Monday, July 21, 2014

July 2014 Heroic Hottie!

With the world gearing up for the Conference of Evil in a number of days, the women of All My Toys find themselves busy with work. April O'Neil is giving Megan Fox a few lessons on how to portray the intrepid reporter for the big screen debut of the possible Oscar contender- Ninja Turtles. Meanwhile, Maleficent (disguised as Superwoman) is in a tail spin after seeing her own movie released by Disney. Also, Miss M (trapped in the body of Moth Lady) found the elusive dragon figurine that she needs to return to Maleficent in order to be reunited with her former body. The catch is this: the dragon figurine is locked deep within Bruce Wayne's Archival Room which is locked tighter than Fort Knocks.

But who cares about those stories right now! It's time to drool over some dream boat hunks! Click below to find out what the men of All My Toys are up to!

July 2014 Heroic Hottie

Bruce Wayne: (on speaker phone with Alfred who is still in the hospital) How are you doing Alfred?
Alfred: I'm healing sir. I should be back soon.
Bruce Wayne: Take your time Alfred. There isn't much you can do at the Manor right now anyway. I'm healing too.
Alfred: Oh sir, I hope you are doing well.

Bruce Wayne: Yes Alfred, I am. Miss M has been taking care of me. She's really been a great help around here. Though I have a sneaking suspicion she has been trying to find a way into my Archival Room.
Alfred: Do you think she wants to steal from you?
Bruce Wayne: (laughs to himself) Nah. She's a collector at heart. I'm sure she just wants to see everything. Maybe when I'm better I will take her there and show her everything.
Alfred: My goodness sir, you have never shown anyone your Archival Room. She must be a special lady.

Bruce Wayne: She is special Alfred. I've really... grown fond of her.
Alfred: Well done sir. My heart swells to hear this Master Wayne. While Miss M has proven to be a rather off the cuff woman, I do feel that she has a heart of pure grace. Well done Master Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: Not so fast Alfred. I am not sure she even notices me like that. For now I just want to be here in this big lonely house. With her.
Alfred: I understand Master Wayne. I shall see you soon.

Bruce Wayne: Yes. I am looking forward to it.

While Bruce Wayne rests with a heavy heart, two blossoming friends return from a fun filled day at a Pizza Festival as well as a walk through a Swiss Botanical Museum. Michelangelo and Mona Lisa soon find time to slow down for some one on one conversation at Dairy Queen...

Mona Lisa: I've never seen so much pizza in my life.
Michelangelo: Totally. When they said it was the largest pizza ever, I was expecting a bodacious pie that reached up to the sky with gnarly toppings.
Mona Lisa: Yeah. Me too. A long sheet pizza isn't that bad though.

Michelangelo: Totally true Mona. Totally true.
Mona Lisa: I even think I saw you crack a smile once or twice.
Michelangelo: It felt good to smile again.

Mona Lisa: See! This is all you need. To go out and do things. To see that the world is still moving. Your life doesn't have to end Mikey.
Michelangelo: Totally.

Mona Lisa: Hey, let's go to the beach after we get some soft serve. We're in the dead heat of July, a trip to some water sounds refreshing. Right?
Michelangelo: Cowabunga dudette! That sounds awesome.

Mona Lisa: Great. Let's go.

As they both exit stage right to attend to summer fun, another Heroic Hottie is busy at work; with his own interview.

Guy Friday: So I'm not sure how to answer this question. Working for April is one of the toughest jobs I have had. My daily duties include making sure April's assignments are up to date. Making sure the office is in running order. Securing specific interviews. I never get to go on the fun adventures that April and Irma go on. Or even Miss M, when she was alive. Miss M had the best adventures.

Guy Friday: Oh, you would like to know who Miss M was? She was this pretty dorkette. Her writing was atrocious and she always bumbled her way through an interview, but she had a heart made of glittery plastic that could glow bright in the darkest of places. We all miss her around here. But, you wanted to know more about April. Let's see... I never thought she'd marry Casey Jones a second time. No offense to their love, but in her older age, April has become more hardened. Like, she's seen things. She also doesn't drink coffee. No lie, she gets up at the crack of dawn for her job and does not even start her day with a drop of coffee. It's either water or juice for her. I don't know how she functions. Although, on second thought, that might explain why she has a terrible attitude sometimes.

