Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Toy Chest Tuesday! Shimmers

Hello fellow toy enthusiasts! Welcome to another edition of Toy Chest Tuesday! Can you hear the chanting? Anyways today we are going back in time and looking at Kenner's Shimmers! Made in 1986, Shimmers were basically half human/creature dolls. There was a mom character and she came with a baby. Totally cute! Here is a brief description about Shimmers, courtesy of ghostofthedoll

"The Legend from the Shimmering Forest. In a secret land of fantasy live beautiful creatures, wild and free.  Their delicate bodies glisten like pearl...part woodland animal, part beautiful girl. To most of us they can barely be seen at dusk and at dawn, and not in between. But to those lucky few who wish they could be like a horse in a meadow or a mermaid at sea, this secret land is always in sight, and beautiful Shimmers will always shine bright."

I like the part about those who wish they could be like a horse in a meadow or a mermaid at sea. I love mermaids. They are my favorite creature. I fully believe they are real. Or at the very least that my ancestors were mer-folk. I mean really. Mermaids are awesome. I remember growing up and my mom telling me stories about her dad going fishing in the ocean. As the story would go, her dad would fish with the mermaids. He would talk about how gorgeous they were and the beautiful songs they would sing. I never got to meet my mom's dad, but I hold that story very close to my heart. 

Anyways, back to the toys! I had three Shimmers. And before we go on I just have to say, these toys are rare and hard to find. In other words they are super expensive. If you want to buy one mint, I suggest selling your vital organs, or your first born.

The first set I had was a deer mom and little deer baby. 

Here we have Deerlene & Baby Doette. Clearly by the name, these are half human/deer creatures. Deerlene also has a bird on her hand. I feel like these two are the singers in the Shimmering Woods. Like somewhere Snow White is in the woods thinking she can sing, when in all reality it is really Deerlene. I'm not a fan of the name though. Deerlene? Really? Worst name ever. 

The next one we have here is Sunstreak and Baby Winglet. Sunstreak gave her baby the 2nd worst name ever. Baby Winglet? That sounds like something you order at Wingstop! I mean that poor baby must be the target of every hungry beast in the Shimmering Woods! They are cute though!

Finally the best Shimmers ever! We have Seaquin and Baby Splashy. Seaquin probably has one of the coolest names ever. I mean her name is Seaquin! Her top looks so cool and her bracelet is made of starfish. How could anyone not like her!

I remember when I first got her. My parents and I were getting ready to leave for a family vacation to the beach. All I could think of was, "I need the perfect accessory to go to the beach. Mermaid Shimmers!" Well I had begged and pleaded to have my way. The plan was simple, before driving to the beach my parents would take me to K-Mart. We would run in and pick up Seaquin and her baby. Everyone involved was on board!

Only there was one problem. As we were leaving we found ourselves in a really bad thunderstorm. My parents were like, "We don't have time to head to K-Mart! We need to head to the beach!" I wasn't having that. I refused and demanded that we still go to K-Mart, regardless of the dangerous weather! I was such a brat! But I got my Mermaid Shimmer! The perfect accessory to take to the beach. Except I didn't really take Seaquin to the beach. I have never liked the idea of bringing toys or dolls to the beach. I mean essentially sand is just dirt. Right? Why would i want to bring my nice collectibles to the beach? That's just grody. Anyways, I don't even like the beach. Being there is bad for my porcelain skin. After all, my ancestors lived under the sea. Far from the sun. I'm serious.

Until next time!  

Monday, September 26, 2011

Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 2

Wanting to have a good Night? Here is the second part to Night of the Living Roach 4!

Click here (NOTLR 4) to find out what you missed, and prepare for the ultimate in terror...

Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 2

Glimmer and Mainframe find themselves surrounded by Roaches. After their dangerous escape from the Castle Grayskull playset, Glimmer really believed that she would find safety. This can't possibly be how her story ends? Not after everything she has been through to be free.

Mainframe looks at the pink haired toy, "Ma'am, I'm real sorry about this." Glimmer shakes her head, this is nobodies fault. Glimmer closes her eyes and prepares for the horde of Roaches to roam over their bodies.

Nothing happens. Glimmer looks at Mainframe, how come they have not been eaten alive yet? There is a movement among the Roaches and two large Roaches in walk towards the weakened heroes. One of the Roaches is Sky-Spy with his wings aflutter. He motions to his colleague, "Slashor, look at our prey. They are starting to realize that there is nothing they can do. We can make this easy on you two, come with us peacefully."

Mainframe knows there can be no peace, the Roaches will kill Glimmer and him. He refuses to go down without a fight. He briefly looks at Glimmer, "Get ready to run." Glimmer is confused, "What?" To her horror, Mainframe rushes towards Sky-Spy and plans to attack.

Slashor, Master of Sharp Things, reaches out and grabs Mainframe by the neck. The G.I. Joe figure struggles and tries to escape. With legs dangling in the air, Mainframe coughs out, "Let me go!" Slashor shakes his head. Sky-Spy looks up at the would be hero, "Such a silly move. I hate to do this, but your time is over. Slashor, dispose of him."

Glimmer screams. Slashor laughs, "Hee hee. Bye bye." Mainframe's chest is raised apart from his legs, exposing his toy organ system of rubber bands. The rubber bands connect Mainframe's torso to his crotch and legs. Mainframe tries to kick free, but screams in pain as Slashor cuts one of the rubber bands. Mainframe is dangling. Glimmer tries to help her new friend, but covers her face as Slashor cuts the other rubber band. Mainframe's legs fall to the Attic floor. The Roaches all laugh with glee and chaos. Slashor drops the rest of Mainframe on the ground.

The G.I. Joe hero crawls to his legs, "Oh no." Glimmer rushes to him, "Mainframe! This can be fixed! We can get out of here!" Sky-Spy laughs and motions for the Roaches to close in around Glimmer. Mainframe looks around and utters a few last words, "Glimmer. Run. Get out of here..." Nothing makes anymore sense for Glimmer. Mainframe is gone and there is nowhere else to go. Glimmer looks around and prepares to run but is stopped by Sky-Spy.

"Don't even think about it Glimmer." Sky-Spy says. Glimmer realizes there is nothing else she can do, "What do you want with me?" The flying roach sneers, "I want nothing to do with you. My boss seeks a meeting though, and if you want to live you will go with us." Glimmer thinks about her options. Should she run? She looks at Mainframe in pieces before her. There is no other choice, "I will join you." Sky-Spy nods, "Smart move. Roaches, carry her! We are going to Attic #1." A Roach soldier looks at Sky-Spy, "What of the human?" Sky-Spy grins, "Don't worry about Miss M. Someone will be taking care of her soon enough..."


