Before I begin, the only problem is that I have technically been barred from interviewing anymore Heroic Hotties. I had a plan though. While gearing up for my speech full of pleading and begging to my mentor and friend April O'Neil to get my interviewing credentials reinstated, I came across her looking rather wild.
April: Of course not M. There's a reason I look like this, and no, I am not trying to travel back in time either, in case you were wondering. I'm on my way to interview the June Bodacious Baddie. I thought I'd wear something wild to interview this month's feature. If you'll recall I had told you that your interviewing duties were put on hold for awhile until you could really deliver some prize winning journalistic interviews and not the usual garbage you try to throw down people's throats.
Miss M: Well, I don't think it's garbage.
April: You haven't seen the ratings. We can't even put this filth on the Channel 6 news.
Miss M: Ok. So since you will be busy interviewing someone else, I should totally help your workload and interview the Heroic Hottie for June? Please?
April: Oh no! Not after last month's debacle! Oh no. Sorry M, I'm putting Irma on that case.
Miss M: Irma!? Not Irma! She is too dorky.
April: Have you seen yourself in a mirror lately?
Miss M: Ok, I obviously have no room to talk, but seriously, I really need to interview this month's Heroic Hottie. He was my first crush! April, come on! Don't be my colleague right now, I need you to be my friend. Please let me interview him.
April: (Growing slightly agitated) Fine! Go ahead, but this is your last chance M. Don't muck it up and for goodness sake don't throw yourself at him.
Miss M: I wouldn't do that.
April: Right. Anyways listen, I also have to meet with a friend on an important tip. Word under the sewer is that someone is trying to kill you.
Miss M: What!? Why would you say something like that?
April: Look, don't be alarmed. I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and everything is going to be ok. I'm sure it is just some megalomaniac with far too much time on his hands. You know it's a slow day when super villains are wanting to go after some hack-job reporter for a blog.
Miss M: Yeah. I guess. Should I see about getting some extra security with me?
April: Ha. Like we have that kinda budget. I'll see if the Turtles can keep a look out for ya. I'm sure you'll be fine though. I'm off, see ya!
With an all new sense of dread in my already anxious prone heart, I grabbed up all my gear and prepared to meet with this month's Heroic Hottie! Read on while I talk with a true man of steel. Not real steel, but he is sort of strong like steel. So maybe technically. Oh just read on.
June 2013 Heroic Hottie
Diary of a Dorkette: Well congratulations are in order! Your movie, Man of Steel, came out last weekend and it shattered some box office records!
Superman: Thank you. I was very surprised by the success of this film.Diary: What do you attribute to this movie doing so well? Let's be real, the last movie didn't do so hot.
SM: I think everyone wants to say that this darker spin on myself is what propelled the film to such greatness, but I disagree. I think the reason it worked so well this time was because the fans were really wanting it to work out. Not that they didn't before, but the world was really wanting to see me back.
Diary: And your new suit didn't hurt either. I don't think I have ever seen your suit look better!
Diary: True, you have never looked better. So speaking of your girlfriend, how is Wonder Woman? There were earlier reports out that you two were no longer together since she didn't join you for the movie premier.
SM: Never believe a word of the tabloids. One minute I'm dying from Kryptonite poisoning the next I'm losing my memory and getting married. Wonder Woman and I are fine. It's so funny, I've been so busy with promoting Man of Steel that my other duties as Superman have gone by the wayside. It is hard work promoting a movie, a lot of super heroes end up working more on the filming and promoting of a movie than they do saving the world. Wonder Woman has actually been working overtime to make sure the world is safe while all these super heroes are showing off their juggernaut films. That's why she wasn't at the premier with me.
Diary: I don't know how she does it. So you are in this great relationship with WW, tell me, was it awkward to be filming with your ex Lois Lane?
Diary: Well that's nice that the two of you can work together. I don't know that I could work like that with one of my exes. I mean most of my exes have all but left the state, and in some cases the country.
