Saturday, February 28, 2015

February 2015 Woman of Wonderosity!

Dear Diary,

There's another side to Vegas than what the rest of the world usually sees. All the lights and themed hotels are just props. The city is bankrupt. Bankrupt with ideas. Everyone just runs around trying to live out some fantasy that the commercials promise. But there's nothing here but trouble. Fantasies aren't real. What's real is that I'm in a holding tank. Apparently a lot of stuff went down last night. I kissed the Blue Ranger before getting ready for a wedding. There was the wedding of course. I think we were attacked. I may or may not have slept with Billy and Frankenberry at once. There was a tiger in the room. Oh and Diary, something bad happened to Princess Jasmine. As in the Disney Princess. I don't know that there's much I can do now. This might be my last entry. I might be trading my new clothes for nothing but orange jump suits. Do they allow bedazzlers in prison? 

-Miss M

Sara Pezzini: I want you to tell me everything you can remember about last night.

Frankenberry: We were only here for a wedding...

Sara Pezzini: What was your connection to Princess Jasmine?

Billy: I'm not sure what you mean? I knew of her from the papers. She's royalty, which was weird, because she was just there all of a sudden. With Frankenberry. It was just weird.

Sara Pezzini: How weird was it?

Miss M: Well where should I begin? Weird can't even begin to cover what all happened...

And now...

Miss M presents...

All My Toys
February 2015 Woman of Wonderosity!

Inside a Las Vegas holding cell...

Miss M: I can't believe I'm here. This is the weirdest thing ever. I'm too sweet to be in jail.

Dancer: Could you shut up? You've been talking to yourself ever since they dragged you in here.

Miss M: Oh thank you for saying something. I figured someone would want to talk to me after talking aloud so much.

Dancer: Look, you haven't been in here before huh? If you want to make it out alive, you'll shut up.

Miss M: I just wonder what is happening to everyone else. I mean poor Frankenberry. His date is missing and possibly dead! And I kissed Billy! I mean I just screwed up so much. I hope they are ok...

In other parts of the jail, namely the police office section that looks oddly like the Springfield police station...

Sara Pezzini: (talks to officer) Bring in Frankenberry first for questioning. He'll hopefully tell us what we need to know.

Officer Bob: Sure.

Officer Bob: In here.
Frankenberry: Umm... hello.

Sara Pezzini: Please come in.
Frankenberry: Ok.

Sara Pezzini: I want you to tell me everything you can remember about last night.

Frankenberry: We were only here for a wedding. My friend Sour Grapes was getting married and I had found the perfect date.

Sara Pezzini: Your date was Princess Jasmine?
Frankenberry: Yes. I couldn't believe she was willing to go with me.
Sara Pezzini: What happened next?

Frankenberry: We all met up at the chapel, that promised quick weddings...

Flashback! (there will be a few of these, so keep track!)

Frankenberry: Hey guys.

Miss M: (looks nervous from kissing Billy earlier) Hi.
Billy: (looks nervous from having Miss M kiss him, check out the February Heroic Hottie to refresh your memory) Hey, you are here. With a date!
Frankenberry: Yeah, this is Princess Jasmine.

Jasmine: Hello.

Miss M: Wow. A real life Disney Princess.

Jasmine: I like your dress.

Miss M: Thank you. I feel like a princess... well... now I just feel like a dork girl in a dress standing next to a real princess. Actually, can you tell me what color you see when you look at this dress? I say it's pink and green but a drunkard on the strip told me I was wearing an ugly white and gold dress. Can you believe that?
Jasmine:  No, not really. It's clearly pink and green.

Miss M: Thank you! Oh goodness, would you listen to me? I must sound like such a crazy person.
Jasmine: Oh don't feel that way. So, where is the bride to be?

Frankenberry: She's right over there!

Jasmine: Oh wow, I was expecting someone younger. How old is she?
Miss M: She just turned 50. Her story is actually really sweet. She's marrying her soul mate.
Jasmine: That's really cool.

Miss M: So what are you doing here?
Jasmine: Well Frankenberry asked me...
Miss M: No, I mean here, in Vegas.
Jasmine: That's a long story. I was actually wanting to get away. To see a whole new world.

Miss M: That's really cool.

Billy: Umm, M? Sorry to interrupt, but Sour Grapes needs you.