Finally finished with her earlier conversation with She-Ra, the lovely M heads to the Hallway. Before leaving the room one of the action figure heroes, Psylocke, looks at M and asks, "Hey M, where are you going?"

"I am going to take a shower. My shift earlier today at the dollar store was a mess. Someone decided to use the food aisle as a toilet. I'm talkin Number 2, all over the place. I was also hit on by a creepy man. He liked my voice so much he told me I should be a phone actress."

Psylocke smiles, "Oh love! Fantastic, you now can move on to a better job! Acting shouldn't be too hard, you have done Shakespeare in the park! Now you can do Shakespeare on the phone, how utterly revolutionary!" Psylocke claps her hands together.

Miss M shakes her head, "That is not what phone acting is about. Just think about it Psylocke. Phone acting..." Psylocke soon realizes what M is talking about, "Eww." M nods, "Right? I so need a shower. And another job. Hey, watch over April and Janine for me ok? I think they might go after each other." Psylocke nods.

Walking through the Hall Miss M hears scary Halloween music blaring from Markiki's room. M's brother has been furiously working on his Halloween costume, a custom Beetlejuice outfit. To find himself in the creative spirit, Markiki has been playing hauntingly ghoulish music on a loop. Passing Markiki's room and heading to the Bathroom, Miss M stops underneath the ceiling door to Attic #2. It sounds as if there are screams above her head. For a split second M feels as if there is something horrific happening. "I wonder what would happen..." M tells herself as she reaches up to open the attic door. What if someone is in trouble? What if it is Glimmer? M knows this is crazy, but let's be real, she talks to toys. The toys talk back. Crazy flew out the window ages ago.

As the lovely heroine is about to open the door a voice calls out, "What do you think you're doing?" Miss M screams out loud and turns to see Mama P staring at her. "Well M? What are you doing?" Miss M thinks fast, and starts humming the theme song to Loony Tunes. She does a quick tap dance and tosses out her best jazz hands. Once the song is finished M strikes a kooky pose in front of her mom.

"M? Are you on drugs?" Mama P asks full of concern. Laughter rings out in the Hall, "Of course not! I was just exercising! I'm gonna take a shower now!" M rushes into the Bathroom and slams the door shut. Locking the door behind her, M removes her hairclip and lets her long dark hair fall down. She slowly starts removing her clothes while pausing to turn the water on. The shower starts as the temperature starts to rise.

Looking at herself in the nude in front of the mirror M tells herself, "You look great. A total hot piece. For real. You'll find a man. A good man. Not some creepy old man that drools over your voice either! Though your voice is rather sexy. Right?" M does her best seductive voice, "Tell me, do you like sexy movies? What's your favorite sexy movie?" Oh goodness, get over yourself she thinks to herself. 

There is a loud bang on the door, "Who are you talking to in there?" Markiki asks. M screams and jumps, "No one! Go away!" Markiki groans, "Oh hurry already! Dinner is gonna be ready soon." Markiki walks off to see Mama P and Big Daddy in the kitchen. Big Daddy looks at Markiki, "What's she doing?" Markiki shrugs, "Gettin ready to take a shower. She's also talking to herself again." Big Daddy and Mama P look at each other, they know their daughter is slightly weird. Big Daddy goes on, "Well she better hurry. Your mother made meat loaf. No one messes with me and the meat loaf."

Back inside the Bathroom there is a lil steam filtering around the room. M steps into the shower and embraces the warm water all over her body. She wants to wash the day away. Life has been rather strange as of late. Nothing makes sense. Roaches attack out of nowhere. Old men at the dollar store want her to do phone acting. This can't be everything she has to look forward to. There is more to her life than this right? 

Reaching for her shampoo M laughs out loud, "Herbal Essences! Oh my goodness, let's bring it back!" M lathers her hair and starts moaning out loud. The moans grow louder and faster, mimicking the old Herbal Essences commercials. "Yes. Yes. YESSSS!" M screams faking pleasure as she starts rinsing her hair. "Ah, Herbel Essences!"

In the Kitchen Mama P and Big Daddy hear the moans from the Bathroom and look at Markiki. M's brother shrugs, "Hey, she's your daughter." Mama P shakes her head, "How crude! What has gottin into her!"

M giggles in the shower, "Maybe I could be good at phone acting. How hard could it be?" Miss M is under the faucet rinsing her hair some more. Unknown to her a pair of antenna dangle over the shower head. Splashor peeks over and looks down at the lovely and naked Miss M. The Roach watches her shower, monitoring her every move. He is waiting for the right moment to make himself known. 

Humming the theme song to the She-Ra cartoon, Miss M leans her head back and looks up. For a brief moment her eyes catch a movement. "What?" M shudders. Stepping back from the streaming water, M rubs her eyes to make sure she isn't seeing things. She splashes some water towards the shower head. Nothing happens. Slowly approaching the shower head, Miss M holds her breath and tilts the shower faucet down. 

The sounds of legs running across the ceiling reverberate in M's head. The heroine looks up and screams as she spots Splashor racing across the ceiling. M grabs as much water in her hands as she can and tosses the water above her. Splashor screams and loses her footing. Sliding down the slick shower wall, Splashor leaps off the wall and kicks M in the chest. She flies acoss the shower. Slamming into the wall, M gives a swift kick in the air, trying to knock Splashor down into the draining water. 

Losing her footing, M slips and falls to the shower floor. Screaming all the way down, M lands hard on her butt. Splashor laughs and races up the wall again. He is ready to attack. M screams for help.

In the Kitchen, Big Daddy slams his hands on the kitchen table, "That's it! What in the hell is going on in there! Doesn't she realize that dinner is almost ready! It's meat loaf tonight!" Markiki rolls his eyes, "I'll go check on her." Markiki walks to the Bathroom and tries to open the locked door, "You ok in there M?"

M screams, trying to get out of the water, "A Roach! Markiki, help me! It's another Roach!" Markiki pretends he can't hear, "Oh shit. Again?! Bye thu thu cougs!" He runs far away, there will be no Roach experiences for him.

Inside the shower, Splashor is ready to dive from the ceiling again, hoping to hit M's head. The blow will be fatal and the Roaches will finally be rid of the meddling heroine. M screams once more and jumps out of the way. Holding onto the shower curtain, M falls outside of the shower and onto the tiled floor with a loud thud. 

With so much steam in the room, M can't see where Splashor is at, "Alright bastard! I know who you are. Come and get me Splashor!" The steam is clouding the bathroom even more. All she can experience is the evil laugh of the Roach. Standing in the room stark naked, M feels like this will be it. Her final battle. Only one of them is going to survive. It will end now.

