Miss M presents: Save the Wii U!

Dear Diary,

I'm sure you're tired of reading this diary, but I died and came back to life in the body of Moth Lady. I know, why must I always repeat this in entry after entry? But what if some dork from the future finds this diary and flips to this page out of all the pages I've written in and they have no clue what is going on? What then diary? What then? They must know the truth. That I died in a sewer explosion. My cute little self was blown to bits by the devious wrestler Velvet Sky and I lost the love of my life. That's all about to change though diary. After making a deal with the devil, er, Maleficent, I returned. And though Michelangelo still doesn't believe that I am who I say I am, he will. I know he will be attending the posh fundraiser to save the Wii U from extinction, and I am going to use this as my chance to get him to finally realize that I am back. I just hope that the mental space I am sharing with the real Moth Lady won't muck things up. It's really hard to share a body with a villain. Especially when said villain lives under a bridge and is friends with every insect known to humanity. Goodness I could just curse Maleficent for this. Totally just curse her to the moon and back. 

-Miss M

And now...

Miss M presents:

Save the Wii U!

Miss M: Ok. What do you think Roach? Do you like my outfit?
Roach: Yes milady, you look splendid. Is there a village raid you are about to participate in?
Miss M: No. I'm going out tonight.

Roach: Shall you require my company?
Miss M: (shakes head) Heavens no. I need to do this on my own.
Roach: Will you return milady?

Miss M: (lies) I hope to! (sighs to herself) I have to get out of this place. My life cannot be about living under a bridge!

As Miss M turns to leave for the night and her hopeful new life, her friend the Roach looks on patiently waiting for her return.

With the night still young, the focus and energy of the night crackles and pops at the Save the Wii U gala event!

The crowd builds as guests from all over the world make their way into Mila Rosnovsky's fashionable shindig for the ultimate cause. Soon April O'Neil arrives with friend Michelangelo as her date for the evening along with her friends Irma and her Guy Friday.

April: I can't believe I am actually here. I loathe Mila so much.
Guy Friday: She was a bit tragic to work with, but you did need to hire someone after the demise of Miss M.

April: And I also took that blasted journalistic oath to cover all news worthy events. When did saving a video game system become news worthy?
Irma: It's maybe a slow day?
April: (looks at a quiet Michelangelo) Are you ok Michelangelo?

Michelangelo: It feels a little weird to be out of the house since M's death. But you said there would be pizza...
April: Yeah, why don't you guys go mingle and find food. Take notes and interview people too for the Diary. While you all do that, I need to find the person behind this mess.

Once Michelangelo, Irma, and Guy Friday walk away looking for food, April sets her sights on none other than... Mila!

Mila: O.M.G dawg! April! I wasn't expecting you to be here!
April: Neither was I.

Mila: I see you still, like, love wearing trashy Versace knock offs.
April: Ha. You little half wit. This whole ensemble costs more than a piece of your premium hair extension. Don't think I can't spot a fake piece.
Mila: Oh April. Look around. I'm doing just fine on my own. Why, I don't even recall what my time was like at your silly little Diary of a Dorkette job.

April: You worked for me? That's so funny, I seem to recall you just standing around making a fool out of yourself. Then again, I wouldn't want to remember that either.

Mila: Ya know, I saw the latest trailer for that new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. I just can't get over all the CGI they did to make you look so young!
April: (bites her tongue)
Mila: I'm so sorry, I forgot. They didn't want you playing yourself in that movie. They had to hire someone who wasn't a fossil. Good to see you April. Now if you'll excuse me...

April stands there with fists clenched.

Meanwhile, guests mingle!

Chris Redfield: I'm so sorry about your loss. Miss M was a special lady.
Michelangelo: Totally. She was a gnarly dudette. Have you seen any pizza here?

Chris Redfield: No, I don't think so.

Michelangelo: Bummer.

