Thursday, October 27, 2011

Night of the Living Roach 5: The Hunger

The series that just won't die has a new installment!

For a catch up on all things roachey, click below:

Night of the Living Roach

Night of the Living Roach 2: The Return

Night of the Living Roach 3: A New Breed

Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 1

Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 2

And now, picking up after the events of the previous Roach,

Night of the Living Roach 5: The Hunger

After surviving the final battle, Miss M, is finally ready to have dinner with her family. With her wet hair in a loose bun, M makes her way into the kitchen. Big Daddy is focusing on the television, nervously awaiting the meatloaf that Mama P has just finished cooking.

Everyone in the kitchen stops to stare at Miss M, wondering what took her so long in the shower. Big Daddy motions with his hand to Mama P, "Alright, she is finally here. Bring on the meatloaf." The smell of ground up meat fills the air, revolting Miss M, "Ugh. Meatloaf? Really?"

Mama P frowns, "You don't like meatloaf?" Big Daddy slaps his hands together and grins, his love for meatloaf covers the disdain Miss M has for it. Miss M rolls her eyes, "I have never liked meatloaf." Laughter erupts from Markiki, "If it isn't coming out of a McDonalds bag M won't touch it. Mama P, just put her piece in a bag with some golden arches, she'll eat it right up." Markiki and Big Daddy start laughing hysterically.

Miss M and her dining habits are affronted, "Hey, I eat other things besides McDonalds!" Mama P chuckles, "Yeah, like what?" Standing tall with a determined chin Miss M flatly states, "I ate a chicken sandwich at Burger King a few days ago." This honest statement is met with laughter from everyone else.

Pretending to be shocked and disgusted Markiki taunts, "Shame on you big sis. I hope Ronald McDonald crawls through your window one night and cuts you for cheating on him. You're like a fast food hussy." Big Daddy laughs out loud again and quickly snaps his fingers for a plate of meatloaf. Mama P snaps, "I'm hurryin, hold on!"

Miss M gets a plate of green beans ready, Mama P looks worried, "That is all you are going to eat?" M nods and casually mentions she will be meeting Glo, her best friend, for a late dessert.

Big Daddy clears his throat and says, "Listen ya'll, we need to have a serious conversation. No more long showers, the water bill is going to be too high this month." Miss M knows what this is about and she had never meant for the shower to have lasted that long, of course if anyone had bothered to ask they would have been concerned for M's safety. After fighting Splashor to the death, Miss M might not have made it at all.

Mama P pulls her daughter aside and whispers, "Look, pay no attention to your father, I get it. Everyone thinks that only men need special time to attend to their needs, but women need some special time for themselves too." Miss M isn't sure she is understanding what the conversation is about, "Umm, this is strange."

Throwing back a strange nervous laugh Mama P continues, "Oh honey, we have needs too. Women are just as sexual as men. However maybe you could relegate your special private time to when we aren't here, and if we are here, maybe not so loud? The whole house just heard you in the shower."

Closing her eyes in the ultimate form of embarrassment Miss M whispers, "You got it all wrong, I nearly died just now." Mama P nods, "I know, private special time can seem like you are dying, but I don't think you can actually die from doing that to yourself..."

"Enough! I was not doing anything special to myself! My goodness people, I was nearly killed in the shower! By a Roach!" No one is listening. Big Daddy and a plate of meatloaf have begun a deadly tango, with much uncertainty of who is leading. Markiki is busy sketching his Halloween costume. Mama P looks fearfully at her daughter, "Honey, are you high on the crack rock? I really think something is wrong with you."

"Nothing is wrong with me! I was nearly killed! Don't you understand, there are Roaches in this house! They are hungry, ready to eat our brains! We need to stop them, call an exterminator or something! We shouldn't be living this way!" Miss M exasperatedly says, as her words fall on the minds of busy people. She realizes that no one believes her. How did it come to this? Her father is making out with ground meat while her brother is focused on being fabulous for Halloween. The saddest thing of all is that Mama P believes that Miss M is busy engaging in long amounts of special solo time.

Our lovely heroine has no other choice but to drop the subject and join her family for dinner. What other choice does she have? As the family settles into the usual conversation about the week and upcoming events, Miss M finds herself drifting. Thoughts about life and death mingle with questions about love. Will she ever find it? Can she survive long enough to find it? And what of Glimmer? Is Glimmer alive or has she become a mangled Roach toilet?

Screams suddenly interupt the many thoughts floating through Miss M's head. Mama P is sitting at the table with a look of pure horror displayed across her face, "A Roach!!!" Markiki quickly jumps to see where the Roach is at, his screams join in with Mama P. M's brother moves as fast as lightening and slides underneath the table.