<It can't end yet love.> M feels someone telepathically communicating with her <Psylocke? Is that you?> 

<Yes M. It is me. I could sense you were in danger, and thought I would help. I'm with you telepathically, but I am also going to meld with you and allow you to use my psychic knives to fight this creep.>

M is confused <Is that even comic accurate Psylocke? I didn't know you could do all that!>

Psylocke continues <Who cares, I'm your toy. Here, do you feel my powers?> M smiles as the psychic knives appear over her hands. <Wow Psylocke! This is so cool! Just don't let us end up swapping our minds and bodies ok? This isn't the '90s.>

<Don't worry, M. Just fight for your life!> Psylocke says. M nods, <Will do. Before I fight this thing, do you think you could do some mind trick and give me some clothes? I'm naked.> M feels Psylock shrug in her mind <Sorry love, your on your own with that.> 

<Thanks.> M rolls her eyes. She will not fight a roach naked. She just won't. Reaching into the nearby cabinet, M grabs a towel and wraps it around her body the best she can, "Alright Splashor! Come on already! Face me! Let's end this now." M cuts through the steam, trying to see better.

Splashor emerges from the shower, "Your pathetic weapons will do nothing human. I cannot be killed. I will enjoy feeding on your brains." 

"Bring it. I'll even give you the damn spoon!" M screams and races towards Splashor. She does a fast bicycle kick into Splashor's chest. He flies back and lashes out trying to cut M. Dodging the attacks M jams a psychic knife into Splashor's side. Howling in mental pain, the Roach flings M across the room. M is on the floor trying to get up. Splashor walks towards her, looming over her, "I bet you taste so sweet." M shakes her head, tears in her eyes. When will it ever end? Splashor opens his mouth, ready to kill. With every bit of strength left, M jumps up driving the psychic knife into Splashor's head. The Roach flings back, he is motionless. M kicks him into the shower and watches him slide down the shower drain. 

M sits on the floor as the steam starts to dissipate, "It's over. It's finally over." With Splashor down the drain, M knows that there will be no way for the Roaches to find their way back inside the House. Everything was as it should be...

Across the House, in Attic #1, the Roaches deliver Glimmer to Roach Town. A seedy town full of bartering, boozin it up, and death matches. Glimmer takes everything in. Busted old Light Brites make up some of the dimly lit lighting. A few Roaches are trading various pieces and toy weapons with one another. There is a Roach playing a saxophone. A dome is in the center of Roach Town and Glimmer can hear screams inside, "What happens in there?" A Roach looks at Glimmer, "Death matches. Two Roaches enter, only one Roach leaves." Glimmer shakes her head, why does she feel like she is living in a movie? If only...

Sky-Spy and Slashor walk Glimmer to an elevator that brings the pair up to a room on top of some scaffolding. As the elevator doors open, Glimmer notices a large Roach off to the side, with a cloud of smoke surrounding him. Crumbs of food are littered around his face and legs. Sky-Spy pushes Glimmer out of the elevator, "Don't touch me!" she shouts. Slashor jumps up with a blade drawn at Glimmer's face, "Pretty pretty." Glimmer closes her eyes.

A voice calls out from the darkness, "Leave her alone." Sky-Spy and Slashor step to the side. The saxophone playing Roach walks out of the darkness first, followed by a female Roach. This is the first female Roach that Glimmer has seen. The female Roach looks to the side, "Ton-Ton, play something... tragic. You must be Glimmer. Would you like something to eat? Cracker crumbs? Old fruit?" The female Roach snarls at the lounging Roach, "Roach-Clip! Get up! Stop eating all of our food!"

Glimmer gags, "Ugh. I'm not even close to being hungry. What am I doing here?" The female Roach looks at Glimmer, "My name is Rita, daughter to the Cockroach King and Queen, may their insectoid souls rest in peace. The oaf in the corner is my older brother, Roach-Clip. I have been granted leadership of the Roaches. Welcome to Roach Town."

"I don't want to be here." Glimmer says crossing her arms. Rita laughs uncontrollably, "That is funny. You won't be leaving. I have uses for you. So please sit a spell and let me explain why you are the key to the Roaches finally taking over total control of the House." The Roaches in the room all start to cackle, except Roach-Clip. He isn't quite sure what is going on. Glimmer sits there, terrified, "Oh Miss M, where are you?" She whispers to herself, silently shedding her tears...

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Good bye All My Children!

Well everyone, that is it. Yesterday marked the end of All My Children. To capture the moment I planned a whole viewing experience. I was going to watch a farewell TV Guide show honoring AMC. After that it was on to the special View episode paying tribute to the end of an era. Finally I was going to watch the last AMC episode on ABC. I had my tissues, Tab, and Chewy Lemonhead & Friends Fruit Candy all around me. So good.

After watching the TV Guide special I couldn't wait any longer. My viewing plans were derailed. The View was going to have to wait. I jumped in and watched the final episode of AMC. Tears started flowing as soon as the show started. I could not stop crying for the entire episode. Waves. Waves of emotion all over my face. I was a damn mess.  

Everything flew by so quickly! I won't give away in plot points, but everything seemed like it was ending on a perfect note. Until the last two segments. The final episode built to one crazy cliffhanger. Let's just say this, if the show does not go online I will be so mad. This cliffhanger was out of control. I have to know what happens next.

People can say whatever they want, but soaps are really great. I am going to miss AMC. It is very strange to know that on Monday I won't be taping that show on my DVR. The actors and characters they portray, everyone that makes the show work, are all so wonderful. I've never met them personally, but they have left an impact on me. Agnes Nixon, the creator of AMC, really made something special. And I am glad that I have had the chance to watch the show for as long as I have. I hope that the show will continue with most of the cast still in tact.

I have never really told anyone this, but soaps are a big reason why I love to write and use my imagination. I don't pretend to be some great writer or anything, however the excitement and possibilities about soaps led me to want to write my own stories. To have my own voice and share that with people that are interested. So yesterday was a really sad day for me, I am going to miss AMC for what it was. I hope that it will soon become something even better when it moves to an online format!

Stay tuned!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I've been busy, drinking Tab.

I know I have basically been neglecting my dorkette duties this week. There was no Toy Chest Tuesday. I keep meaning to do a new Trashy or Timeless. Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 2 needs to be posted. What is going on with me? I am usually on it.

However I have had a really busy week. I've been drinking Tab. Well Tab is not exactly why I have been slacking on my dorkette musings. However Tab did help me fit into a fun pink dress last weekend, and worked me into a rather lovely outfit for my mom's first signing party launching her new cook book! It was last night and let me tell you all, we worked our tushes off.

She was signing the books while I was doing the cashier duties and bagging the books up. Let me start off by saying I was in the cutest pair of skinny jeans and this amazing drapey yet slimming '70s inspired top. Oh, and 6 inch heels. I can't understand for the life of me why I put myself through such torturous lengths to look great. I literally could not feel my feet this morning.