Irma: So I'm interested in the molecular re-configuring of camera lenses when flashed with ooze, but no one really ever understands what it is I'm talking about, ya know?

Link: I have no idea of what you say.

Irma: Well the truth is I was hoping that kinda talk would make you interested in wanting to go out to dinner with me. I totally dig guys with pointy ears.

Link: I must go else where. I'm... scared.

Ralph: Hey April. It's good to see you. Thanks again for featuring me as Heroic Hottie last year. It really made a difference in my life.

April: Yeah, Miss M really enjoyed talking to you.

Ralph: Me too. She was a cool girl. Sad about her death. I did get into some anger management courses though.
April: Oh, that's good.

Ralph: Yeah. I've stopped randomly punching people's walls.

Guy Friday: ...It's a tough job to be sure.

Jill: I can imagine. I've heard April can be tough to work for. I don't think I could handle it, and I've dealt with numerous zombie infestations.

Guy Friday: You just get used to it. After awhile the barbs lose their sting.

Michelangelo: So Chun Li, have you seen any pizza here? I was told there'd be pizza.

Chun Li: I wish. I was told there'd be pizza too. I was also told there'd be a fight. And I never back down from a fight.
Michelangelo: Totally.
Chun Li: You seem really subdued. I thought you were the fun turtle.

Michelangelo: I thought I was the fun one too, but that was before my world came crashing down. (violin music plays featuring the sweet sounds of Nintendo Classics, like Metroid and Mega Man)

Sonic: You just got married recently, right?
April: Yes.
Sonic: Wasn't that your second marriage to Casey Jones?
April: I didn't realize people were counting.

Sonic: Oh no offense. I think it's great that you found love. Again.
April: I'm surprised you are even here.
Sonic: Why not? We all know how the Console Wars ended.

April: They didn't end well apparently. (looks up at the Save the Wii U sign)

 

Cut Man: So that's why they like to joke that I'm a cut above the rest. Funny huh?
Irma: Umm, yeah.

Quick Man: Don't listen to him. I'm really fast and quick if you want a good time.

Irma: No thank you. Ya know, I was only partially joking about dating robots and giving up on the real thing.
Cut Man: You're the prettiest girl at this gala. You have to pick one of us.

Irma: How about neither? (Cut and Quick Man both look sad) Well, if I can't get a date with a real guy in a year, maybe I'll call one of you. Of course maybe not. I've always wondered though, do you guys ever rust?

Cut Man: That is so offensive!

Quick Man: Definitely. Let's go somewhere else. I'm... scared right now.
Cut Man: I know. It's rudeness like that, that makes me want to lock the human race up and let Wily's plans for robot domination come true.

Irma: What did I say?

Anna: I just feel like this is such a noble cause, you know?

April: No, I really don't. I think this entire fundraiser is a sham.

Anna: Wow April. I can't believe you are so hateful. It's a charity!

Irma: I must know, who are you wearing?

Zelda: I'm not entirely sure. It's an old gown from the Hyrule archives.
Irma: Wow. You look really fancy.

Zelda: I am a princess.

Irma: That doesn't mean much these days. It feels like everyone is a princess. I'm just a socially awkward lady that wears socks with sandals.

Zelda: Umm, I'm going to go else where. I'm... scared right now.

Irma: Why does everyone keep telling me that?

Mila: (strides up to Mario) Like I'm so glad you are finally here! Where's Luigi? He was supposed to be here by now, he is the special guest speaker. (whispers to herself) And he's meant to be my future husband so I can become heiress of the Nintendo fortune!

Mario: I'm-a sorry Mila. Luigi was-a busy. I'm-a takin' his place for the speech, okay?

Mila: (bites her tongue with a steely eyed expression) Fine. Well, do enjoy the charity. I'll be bringing everyone around in, like, a few.

Mario: Okay! (Mario walks off.)
Mila: (curses out loud) How am I going to marry into the vast fortune of Nintendo if Luigi is not even going to show up? Now I, like, have to deal with his second rate brother. I mean Mario? Really? I would have rather Luigi sent Wario instead.

