Miss M presents:
Assault on Snake Mountain!
As the battle rages on inside of Snake Mountain, two women unlikely to ever join forces actually find themselves... joining forces.
Catra: How long have we been fighting here? This feels like an episode of Game of Thrones.
She-Ra: What's that show about?
Catra: You don't watch Game of Thrones?
She-Ra: Sorry Catra, I've been a bit busy saving the world.
Catra: There's that high and mighty She-Ra I know and loathe.
She-Ra: Don't be jealous Catra. You could be a hero too if you weren't drowning in your own pettiness.
Catra: Oh whatever.
Catra: I can look past many things. I mean, would you look at us? Working together like we actually like each other.
She-Ra: I know. What exactly are you doing here?
Catra: I could ask you the same thing.
She-Ra: (dodges an attack by Skeletor) Oh I do not have time for this. I am here with Wonder Woman to find Sea Hawk. Some rat guy in the sewer told us we'd find him here. Sea Hawk has been missing for months. I fear the worst.
Catra: Please, I'm sure the pirate named Sea Hawk is holed up in a bar. Though your words are interesting, we were lead here by a rat man in the sewer too.
She-Ra: What could possibly bring the Cat Ladies here?
Catra: We're looking for the person behind Miss M's death.
She-Ra: Miss M died in a sewer explosion. It was a terrible accident.
Catra: Or so the rest of the world thinks. That's not the case though. We believe she was murdered.
She-Ra: Who would want to murder Miss M?
Catra: I know. It sounds ludicrous. There is mounting evidence though.
She-Ra: She was such a sweet girl. Slightly awkward and dorky, but a great friend nonetheless.
Catra: I know.
She-Ra: I miss her She-Ra Saturdays. She really had a way with telling a story about us. Especially you.
Catra: I know all of this. Which is why I must find out who killed her. She deserves more than a meaningless death in a sewer.
In other sections of the blood bath battle!
Wonder Woman: All right, I am not sure two heads are always better than one.
Two: You can't stop us.
Bad: Puny woman. We will bash your skull in.
Wonder Woman: (grabs hold of her Lasso of Truth) Oh, look at you. Thinking you're so big and bad.
Two: We are bad.
Bad: We're Two-Bad!
Wonder Woman: Oh goodness. You couldn't write this crap if you tried. (quickly leaps into the air, jumping onto Two-Bad's back)
Two: Hey! Wait a minute!
Wonder Woman: Try not to struggle too much.
Bad: What is she doing? I can't see.
Two: Neither can I! Skeletor! Help!
Wonder Woman: No reason to call for your bone headed boss. I'm just going to quickly slip this lasso around both your heads and get to the truth around here.
Bad: This doesn't sound good...
In another section of the epic sized battle to end all battles!
Cheetara: I understand you seek to strike me with your magic...
Cheetara: But you'll have to catch me first!
Evil-Lyn: Oh this should be easy. Prepare to feel your brain sizzle.
Cheetara: (zips around Evil-Lyn) There's not much you can do to me!
Cheetara zips around even more, confusing Evil-Lyn.
Evil-Lyn: Hey! Slow down!
Cheetara: (twirls her staff in her hands) Oh, this is pretty slow for me.
Cheetara: Got ya! (trips Evil-Lyn up)
Evil-Lyn: Gha! What did you just do to me?
Cheetara: I think this is what we call good triumphing over evil.
Evil-Lyn: You fool! Do you have any idea the target you just placed on your back?
Cheetara: No target can last on me. Besides, you should maybe rethink your ranks. Sticking with Skeletor is only going to make you into a fool Evil-Lyn.
Evil-Lyn: So I should join the pathetic Cat Ladies? I'd rather eat dirt!
Cheetara: Looks like you just did.
More battle goodness!
Black Cat: (holds Beast Man at bay) So, I don't really know what I should do. Do I lower my guard down and let Spider-Man know how I feel? Or do I just have my fun and be the good time girl? Know what I mean?
Beast Man: Unhand me woman! What type of strength do you possess that I am held back by only your hand!?
Black Cat: Oh, I totally do Yoga and Pilates. And the room is full of (heroic) hotties. Gosh, that was a great Madonna album. Too bad no one else thought so. Anyways, so what do I do Cheetah?
Cheetah: Are we really talking about your love life right now?
Trap Jaw: Don't worry Beast Man, I'll take care of these ladies.
Cheetah: I've been told that before. Honestly though, it's usually just hot air.
Trap Jaw: I am going to blast you with a laser beam that will sear through your flesh!
Cheetah: Would you like to dance?
Trap Jaw: Wha?
Cheetah: That's right, let's dance. I like to lead though, hope you don't mind. (grabs hold of his arm and aims the laser blaster towards Beast Man)
Beast Man: Trap Jaw! Point that thing somewhere else!
Cheetah: Well that was easy. Why do they make it seem like battles have to be so complicated?
Black Cat: Exactly. Especially when we all know that love is the ultimate battle.
Cheetah: Please don't start singing Pat Benatar.
Black Cat: Why not?
Cheetah: You are better than that. In fact, why are you even questioning all this? You're the Black Cat! Stick your chest out and go rob a museum or something.
Black Cat: I care about him though Cheetah. I just don't know what to do.
