Trashy or Timeless? Emma Frost

Dear readers, it is that time again. The moment where I ask the hard hitting questions... Is this toy trashy? Or timeless? Today we are going to look at the Marvel Legend's Emma Frost from Hasbro. Now Emma Frost is an interesting comic character. But let us remember that a character's backstory can not be used against them. If we were to look at Emma Frost for all her transgressions it could be a pretty simple case of, "Lady, you are trashy. Plain and simple."

Emma Frost has gone from venomous villain to questionable hero. Emma is a mutant with powers of telepathy and, most recently, the ability to change her body into a living diamond. She packs both mental and physical punches with ease. Her costumes have ranged from fancy corsetry to what appeared to be duck tape across her chest at the turn of this century. (What was she thinking?) She comes from impeccable breeding and enjoys a lot of man eating. Seriously Emma has had more lovers than Erica Kane and Elizabeth Taylor combined.

Of course nothing can quite compare to her role in the psychic affair with the very married Scott Summers (aka Cyclops.) Scott was married to the very much alive Jean Grey, and Emma had some major guts to go after Scott. For the uninitiated Jean Grey can snap and go cray in a millisecond thanks to the powers of the Phoenix. Homegirl ate a star for shits and giggles. Jean has come back from the dead more times than any soap character and Zombie Jesus combined. Having an affair with Jean Grey's husband is not to be taken lightly, ok?

So anyways Jean is currently dead and now Emma is running around as the new lady of the manor, or rather the mutant haven island called Utopia. Needless to say I love Emma Frost. I loved her when she was the White Queen of the Hellfire Club and I love her as a main member of the X-Men. She gives good comebacks and I can relate to her. Ages ago I dove in head first to my twenties not even sure where I was going to land, and in that process I certainly made some crazy mistakes like Emma has. I just wish I could also turn into a diamond form like her. I'd be my own best friend.

Anyways Emma Frost quickly became a popular fixture in the Marvel Universe and it was only a matter of time before she got the royal figure treatment. Once Hasbro took on the Marvel Legends line from Toybiz, Emma Frost became a priority. Released in the first series of Hasbro ML, Emma Frost had many fans in a tizzy. And not for the reasons you would think. Let's take a look at Emma Frost:

As you can see Emma Frost does look a 'lil malnourished. She could use a #2 value meal at McDonalds, but whatever. On a side note isn't it kinda funny when famous people try to help feed the malnourished children of the world, when they themselves look like they are starving? Anyways this figure is meant to channel how Emma Frost currently looks. Gone is the duck taped "X" across her chest and instead she is sporting a bralette and skin tight pants with flowing cape. Can I just say that Emma was doing the whole cape thing long before Gwyneth stepped out in one at the Oscars. That's called making a trend and delivering, ok? All in all this wasn't an awful figure.

Until you really looked up close at her head. Setting aside the loud makeup let's look at the shape of her head. It just seems so... tiny. Her neck looks like it once wore a stack of those deadly bangles and that head, well it appears that she was in the process of getting squished in a vice. That or the witch doctor from Beetlejuice sprinkled some some head shrinking powder on her. This is not a "becoming" look.

So what is the verdict? This version of Emma Frost is hands down TRASHY! Because of that damn blasted tiny head! Who wants that? Emma has made a few appearances in action figure form and they have all been great. This one just looks tragic. Emma Frost is the White Queen! She deserves a figure that looks intimidating, not something that needs a trip to the drive thru with a side of head transplant.

However there is hope. No, not Hope Summers, but actually hope. After ending the line in 2009, Hasbro has brought Marvel Legends back and they are better than ever. Also, word on the street is that the fabulous toy giant is going to remake a Marvel Legend Emma Frost. By the goddess, that is what makes a business great! I love that Hasbro is basically like, "Yeah, we kinda goofed on Emma the first time around. To make up for that we will be bringing the fans a better, more badass version." I have all my fingers crossed that we will see a much more improved Emma.