April: (walks up to Mila) Everything ok Mila? You look like your event is about to crumble...

Mila: You'd love that wouldn't you? But don't worry your old ancient little head about it April. This event is going off without a hitch. I'll raise enough money to save the Wii U from extinction and you will have to, like, report all about it.

April: We'll see about that. If anything, the top story I'll be releasing tomorrow will be how this whole mess of yours is the flop of the town.

April can only smile as Mila stands in annoyance. Neither of them notice Miss M's arrival in the body of Moth Lady! Scanning the crowd, Miss M looks for Michelangelo.

Miss M: I have to do this right. I can't screw this up like last time.
Moth Lady: (mentally screaming inside their shared brain) You will screw this up little dork girl!

Miss M: Go away Moth Lady. Nothing is going to stop me.

Pinky Pie: Hey Miss M!
Miss M: (looks down at Pinky Pie) What are you doing here? Are you really here or is this in my head?

Pinky Pie: Gee, I don't really know. What do you think?

Miss M: I am scared that I'm losing my mind.

Pinky Pie: That's not any fun. If I am a made-up friend though, isn't it super fun that I'm your imaginary friend? You'll never be alone Miss M! (pauses) Ohh! Look! Confetti! I love parties.

Miss M: (stands alone) Le sigh.

In another section of the fundraiser, Irma tries to cheer Michelangelo up.

Irma: Are you all right? You don't look like you are having a good time.

Michelangelo: I'm totally not. This whole bogus shindig was April's idea. I wanted to stay at home, but April totally told me there'd be bodacious pizza. I'd rather be at home.

Irma: I know it hasn't been easy Michelangelo. (looks around at the growing crowd) Maybe we should go somewhere quiet to talk about things. I'm worried about you, we all are.
Michelangelo: I could totally go for some fresh air.

The pair walk off as Mila takes to the stage.

 

 

Mila: Like, excuse me everyone! (claps hands) Gather round! I'm talking.

The crowd quiets down as all eyes and ears rest on Mila. April can only roll her eyes.

Mila: Thank you. I'm like super rich. My pedigree is unlike no other. My mother is a countess and I grew up in the lush surroundings of Swans Crossing. I've always believed that it's, like, important to give back. And when I found out that the Wii U was close to being extinct, I knew I had to jump in. Now I know you were all hoping to hear the great mascot of Nintendo up here sharing with you all the importance of saving the Wii U, but sadly Luigi could not make it. Instead we have, like, a new special guest speaker. Open your minds, hearts, and wallets for Mario.

 

Mario: (steps forward) Hi! It's-a me, Mario! I'm-a here today to talk about saving tha Wii U! Don't let tha Wii U die. We got-a good games comin out soon!

Miss M half listens to the speech as she slowly makes her way outside. She can't find her love, until he is right there, in her sight; talking with Irma.

Michelangelo: I just really miss her, ya know dudette?

Irma: I know Mikey. It's ok though. She's in a better place.

Miss M strides forward.

Miss M: Excuse me Irma, but you need to step away from my man.

Irma: (looks on in shock) Excuse me?

Michelangelo: Oh no way. This is the opposite of tubular.

Miss M: Look, I know what you must think, but please, you have to listen to me. I love you and I'm not leaving here until you feel the same way!

Irma: (tries to get Miss M away) Listen, I think you need to go back to whatever hole you came from. Mikey has no time for this.
Miss M: (ignores Irma) Michelangelo, I just need a few minutes. I can resolve this so simply!
Michelangelo: There's nothing to resolve mothball lady.

Irma: Yeah, you need to leave. (Irma grabs hold of Miss M's arm, the act causes a flare of anger to rip through M's new body)

Miss M: Don't touch me! (she panics as she shoves Irma away and summons a swarm of ants to crawl up Irma's legs)

Irma: (screams) Oh no! There are ants all over me! Help!