Anyways the book signing was fabulous. Thankfully Auntie M and my other cousins arrived to help us, because it got out of control. So many people came out to support my mom and I was so proud of her. She has worked so hard to get this cook book out. It was just an amazing night! I also need to practice more on my Brain Age for the DS, because I totally got how to run the credit card machine thing, but counting out change from cash was a struggle. I mean I know how to spend money, not count it. Let's be real. I grew up in the age of calculators. However I will work on that, I just need to start playing Brain Age again and I'll be fine and ready to dole out change to anyone! (For the record when I worked retail the registers helped with change too! I mean come on! My brain age is old and moldy people.)

So let's talk Tab. Book signings are awesome and all, but Tab has truly become my new drink of choice. For those who don't know, Tab is a diet drink that basically tastes like Coke with Sweet 'n' Low. It sounds disgusting, but I love it. And it comes in a pink can!

I remember when I was 4 or 5 and I just loved the pink Tab cans. I begged my mom to buy some in the store and she was like, "I know you like pink, but you are too young for a diet soda." She also told me I'd hate it. I refused to believe her lies and did my best spoiled sad face to prove my point. My mom caved and bought some. I feel sorry for my parents, because I was really this crazed diva child. I don't know how they survived raising me. Really, I don't.

Having gotten my way, we went home and I patiently waited for the Tab to chill. I drank it wanting to like it. Instead I felt sick. I hated it and my mom ended up proving a very important point. I was to young for diet drinks, even the ones that came in a pink can.

Back to the present, I recently read a small article about Tab. I found myself walking down memory lane and curious to buy some again. After all I am cautiously approaching 30 and I want to look amazing when I reach a new decade of personal life. Maybe a diet drink will be better for me than my tasty Dr. Pepper. Truth be told I also wanted to buy the pink can again and just see if my taste buds had changed.

I can honestly say, I love Tab! I am a Tab-aholic, or whatever Tab fans call each other. I wonder if there is a Tab fan club? I mean surely there is. The soda is hard to find in stores, so there must be some hardcore group of people that insist on it being at certain places. I think I will do some investigating.

Now I'm not drinking a six pack a day. I usually drink one soda a day, unless I'm having one of those rough days and I might drink two. But with Tab, I don't feel so bad having a soda. There are no calories. Just saccharin. I'm assuming that stuff is safe. Are we still supposed to be believing in that cancer myth? I hope not.

Anyways, that is all for today. Tab is good. I am also proud of my mom. I think if we could bottle up her energy and ability to make her dreams come true, we would all be in a better place. Speaking of better places, Pine Valley is really the place to be. This week has been some of the best soap tv ever. Tomorrow is going to be a rough day.

Also, Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 2 is going to be awesome! We will find out what happens to Mainframe and Glimmer. And Miss M finds herself in a fight for her life against a vile Roach.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Why aren't you watching?! All My Children

Alright dear readers, what else can I say? The title says it all. Why aren't you watching All My Children? This week marks the final week that All My Children will air on television. I could go into a long rant about why ABC made a huge mistake in canceling this long running soap, but I won't. I am merely going to discuss the fabulosity that is All My Children. And why you should be watching!

First of all, soap operas are truly the best form of storytelling on television. There is nothing else on TV that allows fans to follow their characters for years, decades even. Fans get to watch their favorite characters grow and develop in all sorts of life situations that are at times hilarious, thrilling, romantic, and heartbreaking. Put simply, a soap opera has it all. There are even storylines that tackle some sci-fi stuff. For proof look no further than One Life to Live. In the '80s OLTL had a large cast of characters travel to a hidden city underground named Eterna. A fantastic mess. Of course there have been many other sci-fi tales on other various soaps as well, which would need a whole other entry to address.

I started watching soaps when I was little. My mom was a fan of many soaps and I would watch them with her. My favorites were always All My Children and One Life to Live. Over time I would go on to watch Loving, The City, General Hospital, Guiding Light, Port Charles, and Young and the Restless. A few of those I would watch every now and then or at least until they ended. Well Y&R I still watch. When Victor and Nikki (two grown folk) hook up on a bail of hay while the jealous Diane looks on snapping pictures, you know you gotta stay tuned.

I realize that watching soaps is a lot of TV to follow, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Soaps have a way of bringing people together. My best friend and I met in college long ago, and aside from gossip, clothes, and fashion, we bonded over our soaps. We would talk about the characters as if they were real (they're real to us!) and other people would be like, "Who are you talking about? And why do they have an evil twin?" Nothing is better than when soap fans talk about the characters and other people think you are talking about real family members. The best.

I can't tell you all how many times I have bonded with perfect strangers because soaps were being discussed. You just get it. Fans understand that Erica is meant to be with Jackson. Debates rage on and on about the nature of Ryan and Greenlee's relationship, should they be together or are they toxic? Conversations can last for hours about theorizing the next months worth of storylines!

I have been lucky with soap watching. Growing up I would have my mom keep me up to date while I was at school and of course have holidays and the summers to soak up all the stories. Later on I would buy blank vhs tapes in bulk and tape the show. Of course Soapnet came out and it was even easier to watch soaps. Then DVR was created and I got to watch my soaps whenever I wanted! It was like living in the clouds with the Care Bears. Everything just was so cheerful and great!

Over the years I have bought books, magazines, dolls, and even trading cards (cool, I know!) all about the awesomeness that is AMC. I have tried to hold onto anything connected to AMC, because after 41 years on TV, the show is going to end. I have been doing my best to prepare myself for this experience. I don't know what it will be like to no longer watch this show on TV. Regardless if the show was under great writers or lousy ones, I have stuck by this show. There is even hope that AMC looks like it will be going online to an internet channel in early 2012, but I'm not sure of that. However if all goes well, how cool will it be that soaps once made the move from radio to TV, and now from TV to the internet? That just seems so cool to me.

So how do I say goodbye? I have been highly emotional ever since the cancellation. This week is going to be some great TV people! If you have ever watched AMC, I simply suggest that you find a way to tune in. The show is damn good right now.

David Hayward has been bringing people back from the grave (very Marvel comics, I know) and there are still two people that David has hidden from their loved ones. No one knows who the two people are!

So basically the storylines are all wrapping up about who is going to stay together, who will break up, and who might die. JR has a gun and I feel like he is going to use it. From what I have read, the ending of AMC is going to have a surprising cliffhanger since the show is planned to continue online. A cliffhanger people! If that is not reason enough to start tuning in this final week, I don't know what is.

One way that I am going to say goodbye is by listing some of my favorite moments from the many years that I watched! Here they are:

1. The love story of Ryan and Gillian- they were one of my favorite couples on daytime. They went through so much, and he was just never the same after she was killed. Her spirit scenes in heaven were just the saddest. I cried for a whole week, non-stop.