Let's compare Emma Frost to a new 2012 Hasbro Marvel Legend, Hope Summers: a huge difference right? Hope looks great. The proportions make sense, nothing looks like it is shrinking away. I want to see a new Emma Frost have some detailing. I want her to look awesome.  

If we look at Hope's head we can see how far Hasbro has come on their sculpting practices with the Marvel Legends line. The head looks like a normal size. This fiery red head is not malnourished! And with the upcoming Avengers Vs. X-Men storyline, she may even be the key to Jean Grey coming back from the dead, yet again! (Fingers crossed. Emma can totally have Scott. Jean and Wolverine have long been needing a moment.) Sign me up, this story is gonna be a bumpy ride!

And Emma, I am truly sorry about your Hasbro Marvel Legend figure getting the trashy vote. Thankfully you have had other successful action figures made. What would the dorkette community do without variants? Besides, you are Emma Frost! That character development alone makes you timeless no matter who you have a psychic affair with. 

Trashy or Timeless? Wonder Woman

So here is the thing, as of this writing I am close to being caught up on the final episodes of One Life to Live, and I have to say the show is on fire. Spoiler alert: no one will be visiting Eterna, but there are a few that will be visiting heaven. I am just at a loss for words, the show is out of control. Prisoners are running around with guns. Todd is looking damn good and the show's main character might actually die.

Enough of all that though, I thought now would be a great time to sit back and ponder the important things... Like is Wonder Woman trashy or timeless? Now I don't mean Wonder Woman in her original duds, we all know how iconic and timeless the Amazonian goddess is. However 2011 wasn't exactly a banner year for the super hero. Her own tv show was set to air, only to be brutally scrapped. She has still been patiently waiting for her own cool blockbuster Summer movie. Then there was this: DC Universe Classics Series 17 Star Sapphire Wonder Woman. A truly interesting variant if I ever saw one:

There is a reason why Wonder Woman is dressed in such a vivacious ensemble. Now as I have mentioned before I am all about Marvel, but there are a few characters I really like from the DC world. With that said there is a lot that I simply do not know about all the various story arcs and characters. From what I do understand this costume is from a storyline where WW becomes a member of the Star Sapphire and works alongside another Star Sapphire, Carol Ferris. (This is all connected to a Green Lantern story, wiki Blackest Night for more.)

Star Sapphire- "Bitch stole my look!"

Alright folks, so what is the verdict? Trashy or timeless? My vote is going to go for trashy. Before anyone starts to think, "Why Miss M? Jealous of Wonder Woman's revealing costume? Snark, snark." No, I have no problem with WW being so scantily clad. I am fully aware that super hero females, and males, are going to wear next to nothing at times. He-Man wears a loin cloth and harness for goodness sake. I mean a super hero can't save the world in a billowy number from the latest Jil Sander collection ok?
Here is why this version of WW gets the trashy vote. I can't help but think that this WW is getting ready to try out for the latest Cirque du Soleil production. She needs to be wearing a glittery mask and doing freakish acrobat tricks, not saving the world in outerspace. Am I wrong for this?

I am all for creative ways for iconic super heroes to change their look up, however this look is Wonder Woman's experiment with an acid wash jean jacket, or a foray into Z. Cavaricci jeans territory. Twenty years from now she is going to look back and say, "I actually wore that?! What was I thinking?!"   

It is alright though Wonder Woman! We have all been there. (I used to be platinum blonde and loved bare midrift tops, I knew better.) Let's go to the sidebar for a second though, shall we? Fashion is fun, but for some reason I feel that people get duped into anything. For example this past year all anyone could talk about was the whole colorful denim craze. Everyone and their mother was sporting red, lilac, or hot pink (to name a few) denim jeans. People from here to Etheria were acting like they had never seen this style of clothing. We need to stop injecting ourselves with amnesia and really remember that literally everything comes back every year in some form or another. A couple years ago we were all going gaga over colorful denim. We've been doing it since the '80s, possibly longer (I can't vouch for anything before '82.)