Miss M: What's happening to me? I didn't mean to do that.
Moth Lady: (whispers in their shared head) You're losing your footing M. It's time for me to come out and play.

Michelangelo: Stop this! What are you doing to Irma!
Miss M: (shakes her head) No, it wasn't supposed to be this way!

In another fit of panic, Miss M hurls herself towards Michelangelo and plants her lips right on his.

 

Holding tight while refusing to let go of her love, Miss M hopes that her kiss will reawaken an old memory or spark to let Michelangelo know that his love is very much alive.

Michelangelo struggles trying to get Miss M off him. He doesn't want to hurt her, but is left with no choice. He shoves her roughly away.

  

 

Michelangelo: Get off me you nasty freak!
Miss M: (looks up with tears in her eyes and a mass of emotions rushing through her) I'm not a freak! I'm your true love!
Michelangelo: You are sick. You hear me! Sick!

Miss M loses it as she feels the door to her psyche creak open as Moth Lady comes out.

Miss M: Go to hell! (Miss M punches Michelangelo in the face and claws at him)

 

The Ninja Turtle looks on in shock that she actually hit him. There is a look of sadness and pity in his eyes. Just like that, the door closes and Miss M regains control of Moth Lady's body.

Miss M: I'm so sorry. Oh no, I didn't mean to do that.
Michelangelo: Get away from me.

Michelangelo rushes to Irma's side as Miss M looks on in defeat.

Quickly gathering her wits, Miss M rushes away from the gala event as a crowd comes out to see what all the commotion is about.

 

April: What happened?
Irma: (looks down to see zero trace of ants on her) That weird lady from the office was just here. I could have sworn I had ants crawling all over me.
Michelangelo: She did something to Irma and she punched me.
April: Oh wow. That mothball lady is dangerous. We really need to file a police report.

Mila: (strides in the area) O.M.G.Dawg! This is not happening at my charity event! I'm trying to, like, save the future of Nintendo!
April: Oh put a moldy sock in it Mila.
Mila: (looks around at the crowd and regains composure) Fine, like, totes fine. Everyone back inside. The pizza just got here.

Everyone starts to walk inside as Michelangelo and his friends stay behind.

Michelangelo: I'm not hungry anymore.

Meanwhile...

With tears streaming down her face, Miss M rushes off on a winding road along a mountain trail.

Miss M: Who was I trying to fool? Why did I think anything would ever be different? I'm just destined to be alone. I'm never going to find true love because true love does not exist for someone like me. I'm a monster. I summoned ants on Irma and I punched Michelangelo!

 

Moth Lady: You foolish dork girl. You should have let me out. It's just going to make things even worse for you from now on.

Pinky Pie: Don't listen to her M. You can't let her win. Evil never wins.
Miss M: Well sometimes good doesn't win either. Oh Pinky Pie, I'm trapped. Don't you see? This isn't my body. I died. Everyone I know and love hates me. I'm so alone. On borrowed time.

Moth Lady: That's right, borrowed time. I'm going to be out soon enough dork girl!
Miss M: (looks out across the mountain trail) You can't. I won't let you out. I'm not going to fade away into nothing. I have to just end this.

Miss M walks to the edge of the trail. She looks down at the rocky mountain below her.

Miss M: It's just one step. That's all.
Moth Lady: What are you doing? You wouldn't dare.
Pinky Pie: Come on Miss M, let's step away from the edge.

Miss M: (removes her cape) I don't know how to use these wings. I never could and I'm the one in control right now.
Moth Lady: NOO! Stop this at once! Let me out! Let me in control of my body you stupid dork girl!
Miss M: (blinks back tears) No.

And just like that Miss M jumps off the side of the mountain with no safety net below.

Pinky Pie: Hasta la vista baby! Maybe?

To be continued...

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End the Month of April with a whole new Bodacious Baddie!