Cheetah: Just let it go, the answer will come to you when you aren't dwelling on it.
Black Cat: You're right. I just need to slink into a museum or De Beers. I do love a collection of diamonds.
In the middle of all the fray...
Catwoman: They certainly love to fight, don't they? I am so bored right now. Wait a second. Something is wrong with this story. Where did Tigra go? I don't even see her.
Catwoman: (calls out to the crowd) Guys! I'm stepping out real fast to look for Tigra. (whispers to herself) I might also try to steal some Snake Mountain artifacts. (calls out again) Carry on with the warring.
Catwoman: (steps outside) Geesh, this is not the place to wear heels at. Though the purple rocks are a nice touch. It reminds me of Norfair from Metroid. Now why hasn't that been turned into a movie yet?
Catwoman: Tigra! Are you here? Tigra, where are you?
Tigra: Hey Catwoman. What's up? Are they still fighting?
Catwoman: (sighs) Yes. And they aren't getting anywhere either.
Tigra: Well good. Because I think I just found something important. Or rather, someone.
Catwoman: What did you find?
Tigra: A body!
Catwoman: A body?
Catwoman: I don't understand, how did this happen?
Tigra: While everyone was flexing their muscles, I tried to find a way to get us back on track, and that's when I heard the faint sound of whimpering. So, I followed the noises and then I stumbled upon this...
Tigra: See! A body.
Catwoman: Oh my, that looks like Sea Hawk. Is he dead?
Tigra: No, I think that's just how he looks. Pirates lead a rough life.
Catwoman: That's what I've heard. All right, so what do we do with him?
Tigra: I guess we bring him inside? He looks heavy.
Catwoman: Ok. You get one end and I'll get the other.
Tigra: Maybe we should try to wake him first?
Catwoman: Better idea.
Meanwhile, the battle reaches a standstill!
She-Ra: Ok Skeletor. We aren't getting anywhere with this fighting. Just give us the answers we need.
Skeletor: Never She-Ra! Now get out of my house!
She-Ra: Skeletor, we can war into the night and maybe even the morning if we really have to. I came here with a purpose. Just get over your pride and help us.
Skeletor: Ha! I can't believe you would try to ask me for help She-Ra! I help no one! I am Skeletor!
Catra: You fool of a man! I have seen Hordak cavorting with a blond woman, the same woman that has been dealing with you. There are answers here Skeletor. By playing these games you are only making things worse for you and Snake Mountain! We'll tear this place down.
Skeletor: Bah! I am tired of these threats! Come along Evil Warriors! We're leaving this place through teleportation! Evil-Lyn, begin our ascension... into SPACE!!!
And just like that, Skeletor and his Evil Warriors are gone.
She-Ra: (in reference to Skeletor) Well, we all know how that is going to turn out.
Catra: Great. Now what do we do?
She-Ra: I suppose we could search for Sea Hawk together, he might still be here. Though that doesn't really help you much with your Miss M murder mystery.
Catra: No, it does not help me at all. There's a killer on the loose and she has Miss M's blood on her hands.
She-Ra: Catra, I want to find Miss M's killer as much as you do. But we have nothing to go on. However, there is still time to save Sea Hawk. I must finish what I set out to do.
Cheetah: Wait a second, did Catwoman come back? And am I getting along with Wonder Woman right now? Or should I want to tear her throat out?
Wonder Woman: Please Cheetah. These are strange times. There is no reason to muddle things up with another girl on girl fight. Besides, my Lasso of Truth found out that Two-Bad did take Sea Hawk from the Rat King, so the pirate should be somewhere in this mountain.
Cheetara: Snake Mountain is much smaller than it looks. I can speed through real fast to try and find him.
Black Cat: Hey, look over there! Is that...
Catwoman: Hey guys! Look what Tigra found!
Tigra: He's alive, though he smells like death stuck to a microwave plate and warmed over a couple times.
She-Ra: Sea Hawk? Is that really you? I'm so happy to see you alive. What happened to you?
Sea Hawk: I'm glad to be alive too. It's a long story She-Ra. I was kidnapped by Hordak and eventually traded into the Rat King's clutches. Shadow Weaver had taken my place with her magic.
She-Ra: But why my dear friend?
Sea Hawk: I'm not sure, however it was a part of a bigger plan I think. Hordak was working with some blond woman. A wrestler.
She-Ra: That could be quite a few candidates. Did she have a name?
Sea Hawk: I can't seem to recall. I do know that they were working on killing someone.
Catra: Miss M.
Catwoman: See how it all works out in the end? Who knew our paths and adventures would cross like this?
Tigra: It was sort of inevitable though, don't you think?
She-Ra: So it looks like this story just connected a few dots.
Catra: Yes. Sea Hawk is back, safe and alive.
She-Ra: He also ended up having more information than either of us could have thought.
Catra: (groans) Does this mean what I think it means?
She-Ra: Yes. We'll be working together to find out who killed Miss M!
Catra: Great. Lamest idea. Ever.
Find out what happens when chaos is set loose at the Arkham Asylum formal!
Also, I wanted to let those who have sent me emails regarding this summer event to know, I have read them and I am going to respond this week. I have been so busy and behind on everything, but I am really excited that there has been some interest in participating in the toy stories! Hope you are all well and I will be in touch. Take care everybody!