Or is it luck? I don't really know, but I am finally starting to feel some hope around here.
So I am always at a loss for what I should and should not write about on this diary. Obviously I have no shame in creating toy conversations with my collection and even creating a Hasbro Blythe doll into a toy version of me, but when it comes to personal real life stuff, I am usually mum. It's not that I don't want to talk about those things, it's just that I don't know if people want to associate this dorky ass blog with the plight of the real Miss M. However, I see and admire what other people share about with their lives and it has gotten me thinking.
Laura from Boo Bobby is someone I admire. I actually admire a great deal of you, but Laura does something magical. She is open and honest about her journey. At one minute she is ready to write about various cool items that she stumbles upon, but then in the next sentence she is sharing in her struggles and joys. It is touching, and my reason for admiring that is because I don't have the guts to really do it. Sure I can share long ago memories that are tied to my archival room, but I never know how to share in the current issues and subscriptions that I am involved in.
With that said, I want to make an exception. I'm going to talk about something personal. The last six months of my life have been torturous. Like forget the Horror Movie Marathon on cable, I've been living in my own nightmare with seemingly no end in sight.
I lost my job last April. Not just my job, but my career. I have a Master's Degree in Family Therapy and I had been working as a Marriage and Family Therapist for the last five years. I worked hard and in a variety of settings. However I screwed up and got my dates wrong for my license renewal and to add salt to my stupidity, the licensing board also wanted an audit on my continuing education credits. Gulp. Since I thought I had until this December until renewal, I had not come close to the 30 hours needed for the CEUs. As a result I could no longer continue practicing until I got things squared away.
The problem with being a professional is that it costs money to do so. I was seeing more pro-bono cases than I was paid cases, and as a result I found myself in a tremendously financial stank pickle. I worked at trying to get my CEUs completed so I could get back to work, but things kept falling through. I kept asking for help from colleagues, but there was always some new problem. I felt lost. Then I realized that the first thing I needed to work on was getting a job. Life doesn't care that you need continuing education credits. Life wants you to continue paying your bills on time.
So I applied. To. Everything. And I mean everything. I had no shame at all. I wanted a job and was willing to work anywhere. I even heavily considered being a phone sex operator. I'm not joking. I wish I was, but like I said, I was desperate. Nothing was working. I was going on interviews after interviews, and I was either overqualified, under-qualified, or just plain forgotten. It was soul crushing.
They don't call me a She-Ra fan for nothing though. I never gave up, I simply created alternate ways of making money. I upped my game on eBay and sold stuff that I never thought I'd sell, but in desperate times you simply find the strength to part with items. I also did some freelance writing. I have told you all before that writing is a passion of mine, and I swallowed my fear and actually did some freelance work! With that said though, this femme fatale still needed something more stable. I just didn't think it was going to happen.
But it has! Someone finally decided to give me a chance. All I've ever asked for is a chance. I am a hard worker and I do my best to kick butt at whatever I do. So right now I am a fragrance girl at a department store. I won't lie, it is slightly strange to go from being a therapist to a fragrance girl, but I don't care at this point. I am happy to just have something. I'm also working on completing my CEUs and getting my life back to somewhat normal. (The life of a dorkette is never truly normal.)
So today was my first official day, and honeychilds, I was damn near nervous. I haven't had a retail job in years, and don't let that minimum wage fool you, retail is hard work. The last time I worked in retail the majority of people were still paying with checks. Registers have evolved and all of that stuff just made me so nervous. I was also nervous about my co-workers. Would they like me? Would they think me lame? I was just terrified. I'm 31 years old and I'm terrified that people aren't going to like me. What the hell? That makes no sense. There are just some things though that stick with you. I never strive to be Miss Popular, but I do want to be liked by people. I do. I'm not going to lie and pretend like I'm some hard ass bee with an itch that doesn't care about those things. Love-A-Lot Bear is my favorite Care Bear, ok?
I am happy to report though that I had a wonderful first day. Everyone was so kind and wonderful. I felt like I've known these people forever. It was just a nice first day. I also apparently can sell perfume really well. Of course, I could sell bubbles to Bubble Man. I just have a nice personality. Being kind and sweet is just second nature.
Of course I realize that this is all just the first day. The monster that is the holiday season is just on the horizon, but I feel like I can take it. I'm feeling happier with myself, I feel like my old self is coming back. There's this scene at the end of Mata Hari where Greta Garbo is walking towards her fate, and we all know her fate is not going to be pretty, but she has this look on her face. This look of just pure confidence, like nothing is going to stand in her way. I love that scene. And in my own mind, I want to be able to have that confident face on, because I don't know what is going to be standing in my way in the near future.
I have to say just one more thing though, these last six months have been really rough, but having this diary and chit chatting with you all was truly something that got me through the day. I can't tell you all how much I have enjoyed and appreciated the comments, emails, tweets, and other forms of social media connectivity. I feel like I have met some of the greatest people in the universe. Had there been none of those connections, I would have felt even worse. Thank you all, I appreciate and enjoy every single one of you. I don't always get the chance to comment and I am sometimes late with replying to things, but I am happy to have gotten to know you all. I hope that everyone is doing well. And, don't get it twisted, I may have shared some personal stuff today, but things are going to get real dorky. There's a Bodacious Baddie coming up that will set the pace for the rest of the year and I have a fun festive Halloween Party in the mix. Miss M and her friends are going to be in for one helluva a night! Take care guys and gals!