Miss M Presents: Christmas Wishes and Toy Dreams!

Dear Diary,

The holiday season is in full gear. People have forgotten how to drive and the roads are dangerous. Folks are fighting over items marked so high they might as well be living with the Care Bears. But, all is good. I'm in a very stable relationship with a Ninja Turtle and we are going to go shopping for Christmas gifts for our loved ones. I couldn't be happier. This is going to be the greatest Christmas ever!

I have enclosed a jewel that helps protect you.

-Miss M

Miss M presents:

Christmas Wishes and Toy Dreams!

Miss M: Wow, the crowds are out shopping today!

Michelangelo: Totally dudette. Christmas shopping is gnarly. What all have we done so far?
Miss M: (looks at list) Well let's see. We got Splinter a soap opera book from the used bookstore, but it looks practically new so he won't know it was used. That will be ok, you think?

Michelangelo: Dudette, chill out with the worries. The book was written in 1987, he'll notice either way for sure that the book is not new.

Miss M: Ok, well let's see. We got Casey Jones the sports equipment from Academy. (sings a jingle) Academy sports and outdoors, the right stuff, the low price, everyday, Academy!
Michelangelo: Yeah! Tubular song skills dorkette! (high fives Miss M)

Miss M: And... we got Donatello those parts for the computer he is building while finding Leonardo some credits for an online video game system... Wait a minute, is he actually going to like that?
Michelangelo: Totally M. Totally. Leonardo needs to cut loose and stop being so disciplined. By getting him this gift, my brother will have to totally have fun. He's too goody-goody to reject a gift.

Miss M: Hmm. I don't see that going too well. But let's see, the rest of the list. Oh yes! We're getting Raphael an attitude adjustment. Totally joking, but we really need to find out what to get him. Preferably something he won't use to smash through a wall.
Michelangelo: Totally.

Miss M: She-Ra told me she doesn't want a thing, she only wants me to hang out with her and the other members of the Great Rebellion at the Crystal Castle, which I can totally do. I still need to get something for you, and April has somehow asked for the hardest thing to find. She wants a new yellow jumpsuit, but it's like no one makes a good quality yellow jumpsuit anymore.
Michelangelo: Totally. I don't get how April keeps her jumpsuits in such great condition after all these years.
Miss M: It's like a girl thing. I'd imagine it has to do with the detergent she uses. Or something. Ya know, do you wonder if there are other versions of ourselves in alternate realities? Not to change the subject or anything, but like, I wonder what the alternate me is doing right now. I had this sad dream the other night that another version of me was living on an Earth similar to ours, but she was splitting up with her husband and selling perfume to mermaids by the sea shore. I don't really know why she was selling perfume to mermaids. I mean I don't even think it is possible to smell underwater. Unless mermaids have some latent powers to smell stuff underwater. I bet it is magical to be a mermaid, ya know?

Michelangelo: Totally dorkette. I hope my alternate version likes pizza still. So... should we split up and finish some last minute shops before we drops? Did you see what I did there?
Miss M: (smiles) Yeah, I think so. Ok, let's split up. We'll rendezvous in a few, k?
Michelangelo: Cowabunga dudette! This is gonna be awesome!

And just like that the two love reptiles rush off to finish up some remaining gift shopping. After a brief moment of retail madness, the two reconnect.

Michelangelo: I found a gnarly jump suit for April! I also found something pretty bodacious for this babe that I like a lot.

Miss M: Aww. That's sweet. I'm sure she is a lucky girl. (exaggerates by batting her eyes before breaking into laughter) I may have found something really special for you too, but I can't tell you what it is yet, so don't even think about asking!
Michelangelo: What did you get me dorkette?
Miss M: I can't tell you! Goofball! 
Michelangelo: Shucks.

Miss M: But I can show you what I got for myself. I mean, this is the season of giving right? (pulls out a rare DeadFast action figure) Check this out! I found a rare DeadFast figure!
Michelangelo: (looks it over) Tubular. Don't you already have one of these though?
Miss M: (nods) Yep. I have a loose one at home, but now I have one in mint condition! This is so exciting!

Michelangelo: (sounds worried) Yeah. Tubular M. Totally tubular.
Miss M: What's wrong? Aren't you excited? This is like the rarest action figure of 2013.
Michelangelo: Yeah, I know. M, what are you gonna do with all your stuff?

Miss M: What do you mean?
Michelangelo: I totally respect your collection and awesome dorkette skills, but I don't understand why you have to have the same item in loose condition and in mint. It's totally overkill, right?

Miss M: Well. I guess it seems like it could be overkill. But I don't know why I do that. I don't collect loose and mint on everything though. Just on the items that have that special something about them.
Michelangelo: I get ya. I just wonder about ya. You're my bodacious girl, and sometimes I just want to understand more about you.
Miss M: Well I don't know why I collect the way I do! It's crazy ok? (starts to panic and wonders if her collection is annoying him) I mean you might as well toss me to the curb like yesterday's news print. Make me obsolete. Maybe you need to date a mutated creature girl, like Flutterina or Mona Lisa. Maybe they'd be more your style.

