Thursday, March 7, 2013

Night of the Living Roach

So this week has been a bit of a mess in my personal life. I had hoped to write some new things, but that just didn't really get to happen. Instead I thought it would be nice to revisit something I had written awhile back. Actually this story has sordid beginnings. To start off with, I detest roaches. They freak me out big time. So back when I had my old blog from ages ago I typed up a little horror story series about my real life experiences with fighting off roaches. I added just a bit of exaggeration of course to make things fun, and I of course included my favorite toys too! (In fact, this story may be the original building blocks for all those fun toy interviews that I do.) The story is full of all the pop culture touchstones that I love.

Now that I have some more people reading all about my crazy, I thought it would be fun to bring the Night of the Living Roach series back! Hopefully it will be enjoyable.

The story you are about to read is based upon true events that occurred many years ago. Be warned that these events could happen to anyone. No one is truly safe from the...

Night of the Living Roach

Somewhere in the state of lone hearts and shooting stars, resides a peaceful 'burb. The houses all have manicured lawns. Store fronts are warm and inviting. People get along with one another and share glasses of lemonade on hot sunny days. Gossip almost always follows.

In this town there is also a lovely hero who goes by the name Miss M. Single and finishing up college, Miss M lives with Mama P, Big Daddy, and her younger brother Markiki. The ravishing Miss M also works with a consortium of action figure heroes that make sure the streets are safe for everyone. Miss M is also on the hunt for a dear old friend named Glimmer. She is believed to be lost in the menacing Attic (a place hotter than hell.)

However unknown to Miss M, something dangerous and evil is brewing. This evil will shake her to the very core, and not in the same way that her pilates do. No, this evil will threaten everything she loves and holds dear.

This particular night finds Miss M in her room catching up with Gambit, one of the many action figure heroes that have befriended Miss M throughout the years. Gambit is trying to work through a personal problem that involves his lady love.

Miss M is doing her best to help him, "Gambit, I am not sure what you are going to do about Rogue. She is either going to be with you, or she'll pick Magneto. Either way you just need to give her some space."

Gambit chuckles and hangs his head, "Petit, Rogue and I live on the same shelf. There won't be much space to give. Gambit in trouble." The thief may have once been content stealing from others, but this time it seems someone has stolen from him. His heart. He cares for Rogue and Miss M is touched by that.

"Oh Gambit, you are such a good guy. Rogue will see that. I just know it! I have to go though, I have to meet up with the girls! Have a good night!" Gambit waves a good bye as Miss M walks to another part of her room to catch up with She-Ra and the gang, including the moody Catra.

Miss M waves, She-Ra and the cast of Princess of Power are simply sitting around. She-Ra smiles, "Miss M! What a nice surprise! I hope you have news for us?" She-Ra is hopeful that Miss M has found Glimmer. Many moons ago Miss M embarked on a dangerous journey to the heart of the Attic to retrieve She-Ra and her friends. It was dangerous, Miss M almost fell through the flooring breaking her legs. Luckily she was able to rescue her old dear friends. Except for one. Glimmer, the guide who lights the way, was missing from the rest of the group. Doing her best to hold on to hope, Miss M searched everywhere. Sadly she never found Glimmer. The Attic had her for keeps. After some time everyone gave up and mourned the loss of a bright talented lass.

However recently She-Ra has received distress calls that appear to be coming from Glimmer. No one knows exactly where the calls are located or what they even mean. They just sound like Glimmer faintly calling for help. So the decision was made for Miss M and her brother Markiki to investigate and they traveled to the Attic once again and came back with nothing.

"I'm so sorry She-Ra, but this most recent trip was uneventful. We could not find Glimmer at all. I'm so sorry." Miss M had really hoped she would find Glimmer. She-Ra looks at the rest of the group, everyone looks sad and lost. She-Ra nods to herself, "Thank you M. You have gone above and beyond what should be done for someone with rooted hair. I think we just have to realize that Glimmer is gone and won't be coming back."

Castaspella, another friend of She-Ra steps forward, "If Glimmer is not coming back, then what of the distress calls?" Sweet Bee and Perfuma pipe up in agreement. Off to the side Catra purrs lightly, "Oh you fools. Haven't you realized this could all be a hoax? Besides, if Glimmer is alive or not, her being in the Attic for this long will probably have left her disfigured beyond belief. Just look at Mermista. Her hair has never been the same. Face it, Glimmer is a goner."

Everyone looks at Mermista's blue twisted and tattered hair. Mermista blushes, "I've got one more appointment to try and get my hair fixed! Leave me alone!" Mermista shouts out loud before sobbing to herself as she runs off. She-Ra shakes her head and mutters to Catra, "Must you always be so rude?" Catra simply shrugs.

Another of She-Ra's friends, Frosta, speaks up, "I don't mean to rush this conversation along girls, but I do have a date with He-Man that I would like to make on time tonight. So are we done? I don't want to keep him waiting..." Frosta crosses her arms and looks smugly at Sweet Bee.