I digress too much. I must be retiring for the time being. My soaps are calling and I have said pretty much all there is to say about this Wonder Woman variant. I hope everyone is doing well. I will return with more fascinating dorkette posts soon! And...

Get ready dear readers, an all new Toy Chest Tuesday will be returning next week and I have been workin' up something that will scream out the virtues of friendship, babies, and kisses of death. It will feel like someone is practically ripping your heart out. I've said about all I can. Until then...

Trashy or Timeless? 2011

Hello dear readers. I was all set to share one final post of 2011 detailing the ultimate question regarding the timeless or trashy appeal of a certain super hero, only I decided against it at the last minute. Yesterday's Cliffhanger Friday for One Life to Live was amazing, which got me thinking about 2011. A great deal of things went on this year. There was of course the personal and global issues that were sad, terrible, and life changing, but I am not going to tackle those issues here. If you haven't already noticed yet, She-Ra is plastered as wallpaper on a loop for this site. I'll just stick to the fluff and fun stuff. It's what I know, what can I say?

Anyways, back to 2011. I found myself asking that all important question, was the year trashy or timeless? There was a great deal of timeless stuff that happened. Catra was released as a POP Classic. Jem and the Holograms finally made it back on dvd. I rocked some bangs all too briefly during the summer. There were some truly great moments of 2011.

However we all had to endure public marriages that were clearly on Planet Mercury time. There was Kim K. Followed by, "Sinead O'Rebellion," shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior. Of course now we have that extra terrestrial to add on the list. Not a good year for marriages. Unless you were gay in New York, than you had a lot of reasons to celebrate.

Of course do the dissolutions of quicky celebrity marriages really qualify 2011 as a trashy year? Every year we will see some celeb couple end in a cloud of dust. No, I don't think we should hold those events accountable for much. But let me be clear, I Miss M, find 2011 to be guilty, of total trashiness.

Why? Because ABC Daytime pulled the plug on two of the best shows on television. Back in April I received the awful news that All My Children and One Life to Live would be canceled. I didn't even know how to process that, but I did the best I could by way of signing online petitions, sending emails, and calling ABC Daytime to let them know what was really up. I had been watching both shows for over 25 years. That is a long and fabulous time of following Erica Kane ok? I was ready to follow both shows until I died of really old age.

And for a second I thought I actually would. The company Prospect Park rode in on a white horse with dazzling armor. The soaps were going to be saved and given new homes online. I was going to buy an iPad 2 just to watch my stories online ya'll. That is sad, but I was totally dedicated to an artform of storytelling that is just the best.

Now I won't be buying an iPad 2 (Did I ever really need one? 3 and 4 are probably already in the works.) After months of all these plans and actors signing on with such a prospectful deal, PP decided to suspend further plans to continue with the soaps. Sadly this means that All My Children fans didn't truly get the ending we deserved since the show finale had a shocking cliffhanger added in at the last minute to keep us biting at the quick for the now nixed online version.

I recently read an interview in Soap Opera Digest where Walt Willey (he played the dashing Jackson Montgomery) said "My dream would be to have Pine Valley Revisited, a 90-minute movie in the summer to wrap things up." Umm sign me up please! Put this movie in theaters or make it for tv, I don't care! Just bring these characters back so I can find out who got capped and to see if Erica and Jack stay together or go their separate ways.

This all brings me to One Life to Live. As I mentioned, yesterday's Cliffhanger Friday was out of control. It was like a Batman story arc or something. The power grid goes out in Llanview and the local prison experiences a jailbreak. So apparantly a group of past characters are coming back to the fold to make some mayhem for the denizens of Llanview. Love it.

Word on the street is that with a couple weeks left of this awesome show, an iconic storyline is going to be revisited for the final week. I'm not going to bet any real money on this (that would be illegal) but if I was betting in some sort of soap opera casino in Vegas my hunch would be that OLTL will be revisiting Eterna in some way, shape, or form.

