There's another side to Vegas than what the rest of the world usually sees. All the lights and themed hotels are just props. The city is bankrupt. Bankrupt with ideas. Everyone just runs around trying to live out some fantasy that the commercials promise. But there's nothing here but trouble. Fantasies aren't real. What's real is that I'm in a holding tank. Apparently a lot of stuff went down last night. I kissed the Blue Ranger before getting ready for a wedding. There was the wedding of course. I think we were attacked. I may or may not have slept with Billy and Frankenberry at once. There was a tiger in the room. Oh and Diary, something bad happened to Princess Jasmine. As in the Disney Princess. I don't know that there's much I can do now. This might be my last entry. I might be trading my new clothes for nothing but orange jump suits. Do they allow bedazzlers in prison?
Miss M presents...
All My Toys
February 2015 Woman of Wonderosity!
Inside a Las Vegas holding cell...
In other parts of the jail, namely the police office section that looks oddly like the Springfield police station...
Frankenberry: Umm... hello.
Frankenberry: Yes. I couldn't believe she was willing to go with me.
Sara Pezzini: What happened next?
Flashback! (there will be a few of these, so keep track!)
Billy: (looks nervous from having Miss M kiss him, check out the February Heroic Hottie to refresh your memory) Hey, you are here. With a date!
Frankenberry: Yeah, this is Princess Jasmine.
Jasmine: No, not really. It's clearly pink and green.
Jasmine: Oh don't feel that way. So, where is the bride to be?
Miss M: She just turned 50. Her story is actually really sweet. She's marrying her soul mate.
Jasmine: That's really cool.
Jasmine: Well Frankenberry asked me...
Miss M: No, I mean here, in Vegas.
Jasmine: That's a long story. I was actually wanting to get away. To see a whole new world.
Back to the police station...
Frankenberry: Well, after the wedding, we were all so excited. I needed to use the restroom...
Frankenberry: I know. I'm going to find the restroom, I'll be back.
At the police station again...
Sara Pezzini: Ok. No one is on acid. Your account sort of explains the tiger, but what happened to Princess Jasmine?
Sara Pezzini: No we haven't, that's why we are questioning you.
Frankenberry: You might want to question Billy or Miss M. I don't know what else happened.
Inside the holding tank...
Dancer: You must be a lousy kisser.
Dancer: I somehow doubt that.
Miss M: Well it's true. (sits in awkwardness for awhile) So, what's your name?
Miss M: So what do you do for a living?
Nomi: What do you think I do for a living Miss Perfect?
Nomi: I'm a stripper.
Miss M: Oh ok. Well there ya go. I think you have a lot of guts.
Miss M: Oh I didn't mean literally. I mean in the terms of courage. I don't think I could have the courage to be an exotic marigold dancer.
Miss M: So why are you here?
Miss M: Oh my. Are you going to kick my butt for being annoying? You seem like a butt kicker.
Nomi: No. I'm mildly interested in your pathetic life. What happened with you and Billy?
Inside the police station one more time...
What was your connection to Princess Jasmine?
All right Billy. Tell me what you know.
Flashback! (It will all make sense)
Police office again, or station, is there a difference between the two?
Back to the flashbacks! Who doesn't love a flashback wedding?
Purple Pie Man: Of course.
Miss M: Oh my goodness this is so sad in the best way.
Billy: We need to celebrate our friends. Don't you think?
Frankenberry: I know. I'm going to find the restroom, I'll be back.
Sour Grapes: Well...
Billy: Well you kids have fun.
Sour Grapes and Purple Pie Man leave.
Back to the police station, yet again. (There's a lot of back and forth isn't there?)
Sara Pezzini: And you never thought to contact the police?
Sara Pezzini: This isn't the wild west ya know.
Billy: But we are in the west. Sort of.
Another trip to the holding cell...
Nomi: Well you had to. You kissed a man that was maybe interested in you or maybe gay.
Nomi: Oh hon, we've all been there. You aren't a real mess until you've tried to seduce all kinds of men.
Miss M: Oh no, really?
Back at the, you guessed it, police station...
Sara Pezzini: What is your real name?
Miss M: Miss M.
Flashback once again! (It's almost over!)
Sour Grapes: I can't marry him. I just can't do this.
Inside the posh fancy police station! (Not really, it's a basic police station)
Sara Pezzini: Except it wasn't. There was an ambush at the wedding.
Flashback to a market on a side street in Vegas! They have those in Vegas, right? (This one's a fun one!)
Miss M: What? No.
Miss M: I'm just not going to take it anymore!
Killer Bite: (mumbles in pain) Until next time dork girl!
Killer Bite: (struggles to get up in pain) Bite me! You aren't getting away from me!
Miss M: Please! All I have to do is jump over you and I'm free.
Miss M jumps over the shark!
Back yet again to the police station where the story is nearly complete...
Well, back to the holding tank we go!
Flashback! (the one that really counts)
Miss M: Me either.
Billy: I can see that.
Billy: M. Look.
Billy: I'm sorry if I seemed weirded out. It's just that I think you are so cool.
Billy: It's ok. I should have mentioned I liked men in passing.
Miss M: Oh please, you shouldn't have to mention that you are gay! I need to stop thinking that every man that looks at me is a possible love interest.
Billy: See, this is why I want to be your friend. I feel like you are so real.
Miss M: And I don't drink so there aren't any stumbling-out-the-club-drunk moments.
Miss M: Yeah. To be honest I like the idea of being friends with you. I don't have many guy friends and I feel like it is important for a girl to have all kinds of friends too.
Billy: Cool. So, no hard feelings?
Later that night...
Billy: Don't tell me you can't handle your caffeinated beverages?
Billy: I know. Come on, let's share the bed.
Miss M: Are you sure?
Miss M: Ok.
A few moments later...
Billy: I'm sure you will. You just need to put yourself out there.
Miss M: In what way?
Miss M: Oh I don't know. Dating sites are for horn dogs.
Billy: Maybe. But you never know if you don't try.
Miss M: Yeah.
Miss M: That doesn't sound so bad. If anything we'll have a lot of fun stories to share.
Billy: Sounds good. Hey, do you know any cute single dorky guys that would be interested in me?
Billy: That sounds like my ex.
Billy: No, it was a joke M.
Miss M: Oh.
Back to the holding cell with the dorkette and a showgirl...
Nomi: That is so sappy and lame. So, you both are just going to be friends?
Nomi: That just sounds boring.
Miss M: Good bye.
Inside the police station for the final act!
Billy: Yeah, we are fine.
Billy: Go ahead and look...
Miss M: Goodness gracious, you are special. Jasmine, you have the whole world in your hands. It's your own world. You should be able to do whatever and be whoever you want.
Jasmine: That's why I came here. I wanted to make sure you were all free of any false charges.
Jasmine: It's seriously fine. Everything was exciting. Maybe we'll cross paths again one day.
Billy: Really M?
As our heroes head home to their mundane lives, Jasmine figures out her next step... in a market on a side street in Vegas!
Uncle: Jasmine! Hello! Where have you been? I thought you'd be arriving by now. Your father has been worried.
Uncle: Do you need help?
Uncle: All right my dear. Be careful and we'll see you soon.
Jasmine is in double trouble as she has no idea that her uncle Shredder is a vile criminal warlord who has been killing mutants and synthesizing them into designer street drugs! The story continues in March!