Miss M: Oh sure, excuse me.

Jasmine: (to Frankenberry) Your friends seem nice.

Frankenberry: They're the best.

Back to the police station...

Sara Pezzini: Ok, where is this going? What's the point?
Frankenberry: Well, after the wedding, we were all so excited. I needed to use the restroom...


Jasmine: What a beautiful wedding.
Frankenberry: I know. I'm going to find the restroom, I'll be back.

Jasmine: Cool, I'll let you know what you miss.

Frankenberry: Great.

Frankenberry: Man, am I lucky or what? How did I end up with such a stunning date? I think this one might be the one.

Frankenberry: Ahh! A tiger!

Tiger: Cheetah rawr!

Frankenberry: Just don't move. Don't move at all.

Frankenberry hurries back to the wedding.

Frankenberry: Guys! Guys! I think I'm hallucinating...

Frankenberry: Wait. Where is everyone?

Frankenberry: Damn. It's you again. What do you want with me?!

Tiger: Cheetah rawr.

At the police station again...

Sara Pezzini: So you mean to tell me, the tiger from the hotel room had been in the bathroom with you?

Frankenberry: Honestly I thought the tiger was a figment of my imagination. After I noticed everyone was gone I walked all over Vegas looking for my friends and that darn tiger was always there. But I guess the tiger was real since everyone saw it too. Unless we're all on acid.
Sara Pezzini: Ok. No one is on acid. Your account sort of explains the tiger, but what happened to Princess Jasmine?

Frankenberry: I don't know. Have you found her yet? She was like the best date ever.
Sara Pezzini: No we haven't, that's why we are questioning you.
Frankenberry: You might want to question Billy or Miss M. I don't know what else happened.

Sara Pezzini: Don't tell me how to do my job! Get out out of here!

Inside the holding tank...

Miss M: So after I kissed Billy, it just got to be too much. He practically shrank away and couldn't say a word to me. I was just so confused.
Dancer: You must be a lousy kisser.

Miss M: Oh no way. I'm like the best kisser.
Dancer: I somehow doubt that.
Miss M: Well it's true. (sits in awkwardness for awhile) So, what's your name?

Dancer: My name is Nomi.
Miss M: So what do you do for a living?
Nomi: What do you think I do for a living Miss Perfect?

Miss M: I don't know. I've learned that in this city you can't judge a person's career on their attire.
Nomi: I'm a stripper.
Miss M: Oh ok. Well there ya go. I think you have a lot of guts.

Nomi: Excuse me?! I'm pregnant you ignorant wench.
Miss M: Oh I didn't mean literally. I mean in the terms of courage. I don't think I could have the courage to be an exotic marigold dancer.

Nomi: You do what you gotta do. I thought I had escaped this city once before, but I was just destined to be a showgirl.
Miss M: So why are you here?

Nomi: I got into a fight with my baby daddy and the other woman he's been sticking it to. That damn Crystal! She got me good this time.
Miss M: Oh my. Are you going to kick my butt for being annoying? You seem like a butt kicker.
Nomi: No. I'm mildly interested in your pathetic life. What happened with you and Billy?

Miss M: Well, let's see...

Inside the police station one more time...

Sara Pezzini: What was your connection to Princess Jasmine?

Billy: I'm not sure what you mean? I knew of her from the papers. She's royalty, which was weird, because she was just there all of a sudden. With Frankenberry. As his date. It was just weird.

Sara Pezzini: All right Billy. Tell me what you know.

Billy: I think it best to start off with the wedding. It almost didn't happen...

Flashback! (It will all make sense)

Frankenberry: When are they going to start? I thought this place offered quick weddings?

Billy: I don't know. M has been in the dressing room with Sour Grapes for awhile.

Quick Man: Are you sure you are getting married?

Purple Pie Man: Yeah. At least I think so.

Billy: Oh look, here they come.

Jasmine: She is so pretty.

Billy: Everything ok?

Miss M: I think so.

Quick Man: Are we going to begin?

Sour Grapes: Yes, I'm sorry.

Purple Pie Man: Are you ok princess?

Sour Grapes: Yes. Let's get married.

Police office again, or station, is there a difference between the two?

Billy: There was the regular back and forth of a ceremony, but the vows were really pretty...

