Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Total Darkness: August 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

I can't see. In fact, I'm sure this entry will be riddled with misspelled words and tacky antecedents. The world is gripped in total darkness. It's kinda my fault. I didn't know that Maleficent's dragon figurine was going to usher us into the Stone Age. That's Godzilla's job. I wonder what Godzilla is doing and if he is seeing anyone. I've had a crush on him all summer. I shouldn't even say that because my heart belongs to Michelangelo. I just need to fix this mess with all this evil running amok, and I need to find a way to return to my former body and all will be right with the universe. For now I'm traveling with Batman to head to some generators to try and get the power going for the city. I think it's a lame idea, but what do I know? Anything is better than this. Anything.

-Miss M

Miss M: How much longer?
Batman: We are almost there.
Miss M: Hey, we're near the cemetery.

Batman: Yep.
Miss M: Hmm. That's interesting.
Batman: We'll have to actually cross the cemetery to get to the generators, and why is that interesting?

Miss M: I'm in the cemetery...
Batman: What did you say?
Miss M: Nothing. Let's keep going...

In the cemetery...

Mona Lisa: What are we doing here?
Michelangelo: I needed to say some gnarly goodbyes.

Mona Lisa: Ok. Who are you saying good bye to?

Michelangelo: Miss M.
Mona Lisa: Oh. Mikey, I'm sorry. I don't have to be here for that.
Michelangelo: No babe. You have to be here. I need to totally move on with my life. And I need her to know that I am finally ready to be majorly happy.

Mona Lisa: I'm here for you Mikey.

Batman: (approaches the cemetery) Hold on M, someone's there.

Miss M: (peers out through the trees) Wait a second, that's Michelangelo and Mona Lisa. What are they doing at my grave?
Batman: I can't really hear what you are saying...

Miss M: Hold on. I can communicate with insects. It's a grody power, but I can amplify the sounds. (communicates with a near by roach to listen in on the conversation)

Michelangelo: Hey dudette. I don't know if you can hear me, but I need to wax on and wax off with you. I've gotta wax off dudette. These last few months have been majorly brutal. My heart was turned out when you died. I wasn't myself, but I'm finally starting to feel normal again. Like my old wicked cool self, know what I mean M? I'm feelin better. And I just need a sign that you are ok with me moving on. Like, just give me a sign dudette. Let me know that you want me to be happy and that I can be the party turtle again.

Miss M: (fights back tears) Oh no. No. Please, stop this. (realizes a harsh reality) I have to let him go.

Batman: What?

Miss M: He's saying good bye.
Batman: M, we gotta go...

Mona Lisa: Mikey, are you ok?

Michelangelo: I don't know anymore Mona. I think.

Mona Lisa: Ok good. Come on, maybe we should go.

Michelangelo: Totally.

As they get ready to leave, a flurry of swift flips descend upon them.

Movie Star Foot Soldier: Well, what do we have here? Some little lost creatures.

Mona Lisa: Mikey...
Michelangelo: Stay close.

Crazy 88 Foot Soldier: Shouldn't be out in the dark. You might get into trouble.
Mona Lisa: Mikey...

Batman: Come on, we need to go M.

Miss M: I just need to say something to him, let me go talk to him.
Batman: We need to get to the generators...

Miss M: I know, and we will. Let me just... (looks out to the cemetery) Wait. Oh Batman, they are in trouble.

Batman: We don't have time for this M. We need to go.
Miss M: I can help them.

Batman: (grabs her arm) No. We are leaving. That guy is a ninja turtle. They got it.

Mona Lisa: I hope you came packin Mikey.

Michelangelo: Totally.

Movie Star Foot Soldier: Get ready to taste some foot!

Mona Lisa: Mikey, we're in trouble!

Michelangelo: I know dudette!

Suddenly, from out of the shadows!

Miss M: Unfoot them at once!
Michelangelo: Whoa.
Mona Lisa: Who is she?

Miss M: That's right Foot Soldiers! Run!

Michelangelo: Thank you.

Miss M turns to stare at the man she loves. Somewhere in the distance a sweeping melodic tune is playing. Maybe by Bow.

Miss M: It was really nothing. I wanted to help. I'm not some big bad crazy woman like before. I'm really a good person.
Michelangelo: Ok. Totally.

Mona Lisa: Yes. Thank you so much. We needed an extra set of hands.
Miss M: Yeah. I know how important it can be to have someone swoop in to help save the day. (looks away recalling the time Michelangelo swooped in to save her once)

Michelangelo: I was wrong about you. I'm sorry. What was your name again?

Miss M: (holds breath, nearly speaks the truth) My name is M... I'm Moth Lady. Nice to formally meet you Michelangelo.

Michelangelo: Yeah. Maybe we'll see each other around.

Miss M: (tears form) Sure. Oh, and Michelangelo?

Michelangelo: Yeah?
Miss M: You two make a great pair.

Both Mona Lisa and Michelangelo blush.

Miss M: Stay safe out there.

Miss M walks off crying silently.

Mona Lisa: Wow, who was she? You knew her?

Michelangelo: Not exactly. She was some random homeless lady that crossed paths with me a few months ago. It's so weird, she used my full name. No one ever did that except for Miss M.
Mona Lisa: Yeah, that is weird. Shouldn't we be going though?

Michelangelo: Totally. Let's go Mona Lisa.

Batman: You ok?

