Miss M: April, I'm not saying that I need to be replaced. I'm just saying that I can't do two topics at the same time.
April: And how many times have I told you, when it comes to your job, you stick with the bread and butter of journalistic integrity. We've been down this road before. The month is nearly over and you have yet to interview a Bodacious Baddie for April. The Toy Chest Tuesday can wait.
Miss M: Well I just don't understand why I have to interview everyone. Why can't you do it sometimes? You certainly seem dressed for a fun interview excursion. By the way, why are you dressed up?
April: I happen to have a hot date tonight. I can't be interviewing anyone. So get it together and get to your spot.
Miss M: But I hate interviewing villains! They are always so snarky to me.
April: Oh goodness. How many times have I told you? You do not need to worry about your feelings. This is about the guests. Do you know what would happen if we suddenly stopped interviewing villains throughout the universe? And let us not forget the readers. They want to know what is new with everyone: the good, the bad, and never the ugly, so you better can that interview with Pizzaface for next month.
Miss M: But I like pizza...
April: Enough! Now last week I asked you to step through the portal to the left for your interview with She-Ra. Now you need to step through the one on the right.
Miss M: But I thought you said that I wouldn't want to know what was through the portal on the right?
April: I did. But it is a new week, so chop chop.
Miss M: Hey! Stop pushing me! I don't want to do this!
April: Girl, just think of it as experience points.
Miss M: But!
There were no buts. In just a matter of seconds I was pushed through the portal and on my way to interview the:
April 2013 Bodacious Baddie
Diary of a Dorkette: I really hate this place. I mean really hate. Why did it have to be Snake Mountain? This sucks. April gets to go on a hot date while I am here. Where's my hot date? I bet she's gonna have pizza too. That lucky bitch.
(Editor's note: At this moment, the loud mouthed Miss M found herself in a world of trouble as she fell through a trap door and nearly to her doom.)
???: Hm mm I completely agree.
Diary: I know that voice! I'd recognize that purr anywhere...
???: That's right. It's me, Catra!
Diary: Oh my. Hey Catra! What a nice surprise. You are the April Bodacious Baddie!
Catra: I know. I am just thrilled. Read into my sarcasm you dorky little thing.
Diary: (sighing) And here comes the snark.
Catra: Why are you interviewing me here? In Snake Mountain? This just doesn't make much sense.
Diary: I don't know what to tell you. We don't have the budget for a photo shoot and interview to take place in the Fright Zone. I'm sorry.
Catra: I suppose this dump will do.
Diary: Ok. Well let me just get my notebook together so I can jot everything down.
Catra: Be sure to jot this down, 'how dare you place me in the same month as that miserable blond She-Ra.'
Diary: Look Catra, I don't book the interviews. If you have a problem, take it up with April.
Catra: I'm going to take it up with you, you little dorky girl. Now you better make this far more entertaining than what you did with She-Ra. She only deserves slime in her coffee.
Diary: Ok. Let's just breathe. We'll get through this. It is good to see you. Age has been very kind to you. I think out of everyone, you give the best face. Are those cheekbones real?
Catra: Of course they are. I didn't pay for them. I have my anger and annoyance to thank for these cheeks, they are practically cheeks of hate! For She-Ra!
Diary: You really do loathe her. Has it always been that way?
Catra: Of course it has. She is so bothersome, I don't even understand why you are so obsessed with her. Do you know that I was meant to be the star of Princess of Power back then? The toy line was going to be based on me, the packaging was perfect. The logo was in a delicious Cat Scratch Fever Font. I was destined to rule the world.
Diary: I did not know that. What happened?
Catra: Ha. What happened? Let me share with you the realities of show business. The studio had decided that their female lead could not be raven haired. Some stupid executive had read an article in Vogue about how blonds were going to be having all the fun and the look was sold as the new 'it' thing.
Diary: So a fickle trendy piece in Vogue was the deciding factor in She-Ra knocking you out of the running to be the lead on Princess of Power?
Catra: Yes. I had expressed the willingness to have Entrapta dye my hair bright blond, but the studio said it would not be believable. They said, "One look at your eyebrows would betray the whole thing." Can you believe that? Disgusting.
Diary: That sounds just terrible. (Editor's Note: Diary of a Dorkette reached out to She-Ra for a follow up and this was her response, "Catra is a jealous beauty and will stop at nothing to slander my name. I was always meant to be the lead of POP, but the premise of the show was more of an ensemble effort. Catra never liked that, she wanted it all for herself.)
