Thursday, August 6, 2015

Miss M Presents: Three Toys and a Bat Baby!

Dear Diary,

Here's what you have missed. Back when I was trapped inside Moth Lady's body, I slept with Batman. Shortly thereafter I returned to my original body and unbeknownst to me, Moth Lady was left carrying our love child. A love child that we have just found out about, like, right now. At this very second. ...And scene!

-Miss M

Miss M Presents:
Three Toys and a Baby!

Miss M: What do you mean, our baby? I would know if I've ever been pregnant.

Moth Lady: Oh must you be so dense dorkette? Think about where you were around nine months ago. Hmm, well, if memory serves... you two were right here in this very room. In the heat of sweaty disgusting passion.

Miss M: My goodness. That's when I was in your body...

Moth Lady: Ding ding ding! Look who has some decent synapses still working.

Batman: How do we even know that this baby is from that night?

Moth Lady: Have you seen this baby? Take a good long look. Who else could it belong to? Besides, I'm not one for letting men crawl inside me for fun. You two did this to me.
Miss M: I never thought...

Moth Lady: Of course you never thought. Why would you? Why would you think about your actions inside a body that wasn't yours? Do you know what I went through carrying this monster inside of me? Feeling it claw to get out? Having to share in the memories that my body was used for this sick act and I had no choice in the matter? I was there. I may not have been in control, but my psyche was there.

Miss M: I'm so sorry, I never wanted this to happen...

Moth Lady: But you just couldn't help yourself, right? Out of everyone you had to melt yourself on, it had to be this jack ass.

Batman: Excuse me?

Moth Lady: Please. You throw on a cowl and cape and you think that gets women to swoon? I know the depths of your depravity Batman. I know you aren't any better than myself or the other villains that run amok in this town. Of course you're the one that gets the special light that shines at night, so that means you can get away with whatever you want. You aren't getting away with this though. (holds up the baby) Neither of you are.
Miss M: What are you going to do? Kill us?

Moth Lady: I'm giving you the gift of life. This baby is your responsibility now. I want nothing to do with it. Have fun.
Miss M: Wait, we can't just take a baby...

Moth Lady: You've already taken so much, this won't be that difficult. Besides, this isn't just some baby. It belongs to the both of you. May you both rot in the domesticity of it all.

A few moments and a wardrobe/diaper change later...

Miss M: So much for you going out to patrol the streets huh?
Bruce Wayne: This is a bit more important. I also can't save Gotham with baby poo and goo all over my suit.

Miss M: What do we do? We have a baby.
Bruce Wayne: Are we still sure this baby is ours?

Miss M: You just ran blood work in your cave. The results are conclusive. You are the father. I could dress up like Maury if delivering this news needed to be more believable for you?

Bruce Wayne: I know, I'm just in shock. I'm not used to that particular feeling.
Miss M: I can't say I'm taking this calmly either. I pride myself on being a good upstanding human being and I'm pretty sure that what we did to Moth Lady constitutes as ra-
Bruce Wayne: Don't say that.

Miss M: Say what? She's right. I was in control of her body and I slept with you not even bothering to think what her thoughts were with her body being involved. I didn't think about any ramifications or what it would mean or that there would even be a freakin baby!

Bruce Wayne: If I recall correctly, before Maleficent placed your spirit in Moth Lady's body, Moth Lady herself was on a drunken binder and on the verge of death from being an alcoholic. From there the two of you fought for psychic dominance and had she been in control she would have found a way to get rid of you. She's hardly innocent in any of this.

Miss M: That doesn't matter Bruce. We both knew I was sharing space in Moth Lady's body, we never should have slept together.

Bruce Wayne: Bullshit. At that time you thought you'd be living in Moth Lady's body for the rest of your life. You mean to tell me you weren't supposed to have a life? Or fall in love? Or experience intimacy? You never expected to come back. Don't come down hard on yourself. This whole thing is a very very complicated situation.

Miss M: What do we do?
Bruce Wayne: (looks down at the baby) Let's take care of her.
Miss M: What?!

Bruce Wayne: This is our child M. We should raise her together.

Miss M: This is not my child. I didn't carry her, I didn't bring her into this world. I'm just the monster that set everything off.