She-Ra motions for everyone to go. Miss M and She-Ra are the only two left. Miss M feels bad for coming back empty handed, "I'm so sorry She-Ra. Markiki and I could always go back, if you thought it was needed?" It would be a dangerous mission, but it would be worth it to find Glimmer.

"No, M. Don't worry about it. I don't know why I thought Glimmer would be back, I need to realize she is gone. Although it just doesn't make sense. Who would be sending out these distress calls?" They both are at a loss. She-Ra eventually walks off to figure out a few things and to see her special friend Bow. Miss M heads to her bed to prepare for a nice trip into dream land...

Elsewhere in M's home, two creatures are talking by the entrance into the Attic. These vile creatures are members of the Roaches. Their sole purpose is to multiply and terrify the masses. And eat. Anything. In. Sight.

One Roach is getting ready to leave the entrance of the Attic and asks his colleague, "What happens when I am on the first floor Sky-Spy?"

Sky-Spy's wings quickly flutter about, he snarls, "Dumpstor, you will head to the kitchen. Do your best to go undetected. Once there, seek out the trash compactor. Find whatever resources you can and bring them back, do you understand?"

Dumpstor nods, "Yes Sky-Spy, I do." Dumpstor quickly scurries off heading down the winding stairs towards his mission...

Meanwhile the beautiful Miss M is waking from a peaceful slumber in the middle of the night. Annoyed to be away from dreams of visiting Pine Valley and dining with Ryan Lavery, Miss M heads towards the kitchen for a glass of water. She notices two of her action figure friends still up. Wolverine and Gambit seem to be playing a game of cards. She laughs at the two, "Shouldn't you guys be sleeping?" Wolverine puffs on a plastic cigar and looks at her, "Darlin, I'm not restin until I beat the Cajun."

Gambit throws down his hand, winning the current game, "Mon ami, you gonna have to do better than that." Miss M walks off laughing to herself. She also notices that Rogue and Magneto are not on the shelf. Where could they be?

Out of her room, Miss M heads down a long dark hall towards the kitchen. She doesn't understand why her parents insist on living in such darkness. "Not even a night light? This is ridiculous." Pain soon shoots up her foot and leg as she bumps into a pile of shoes on the ground by her brother's bedroom door. Muffling a scream of pain, Miss M rubs her toe and whispers to herself, "That darn Markiki! I better have my polish intact!"

Suddenly there is a slight noise in the hall. Miss M turns to see if someone is with her. There is no one there that she can see, though Miss M is highly aware that she is not alone. With a loud beating heart, Miss M raises her hand to a nearby light switch.

Warm light fills the dark hall. "That's funny, I can't see anything, but where is that noise coming from?" Off to the side Dumpstor stares on at the very tall Miss M. It would seem that Dumpstor got lost on his way to the kitchen. He mumbles to himself, "Alright broad, turn the light off so I can be on my way." Dumpstor would rather finish his mission unseen, however if it comes down to it, he will cut her.

Something within Miss M is telling her to leave the light on. Her bare feet walk softly across the wooden floor, getting closer to the kitchen. All of a sudden Miss M hears what can only be described as a battle cry. She jumps as a Roach comes after her.

"Oh no! No!" Miss M says to herself dodging a swift attack by Dumpstor. Crashing to the floor, Miss M gasps in pain. Dumpstor races back towards her, "You just couldn't turn the lights off could you? I'm going to enjoy this!"

Dumpstor jumps in the air lunging towards Miss M. Thinking fast, the agile hero rolls away from an attack. Searching for a weapon, Miss M reaches for one of Markiki's shoes on the ground. "Thank you dear brother, you just saved my life!"

With a fair fight in store, Miss M swiftly takes aim at Dumpstor. The shoe misses and slams against the wooden floor rather loudly. "Shit!" Miss M shouts, the last thing she wants to do is wake everyone else in the house. Dumpstor looks at Miss M, "You won't catch me broad!"

"We'll see about that!" Miss M shouts and chases after Dumpstor. The lightening fast Roach runs up the hall wall and flips off into the air hitting M in the leg. She screams in utter disgust as she sees the roach race down her leg and back to the wall. Screaming, M slams the shoe against the wall. The noise is so loud that from another room Mama P screams, "What the hell is going on out there! People are trying to sleep!"

Dumpstor glides to the ground and runs faster towards the kitchen, looking back to laugh at the silly human girl. She now has to deal with the wrath of someone else. Thinking he is close to his goal, Dumpstor feels a large shadow surround him. Before he can truly grasp what is happening, Miss M firmly slams a shoe on top of him. Miss M shouts, "Take that you disgusting Roach!"

Acting fast, Miss M races to the restroom for some toilet paper to pick up the remains of Dumpstor. He will soon be in a watery grave, flushed away from attacking anyone else again. Shaking and disgusted, Miss M makes her way back to the shoe and Dumpstor. This is the part that grosses M out the most: disposing of the body.