Michelangelo: Whoa dorkette! Whoa! Not cool. I don't want to date those other girls. Even if they are mutated. I love you. Why do you do that? The first sign of a weird bump in the road and you are ready to get wicked weird on me.

Miss M: Well what do you want from me? You know that I collect everything and that I have borderline hoarder tendencies! What am I supposed to do about that? I'm not getting rid of my collection!
Michelangelo: No way. Uncool. I would never do that M. I like that you are the biggest dorkette and that whenever you are in a store you make it a point to stop at every toy aisle. It's tubular. I just want you to let me in, to know more about you. That's all.
Miss M: What am I supposed to say Michelangelo? The truth is just so silly. I can't even say it. I just can't.
Michelangelo: Trust me M. If you love me, just trust me.

Miss M: This is so hard... Ok. So maybe there is a reason why I have a collection of paired items in loose and mint condition. I know it is sad and pathetic that these material items bring me such joy, but they do. They are filled with memories of my youth not to mention new memories that are constantly being made. I have a collection that is more than just items filling up a space. It all tells a story and one day I want to share that story with my child. I want to be able to pass all these great items to a daughter or son and see their reaction when they open these mint items that have long given me such happiness. It sounds so silly...
Michelangelo: No way dorkette. Why would that be silly?
Miss M: Because. You know this. I can't have children.

Michelangelo: You could always adopt.
Miss M: I know, and I would in a heart beat. But I'm in no position right now to do that and I am only getting older. It's so funny, because when you are little you feel like there is so much time and that all of your dreams are going to come true. I wanted to be a mom. Not in the way of wanting to be a mom at the age of three, but more like, 'when I grow up I am going to be a mom.' Sometimes our dreams just aren't in the cards though. Of course, I'll literally be the old woman that dies with her toys. Say what you will about a cat lady, shit gets real though when you are the toy lady. You might as well start digging the grave now.
Michelangelo: Now why would you go and say something like that? You aren't going to grow old and be some gnarly old toy lady. You've got me M. Regardless if we have kids or not, we'll always have each other. I'm ready to go on any adventure with you, till the very end.
Miss M: (tries to shake the tears off) Whatever. You're just saying that because you are my boyfriend.
Michelangelo: Your boyfriend that loves you totally. More than the pizza from Antonio's even!
Miss M: (deadpans) Wow. I'm glad I rate above pizza.
Michelangelo: It is pretty good pizza.
Miss M: (smiles) You are right.
Michelangelo: Come here.

They hug each other really tight, holding onto this bit of vulnerability as the shoppers with their holiday madness buzz by. Miss M breaks away. She knows what needs to be done. She can feel it in her heart.

Miss M: Hold on Michelangelo, I'll be right back.

Miss M walks away with an idea. She heads towards a holiday helper standing by a big box.

Miss M: (looks at the big box next to the helper) This is for Toys for Tots right?

Holiday Helper: Yes, it is. Would you like to donate something?

Miss M: Yes, I would. I want to help bring some joy to a child this holiday.

Holiday Helper: Wow, a DeadFast figure! These are hard to find! I know this will make someone very happy. Thank you for the donation very much.

Miss M: No problem. Have a nice day and holiday.
Holiday Helper: You too ma'am!

Walking back towards Michelangelo, Miss M smiles warmly at her boyfriend.

Michelangelo: Did you just donate that action figure? You were so excited to find it.

Miss M: I know. But I already have a loose one. Besides, why am I going to hold on to some toy to give to a child that I might never meet when there are already children wishing for something special this year? I wanted to help in some way.
Michelangelo: Yeah.
Miss M: I mean, I don't know that I could donate my entire collection, but maybe what I need to do is trim things down. I think I can share the joys of some items with people now instead of waiting for a life that might never happen.

They stand there together, looking on at the people around them. Michelangelo squeezes M's hand tightly. The holidays are a strange time of year. So many emotions poured into one event.

Michelangelo: Wanna go grab some hot chocolate or something?
Miss M: Yeah. Let's go to the soda shop. You can get some hot coco. I might wanna get some bubble gum ice cream or something.
Michelangelo: Aw dudette! How can you eat that stuff?
Miss M: Umm, easily. The taste of chemically engineered bubble gum flavor is amazing. Come on, let's get a snack.

As they prepare to walk off with their bags of holiday cheer, Michelangelo grabs Miss M's arm.

Miss M: Yes Michelangelo?

Michelangelo: For what it's worth, I think you'd make one totally tubular mom.
Miss M: Thanks Michelangelo. You'd make a nice dad. That kid would have some awesome ninja skills.
Michelangelo: Got that right! Cowabunga!
Miss M: (shakes her head with a smile) Come on, let's get that snack. All this shopping has made me hungry.
Michelangelo: You got it babe.

They walk off together with the spirit of the season crisp in the air. For all the hustle and madness of the season, the couple remembers that there is still some heart left in the world, and that everything is going to be ok. Their love will get them through anything.

Up next! Diary of a Dorkette reaches its 400th post and it will be a story you will not want to miss! Celebrate in the most shocking post ever!