Miss M: No. (fights back tears) I just let him go. I had to. Oh it hurts so bad.

Batman: I know. We need to go though. We've got to save the city.

Miss M: You're right. There are more important things to deal with. Let's save the city.


Movie Star Foot Soldier: Come on, we got some explaining to do.

Crazy 88 Foot Soldier: Right. Like how do we tell Shredder we got pulverized by a turtle and two girls?

Number 02 Foot Soldier: ...

Lucky 13 Foot Soldier: Is Number 02 still staying silent to be like Snake Eyes?

Movie Star Foot Soldier: Yep.

Lucky 13 Foot Soldier: What a dork.

Shredder: What is the meaning of this?

Movie Star Foot Soldier: Oh Shredder. What's up?

Shredder: You fools didn't kill them, did you?

Crazy 88 Foot Soldier: We sort of ran into some problems.
Shredder: Such as?

Number 02 Foot Soldier: ...

Lucky 13 Foot Soldier: Truth be told our targets got some added help.
Shredder: From the other Turtles?

Crazy 88 Foot Soldier: Not exactly. Some chick with wings and badly crimped hair jumped in and ambushed us.
Shredder: How is this possible? Imbeciles. All of you. Gah!

Shredder: Enough! Get your butts in gear. They aren't surviving this long night. We're going to make a special pit stop. We're bringing the pain to them. I will destroy the Turtles. This city will be mine.


Starscream: Get in your cage, you pathetic insects! You do our bidding now!

Brandine: But you said I'd get some a them fossil fuels to put in my car so I can go to tha corner store for my cigs.

Starscream: Get in your cage!

Starscream walks off at the sound of his name.

Megatron: Starscream!

Starscream: Yes Megatron?
Megatron: We have a problem Starscream.
Starscream: I didn't do it.

Megatron: What? No. I'm referring to something else. Soundwave has been informing me of two pests heading to some generators.
Starscream: Do you want me to stop them?

Megatron: No. Stay here and watch over our pets. I'm going to stop these two fools from whatever they are planning. I have a vision Starscream. This world will be ours for the taking.

August 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Things keep rolling! Up next, a special Total Darkness One Shot where there are no words. Just the pretty pictures...

Bonus Scene!

Guy Friday: I can still hear screaming. Can't you?

Irma: Well, now that you mention it. I don't get it though, where is it coming from?

Guy Friday: Maybe over here, look, it's a secret room.
Irma: What is going on?

Guy Friday: Let's go see.

Megan Fox: HEEELP!!! Someone help me!

Irma: Megan Fox?! What are you doing down there?

Megan Fox: I was tricked by your stupid friend April O'Neil.

Guy Friday: Oh no. The Botox must of gotten to April's brain.

Irma: We knew it would happen one day. Come on, let's help Megan Fox.

Megan Fox: Oh thank goodness. Please hurry.

Guy Friday: We're going to hurry.

Irma turns to help but feels her feet slipping.

Irma: Oh my balance! (takes Guy Friday down with her)

Megan Fox: No! What is this? You dolts! How the hell are we getting out now?

Guy Friday: I'm on top of you Irma.
Irma: Yeah. I'm aware. This isn't so bad.
Guy Friday: Gulp.
Megan Fox: Ok you dorks. How do you plan on getting us out of this mess? 
Irma: You got me. Is that lotion in that basket?

Megan Fox: Yes.

Irma: Oh cool. I need some. My elbows are dry.

Guy Friday: Why do you have lotion in a basket? And do you think you could sign an autograph for my friend. He thinks you're a total... fox. (snickers)

Megan Fox: HEEELP! HEEELP!!!

Until next time!


  1. A crush on Godzilla? Wow. You know Chris Lockhart asked me to host an episode of Geek Fallout in September and I'm suddenly very thankful he talked me into doing a Scooby-Doo Tribute episode. My runners up for topics were Top 5 Monsters and Top 5 Geek Crushes. It sounds like if we had gone through with that list there'd be plenty of overlap!

    Looks like you solved the problem I mentioned on the Toy Villains episode about not enough foot soldiers by buying them from multiple iterations.

    1. Well I mean Godzilla is kinda the perfect guy. He is big and strong, he'll kick the crap out of anyone that tries to mess with ya, and he's a good swimmer. I mean, he's practically perfect. lol I am looking forward to you hosting an episode in September! There would have been some overlap with those top fives for sure.

      And it is so funny, when you were mentioning the Foot Soldiers in the episode, I was silently wanting to scream in excitement, "I am totally using a whole bunch of them in the latest story!" lol I wanted them to each have a somewhat distinct personality and as for their names, I wanted to try and incorporate the year they were released with a fun name. lol

  2. a crush on godzilla cool miss m. knew you had cool tastes. in fact would love to see godzilla pop to lend a hand in the story. and was expecting that one foot solider to be snake eyes after that are you being like snake eyes crack. and also found it touching where toy miss m realized she needed to let mike go and be happy till she gets her body back

  3. Yeah, I've had a crush on Godzilla since I saw the movie this May. lol I wanted to put Godzilla in the story, I just haven't had the chance to pick up a really cool Godzilla toy. lol I'm glad you found this story touching and the Snake Eyes crack was meant as a joke because that Foot Soldier has always made me think of someone being silent. lol Plus I thought it'd be cool if one of the badguys looked up to a good guy as a role model. lol