2. Erica's Phantom of the Opera moment- During a chilly snow storm that was tied into a primetime Stephen King event, Erica and David Hayward were involved in a serious car wreck that left Erica with a scar on her face. While wearing a very Phantom chic mask Erica kinda sulked around town and kinda lost it and fell in love with the dastardly David.

3. The tornado of '94- Put simply, the best TV. A huge tornado swept through Pine Valley putting everyone's lives in danger. Poor Julia had a chandelier fall on her. The scenes were shot so well, full of high drama.

4. Erica's weddings- Each one was an event and needs to be mentioned. The men. The dresses. The subsequent divorces. Let's hope if she walks down the aisle again it'll be for keeps. Though I think she should be the forever single gal.

5. The Mardi Gras Ball- Crazy Janet-from-another-planet takes it upon herself to rig a mansion full of bombs that go off during a Mardi Gras ball putting the denizens of Pine Valley in grave danger. The back from the dead Dixie almost died again!

6. Bianca's coming out- There have always been dramatic stories between Erica and her youngest daughter Bianca. Bianca once burned Erica's house down. Erica fought tooth and nail to save Bianca from anorexia (even garnering Susan Lucci her Daytime Emmy) but it was the story of Bianca coming out as a lesbian that was just the best of what soaps are made up of.

7. Kendall and Greenlee duke it out in a pool- Once upon a time best friends Kendall and Greenlee hated each other as they fought for the affections of Ryan Lavery. The two reached a fevered boiling point as they both tried to marry him, and ended up fighting it all out in a pool. Greenlee ended up marrying Ryan, though she should be with Leo, who I hope is really alive.

8. Janet earns the title, "Janet from another planet"- Janet and Natalie were twins. However Janet was jealous of the life that Nat had, so Janet threw her twin down a well and took over her identity. No one knew, and Janet managed to take over Nat's life, including playing house with Nat's husband Trevor. Janet went a lil loony and ended up having a child with her sister's husband, but everything came crashing down once Nat was eventually rescued from the well.

9. Back from the dead- Coming back from the dead happens quite often in Pine Valley, and the best tales involved Jessie coming back and reuniting with true love Angie. Dixie coming back from the dead numerous times always makes for good story. And Maria really surviving that fatal plane wreck was just the best.

10. Erica and Brooke- One of my favorite storylines from AMC, involves the rivalry/friendship between Brooke and Erica. Whether they were fighting over men or fighting each other, these two women have gone from loathing to actual real respect and friendship. Also some of Erica Kane's best lines usually were directed at Brooke English. This type of storyline and its longevity could only be possible due to the nature of soaps.

Now that is just some of the stories that have been the best on AMC. I have not even mentioned all the actors and talent that has made this soap a truly great piece of television history. I just know that come Friday, I will be a huge blubbering mess.

On a side note, how fun was Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 1? I am working on Part 2 and it will be off the hook! I wanted the whole thing to be completed, but it turned out slightly longer than expected. Hence the Part 1 and Part 2, which plays off of the current trend with certain movies and adds to the overall fun of the goofy story!

Also, Bridesmaids comes out tomorrow! If you have not seen that movie yet, you just have to! It is hilarious!


Sunday, September 18, 2011

Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 1

To catch up on all things that crawl in the night, check these out!

Night of the Living Roach 3: A New Breed

Night of the Living Roach 2: The Return

Night of the Living Roach

And now, it is time...

Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 1

Time has passed since Miss M has been attacked by the Roaches. Everything has seemed rather calm. Miss M hasn't even begun to worry about searching for Splashor or any of the other Roaches. She is merely content spending time with her Action Figure Heroes and finding ways to make sure the world is a safer and brighter place for everyone.

Miss M sits at her desk in her bright pink room and looks out a window. Her dear friend She-Ra approaches, "Hello M. How are you? You seem lost in thought."

"I am She-Ra. I can't stop thinking about Glimmer. I hate that we haven't been able to find her. I am also concerned about the Roaches. Everything has been quiet lately, I can't help but feel that trouble is brewing." The lovely heroine thinks about her brother, Markiki, and the horrors he recently went through. Markiki's toe may be fine now, but what could happen next? What dastardly things could the Roaches try and do?

She-Ra fears the same things, "I'm afraid that we will get to a point where we will have to give up our search. Glimmer could be in any of the attics that make up the Tri-Attic Galaxy System." The Tri-Attic Galaxy System is a group of attics in the House. The hottest and most vile attic, Attic #1, is located above the Garage. Attic #2 is in the infamous Hall, and requires a dangerous climb to reach. Finally there is Attic #3, in the Loft. This is the Attic that Miss M typically travels to, though the other Attics could potentially contain Glimmer.

"You could be onto something, though I am pretty sure that Glimmer is in Attic #3." Miss M says to herself. The two quickly turn as a loud commotion is heard towards the entrance to M's room. First Edition April O'Neil is making her way towards the Action Figure Hero shelves. She-Ra looks at April and realizes that trouble has returned, "Wow, so 1st Edition April is actually back?"

M nods, "And better than ever. Her time in the Spa Sink has completely rejuvenated her. The only problem is that not everyone is aware of her return." And by everyone Miss M means Janine Melnitz from the Real Ghostbusters. Back in the day Janine and April had a friendly rivalry. Their rivalry was usually over how many fabulous variants each one had, and which variants were better. Janine felt she was nerdy chic and hung out with a group of real guys, while April was a fashionable hard hitting journalist who hung out with a group of amphibians that lived in a sewer. The two essentially hated each other.

April looks around Miss M's room. He-Man is behind the reporter dropping her luggage, "Alright everything is here. How did you even come here with items, weren't you rescued from the Attic?" April shrugs, "I'd rather not recall my horrifying experience in the Attic. Just take my items to the nicest room." He-Man looks at April, he isn't sure how to tell her the truth, "Umm, you're looking at your room." He-Man points to the shelves.

"What? I'm expected to live up there! Sharing space with everyone?!" April is shocked. She was expecting so much more. "Will I at least get to share a shelf with somone I know?" He-Man is about to answer April's question when a familiar toy steps behind April and calls out, "I'm sure I could spare some space on my part of the shelf."

1st Edition April turns and gasps. Standing before April is Fright Feature Janine, standing tall in a hot pink jumpsuit and neon green glasses. April groans, "I would rather go back in the Attic than share space with the likes of you." Janine smiles, "Oh April, the Attic looks like it has taken its toll on you. You look like a ghost, I could call some people to fix that problem." April sneers, "Try Janine, just try. I'll throw you down a sewer so fast your eyes will bulge from the stench, let alone what the rats will do to you."