Big Daddy is glamoured by the meatloaf and has no clue what is going on. Miss M turns her head in slow motion as she focuses in on the giant roach, hopping across the kitchen cabinets, taking aim for a nice southern family. The Roach jumps into the air flying as wings fold out. "No, not again!" Miss M jumps up quickly dodging the monster. Falling to the floor, Miss M hits the kitchen tile hard.

"M! Hurry!" Markiki calls out from under the kitchen table, motioning to his sister. Miss M rolls over, slowly trying to crawl towards safety. That fall to the tile hit M pretty hard, she isn't as fast as usual. Markiki is trying to hurry his sister along. He pauses though and quickly retreats further under the table.

M looks up, screaming as the flying roach slowly descends upon her. "Brains..." The Roach hisses. Shaking her head, Miss M is preparing to be feasted upon, until she hears Mama P call out, "Get away from her, you bitch!" Mama P grabs hold of a large butcher knife and swings it like a baseball bat, flinging the Roach across the kitchen. The Roach hisses, lunging towards Mama P. With the large butcher knife in hand, Mama P slices it across the air, trying to land on the predator. 

Eventually the Roach scurries off, into parts unkown. Miss M scrambles up, hugging her mother, "You saved my life!" Mama P puts the butcher knife down and calmly says, "I did what needed to be done." Markiki crawls out from under the table as Big Daddy speaks up, "Could you all be quiet! I'm trying to eat and watch the game. It's just a roach."

"It is more than just a roach! Those things are trying to kill me! You all just saw it! Call the damn exterminator already!" Miss M shouts heading towards her room. Before walking into the room Miss M calls her best friend Glo, "Hey girl, are we still hanging out?" Miss M and Glo have known each other for years. They met in a yoga college course and bonded over their love of fashion and gossiping about annoying people. There were also the trips to Dairy Queen for soft serve ice cream where they would insist on talking about men and the pitfalls of falling in love with the biggest losers in town. "Of course we are still hanging out, I'm on my way!" Glo says on the other line.

"Thank goodness, because it is literally life and death over here." M says checking her hair out in a hall mirror. Glo laughs, "Girl, you are so melodramatic. I'll be there in a bit." The two friends hang up and M heads to her room for her bag. Miss M sits on her bed for a second, slipping into some shoes. Suddenly an ominous scratching sound can be heard in the room. The noise sends instant chills down M's spine as she realizes she isn't alone.

M looks over at her action figure heroes and motions for them to be still. The Roach makes himself known as he crawls down her closet door, hissing about brains. Miss M wants to scream for help, but nothing can come out. The Roach looks at her, "No one can save you now." The Roach looks down at some pretty blouses hanging on the closet doorknob, grinning the Roach takes some steps on the beautiful articles of clothing.

"No!!!" Miss M panics, "Not my clothes!" She knew she should have hung the clothing up sooner, and now the Roach was defiling her clothes. "Bastard!" M screams, lunging for the closet door, trying to shake the Roach away. Hissing at M, the Roach jumps off falling upon the most recent issue of Soap Opera Digest.

Miss M howls into the air, "NNNOOOOOO! Get off of my magazine!!!" M makes a move and the Roach hisses, "Come any closer and I poo all over your precious magazine!" Standing still, M tries to figure out her next move. She isn't sure what to do next, "What do you want?!"

The Roach hisses, "I want your brains!!!!!" Miss M shudders and looks over at a lone stiletto laying out of its box. Slowly inching towards the spiked heel, Miss M taunts the Roach, "You want my brains huh? Well come closer, you'll never taste better." The Roach salivates, "Brains. Brains..." Miss M steps closer to the Roach, lowering herself to the ground, motioning for her enemy to approach her, "That's right, come closer." Miss M says to the Roach as she places her pretty head to the ground, offering her luscious skull for feeding. 

Hissing in excitement the Roach, full of hunger, is ready to dive in. Completely tranced the Roach opens his mouth exposing rows of teeth. Miss M holds her breath. Time stands still as Miss M quickly grabs hold of her stiletto and pulls a "Single White Female", slamming the spiked heel into the Roach's eye. Miss M screams over and over as she stabs her heel repeatedly into the Roach. The screams echo throughout M's room and home. 

Wolverine jumps off the action hero toy shelf and rushes to Miss M, grabbing hold of her arms, "Darlin, let it go. Don't go down that road. Trust me, if you give into the hunger, killing will get easier. It isn't you. Don't let these monsters win." Miss M can't hear him, she can only hear her screams as she looks at the Roach guts all around her. The screams stop as Glo enters Miss M's room. Glo looks at her friend on the floor, "Girl! What is going on with you? Who are you screaming at, and why are you holding your heel like that?"

Miss M looks down around her, what just happened? What is happening? Nothing makes sense. Miss M simply shrugs, "Ready to get some soft serve?"

The End

For now...   

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