Back in the late '80s OLTL had some really awesome sci-fi storylines. Viki went to heaven and it was like a space ship. Clint traveled back in time to the Old West. Though nothing at all could compare to the Eterna storyline. Eterna was this huge underground city under Llantano Mt. A campy fun mess ensued with all sorts of drama going down. Click here for the tv promo. How could anyone not want to watch this?

How am I going to say goodbye? 2011 was just a trashy year, end of story. I am ready for 2012 to start and see where it takes us. (Fingers crossed that my soaps will still somehow have some more life in them.) I hope that everyone has a safe and fun New Year's Eve, and wish you all a great New Year. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and even to those who have just casually stopped by. 

There will be more dork ass things coming your way in the new year. Toy Chest Tuesday will return, though maybe in a couple weeks. I need to map out which great toys of yesteryear we will be looking at. I also owe you all the original Trashy or Timeless I was going to post today. Spoiler alert, it involves a really popular female super hero. Take care folks!

P.S. Is it sad and dorky that I have been buying certain Barbie dolls that resemble my soap opera characters? The Barbie Basics line has pretty much the entire cast of One Life to Live in it. (I'll post pictures in the new year!) I know, I know. I have issues. And subscriptions.

Trashy or Timeless? Michelle McCool

Ok toy fans, welcome to another edition of Trashy or Timeless!! Before we get to the toy let's discuss toy scandals. As Pizzazz would say, I love a scandal. Especially a nice juicy toy scandal. Toys have been causing controversy forever. Many parents and their various parenting police groups run around freaking out about anything that might rot their children's brains. So let's take a brief walk down History Lane to look at some of my favorite and truly scandalous toys. Spoiler alert: Barbie racks up a few.

1. He-Man and She-Ra- the two most powerful siblings in the universe caused a commotion in the '80s with certain parents. The complaint was that the highly popular Masters of the Universe and Princess of Power cartoons were essentially 30 minute commercials for Mattel's hugely successful toylines. Many parents felt that Mattel was using propaganda tactics disguised as a toon to sell stuff. Umm, duh? Welcome to capitalism. What were we supposed to do back then, play pretend with dirt and sticks? Any cartoon worth its weight in awesomeness had to have a toyline attached with it. How else would the cartoons live on once the television was turned off?

2. Rollerblade Barbie (1992)- This Barbie doll's rollerblades were sparkling, creating a flicker spark when rolled on a hard flat surface. Well needless to say the sparks were a fire hazard after a child had her faced burned by the rollerblades. I am still not sure if that story was some toy urban legend or if it actually occured. Either away amidst calls for reform, Mattel changed Barbie's dangerous rollerblades and all was well with the world.

3. Teen Talk! Barbie (1992)- '92 was a bad year for Barbie. On top of having to deal with rollerblades that burned children's faces, Barbie caused some drama when she uttered the phrase "Math class is tough." Teen Talk! Barbie had a button on her back, that when pressed, spoke a few phrases. Now a talking Barbie was not a new concept, Mattel had made various versions before. However having Barbie speak a stereotypical phrase about math being tough caused a major backlash with parents. I just have to say, "Really?" I mean not to sound dumb, but math is tough. I have struggled with math for years. My goodness I went through, like, three remedial math courses in college. When an equation starts allowing letters to stand in for numbers, something is just wrong. I mean give me a break. Physics, calculus, geometry. Go play in the street math! I get it isn't right to stereotype math being hard for girls (I had plenty of girl friends that thought math was a breeze) but let's be real, math is kinda tough. For those that find it easy, I am highly jealous.

4. Teletubbies, Tinky Winky (1999)- How could anyone forget this? Poor Tinky Winky was dragged out of the closet by Jerry Fallwell and some parents were scandalized that a large purple looking creature carrying a bag was preparing to turn every living creature gay. Sometimes life gets way too strange. I was clearly way past the age demographic for this show when it aired, but I do recall the controversy it caused. What were we all thinking in '99? I realize that most of us could have cared less, but there were parents absolutely terrified to buy their child a Tinky Winky. What is a Teletubby anyway? How could something that looks like an alien promote homosexuality? That was just a really weird time. Maybe it was the impending countdown to the millenium that had everyone on edge and acting coo-coo-crazy over something so silly.