Guy Friday: Actually, her attitude has gotten better. So please, don't tell her I said she has a terrible attitude sometimes. I don't want to lose my job. I take great pride in being a Guy Friday, even though I wish she'd use my real name.

Guy Friday: If there was one thing I wish I could do about this job... let's see... (longingly looks over towards Irma) I wish I could get this one person to see me. To really see me. You see, I'm in love with this girl and she is boy crazy to the nth degree, but I don't think she'd ever give me a chance. It's pretty shitty when you aren't good enough.

Megan Fox: Why wouldn't you be good enough?
Guy Friday: Oh, I don't know. So... did you get all your questions answered?

Megan Fox: I think so. Talking with you has been really helpful.
Guy Friday: If you don't mind my asking, what are you doing here again?
Megan Fox: Oh. Yeah. I'm shadowing April O'Neil. I want to do her role justice so that I might bring a touch of gravitas to the Ninja Turtles movie.
Guy Friday: Doesn't that movie come out this August?
Megan Fox: Yeah. Your point?
Guy Friday: I don't see how that's going to work. There just isn't enough time.

Megan Fox: Lucky for you, you don't have to worry about it.
Guy Friday: Oh there is plenty to worry about. Just be careful when April's left eye twitches. That's when you know something bad is going to happen.
Megan Fox: I'll keep that in mind.
Guy Friday: Want a Crush soda?
Megan Fox: Only if it's orange.

Guy Friday: Cool, I'll be right back.
Megan Fox: (alone in the office) Like it's hard playing April O'Neil. Give me a break. I'm gonna rock this movie and I won't even need a close up on my lips, nose, or butt. Mmm. I'm suddenly craving a hot dog.

Megan Fox: (calls out loudly) Guy Friday! Let's get some dogs! 


Casey Jones: What do you think is wrong? You think she is having an affair?
Bow: No. I can't imagine She-Ra ever stepping out on me. She is too honorable. I just can't shake it though, something has been off with her lately. Ever since she got back from saving Sea Hawk.

Casey Jones: Bow, I don't mean to be a buzzkill, but didn't they have a thing once?
Bow: They did. Maybe they still do. I don't know.
Casey Jones: It's not easy being in love with lovely ladies of pop culture is it Bow? I mean, April and I went through a divorce and got married twice. She works her butt off at the Diary and she even has told me that they are making a movie about her that is going to be in theaters in August. When I say she is stressed, she is stressed.

Bow: Try being in a relationship with the most powerful woman in the universe. She gets all the glory and everyone else thinks I'm gay because I wear my heart on my chest.
Casey Jones: I don't think it was the heart. I think people thought you were gay because of that time you rode around on that horse with He-Man. It looked a little suggestive.
Bow: Come on. There was only one horse. How else were we gonna get around?

Casey Jones: You and I know that, but some people are just going to hate on you Bow because they are insecure. It's unfortunate.
Bow: Yeah, which is why I'm going to do something about it. No more hiding in the shadows and being the joke on everyone's lips. I'm branching out. Onto bigger and better things. I'm planning on making a name for myself. I'm no longer going to be She-Ra's special friend. I'm gonna be the man who has a special woman.
Casey Jones: I'm really confused.

Bow: I'm opening a bar. It's going to be the hottest night spot in town.
Casey Jones: Really?
Bow: Yep. I'm even thinking that there will be live entertainment.
Casey Jones: No way. Are you thinking what I hope you are thinking?

Bow: Oh yeah. You on drums. Kowl on chimes. Bluegrass on guitar. I'll be on harp. We'll get Rio to be our manager and technical engineer. I know Rio is really in need of work after what Jerrica, er I mean Jem, or whoever she calls herself these days, put him through.

Casey Jones: Who'll be our front-man?
Bow: That's the fifty million dollar question; and one that will be answered in the fall... when my bar opens! Things are turning around for good old Bow!
Casey Jones: I'll say. Who knew you were such an entrepreneurial bad ass?

Bow: Always keep 'em guessing Casey. Always.

In yet another part of the world...

Donatello: Lightning bolt, lightning bolt, lightning bolt!