Back to the flashbacks! Who doesn't love a flashback wedding?

Quick Man: You've both prepared your vows?

Sour Grapes: Yes.
Purple Pie Man: Of course.

Quick Man: You may proceed.

Purple Pie Man: All right Princess. Here we are. You've been a perfect presence in my life. I remember that first time you posted a message in the cooking chat room. Someone had made a rude comment about squash, they had sounded ignorant. But there you were, full of fire defending your belief in the food and all its varieties. I knew I had to talk to someone that had such passion. And when I sent that message to you, I knew. I just knew you'd be a part of my life. We were both younger then. But you've somehow managed to grow more and more beautiful in each passing year. You are the total package and I don't know what stopped me from getting to you sooner.

Sour Grapes: I was married. That might have had something to do with it...

Purple Pie Man: Even before you were married. I knew a good thing when I saw it, I just wasn't ready. I was scared. But I'm not scared anymore. We're here in this moment right now with a lifetime of memories to make and all kinds of meals to bake. I love you Sour Grapes. For the rest of my days.

Quick Man: Your turn Sour Grapes...

Sour Grapes: I've always been a mess. I get annoyed by many things. People who hate squash really annoy me. However in the decades long time that we have known each other, I've never felt annoyed by you. You've always been there for me, to listen and to laugh. You melt my butter and heat up my oven. I've always wanted to tell you this, but never felt quite right about it until right now: but I love you. I love you Purple Pie Man. I want to be your wife and enjoy cooking up all kinds of fun until our timers run out. So here I am, taking a risk on life and I'll do my best at being your wife.

Miss M: Oh my goodness this is so sad in the best way.

Quick Man: Exchange the rings.

Quick Man: I now pronounce you chef and sou chef. Or just wife and husband. You may kiss each other.

After so much time they are finally able to kiss.

Miss M: Yay! They got married!

Billy: I know, very sweet.

Miss M: Hey, can we talk about the kiss? Not between them, but between us.
Billy: We need to celebrate our friends. Don't you think?

Miss M: Oh. Ok.

Jasmine: What a beautiful wedding.
Frankenberry: I know. I'm going to find the restroom, I'll be back.

Jasmine: Cool, I'll let you know what you miss.

Frankenberry: Great.

Miss M: My goodness congratulations you two, what are you guys going to do next?
Sour Grapes: Well...

Purple Pie Man: I think we are leaving for a honeymoon.

Billy: Oh where? You're already in Vegas.

Purple Pie Man: We both think we should go to Strawberry Land.

Sour Grapes: To make a little mischief... (they giggle) That strawberry scented tart will not get away with what she did to Frankenberry. (editor's note: Strawberry Shortcake and Frankenberry were an item until she left him for Count Chocula)

Billy: Well you kids have fun.

Jasmine: Yes, have fun! Try not to do anything too vicious though.
Sour Grapes: I can't thank you enough for being here, all of you. Especially you Miss M. Thank you for your part in this love story.

Miss M: You're welcome. Enjoy the rest of your life sweetie.

Sour Grapes and Purple Pie Man leave.

Miss M: Is Frankenberry still in the restroom?

Jasmine: I believe so.

Billy: He should be back soon. What do you wanna do tonight?
Miss M: I'm hungry. I say we tear into a buffet.


Miss M: Oh my goodness! Villains!

Billy: Goldar!?

Goldar: Out of the way.

Miss M: This is not happening.

 Goldar: I said out of the way dork girl. (shoves Miss M away)

Miss M: Hey! This is a new dress!

Billy: Don't mess with my friend!

Goldar: We aren't here for you or the dork girl. We want the princess.

Jasmine: Me?

Goldar: Grab her Knasty Knight!

Knasty Knight: With pleasure.

Jasmine: No.

Miss M: Leave her alone! Oh Billy, they are going to kidnap the princess!

Billy: I'm on it, It's morphin time!

Go Go Power Rangers!

Miss M: Oh no. They got away.

Billy: Get back to the hotel room for safety. I'll find Jasmine.

Miss M: Oh Billy, you have to! She is a Disney Princess!

Billy: I know. Just get somewhere safe.

Miss M: Ok. I will. My goodness, I know a real life Power Ranger.

Miss M: Be careful! (whispers) Ok. He might be a Power Ranger, but I'm a dorkette. I can help too!

