to say good bye to Jean!
Batman: No time! Come on.
Batman: Everything's ok though. Jean Grey helped you, right?
Miss M: Yes. I am now in control of this body, 100%.
Batman: Good. Now we just need to figure out how to handle Maleficent.
Miss M: Wait a second, you are talking as if you believe me.
Miss M: What?! You do?
Batman: I have no idea how this is all possible, but I believe you. I've seen too many things in my life. I know when someone is being honest. That moment on the mountain, I could tell you were worth trusting.
Miss M: Oh my goodness! Batman! I could just hug you forever. This means the world to me to have someone trust me.
Batman: Well, I do. Now you said something about a dragon figurine. What does Maleficent want with that?
Batman: That sounds too easy.
Miss M: I thought so too, but I want to trust her. I have to get back into my old body and reunite with my love, Michelangelo.
Batman: (looks away) Yeah. Sounds perfect.
Miss M: It does.
Batman: Hey, I'm a collector too. Maybe there is a way I can help figure out this dragon figurine mess. I know antique and other kinds of dealers from across the world.
Miss M: I don't even know what to say. (wipes a tear from her eye)
Miss M: Thank you.
Batman: I know. It was weird while you were gone. I hope you can think of this place as your home.
Miss M: So, you said you were a collector?
Batman: Yes, I did.
Miss M: That's really cool. Maybe one day you'll show me your collection.
Batman: One day. I don't usually show people what I own. I tend to be a private person.
Miss M: I understand.
Miss M: Roach! How did you know I was here?
Roach: I've been searching for you, I was able to follow your sweet scent here.
Roach: You said you were coming back milady. You never did.
Roach: No need to. I can see what is happening here.
Miss M: Nothing is happening here. Batman saved my life.
Roach: Liar! That was my job! You've been led astray by this mansion and his money! You are so weak.
Batman: Hey, don't talk to her like that.
Roach: And what will you do kind sir in a mask?
Miss M: Please, Roach, try to understand. I couldn't stay under the bridge forever.
Roach: He has filled you with lies milady! He should be taken out!
Miss M: (screams as Roach attacks Batman) Stop! What are you doing!
Roach: (slams an arm into the dark knight) I am doing what must be done.
Batman: (huffs) This Roach packs a punch!
Roach: That is not all I pack. (a buzzing saw opens up from a hole inside Roach)
The buzzing saw begins to fly out of his body.
Miss M: (screams as the blade slices into Batman's stomach) Roach! Stop this at once! You're killing him!
Roach: All for you milady. Once this vermin is extinguished we can be together again.
Batman: (coughs up blood and winces in extreme pain) Gurgle. Help.
Miss M: (continues to scream and then begins to use Moth Lady's powers over insects) I have no choice!
Miss M: Roach! I command you to leave this place at once and head to the nearest Raid Motel. Once you've checked in, you will never check out! Do you understand?
Roach: (pauses) Is that your wish milady? To send me to my death?
Miss M: Yes, I command it!
Roach: I follow your word milady. I always have. And I always will.
Miss M: (fights back tears as she sets him off on a course to death) I am so sorry.
Roach: You could change this course milady.
Miss M: (turns head) Not after what you just did. You're a menace Roach. I'm so sorry.
Roach: (turns to leave, as he was commanded) I understand milady. Farewell. I honor you, and only you.
Miss M: (tears stream down her face) I am so sorry for that. Oh what have I done? Please forgive me.
Miss M: (rushes to Batman) Bruce? Please, say something! Are you ok?
Batman: Ugh, I'm fading. I need out of this suit.
Miss M: I have to take you out of your suit?
Batman: Yes. My wounds need to be bandaged. I also have an ointment I will need you to apply to my stomach. Hurry, take my suit off now.
Miss M: Well, if you insist.
Miss M prepares to remove Batman's suit and attend to his wounds. Admiring his body of work, Miss M makes sure he survives. After all, she can't let him die, he is the...
June 2014 Heroic Hottie!!!
Prepare for a tale that will see some of your favorite toys going back to the past! Don't miss it!