Janine crosses her arms, "Don't worry April, I won't really share my space on the shelf. I have too many variants sharing room with me. We just get along so well, it is incredibly nice to have soo many variants. April, you remember my variants don't you? I had 4 at last count, not counting the second Fright Feature Janine that Miss M just had to have. That means I have a twin! Don't be jealous April, I can't help that Miss M wanted as many versions of me as possible!"

April nods, "I see what you are trying to do. Apparantly Math must be really hard for you dear, because from what I know Miss M has 11 variants of me. Not to mention one of my variants, that Ravishing mess, has a twin. I guess that means I'm a bit more collectible than you. Try better next time sweetheart. Hurry He-Man, take my bags to my new room! This conversation is old, like Janine!" April cackles out a laugh as He-Man follows closely behind. Janine watches them walk off, and crosses her arms, "Oh I've got something in store for you, big time..."

Still sitting at her desk, Miss M looks over at She-Ra, "I think April is gonna make a great fit with everyone, right?" She-Ra laughs, "The fireworks could have been worse. I just wish Glimmer was here." She-Ra holds back a tear as does M, "I know She-Ra. Wherever Glimmer is at, I hope she is ok."

Meanwhile in another part of the House, a few survivors start their day in one of the Attics. At the bottom of a large brown paper bag sits a Castle Grayskull playset. Surrounding Grayskull are various toy vehicles and playsets. There is a slight opening at the top of the bag, so that the three survivors inside can look up towards their hopeful freedom. With all the items in the bag, the survivors have had a hard time climbing out, all it takes is one wrong move and they are falling a long ways back down into the bag.

Inside Grayskull is a control panel. A toy figure is pressing some buttons and speaking out loud, trying to send out a distress call, "Please, if anyone can hear me, this is Glimmer. We have been trapped inside Grayskull for an incredibly long time. I am joined by Jessica Rabbit, vampy lounge singer extraordinaire, and Alf's girlfriend Rhonda, who gives good hair. We have sent out C.U.T.I.E. scouts to find a way out of our location, but they have yet to return. Please, we need help. We are running out of resources. Miss M or She-Ra, if you can hear this, please find us. We are in the Attic!" Glimmer pauses. She sends these distress calls out on a loop. There is no way of knowing that they reach anyone. Glimmer won't give up though.

Jessica Rabbit slinks into the room and groans, "Oh give it up Glimmer. No one is coming to save us. When are you going to learn?" Glimmer turns around and moves her pink curly hair out of her face, "Jessica, we have to keep sending out these distress calls. Someone is bound to hear us!"

Rhonda is sitting in the rafters of Grayskull and looks at her roommates, "Face it, we are stuck in Grayskull." Glimmer shakes her head, she refuses to believe this is where they will all live for the rest of their lives, "I am not going to decompose in this place! We will get out of here, we just have to!" Jessica Rabbit sits down as her long flexie bendable legs wobble into a sitting position, "You are right about one thing. We do have to get out of here. You broads are fantastic, really. But I need a man in the worst way."

Rhonda rolls her eyes, "Aren't you married? I don't think Roger would be too happy with your comment." Glimmer tries to ignore the conversation and check on their dwindling resources. Jessica continues, "My marriage is not legal. Toy Law defines marriage as only occuring between two similar species action figures. Roger is a rabbit and therefore my marriage is null and void, so I can do whatever I want. And I desperately need a man. Now!"   

"What you need is to calm down! I can't believe you Jessica, always a trollip!" Rhonda says. Jessica quickly stands losing her balance with her bendie legs, "Don't you dare! I haven't seen my darling Roger in ages. My goodness he has probably moved on without me! Meanwhile I am stuck in here with you two! Look at me! I have been tossed around. Completely abandoned."

Rhonda mimics Jessica's theatrics, "Oh here she goes with her woes." Jessica Rabbit screams, "My woes are serious! Dopey Glimmer over there thinks that Miss M will find us and that we'll be reunited with our loved ones. I have news for you two, Miss M doesn't care one bit! Look at me, just look at me! She let her childhood friend borrow me once! Do you think that childhood friend was going to take care in playing with me? No! I was thrown on the floor and left there!"

Glimmer hates this part of Jessica's story, as it is every toy's worst nightmare. Jessica continues, "And then, the childhood friend's wiener dog found me and chewed my fingers off. See!" Jessica waves her fingerless hands in the air, "No fingers! My skirt was chewed up. I have a gash in my armpit exposing my wiring. Look at my shoes! The paint is gone. Miss M let this happen to me that wicked little bee-with-an-itch."

"Stop it Jessica! Miss M was devastated by that!" Glimmer emphatically states, "Don't you remember when M brought you back to Home? She cried that her friend's dog did that to you." Rhonda smiles mischievously, "And you would think after marrying a rabbit that she'd enjoy a romp with a wiener." Jessica screams and lunges a plastic Barbie plate at Rhonda, "Oh you ugly looking alien! Get your nose fixed! And that tacky pink mohawk too, ugh!" Rhonda ducks and laughs.

Glimmer throws her hands in the air, "Will you two just stop it already! This is not helping us! We used to get along so well!" Crossing her arms, Jessica looks at the two, "I am finding it harder to get along with you both. It is hot in here. My wiring is all twisted. Walking is a pain. In all honesty I just want to be back with Miss M. I know she really cared for us. I don't care about the past anymore. I just want out of here." Rhonda and Glimmer both nod. Glimmer fondly recalls the first time she saw Miss M, "We met at Crafts Etc. Miss M found me easily, she was always good at finding the toy aisle in any store. She was so happy to see me, and once I was out of that packaging I was free to meet her other friends. We had the best time."

Rhonda nods, "We met in a very similar fashion. She practically begged Big Daddy to buy me since I am such a rarity in the Action Figure World. I'm a vintage '87. Such a good year." Rhonda wistfully looks back to the past. Jessica groans, "Yes, and unlike wine, we are not getting better with age. Just look at us. I'm mangled. Rode hard and put up wet. Rhonda, you have a sticky film all over you. And Glimmer, well you are in need of a brush like you'd never believe."

Glimmer nods, "I know, I would rather not think about the state of my hair. I just know we are all going to leave soon. We have to if we are going to truly live." As the three survivors talk about the good times, they suddenly hear a noise from outside the castle. "Did you hear that?" Glimmer asks her friends. Rhonda nods, "I did. It sounds like someone is traveling down the bag, heading for Grayskull."

Jessica is cautious, "Do you think it is the C.U.T.I.E. scout team?" Glimmer shrugs, "It could be, but they have been gone for a very long time. I highly doubt it is them. I'll go look and see." Jessica and Rhonda stand back, fearful, "Be careful Glimmer!" Glimmer is always careful. She is highly aware that all of the toys and playsets above the castle could come crashing down upon them. However, this time it was imperative to look and see what was going on outside...