Back to the police station, yet again. (There's a lot of back and forth isn't there?)

Billy: I could never find her. I went through the entire city.
Sara Pezzini: And you never thought to contact the police?

Billy: I wanted the Power Rangers to work on it. We tend to do things our own way.
Sara Pezzini: This isn't the wild west ya know.
Billy: But we are in the west. Sort of.

Sara Pezzini: Be quiet. So it's possible that an evil space alien has Jasmine?
Billy: Possibly.

Sara Pezzini: Shit. We are so screwed.

Another trip to the holding cell...

Miss M: So after the wedding I thought for sure we'd discuss the kiss.
Nomi: Well you had to. You kissed a man that was maybe interested in you or maybe gay.

Miss M: I know! I was in such a pickle.
Nomi: Oh hon, we've all been there. You aren't a real mess until you've tried to seduce all kinds of men.

Miss M: That's not what I was trying to get at. I mean, this was a serious situation.

Officer Bob: Miss M, you're up next.

Miss M: Gulp.

Nomi: See ya on death row dork girl.

Miss M: Oh no, really?

Officer Bob: Don't listen to her. She's just messin with ya.

Miss M: Oh.

Nomi laughs in the distance.

Back at the, you guessed it, police station...

Sara Pezzini: What is your real name?
Miss M: Miss M.

Sara Pezzini: No, really, what is your real name?

Miss M: Look, I didn't kill a Disney Princess! I swear!

Sara Pezzini: What happened at the wedding?

Miss M: What part? It almost didn't happen...

Flashback once again! (It's almost over!)

Miss M: Sour Grapes, Billy told me you needed to talk?
Sour Grapes: I can't marry him. I just can't do this.

Miss M: Why?

Sour Grapes: I don't know what to say! We just met.

Miss M: But you've known each other for decades. All those letters, messages and phone calls, that has to mean something.

Sour Grapes: It does. Oh it does. I want to be with him. But what if it doesn't work? I was married before and it crushed me. I can't do that again. I can't get hurt.

Miss M: Sour Grapes, you have to take a risk. It's a part of life. I mean I kissed a man that I think is gay and have probably ruined what could be a great friendship, but I took that risk. You deserve to have the man of your dreams profess his love to you and you to him in front of your friends and a goofy Vegas robot preacher and live happily ever after. It's just what you do.

Sour Grapes: You're right. I need to stop being a moron. Thank you M. Come on, let's get back out there.

Miss M: That's the spirit! So real fast, can I ask you something? What colors do you see when you look at this dress? Pink and green right? Please don't say white and gold...

Sour Grapes: It's pink and green. Why would it be white and gold? So you really kissed a gay guy?

Miss M: I think so. Wouldn't be the first time I've made a fool out of myself in front of a man. Probably won't be the last either.

All they can do is sigh.

Inside the posh fancy police station! (Not really, it's a basic police station)

Miss M: And well the wedding happened and all was well.
Sara Pezzini: Except it wasn't. There was an ambush at the wedding.

Miss M: That's right! There was an ambush. I totally forgot. Goldar and Knasty Knight crashed the wedding and kidnapped Jasmine! But after they took her, and Billy chased after them, I ran off. That's when things got weird.

Sara Pezzini: How weird was it?

Miss M: Well where should I begin? Weird can't even begin to cover what all happened later on...

Flashback to a market on a side street in Vegas! They have those in Vegas, right? (This one's a fun one!)

Miss M: Oh goodness if I were an Evil Space Alien, where would I be?

Miss M: Crap! Shoot. I hope Billy can find Jasmine. I should also text Frankenberry that his date got kidnapped.

Killer Bite: Put your hands up. Give me everything in your possession!
Miss M: What? No.

Killer Bite: Do it or else!

Miss M: Or else what? You don't scare me! Where's Goldar! You Evil Space Aliens like to stick together. Also, what color is this dress? Do you even see in color?

Killer Bite: Gah! If I have to hear one more thing about a color changing dress I'm going to eat Katy Perry! I also work on my own toots. Now give me your items!
Miss M: I'm just not going to take it anymore!

Killer Bite: (prepares for a bite!)

Miss M: That's right! That should teach you to mess with me!
Killer Bite: (mumbles in pain) Until next time dork girl!

