The world has gone mad. No truly, it has. I can't make sense of anything. The Conference of Evil is merely a few days away. I don't think I'll be attending. Last year was a mess since so many bad guys wanted me dead. The funny thing is that they totally got their wish. I'm here though, alive and trying to find my way back into my old body. My biggest goal is to break into Bruce Wayne's Archival Room and borrow the dragon figurine in there. Notice Diary, I am using the word borrow. I don't plan on stealing. Just a simple borrow. That can't be that bad of a thing, right?
Miss M Presents:
Countdown to Evil!
Bruce Wayne: Oh, not at all. How are you doing M?
Miss M: I'm totally fine. Completely fine. Listen, I wanted to ask you something...
Bruce Wayne: Sure.
Miss M: Could I... borrow something from your Archival Room?
Miss M: (looks nervous) Ok... so... I may or may not have used your high tech cameras to spy on the innards of your Archival Room. Ya know, you've got a lot of stuff and I couldn't help but notice that you have what looks to be a dragon figurine.
Bruce Wayne: I can't believe you searched through my Archival Room with my camera system.
Bruce Wayne: How do you even know you can trust her?
Miss M: I don't. But I'll do anything to return to my body.
Bruce Wayne: M, the body you are in is perfectly fine.
Bruce Wayne: Your old life will no longer be here with me though.
Miss M: So? I don't understand.
Miss M: It's not like I'll never speak to you again. Bruce, I need your help.
Bruce Wayne: I'm sorry M. I can't. I won't give you access to my Archival Room.
Miss M: (in shock) How can you be like this? You are a cruel man! Incorrigible! Why I never!
Bruce Wayne: (looks away) I can't help you. I refuse.
April: It was the early 90's. We were still coming down from the 80's.
April: I can actually.
Megan Fox: Wow. I've learned so much about you April. It's been a good day. I've gotta get going though. Mel is planning on shooting more extra scenes for the movie. I'll see you later.
April O'Neil rushes off for her close up.
April: (lies) I am so sorry. She left town, something about leaving for a 90210 Convention. Apparently she's a big fan. Who knew?
April: I'm April O'Neil, Megan's understudy.
Sideshow Mel: There are no understudies in film! What sort of joke is this?
Sideshow Mel: None of this makes any sense.
April: I know. But just go with me on this journey. Let's make some art!
As they prepare for their work, a shiny beacon of light streaks through the sky...
Sideshow Mel: That's not what I signed up for.
April: Whatever! This is news. Edit it down for your stupid movie, but we have to keep the public informed. Now, focus the camera on me.
April: Listen, forget the interviews, we have a bigger story unfolding. Superwoman just crashed the protesters for the Conference of Evil. She is sending out a public plea for all evil to descend upon the city.
Irma: Oh wow. That sounds like a headache.
Irma: I don't really want to go.
April: Too bad. We're going in to report behind the scenes at the biggest event of the year.
April: Because this is better. Trust me. I know how we are going to save the Diary. We'll be the only ones reporting behind the scenes. We could end up saving the city.
The two hang up. Another meanwhile, Miss M has a secret meeting with a Cat Lady...
Miss M: Yes. And if you had any idea who I really was you wouldn't be saying such things.
Catwoman: Oh really? Just who are you?
Catwoman: Yeah, I'm one of the best.
Miss M: I need help getting into an Archival Room.
Catwoman: You want inside Bruce Wayne's Archival Room?
Miss M: Yes.
Miss M: He's healing from an attack by a giant roach.
Miss M: Look, let's both cut the crap. It smells. You and I both know who Bruce really is and I know who you are Selina.
Catwoman: Back up Crimpy. How do you know this?
Miss M: It doesn't matter. Let's just say I'm an old friend and once I have taken what I need from that Archival Room, everything will be revealed. It will all make sense.
You sound crazy. But I'll help you. Bruce, or rather, the Bat, broke my heart. No one gets away with that. Here, I'll tell you everything you need to know.
Miss M listens to the details while in the After Life another set of listening ears are being put to the test.
Meanwhile at Bruce Wayne's Archival Room...
Miss M: Aren't there things against child labor laws? Why does he have you in here?
Sherry: I am not a child. I am a computer security program designed to look like something sweet and innocent. I am rather quite deadly.
Miss M: (laughs with a shrug) Been there done that. You don't scare me.
This weekend there is only one place to be: the Conference of Evil!!! As Diary of a Dorkette nears its third year entertaining the world over, sit back with a snack and prepare for the madness to unfold when all your favorite villains show up for the conference to end all conferences. Be there or be Lo Pan's bride!