Catra: And before you say anything else, this was not about petty jealousy! I am far from jealous.
Diary: I am not saying a word. You may not have been the lead, but you were quite a popular character.
Catra: I was very popular. The audience ate it up. I'd get letters from fans all the time asking and hoping for me to appear in more episodes. Finally towards the end of the show I was given more material against She-Ra. It played out rather well.
Diary: Of course there was also the toy line, for every version of She-Ra that was released there was also a version of you released too. That has got to stand for something, right?
Catra: Of course it does! There was much more attention and detail given to my action dolls anyway. They were simply the best.
Diary: Do you have a favorite?
Catra: They were all my favorite, though Scratchin' Sound Catra was a delight.
Catra: The skirt was tattered and fun, and I loved the detailing they gave me with my clothing.
Catra: I also loved the art work. I think my essence was captured brilliantly and I must say, in releases like that, I believe She-Ra may have been a bit green with envy.
Diary: Well speaking of clothes, I do hope you like what we brought for you to try on for the photo shoot.
Catra: My agent reviewed the clothes, and they all looked crappy. I have an in-house fashion designer that made me my own clothes for the photo shoot, and I will be going with his designs.
Diary: So who designed this?
Catra: A dear friend who goes by Paladin. I am planning on wearing this to the premiere of my tell-all book.
Diary: You're writing a tell-all?
Catra: Of course I am. Ever since a certain dorkette fool has been writing some trashy piece of fanfic, I have been receiving letters from fans asking about the true nature of my hatred for She-Ra. Ever since then I decided to come forward with all sorts of secrets about behind the scenes confrontations and meetings that will shed so much light on the true nature of Princess of Power.
Diary: So I take it you are not thrilled with how you are portrayed in Adora's Search for Honor?
Catra: That is an understatement, but I am reserving full judgement once the story is finished.
Diary: Well how are you hoping it ends?
Catra: I am hoping for an epic battle between me and She-Ra, where I stand victorious over her lifeless body, but I know that won't happen.
Diary: I can't give anything away. But let's go back to your tell-all book, can you share a juicy story with us?
Catra: I would love to. Let's see, what should I divulge... Oh yes, this is perfect. She-Ra had mentioned to you that tragic story of Double Trouble showing up late to the set and basically being a hot mess. Well... that is completely false. She-Ra was too stuck on her own fame to know what was really going on.
Diary: What do you mean?
Catra: I mean Double Trouble was working over time on other shows. She had a talent to transform into practically anyone and the studios jumped on that. I mean who do you think would stand in for Krystle Carrington on Dynasty during those fight scenes? My goodness, who do you think they got to play Krystle's look alike Rita? Let's keep it even more real dorkette, when the studio made the New Adventures of He-Man, they didn't even get the original Skeletor to come back. They merely paid less for Double Trouble to double as him. She was the hardest working woman in show business. She'd show up late to the set because she was tired. You can't be everywhere all at once. They worked her to the bone. Literally, when is the last time you've seen her?
Diary: Wow, that is a very different version of events. She-Ra never said anything about that.
Catra: Like I said, she was far to stuck on her own rising star to notice the hard work that other people were having to do.
Diary: Is there anything else you have coming up?
Catra: Of course, a villain's work is never done. I'm gearing up for the big Conference of Evil this Summer. It should be fun.
Diary: Yeah I've been hearing that. Well, I think it is time for me to be going.
Catra: Why are you so quick to leave?
Diary: (a little worried) No reason, no reason at all.
Catra: Surely there must be some reason! Why on Etheria would you want to stop this most fascinating interview?
Diary: (looking around in fear) I just realized, we are in Snake Mountain!
Catra: Has anyone ever told you how perceptive you are?
Diary: No! Well, yes, they have. But no, you don't understand! The last time I was here, I was interviewing Skeletor for the February Bodacious Baddie. And I may or may not have royally pissed him off. I gotta go before he comes after me. Catra, you are fabulous. Look for your character to go off the deep end soon in Adora's Search for Honor. Take care!
Catra: That is the strangest woman I have ever met.
Diary: (Running away) Oh April is gonna be pissed with this one!
April 2013 Bodacious Baddie
Will Miss M still have a job interviewing plastic folks? Who knows for sure, but enjoy the stunning photos of the very bodacious and bad Catra!