Miss M: There won't be a next time! You tell Goldar to bring back the princess!
Killer Bite: (struggles to get up in pain) Bite me! You aren't getting away from me!
Miss M: Please! All I have to do is jump over you and I'm free.

 Miss M jumps over the shark!

Miss M: No freakin way. I just saved myself. I also totally just kicked an Evil Space Alien's butt! Would you look at that!

Miss M: I've been holding out for a hero, and that hero has been me!

Back yet again to the police station where the story is nearly complete...

Miss M: So I really had this great moment. In all this insanity, I found a way to save myself.

Sara Pezzini: Are all you people that self absorbed? That has nothing to do with the missing princess!

Miss M: Oh. Yeah. It really doesn't.

Sara Pezzini: Get back to the holding tank!

Well, back to the holding tank we go!

Nomi: Oh, I see you are back.

Miss M: Yeah. I think I'm going to be a lifer. Seriously though, they do allow bedazzlers in prison right? I can't wear straight up orange all the time.

Nomi: I don't know. You'll be fine. Get to the rest of your damn story already. What happened with you and the guy?

Miss M: Ok. So what had happened was this, after feeling like a super hero I searched the Vegas streets for Jasmine as well. Only I couldn't find her so I went back to the hotel room...

Flashback! (the one that really counts)

Miss M: This has got to be the messiest trip I've ever been on.

Billy: Hey, I thought I told you to come back here immediately, where have you been?

Miss M: Did you find Jasmine?
Billy: No.
Miss M: Me either.

Billy: M, I told you to come back here where it was safe, that didn't mean you going after Jasmine.

Miss M: Don't tell me what to do! I can take care of myself.
Billy: I can see that.

Miss M: Look dude, are we going to talk about earlier or what? I kissed you and you just about jumped out of your skin. What was the damn deal?
Billy: M. Look.

Miss M: No, you look, I know you like to get around, so if you are into loose women just tell me, because I'm not loose...

Billy: I'm gay.

Miss M: (pauses) Oh. I was hoping you weren't.
Billy: I'm sorry if I seemed weirded out. It's just that I think you are so cool.

Miss M: No, I get it. Well. I don't really. If you are gay why ask me to share a room with you? Why hang out with me all the time and say such nice things to me?

Billy: Why not? Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I can't be nice to you. Look here's the deal. The women I usually hang out with always want to go out to bars and clubs so they can adorn themselves with as many gay men as possible. In fact one girl I know refers to me as one of her 'gays' like I'm a piece of property. These girls get drunk and I end up taking care of them while they try to make out with me. It gets annoying. But you were different. You were this really cool girl that liked dorky things like me. And while I'm not attracted to you, it doesn't mean I don't want to get to know you. I like having friends, all kinds of friends, and I wanted to share a room with you because friends do that.

Miss M: I see. I'm sorry I misinterpreted the signs and kissed you like those ratchet club girls.
Billy: It's ok. I should have mentioned I liked men in passing.
Miss M: Oh please, you shouldn't have to mention that you are gay! I need to stop thinking that every man that looks at me is a possible love interest.

Billy: At least you want love. I'm terrified of love, which is why I have a steady string of cute guys in and out of my life.

Miss M: Hey I'm terrified too. Love freaks me out. I just refuse to give up. I want the kind of love I saw today with Sour Grapes and the Purple Pie Man.
Billy: See, this is why I want to be your friend. I feel like you are so real.
Miss M: And I don't drink so there aren't any stumbling-out-the-club-drunk moments.

Billy: You also like dorky stuff, which is so nice. If I have to hear one of my girl friends talk about the latest designer handbag like I'm supposed to know what that is, I'm going to scream.
Miss M: Yeah. To be honest I like the idea of being friends with you. I don't have many guy friends and I feel like it is important for a girl to have all kinds of friends too.
Billy: Cool. So, no hard feelings?

Miss M: (runs to jump on the bed after realizing she has made a new friend) None!

Billy: Awesome. Let's drink.

Miss M: Umm.

Billy: Right. Dr. Pepper for you and I'll have a beer or two. Also, we need fully loaded cheeseburgers.

Later that night...

Miss M: (dressed in her nightgown) My head is bubbly from that soda.
Billy: Don't tell me you can't handle your caffeinated beverages?