SM: Wow, you're that bad huh?
Diary: Let's just say there's a little bit of a Carol Ferris-ness in me.
Diary: I want to know more about your relationship with WW. I sat down with her a couple months ago and she was very candid about your relationship, but I want to hear it from you. Could she be the love of your life?
Diary: What is so special about your love?
SM: She truly understands me. We are both very high profile heroes and we know that everything can be nice and peaceful one minute and then become a mess the next with the world literally hanging in the balance. We both embrace that about each other, and when I look at her I just see so much hope for the future of this world. She is my hero. I don't know what I'd do without her.
Diary: That is so sweet that I might actually cry. Why do you have to be so damn perfect Superman! So ok, I have to know, what do you two get each other for the holidays? I mean you two seemingly have everything, how can you possibly surprise each other?
SM: It is not easy, but I do try to keep her on her toes. We recently celebrated her birthday and I got her this really big gift box, and when she opened it there was nothing there. She looked at me like I was crazy, but I laughed and said, 'I got you an invisible car.' Get it Miss M? An invisible car to go with her invisible plane!
Diary: (Not really smiling) You actually did that?
SM: You're giving me the same look that WW gave me. I screwed up huh?
Diary: Just slightly. I guess even Superman isn't perfect.
Diary: So what did you actually get her?
SM: I got her the entire She-Ra series on DVD as well as some tickets to visit Etheria for vacation. We are staying at the Crystal Falls. Did you know they've made a resort there?
Diary: Wow. I would totally stay at that resort. That is a nice gift!
SM: Thank you. Yeah, WW is a big fan of She-Ra. They've actually fought to save the universe together before. Funny story actually.
Diary: I bet. As much as I would like to hear it, we are winding down with our time and I know you wanted to really talk about a cause that is near and dear to your heart.
SM: Ah yes, I'm glad you reminded me. I am the spokesperson for the Clenched Fist Disorder Foundation, and we are working really hard to spread the awareness of this terrible affliction.
SM: Well CFD, as it is abbreviated, is a common problem that faces many super hero types as well as wrestlers. It is a disease of the joints, where the hands become permanently posed into the shape of a fist. It is very painful and makes daily tasks like eating or talking on the phone very difficult. I've been suffering from CFD for a very long time now, in fact, it has settled into both hands.
Diary: That is terrible! Are there currently any treatments?
SM: No, not yet. I've been gathering a league of the best super heroes in the world to come together for a summit on this very issue. There has got to be something that the medical community can do. Drug companies these days only seemed concerned with making sure everyone has boner pills and hair growth hormones, when the reality of our lives is that I can't use my hands! It is really just a sad state of affairs. And CFD doesn't just affect male heroes, there are plenty of female heroes that experience the discomfort of a clenched fist too.
Diary: Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for bringing this issue to the forefront. I hope that changes can be made.
SM: I thank you Miss M for giving me the forum to share this information. I hope to eradicate CFD by 2019.
SM: Yes, I agree. It is always a pleasure to talk to you. I am very happy to be a Heroic Hottie.
Diary: You certainly wear that suit well! Take care!
I left the interview feeling confident and thrilled that everything had worked out. All of that changed though once my phone rang.
Miss M: Oh, I wonder if this is Lois with that follow up comment! (Answering the phone) Hello? Yes this is her, may I ask... Oh no... Are you serious? Is she going to be alright? Oh that is terrible... Yes, yes, I am on my way now...
That feeling of confidence quickly came crashing down as I left Superman's interview and rushed to the hospital. My mentor, my friend, April O'Neil was in trouble. Big trouble. Lucky for me, Superman had not left yet, and I got a pretty sweet ride to the hospital.
June 2013 Heroic Hottie
Find out what happened to April O'Neil with the June 2013 Bodacious Baddie!
And, get ready, the final chapter of Adora's Search for Honor is coming up!