Bruce Wayne: You are this child's mother. Maybe you didn't give birth to her, but you were present when she was conceived and you'd make a far better mother than Moth Lady. There's no telling what would happen to this child had she stuck with a band of evil warrior women.
Miss M: I don't know. Maybe that would be the perfect setting for a child to grow up in.

Bruce Wayne: Look M, get over this mopey sad rag lady thing you are doing. I am asking you to join me in taking care of this baby. I didn't get to have my parents with me growing up and I never expected to ever be in this situation, but I'm in it. If I'm going to be in it I want to be in it with you. Please. I want to have this chance to be something important.

Miss M: (pauses) Ok. We'll take care of her. I don't want to just abandon her.
Bruce Wayne: Great. I'll have Alfred bring your things over. Would you like your old room or would you like to stay with me?

Miss M: (throws her hands up) Hey wait a second! What? I'm not living here again. I have a cute little apartment downtown. I'll be staying there. We can split our time with this baby.

Bruce Wayne: What? No. My child will be here. M, you live in one room over a pet shop. You don't even have a kitchen, it's just a bedroom.

Miss M: Well... there's a tiny restroom on top.

Bruce Wayne: Come on, this is a mansion. Stop being stubborn and just move in with me. We don't have to share a room, that is just wishful thinking on my part. You can have whatever room you want. I want to be able to provide everything I can for this child though.

Miss M: Oh goodness what am I getting myself into?

Bruce Wayne: You're getting yourself into a family.

Miss M: A family huh? What are we going to do? We can't both fight crime and raise a baby.
Bruce Wayne: Since you seem to have wiped so much crime out of the city as WoW, I am perfectly fine being a stay at home dad.

Miss M: Ha. You can afford to have like a thousand dads be stay at home dads. Your privilege knows no bounds huh?

Bruce Wayne: I'm just joking. I don't mean to be a pompous turd. We can both fight crime. And change diapers. And you can write for the Diary. I can keep running Wayne Enterprises. We can make it all work. I love you M.

Miss M: Oh please don't say that word.

Bruce Wayne: Why not? I do.

Miss M: Yes, you love me right now because we are going to play house. What happens though when you get bored? Or your eyes wander?

Bruce Wayne: Why would I do that?

Miss M: You're Bruce Wayne! We've been through this before. I know I'm a fabulous catch, but let's be real, no one is going to be good enough to keep you satisfied. You're a playboy.
Bruce Wayne: You don't give me enough credit. Besides, I would be just as worried with you.
Miss M: What? That's insane. I'm not a playgirl.

Bruce Wayne: Yeah right. If Michelangelo walked through the door professing his love and being single, you'd run right back to him.
Miss M: Not even. That is old news.
Bruce Wayne: So why can't you be open to loving me? I will never hurt you. M, we both have the chance to experience something neither of us ever thought possible.

Miss M: I just need to think about things. Look, I'm moving in ok? Don't rush me any further! I need to process. I need to make sure I'm not going to get hurt. I also don't want anyone else to get hurt. Bruce... I think some cosmic entity is trying to kill me.

Bruce Wayne: When is someone not trying to kill you?

Miss M: I know, but this time it's really bad. I can't have all these wonderful things happen only to have them ripped away...

Bruce Wayne: Stop. Don't even think that way. We will get through all of this. I'm not letting some cosmic entity destroy what we have. Never. Got it?
Miss M: Got it.

Bruce Wayne: I love you M. And you don't have to say it, but just know this is how I feel.
Miss M: I know. I know.

Bruce Wayne: So... Since you were in Moth Lady's body, does that mean that we were technically in a threesome?

Miss M: (rolls her eyes) Oh do you have to be such a douche-bag?
Bruce Wayne: Just some humor to lighten the situation.
Miss M: (sighs) I'm going to get my dog and some of my things.
Bruce Wayne: Sounds good. When you get back, we need to work on a name for her.

Miss M: Oh right. Whatever could we call her?
Bruce Wayne: Let's see... Batbaby? Or, Batgirl maybe?
Miss M: Hmmm, how 'bout, no?

Bruce Wayne: (chuckles) Hurry back dear.

Miss M: I'm regretting this already...

Else where...

Vultura: Where have you been? Dragon Queen has been asking for you and the little monster.