Miss M: I totally can. I'm just tired. It's been a long day.
Billy: I know. Come on, let's share the bed.
Miss M: Are you sure?

Billy: They never brought up the cot and I'm comfortable with my sexuality to sleep in a bed with a woman.
Miss M: Ok.

A few moments later...

Miss M: Billy?
Billy: Yes?

Miss M: Do you think I'll find love? Like, the real special star crossed cosmic kinda love?
Billy: I'm sure you will. You just need to put yourself out there.
Miss M: In what way?

Billy: You need to date. And date often. Get on a dating website or something.
Miss M: Oh I don't know. Dating sites are for horn dogs.
Billy: Maybe. But you never know if you don't try.
Miss M: Yeah.

Billy: I'll make a deal with ya. You go on some dates and I'll try to do the same. No more hook ups, I'll actually put myself out there too.
Miss M: That doesn't sound so bad. If anything we'll have a lot of fun stories to share.
Billy: Sounds good. Hey, do you know any cute single dorky guys that would be interested in me?

Miss M: The only gay guy I know is Vanity Smurf. Come to think of it, I don't think he is attracted to men or women, just himself.
Billy: That sounds like my ex.

Miss M: You're ex was Vanity Smurf?
Billy: No, it was a joke M.
Miss M: Oh.

Billy: We're gonna have to work on your sense of humor if you are going to date.

Miss M: I need to work on a lot of things.

The two drift off into sleep land as Frankenberry arrives...

Frankenberry: Guys, I don't mean to be sneaking in the room. I just had to check in and see if you guys found Jasmine?

Frankenberry: Also, I think I might be dehydrated.

Frankenberry: I keep seeing a tiger follow me all night. I think that's from the dehydration.

Frankenberry: Guys? Oh. They're sleeping...

Back to the holding cell with the dorkette and a showgirl...

Miss M: So that's really it. That's what happened with Billy and me.
Nomi: That is so sappy and lame. So, you both are just going to be friends?

Miss M: Yeah. Probably the best of friends actually. It was so refreshing to share a bed with a guy and not worry about him try to get it in.
Nomi: That just sounds boring.

Miss M: I guess.

Officer Bob: Miss M?

Miss M: Yes?

Officer Bob: You're free to go.

Miss M: Really? They proved I had nothing to do with Jasmine's disappearance and/or death?

Officer Bob: Follow me.

Miss M: Ok.

Nomi: Well look at you, saved by the bell. Or rather, the goofy looking officer.

Miss M: I hope you will be ok Nomi.

Nomi: Don't worry about me doll. I'm a showgirl for life. I can never get away from this city. It's a story that is stuck with me.
Miss M: Good bye.

Nomi: Kiss a lot of frogs. One won't end up being that bad.

Inside the police station for the final act!

Miss M: I don't understand. What is happening?

Billy: M!

Miss M: Billy! Frankenberry! You guys are ok.

Frankenberry: Of course.
Billy: Yeah, we are fine.

Miss M: What's going on?
Billy: Go ahead and look...

Miss M: Whaa?

Jasmine: Allow me to explain.

Sara Pezzini: I think you should.

Jasmine: Where I'm from I don't have much control or say over my own life. My father is king and he had plans for me. Plans involving a wedding to a man that I found revolting. I rebelled. I fought against generations of culture beliefs so that I could be free to make my own choices. I was shaming my father with my rebellious ways and needless to say I was carted off here to America.The land of choices. Believe me, my father is not aware of the irony. My father has a family friend that he grew up with and who happens to be like an uncle to me. I was sent to stay with my uncle and remain in hiding.

Miss M: You're uncle is in Vegas? This isn't exactly the kind of place to hide. There are lights everywhere.

Jasmine: My uncle lives in another city. I actually ran off as soon as I got here. You see my new friends, I want to see the world. A whole new world. I have so many dreams and goals that I wish to accomplish. I just wasn't ready to head to my uncle's and accept my fate as a disappointment. I want to truly be something special. I've already seen the lovely sights of the West Coast, and someone told me I should see Vegas. So I went and I met you guys, but I just couldn't get too close. I couldn't tell you all my truth. So I paid some Evil Space Aliens to kidnap me.

Miss M: Goodness gracious, you are special. Jasmine, you have the whole world in your hands. It's your own world. You should be able to do whatever and be whoever you want.