5. Barbie Basics, Model No. 10 (2009)- Barbie Basics first came out in 2009 and were aimed for the adult collector market. The dolls were associated with the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) and corresponded with accessory sets. The basic idea was for the owner to accessorize their Barbie Basics doll and create all kinds of fashionable looks. Anyways, Model No. 10 was wearing a low plunging neckline dress that had many parents calling foul. In fact there was such an outcry with this doll's chest exposure that there was a call to ban the doll from stores. Since the line was made for adults, she got to stay at the party and not be forced out. And yes, I totally have this doll. I bought her before there was even a hint of controversy, and I'm glad I did! She could become a highly sought after doll!

So anyways, I love toy scandals! Of course there are many other toys that have caused an uproar for parents. Sometimes these scandals make sense (fire hazard rollerbades are never a good thing) and other times I think people need to just chill out. With that all said, let's look at our Trashy or Timeless toy, the WWE's Michelle McCool.

We all know about how cool I think female wrestling figures are. And Michelle McCool truly lives up to her name. First of all she is decked out in a nice shade of blue. Female wrestling toys rarely wear blue. They are usualy paired in pinks, purples, or some black/red combo. Secondly Ms. McCool is able to pose in a fun "Talk to the hand" kind of way:

Also, look at her face. She could almost be a toy ringer for Courtney Love. Am I crazy? I totally see Courtney love though, in the face!

Now I don't know much about Michelle McCool except that she is Christian, retired from the WWE, and married the Undertaker. Who would have ever thought that the Undertaker would get married? And to a living breathing woman at that! I always kind of assumed he'd marry like an undead zombie woman. I mean he is the Undertaker.

Anyways, so why are we asking if this toy is trashy or timeless? Well here is the thing, let's look at the picture below:

Ever since Madonna and all her shenanigans graced pop culture we technically should no longer be surprised by things, but I have to say I did not know what to think about Michelle McCool and her strategically placed crosses. Why does she have a cross between her ta-tas and on her crotch? Is she wrestling for Jesus? Or is there some new movement for wrestlers to reinact the Crusades? I'm just trying to figure it out. Of course cross-bedazzled Michelle McCool will never have to worry about a vampire trying to hook up with her. Eat that Edward.

I think the biggest thing for me though is that I feel like this should be upsetting a lot of coo-coo-crazy parents. Like where are the outraged conservative parental groups that are freaking out about a toy with a cross on her crotch? I mean hello! This toy is primed and ready for a toy scandal all her own, but there is nothing! Zip. Nada. I don't get it. People freak out when a Barbie doll wears a low cut dress but no one says a peep about a scantily clad woman decked out with crosses hanging out near her junk. What is up with the world?

I feel like Michelle McCool should be trashy, right? I mean how do you set yourself up for a scandal but deliver nothing? That alone should be the nail in the coffin of trashiness. You have to bring it or you have to just go home. Do you smell what Miss M is cooking? Ms. McCool simply could not bring it. So in effect she should win the trashy title and be voted out of the ring.

However, there are some other things going for her besides her lack of fulfilling a true toy scandal. She knows how to give good pose to a cheesy '90s saying. The word 'cool' is a part of her name, and she married the Undertaker! I would have loved to have seen that wedding, can you just imagine? I love it! So Michelle McCool narrowly escapes the trashy title and is totally timeless! Because I am certain that I will be complaining about the lack of a scandal with this toy for many years to come!

          

Trashy or Timeless? Prince Adam of the House of Randor

Alright today we are checking out Prince Adam from the Masters of the Universe Classics line brought to you by Mattel. What do we know about him?

Let's see, he has really big biceps...

There are many women who fight over him...

Though his heart belongs to only one...

His sister is also the most powerful woman in the universe...