Moth Lady: I disposed of it.

Vultura: That's a strange thing to do. We needed that creature.

Moth Lady: I threw her off a bridge, so I'm sure she's floating down a river somewhere if you want to find her.

Vultura: Why would you do that?

Moth Lady: (shrugs) She just cried too much. (turns away)

Vultura: Very well. We'll find other people to breed into becoming evil warrior women.
Moth Lady: I need to be alone for awhile, I'm looking forward to just being in a space of quietness.

Vultura: Sure. See you soon.

Moth Lady: All right, now where did I put my pen and paper...

And then she begins to write...

Hello little monster,

By the time you read this you will be old. You will have hopefully lived a life of grand adventures with your dorky mother and mediocre super hero of a father. I'm also sure you will be aware that your introduction to the universe was not met in the most usual of ways. Knowing your dreary dull as donuts mother, she more than likely told you that you were a product of something wrong; that she and that moronic man bat used my body without my permission. You can breathe a sigh of relief. While your mother was sharing space inside my body, and out of all the men she could sleep with it had to be that loser of a hero, I was completely aware. I could have regained control of my body had I really wanted to. I just didn't care.

The truth is, I haven't always been the best person. I took up a life of evil. I wanted to be the most evil warrior woman of all time. My goals were always to find a way to destroy Golden Girl and the Guardians of the Gemstones. It wasn't an easy life. I may have relied on the bottle too much. I should have died a long time ago. Whenever your mother's sappy silly spirit was placed inside my body, I actually grew to like sharing space with her. She wasn't half bad. Don't ever tell her I said that. Assuming she hasn't died a second time.

I suppose the reason I am writing this letter is to let you know that you did mean something to me. That's why I dropped you off with mopey melodramatic Miss M and the ever vigilant yet annoying Batman. Had you stayed with me you would have fallen into a life of villainy and pillaging. It sounds fun on paper, but Dragon Queen has not always been the best ruler. I also fancy myself a loner. A warrior woman far too erratic to ever be burdened with anything save for the insects I can communicate with. Luckily they find ways to scatter away too. Either way, I hope you were able to have a good life. Don't believe the horror stories about how you came to be. While this makes me want to vomit, you were created with love. Passionate, sloppy love, but love nonetheless. Oh, and I'm sorry you got your father's wings and not mine. A moth's wings are exquisite. Enjoy whatever is left of your life, grody little monster.

Your Mommy Too,
Moth Lady

The letter is folded up and filed away for the future...

Moth Lady wonders if the letter will ever be read or what will come of the little monster she carried for nine months...

She finds it all to be a funny thing.

Would things have been ok? Could she have created a life for herself and the little monster?

Sometimes nothing needs to be said at all.

It's the possibilities of life, the different futures that could happen that make things tricky. Always wondering what if?

Had I put the bottle down and lived my life, would I have experienced something different? Or maybe I needed that bottle and all its misery so that I could experience something new that I had never expected. I was happy once. I think.

All "what ifs" fall flat though. It's not about the future or the past. The present is what counts. The life we want in the moment is all we need.

I did the right thing. I am free. 

The End

For now...


  1. What I like about this blog is that it speaks to me about my experiences. It's like you've torn a page out of my own journal.

  2. what a cool ending to moth ladies story this chapter at least. for seems being taken over by toy miss m had an effect on moth woman compassion and love for the child she did the best thing for. and thus denied evil another member.should be interesting to see how batman and toy miss m adjust to parent hood.

  3. Wait-WHAT! I thought Moth Lady was gonna kill herself at the end. Is she dead? Is she dying? Did I miss something? Was this whole thing a big message from Miss M to me about how I should stop drinking!?
    I'm guessing, no, on that last one, but I do give full permission to you to write your own version of Nick/Mac Tonight! If you get annoyed with Bruce, and wanna movie in with my toy! Nothing would be funnier than seeing YOU write MY character!! Haha! Hopefully, someday, a good reason will arise to bring him back.
    BTW I used to watch Maury with my Grams as a kid! Maury, Springer and the lot. They were great, but having a bat baby would be like mixing them with the Weekly World News!! Which is an AWESOME IDEA!!
    You, Miss M, are, as always, a GENIUS!!!