"Is anyone down there?" A loud male voice booms out. Glimmer freezes. She has no idea what she should say. Who is this person? Is he a good toy or a bad toy? With a real possibility of meeting a new toy, Glimmer is now unsure what this could all mean. Will anything change? Will they escape? "Hello, is anyone there?" The male voice calls out again, louder than before. Jessica Rabbit peeps her head out of an open space of Grayskull, "That sounds like a man! OMG! A MAN! I have to fix my face, I look like death!" Jessica runs past Rhonda, "What is happening?" Rhonda says to herself.

Glimmer holds her breath, and finally says, "Yes. We are down here! There are three of us!" The voice calls out, "Wow, I will be there shortly." Rhonda sticks her head out of the same space, "Glimmer, where is that voice coming from. Can you see anything? Do you think it is God?" Glimmer shushes her friend as they both anticipate the arrival of their new visitor.

Time moves forever and soon Glimmer and Rhonda find themselves staring at a very short man in a gray shirt and pants with a bunch of technical looking pieces. Rhonda laughs, "Oh I can't wait for Jessica to see this. This is our hero?"

The man looks at Rhonda, "Ma'am, I am a real American hero. The name is Mainframe. I am a member of G.I. Joe. I got lost from my team and have been searching through the Attics trying to find safety. My field transmitter was able to locate the distress calls coming from this location. Are you ladies safe?"

Glimmer nods, "Yes, my name is Glimmer, and this is Rhonda. Come inside." Glimmer leads Mainframe into the playset. He looks around, "Is it just the two of you?" Glimmer shakes her head and proceeds to explain who else lives in Grayskull until Jessica Rabbit hurries past, "I live here! You may have heard of me, I'm Jessica Rabbit!" Jessica seductively smiles looking for the male toy. She can't find him until she feels a tap at her hip, "Hi Jessica, I'm Mainframe." Jessica looks down at the G.I. Joe.

"You're short." Jessica bluntly says. Glimmer's eyes widen, "Jessica! Mainframe is our guest." Mainframe laughs, "That's ok. I know at 3 and 3/4 inches I may not be as tall as, say, Lion-O, but I get the job done." Jessica grins, "Really?" Mainframe nods, "Why yes. I am usually the first to respond in any infiltration mission. I know how to get in and get out. I also have the best tactical equipment out of all my team mates." Jessica nods, "Go on, I'm really intrigued." Rhonda lightly pushes Jessica out of the way, "Down girl. Listen Mainframe, where have you been? And where are you going? Because we want to go with you."

Mainframe nods, "Yes well like I said i have been traveling throughout the Attics. I am trying to make it to Miss M. Something tells me my other friends are safe with her. I also believe she has been looking for us all, but she has been going about it the wrong way. According to my computer piece, she keeps looking for missing toys in Attic #3, but we are all in Attic #2. She'll never find us, which is why we need to get out on our own."

Rhonda is confused, "What do you mean Attic #3 and Attic #2?" Mainframe nods, not many know about the Attics, "We live in a Tri-Attic Galaxy System. Attic #3 has always been the primary dumping ground for toys like us, however under Mama P's clean sweep regime we ended up in Attic #2. It is hard to reach this place and even harder to leave, but we can get back to M through the air system. Just be lucky we don't live in Attic #1."

Glimmer is curious, "What is wrong with Attic #1?" Mainframe looks at the three friends, "That is where the Roaches live. Vile hideous beasts that eat anything in sight. Whatever they aren't eating they are using as a restroom." Jessica gags. Mainframe continues, "It may sound gross to hear, but it is the truth. I have been traveling this Attic for a long time, I have yet to see any. We should have an easy trip to the air vent system. I assume you will all be joining me?" The three nod yes. "Alright, than I suggest we get out of this hell hole. Is there anyone else we need to get?"

Rhonda looks at Glimmer, "What about the C.U.T.I.E. scout team?" Glimmer nods and explains to Mainframe about the colorful women that make up C.U.T.I.E. Mainframe looks grave, "You said they were small and colorful right?" Glimmer nods, "Yes, why do you ask?" Mainframe sits down and lowers his head, "I came across them not to long ago. I'm sorry but none of them are alive." The silence is deafening in the playset. No one can believe that the C.U.T.I.E. scout team is gone. Jessica is the first to speak, "This is sad and all, but I really think we should be going. I am so thankful for you Mainframe. Even though you are short, I will have no problem properly thanking you when we get out." Jessica proceeds to whisper in Mainframe's ear about how she'll be thanking him. Mainframe blushes, "Jessica, you are so bad." Jessica looks at the G.I. Joe, "I'm not bad. I'm just manufactured that way." Rhonda is about to say something, anything to honor their fallen friends, when all of a sudden there is a rustle outside.

Jessica looks around, "What was that?" The group heads out of Grayskull to investigate. Rhonda sniffs something, "What is that smell?" Mainframe looks around, and there is another sound as something lands right behind the group. Mainframe lets out a groan, "Oh no."

"What Mainframe? What is going on?" Glimmer asks looking at something a few feet in front of Mainframe. The G.I. Joe member looks at his new friends, "Ladies, pack lightly. We gotta go now. It is the Roaches. They are leaving us their calling card." Jessica gasps as she realizes the Roaches are dropping turd bombs down the bag, "Oh hell no. Get me out of here now!" The vampy lounge singer wobbles back inside of Grayskull.

Jessica looks at everything in the castle, "Funny, I don't really have anything to pack. Let's get out of here!" The group prepares to exit when Rhonda points upwards, "Look, at the top of the bag!" To everyone's horror large waves of Roaches start pouring down from the bag, making their way to Castle Grayskull. Jessica screams. One Roach lands near Glimmer and lunges for an attack. Mainframe and Glimmer both kick him across the floor. The group rushes inside the castle, trying to barricade the door. Rhonda panics, "This isn't going to work. We are at the bottom of a large bag that is filling up with these things!"

Mainframe nods and points, "Look, we can climb out through that opening at top." The Roaches are filling up everywhere, trying to break through the door. There doesn't seem to be any stopping them. Glimmer reaches up through the opening and grabs hold, "Here, reach my hands, I will push you all through!" After everyone is safely out and on top of the castle, Rhonda is shocked, "Look, they are everywhere!" Mainframe agrees and tells them he knows another way out. They have to climb. Jessica groans, "I have no fingers!" She falls slightly behind the group.

"Are you alright Jessica?" Glimmer calls out. The group is climbing over stacked broken parts of a doll house. Jessica nods. The Roaches haven't noticed that the heroes are finding a way to escape. Rhonda looks down and shakes her head. Grayskull had been their home for so long, and now it was being ravaged, "I hope they won't find the secrets in there." The group keeps climbing.