Which isn't such a bad thing when the Evil Lord of Destruction and his minions want Adam dead all the time...

Prince Adam is even cool with having a scaredy cat for a pet, not to mention a sometimes-annoying sidekick (thank goodness Orko is cute)

He is Prince Adam of the House of Randor. He is royalty! What else do we really need to know? I guess the biggest thing would be this: is He-Man's alter ego trashy or timeless? Alright toy fans, let's be serious here!

I would imagine there are good arguments for either side. Honestly, he is wearing lavender pants. It can't get trashier than that. Of course Prince Adam is from another planet (Eternia.) It is possible that princes just happen to wear skin tight lavender pants on Eternia. The original Prince Adam was made in the '80s so it wasn't far fetched for a toy to wear lavender pants at that time. Of course let's all make a pact to never ever wear lavender pants. I say this now, but watch me want a pair after they become trendy jeggings in the near future. Who's the trashy one now?

Moving past the lavender pants some could also argue that Prince Adam comes from a toy line that is no longer relevant to collectors and society at large aside from a group of rabid fans. How can he be timeless if no one remembers him? This could be true, but would that mean he is trashy by default? I don't think so.

If anything Prince Adam has no other choice but to be timeless, regardless if people know of him or not. Hello, he turns into He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe! This guy has appeared, in some form or another, in every decade since the '80s. That is kinda cool, and so far equals timeless to me. We won't truly know his timelessness potential until hundreds of years from now. Though I am going to guess that in those hundreds of years from now some dorky person will be holding a sword aloft and shouting, "By the power of Grayskull, I have the power!" That may be slightly far fetched, but I believe it! Of course what no one really knows yet is that He-Man's sister She-Ra will have a huge resurgence in popularity and actually become the more memorable twin. (Let's hope this comes true over the whole lavender jegging trend I spoke of earlier.)

That is it for now. Prince Adam is timeless, even if the lavender pants aren't. Until next time! Be sure to also look at some outtake pictures below. I had a blast taking all kinds of pictures in preperation for this edition of Trashy or Timeless. It was actually hard to decide which pictures to use. My favorite are the ones with Frosta and Sweet Bee. I even like a few of the Skeletor photos, though I am by no means a photographer.

Who knew that Prince Adam could cause a royal rumble?

Prince Adam and Cringer, braving a new decade.

Evil glows in the dark.

Skeletor, all by himself.

The Evil Lord of Destruction gets some help.

Sweet Bee never knew what hit her.

Frosta never stood a chance...

Adam isn't sure what he should be doing, maybe he needs to call He-Man?

Trashy or Timeless? Velvet Sky

As a toy collector, it would seem that I would only collect the things that I really like. Right? Makes sense. For example I love She-Ra, so I want to own everything with her mug on it. Her friend's mugs too. However, I also like collecting odd and off the wall things. Items that I don't know much about, but for some reason they seem compelling to own. I like to think of them as conversation pieces, like really expensive works of art. Except they are cheap. And some would argue aren't art at all. Whatever.

Female wrestling figures fall into that category for me. I do not currently watch wrestling. I couldn't even tell you who is "good" or "bad" or what any of the rope opera stories are right now. I used to watch in the 80's with my dad. I loved Miss Elizabeth. She was always so pretty and wore the best clothes. Every now and then there were also two men that would fight over her, and I'll be honest, that always seemed like a lot of fun. Anyways my dad was never the type of dad that did the whole tea party thing with me, so watching wrestling with him was a way for us to bond.

That is sort of when I started collecting female wrestlers. My dad surprised me one day with an LJN Miss Elizabeth and for awhile she was the coolest toy I owned. I eventually got older and lost interest in wrestling. It just didn't appeal to me. Until the end of the 90's when I got sucked into the yummy Hardy Boyz, Edge, and the Rock. Before I knew it I was dreaming of dating a Hardy Boy and collecting wrestling figures again. It was a strange time.