Jasmine: Thank you. I will take that into account. I'm truly sorry though, I never meant to get any of you into trouble. You have all been so kind.

Miss M: It's ok.

Billy: Actually, it's kinda not. We could have gone to jail.
Jasmine: That's why I came here. I wanted to make sure you were all free of any false charges.

Sara Pezzini: That's sweet of you, but you do realize you've broken some laws.

Jasmine: I understand.

Miss M: Oh come on! She didn't mean any harm!

Frankenberry: Gah! It's the tiger!

Jasmine: Oh that's just my body guard. He followed me here.

Miss M: People from Agrabah are so weird. Who has a tiger for a bodyguard? Oh wait, that actually makes a terrifying bodyguard.

Sara Pezzini: Don't worry, we'll make sure she is ok.

Miss M: Well guys, I think it's time to go back home.

Billy: I totally agree.

Jasmine: Oh Frankenberry, wait a second.
Frankenberry: Yes?

Jasmine: Thank you for being so kind.

Frankenberry: I thought you were a prostitute. And I left you alone and you got kidnapped.
Jasmine: It's seriously fine. Everything was exciting. Maybe we'll cross paths again one day.

Frankenberry: Yeah, maybe so.

Billy: Would you look at those two, something else huh?

Miss M: For sure. They are kinda cute together though.
Billy: Really M?

Miss M: Hell if I know. Let's get back home.

As our heroes head home to their mundane lives, Jasmine figures out her next step... in a market on a side street in Vegas!

Jasmine: (making her one phone call) Hello, Uncle?
Uncle: Jasmine! Hello! Where have you been? I thought you'd be arriving by now. Your father has been worried.

Jasmine: I somehow doubt that. I am sorry though. I have gotten a little caught up in something...
Uncle: Do you need help?

Jasmine: No, not really. It's just that I'll be coming to visit a little later than expected.
Uncle: All right my dear. Be careful and we'll see you soon.

Jasmine: Ok. See you soon. Uncle Shredder.

Uncle Shredder: Of course Princess Jasmine. It will be remarkable...


February 2015 Woman of Wondersoity!

Jasmine is in double trouble as she has no idea that her uncle Shredder is a vile criminal warlord who has been killing mutants and synthesizing them into designer street drugs! The story continues in March!



  1. Bankrupt with ideas? No, that's Hollywood you're thinking of.

    Oh wow, and here I thought I was going to be the one making the "what color is the dress" joke by the end! haha.

    Then you beat me to the Katy Perry reference! Plus a bonus Jump the Shark reference! You are on fire tonight!

    I was half expecting for someone to mix it up with Jasmine for disappearing with a line like "We went from a Hangover spoof to a jail cell. If you hadn't shown up when you did we'd have been doing a "Orange is the New Black" storyline for at least eight months!"

    1. Well there is so much behind the scenes things about this post. I had been ready to click the publish button at 6 pm on Friday when my internet crashed and the autosave on the blogger had not worked on anything so I had to start over from the near beginning. I wanted to go insane. I had so many extra added things, like with the dress and the Katy Perry shark that got included at the last minute and I can only hope everything got put back in from the first time.

      I had also wanted to use some Orange is the New Black jokes too, but I just couldn't come up with anything. lol I had also wanted to have a moment where Jasmine is in the back street Vegas market and comes across Killer Bite, but decided to have her on the phone with Shredder. This whole thing took me over a week to do. lol A darn mess.

  2. Replies
    1. Thank you John! That means a lot. I worked really hard on this one and I am glad you liked it.

  3. "I'm too sweet to be in jail!" haha- this blog should be called "Diary of an Adorbs-kette"! I HAD that ball headed police officer! I had a shit ton of those guys! You could exchange their heads and bodies with each other. What were they called!? Nerfles maybe?
    Also why did Jasmine's tiger keep saying "Cheetah Rawr"? Sounded like Cheetarah!
    And, the scene with Killer Bite, are you trying to say Miss M has officially JUMPED THE SHARK!?

    1. I caught the jumping the shark reference as well. I found it pretty funny myself.

  4. love not only the what color is the dress joke but the jumping the shark one too miss m. plus should be interesting to see jasmine's reaction when she learns the truth about uncle shredder.