Lifting the shoe, Miss M prepares to pick up Dumpstor. Suddenly Dumpstor jumps in the air landing on the silky skin of Miss M's arm. She screams as Dumpstor laughs, "I will eat your brains!!!!"

Shaking her head in horror Miss M screams, "No! Never!" She quickly wraps the wadded piece of toilet paper around Dumpstor. Racing to the restroom, Miss M finds herself fighting against time. Both human and Roach scream the whole way. Dumpstor does his best to free himself from the constraints of the toilet paper, but it is no use. He is thrown into the toilet. Surrounded by water, Dumpstor does his best to swim to the surface.

He looks up at Miss M and curses, "You bee-with-an-itch! I'll get you, and your little toys too..." Before he can finish his sentence a loud noise erupts and a whirlpool quickly forms around him. A strange suction from below captures him and drags him into darkness.

Miss M can't stop shaking and screaming. She hates roaches. Hearing footsteps behind her, she turns to see Wolverine and Gambit. She is glad to see them and not Mamma P. That would have been much worse.

Wolverine sniffs the air, "Darlin, where is he at? Let me at him!" Snikt! Wolverine pops his claws out ready to fight. "It's ok Wolverine, I am fine. I was just attacked by a roach, that's all. But he is dead, I killed him." Miss M says and walks over towards the two action figure heroes. "I just want to get back to bed, this has been a strange night."

Gambit looks at her, "You wanna talk about it petit?" Miss M shakes her head, "No, maybe tomorrow. I have been through too much tonight. Besides, I gotta get back to dream land. I got a hot date in Pine Valley!" Miss M jumps into her bed as Wolverine and Gambit look at each other and shrug going back to their game of cards.

Deep in the heart of the Attic, Sky-Spy paces back and forth, his wings fluttering every now and then. "Where is Dumpstor?! He was supposed to have been back by now... If something has happened to him, those that are responsible will pay..."


  1. Am not too fond of those creepy crawlers either Miss M.

  2. I can imagine a roach screaming at you as you try to flush it would be a hard thing to fall asleep after.
    you must really hate those exterminator commercials with the giant CGI roaches in them. And I am guessing you didn't own a Scumbug TMNT figure either.
    What's interesting is that in your fantasy world of toy story adventures Frosta gets to date He-Man and in your other fanfiction you have doomed her to be the worlds sexiest spinster!

    1. I never owned a Scumbag from TMNT. lol And there is an exterminator company near where I live that has giant roach stickers on the car, it grosses me out every time.

      And there are some fun double stories with the toys in Night of the Living Roach and what goes on in the Adora's Search for Honor.

  3. This was such an awesome read. I'm so happy to har stumbled upon this blog. :)

    1. Thank you Cowabunga! I'm glad you stumbled upon this blog too! Enjoy it, and I hope you are doing well!

  4. had to mention this cuz I just watched the new episode of Nickelodeon Ninja Turtles this morning-did you see it? "Spy-Roach"? It turns out Raph has the same phobia as you! Only thing that pissed me off? They made a new roach character instead of bringing back "Scumbug".

    1. Oh I have not seen this! So they have a new Roach character? I love that Raph does not like roaches. And hey, Spy-Roach is a pretty cool name, but I agree, Scumbug would have been better. I came up with the name Sky-Spy because I wanted the roaches in the story to have names that sounded like they could have been 80's toys. Like Dumpstor and stuff. I'll be re-editing these stories for the third time, but most of them can still be read in the tab section to the right. Once I have re-edited them again, I will replace them with the newer ones. But I need to check in on this TMNT Spy-Roach thing. I have not been keeping up with that show as much as I would have liked.

  5. I wanted not to like the new tmnt-but I can't help myself. It's really, really funny! And I kind of dig the cute 16 year old April. It is a bit weird that the boys like human girls-like Don likes April-and both Leo and Raph seem to have a thing for Karai (I actually don't know how to spell her name-but you know, Shredder's daughter.) I mean,in Moose comics- in Rock n' Roll Porpoise Man -he is going to be with Crystal. There is no question about that. But I consider Moose Comics to be underground so that kind of thing is OK. It's weird when they do borderline beastiality in kids shows!

    I wouldn't worry about ripping off TMNT. Your Roach was different. But one thing I would look into-are you sure there isn't something called Sky Spy already toy wise? I don't know what from-but that name is too good! I searched over and OVER to see if anyone had come up with Frankenspy before me and they HADN'T! Can you believe it!? No one else used Frankenspy! Awesomest name and no one did it before me!

    1. Well I do like the new TMNT. I have been collecting the line for sure. I just dont watch it as much as I'd like. I'm glad that Karai is involved too! I like the concept of her.

      So originally I had googled Sky Spy and saw nothing but like science things and weahter related things, but I just recently did it and there was a blip on Sky Spy being used for something in Transformers with a sattelite or something. So it has been used, but it is all so tongue in cheek any way and I will never have it published as anything, so I'm not totally worried over it. I am glad though that Frankenspy hasn't been used anywhere else, because that name does truly rock!