One thing that has always been interesting about wrestling toys were the female characters. They were always rare in the stores. They always seemed to be dressed in garish clothes too. I actually liked some of the female wrestlers though. I'll admit a few were slightly trampy in their lingerie matches, but other gals really had a sense of grrrl power. Of course time would shift again and I would lose interest in watching wrestling, much to my dad's sadness. I never did stop picking up female wrestling toys though. Well, just the really cool and odd looking ones.

Recently I came across a very rare and hard to find Velvet Sky from TNA, (a wrestling series, not a description of the toy.) Anyways upon purchasing this toy, I really found myself asking to no one in particular, "Is this toy trashy or timeless?" Why was I buying this? So let's look at some pictures and break down the toy to really see, is it trashy or timeless?

Here she is. Velvet Sky. I know virtually nothing about this character, other than that she wears pink. The pink is what actually drew me to wanting to buy this toy. I love pink. Even if said pink is involved on a questionable hybrid stripper/wrestler look. She looks ready to fight. Just look at her, she is saying, "Come closer and I will punch you!" So by looking at this toy we can see a few things. Her pants have like a split personality thing going on, as if she wanted to wear boom-boom shorts, and pieces of yoga pants, but couldn't decide which. So she picked both and attached with a silver garter instead! She is also wearing basic boring black shoes. I would expect more from Velvet Sky. Covering the top part is a hot pink sports bra with some silver lining around her collar bone. Her hands sport fingerless gloves, like Madonna. Just not as lacey. Or fun.

A more closer look shows that Ms. Sky has highlights in her hair and a barbed wire tattoo on her arm, how very Pamela!

Velvet Sky is ready for the gun show! Big time. For female wrestling faces, this toy actually has a pretty face. Usually my biggest gripe with a female wrestling figure is that the face sculpt always looks rough. Like the lady got in a knife fight at four in the morning with a bear and a hobo. I have always been amazed by certain toy makers. They can go into such great detail to make male figures look life-like and stuff, but when given the chance to make a female, it is as if they have no clue about the female form. How hard can it be to make pretty looking female figures? Luckily there have been advances in toy making technology so that we don't have to be stuck with bad female toys. Although some would say this is a bad toy. I say it's just her attitude! 

Here is where things get weird. What you are looking at is a toy. I was just as surprised as you. I was not expecting Velvet's last name to be proudly displayed on her butt. What? I was also not expecting to see a tramp stamp on this toy. Really? Look I have nothing against tattoos. I have dated guys with tattoos. I have many friends with tattoos. However this has got to be the first toy I have ever owned with a tramp stamp. I also just recently noticed this toy also came with shoulder blade tats as I was having her strike a sultry pose. See folks, Velvet Sky is beautiful and dangerous!

Here is a closer picture of Velvet Sky's decorations. When I saw all this I had to ask myself, "Who is supposed to be buying this?" And then I remembered, I bought this. If not for a somewhat cool older lady, I don't know who else would want to buy this toy. Maybe I underestimate other toy collectors, but Velvet Sky is really just a mess.

This begs the question, is this toy trashy or timeless? I am inclined to say timeless, because I feel like I could show this toy to people 50 years from now and they would be like, "What is going on with this?" However I have to go with trashy. And before anyone tries to disagree, let me explain. My choice to pick trashy has nothing to do with the numerous tattoos or the ratty Juicy Couture wannabe "Sky" booty pants. The trashy vote is cast because of her hair. Take a look:

Really? Jakks Pacific (the toy company that made Ms. Sky) went into such great detail about the tramp stamp and other features on Velvet, but they totally botched her mop of a top hair. It looks so bad. The most distracting thing about this toy, is the hair. That really says something, because homegirl has a lot of stuff going on. And I mean a lot. Don't you just want one though? A mess!

So there you have it, the first edition of Trashy or Timeless. I hope it was everything you wanted it to be! Velvet Sky may be holding a Trashy title belt, but she probably won't be the only one! Check back soon for the next edition! I've got a lot of kooky stuff!