As I reach the end of July, I find myself dying of heat exhaustion. It is seriously so hot that I am contemplating setting up a nice home in my freezer. Also my zombie breastacle bite is still sore and in pain. I have Band-Aid marks that look like I'm trying out for the role of that Anastasia girl from 50 Shades of Grey. Only, who really cares? I'm also late. Not preggers late, but Heroic Hottie late. July is at an end and I still need to interview this month's Heroic Hottie. In my meager defense though, this month's Heroic Hottie is not the easiest to contact or deal with. Luckily for me, I donned a red wig and pretended to be back from the dead. He quickly contacted me. It's amazing how far you can get in life with a good red wig.
July 2013 Heroic Hottie!
Wolverine: I'm a busy man darlin, although, it isn't that difficult to find me. I run a school that is clearly listed in the phone book. You don't have to look like Jeanie to get my attention.
Diary: Oh this old thing? (tosses red wig to the side)
Wolverine: Darlin' stick with me for a few days and I'll show you 'never dull.'
Diary: Yeah, you look like you've had a rough past couple of days. Oh by the way, you're bleeding on your chin.
Wolverine: No I'm not. That's someone else's.
Wolverine: No not really. But Kitty Pryde is always telling me I need to find time. She says I'm less irritable when I've gotten some relaxation in.
Diary: Well what would the Wolverine do for relaxation?
Wolverine: I'd probably be alone at a bar with all the beer I can handle. I can handle a lot.
Wolverine: I'm Canadian. What else is there to say?
Diary: Well aside from your geographical origins, I'd say there is a lot. Fans everywhere have yet to grow tired of your brooding nature to say nothing of your temper and almost berserker-like rage directed at your enemies. The fact that you are also very easy on the eyes, well, there is a lot for people to take in.
Wolverine: Look darlin dorkette, I think people root for me because I'm a no-nonsense kinda guy. I don't sniff around with my tail between my legs. I'm efficient. I do the stuff that no one else wants to do.
Diary: Yes, I know, you're the best there is at what you do, yada yada, but so are a lot of other heroes. What truly sets you apart?
Wolverine: I'll give you six reasons, how does that sound?
Wolverine: I don't know. I would say though that not all male heroes are ass wads. The Elf and I got along pretty well. I guess some of my fellow male super heroes get caught up on so much ego. Take Scott Summers for example. He can be a real prick. Always thinking he knows what's best for the mutant race and pretending to be a good Boy Scout. All he does is screw things up. It's different with women. Unless the woman's name is Mystique or something.
Wolverine: Why the hell are we talking about this?
Diary: Because I'm trying to understand you more. What was it about Jean Grey?
Wolverine: I couldn't tell you kid. Red and I shared a bond, a special bond. She was honest and true. One of the truest people I have ever known.
Diary: Do you miss her?
Wolverine: Everyday darlin. Everyday.
Wolverine: That's the problem with this place. The dead don't always stay dead. Just when you've grieved about all you can grieve, they come back. And then we go through the process all over again.
Diary: Speaking of the dead, I finally just recently saw the movie Warm Bodies. It was so good, have you seen it?
Wolverine: Isn't that the movie about the zombie that falls in love with the girl?
Diary: Oh yes. It is so good. Have you seen any good movies lately?
Diary: Well, let's talk about your movie The Wolverine. Was it fun to film?
Wolverine: It was alright. Luckily the studio found this Australian guy to play me, so I didn't really have to do much. This guy even does most of his own stunts. He's a nice guy, though he's pretty tired of eating chicken breasts. That's what he keeps saying at least. I don't quite get it. All I do is drink beer and rot gut and look at me: ripped like Sabertooth's entrails.
Diary: That is very grody. Anyways, congratulations are in order! I heard the movie did rather well at the Box Office.
Wolverine: Of course it did. People aren't ready to give up on seeing super hero movies at the multiplex.
Wolverine: I think Psylocke deserves a second chance. The way they handled her name in The Last Stand was shitty. Bets deserved better than that.
Diary: So are you excited to be this month's Heroic Hottie?
Wolverine: As excited as Ice Man trying to stay cool on a Summer day.
Diary: I'm going to take that to mean that you are honored and beyond thrilled.
Wolverine: (smiling slightly) You're not so bad darlin. I hear congratulations are in order for you. Diary of Dorkette turned two, yesterday?
Diary: Yes, that's right.
Wolverine: Nice. I'll have to take you out for a drink to celebrate when I get back.
Wolverine: Nah. I've got to head back to Canada. I got a friend up there named Cal who needs my help. There's some anti-mutant group running around with sentinel squids trying to take out innocent lives. The job is never done. Seriously though, when I get back, I'll take you out for a celebratory drink. Maybe you could wear that red wig for me.
Diary: Ha. I am not falling for that one. I already have a talking ninja turtle trying to woo me. I will not be getting caught up with you.
Wolverine: You're loss darlin. See ya around.
Diary: Bye Wolverine.
July 2013 Heroic Hottie!
While Wolverine jets off to save the world yet again, enjoy the photos and interview of this month's Heroic Hottie! have no fear, there may not have been a Toy Chest Tuesday today, but there might be one that pops up later on in the week. Until then, take care!