Donatello: You're all knocked out until someone can chant the spell of Life. And Gandalf, you will need someone to cast a Life 3.

Gandalf: Ugh. Really? I vote for a recount of hit points!

Donatello: Sorry, it's just the way the game is played. Oh and Gimli, next time bring a fake ax. You nearly took off Legolas's arm.

Gimli: Aye.

Donatello: All right guys. Good game today. See you after the break. And Gandalf, remember, you can't move until Life 3 is cast.

Gandalf: Huff. Whatever.

Donatello: (notices an arrival of another guest) Raph? What are you doing here?
Raphael: We need to talk about our brother.
Donatello: Which one? There are two.

Raphael: Our idiot brother.
Donatello: Oh come on Raph. Master Splinter would not be happy with you talking about Mikey like that.
Raphael: You knew who I was talking about though.

Donatello: What has happened?
Raphael: He's been moping for months about our sewer lair being blown to bits...

Donatello: I think it had more to do with Miss M dying in the explosion...
Raphael: That's besides the point. Now he's seemingly feeling better. He's been going out with Mona Lisa.

Donatello: No way. Mona Lisa is back? How is she?
Raphael: That's not the point Donnie! Why is Mikey hanging out with my ex girlfriend?
Donatello: I think you are overreacting. We were all friends before you briefly dated her when we were teens. And didn't you dump her because you were too cool or something?

Raphael: Shut up Donnie.
Donatello: Come on Raph. Do you really think there is something to get worked up about? This is Mikey. His only greatest love in life is pizza. Besides, he's too upset over Miss M. He isn't going to get involved with someone else. Now come on, do you want to Larp or what?
Raphael: Will I get to punch something?
Donatello: That's not really the point...

Raphael: What?!
Donatello: But go ahead! Gimli brought a real ax. Have at it.

Raphael: Cool.

While an epic game of live action role play occurs, something else begins to unfold in the After Life. Deep in one of the towers where Miss Elizabeth is being held prisoner, she soon finds herself with the ultimate ally: Ed!

Miss Elizabeth: I need to know if you can do this. Are you up to the challenge?

Ed: So let me see if I understand this. You want me to find the Angels and get them to help set you free? Why me? I'm just a former employee at the mall food court that died in the dumbest way possible. I am forever stuck in the After Life in this Panda suit. How am I going to do anything?

Miss Elizabeth: You must believe in yourself Ed. Look at what you have accomplished so far! You scaled the castle tower and made your way to my prison.

Ed: This is a pretty nice prison all things considered. And since we're all dead, can they even keep you locked in here?

Miss Elizabeth: Humor me Ed. You have got to do this. Finding the Angels is what will turn the tide in this war of darkness in the After Life. Come on Ed, you can do this. Just think about Miss M, she'd rally around you. Why, she'd even say you were heroic. A heroic hottie even.
Ed: (perks up) You think she'd say that?

Miss Elizabeth: I know she would. Now come on, go forth and find the Angels.
Ed: Yeah! I'm going to do it! I'll be back with the Angels!

Ed leaves.

Miss Elizabeth: (looks around her holding) I would say we are not making it out alive. But, ya know, we're already goners. I wish you a swift journey Ed. The fate of the After Life and Earth will rest in your hands.

And the clock ticks as the days pass. The Conference of Evil is coming ever closer!

July 2014 Heroic Hottie!



  1. Donnie LARPing. Feels natural enough. I didn't even know they made a variant toy of Wizard Donatello. Looks like you were able to milk some good use out of that odd purchase.

  2. Wait-so ALL those guys were the hottie? I am confused! But I loved the reference to the coffee thing, I love when you find a sneaky way to work comments I made about you into the story! You know, I'm pretty sure April did drink coffee in the cartoon,(a journalist who doesn't drink coffee is far less believable than mutant turtles) but I will allow it for the story because it relates to me complaining about your coffee-less-ness. You will be seduced over into drinking coffee at some though Miss M! I know it will happen! And the good thing will be, that when you do, even though you AREN'T grown up-it will make you LOOK like a grown up!!
    Ed is still my favorite character ever! but I am a little confused about the Casey Jones, Bow story, but it does sound cool. I wanna see this band!!

  3. Love the looks of that Larp Turtle M. : )