After the broken doll house pieces, there looks to be various toy vehicles in their way. Everyone has to jump up and reach the wing of a large plane. Jessica is the last and as she is about to make her jump, one of the doll house pieces slides out from under her. "Oh no!" Jessica screams as she starts to fall. Making a poor jump, Jessica tries to hold onto part of the wing. Glimmer dives after her, holding onto Jessica's stumpy hands.

The doll house pieces start to fall away and Jessica's flexie legs are dangling. The Roaches are starting to notice. "Glimmer! Help me! Don't let me fall!" Jessica screams. Mainframe tries to help but ends up fighting a large Roach that has snuck on the plane. Rhonda screams and hits the roach with a small Lego block.

Glimmer is losing her grip, "Jessica, I need you to lift your legs up. I can't hold onto your hands!" Jessica starts to scream, "I can't! That damn weiner dog screwed up my wiring, I'm bending in the wrong direction!" Jessica starts to scream. Roaches start crawling up towards Jessica. "Glimmer, hurry help me! They are right there!!" Jessica screams. Mainframe and Rhonda begin pulling Glimmer up to help. "We almost got you Jessica, hold on!" Glimmer shouts. Jessica starts to feel the gash in her armpit tear a little more, "Oh Glimmer, my arm! I can't lose my arm!" Jessica instantly reflexes and shakes her arm loose, Glimmer does not understand what is happening, "Jessica don't let go!"

Rhonda and Mainframe are pulling as much as possible, but all the weight is starting to loosen the toy plane from its perch. Jessica refuses to have tears in her eyes and strikes her most vampy pose, "Glimmer, do I look fabulous?" Glimmer is struggling and thrown off gaurd by the question, "Of course you are, you always look fabulous. You're Jessica Rabbit." Jessica closes her eyes and whispers, "That's all I needed." Loosening her grip from Glimmer, Jessica lets go and falls. Landing on the top of Castle Grayskull, Roaches everywhere. Glimmer screams, tears running down her face. Mainframe and Rhonda pull her up and they move higher up in the bag.

"This way ladies, I think I saw another way out when I came down here. There should be a rip in the bag." Mainframe says and takes the ladies to a part of the bag that will lead them to their freedom. Rhonda looks at Glimmer, "We'll honor C.U.T.I.E. and Jessica when we get out of here." Glimmer nods, still in shock. Mainframe motions for the girls to jump out of the bag first. Mainframe soon follows. All three land in some fluffy material. Glimmer sits up, "What is this stuff?" Mainframe looks around, "I've heard it called insulation before. I think." Rhonda calls out for help.

Sitting up, Rhonda looks at her friends, "I'm stuck. This fluffy stuff is all over me and I can't get out of it." Glimmer and Mainframe both work on trying to free Alf's girlfriend. Glimmer panics, "Oh no. Rhonda, all the sticky film on you is making it harder to get you out!" Rhonda lets out a laugh, "Well ain't that some shit?" Mainframe curses at himself, "I don't have my knife with me. I always hated coming with so many pieces." Glimmer won't give up, and is furiously working to free her friend.

Rhonda reaches out and grabs Glimmer's hands, "Go." Glimmer is fighting back tears and looks at her friend and asks, "What?" Rhonda nods, "Go Glimmer. Get out of here. You won't be able to get me out of this fluff. You and Mainframe need to make it to Miss M. Tell her where we are. I'm obviously not going anywhere. Go. Before those bastards get here." Glimmer shakes her head, "Oh my dear friend, what have we gotten ourselves into?" Rhonda lays back into the insulation and shrugs, "Who knows. But it is time for you to get out of here!"

Glimmer promises to return and rushes off with Mainframe. Rhonda sits up, fixing her pink mohawk. A large horde of Roaches are racing out of the bag and heading towards Rhonda. She laughs to herself, "Well Alf, you were right. Earth really does suck."

Mainframe and Glimmer are running across the Attic's floor. The Roaches are gaining speed. Mainframe and Glimmer duck across a low beam and reach a small vent opening. Mainframe looks at Glimmer, "Here we are, close to freedom!" Glimmer lets out a sigh, "I don't think I can run anymore." Mainframe holds her arm, "It's alright. We are about to be free." Mainframe goes to open the vent screen and Glimmer lets out a scream. Roaches start pouring through the vent. Mainframe and Glimmer back away, they have nowhere else to go. Roaches are surrounding the two remaining toys. Glimmer looks at Mainframe, "This is it. Nice knowing you." The Roaches start to close in, their eyes full of hunger...

Stick around! Part 2 is coming up soon!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

We interrupt your normal Toy Chest Tuesday...

... to discuss Missoni at Target!

For those wondering why I am not showing a toy from the archives today, I thought I'd share my adventure with you about Missoni Tuesday at Target! Missoni is a fabulous fashion line that is full of colorful clothing with kooky zig zags and other types of patterns. It is also a high end line.

Case in point, when my family and I were visiting my brother in LA a couple years ago, we stopped to shop. As any sane person in my family would do. I had always read about Missoni in Vogue, but I was completely giddy with excitement that my Auntie M knew about Missoni too. We all were in awe and wonderment at this one store we were visiting. We had even found some gorgeous Missoni dresses. Upon looking at the Missoni dresses, my eyes were flippin. They were about $1,500 a pop, give or take, which wasn't a total shock. However seeing the price on a tag really is trippy. I knew that owning a dress that expensive was not in the cards for me. Unless my kidneys could fetch a pretty penny as after-market parts. I don't really think so!

Anyways, imagine my surprise when I found out that Missoni would be joining forces with Target for an affordable fall line! I was ready to sign the dotted line! Missoni and Target collaborated and made a ton of really cool stuff. I have been counting down the weeks and days until the release, which was today!

With around 400 items for Target, I knew I had a heavy task ahead of me. I had to pick certain items that would be great to own. My goodness I wanted them all! What to do? Luckily my sister-in-law pointed me in the right direction for looking over the items on a sneak peek website. I was able to really gather my thoughts and prepare myself for Missoni Tuesday!

I got up super early and was at Target when the doors opened. Granted I should have been heading to work, but I had time to spare. I was only going to be a little while! Well, a little while turned into a long while. I was caught up with all the Missoni items everywhere. It was the coolest thing! I was looking at these items, finally realizing that I actually had the opportunity to own something that was designed by Missoni! The items weren't as great as a $1,500 dress, but I was able to get some cute ballet flats and a large tote bag that I turned into my new work bag.

Needless to say I spent a great amount of time looking everything over, and I was maybe slightly late for a meeting at work. But it was Missoni! This was a life changing event! No one could possibly pass on a chance like this! Sometimes shopping just has to come first.

As the day went on I devised a secret plan. I was going to simply go back and peruse the racks to see what else was sorely needed in my closet. However I had no idea that the Target website would crash over the Missoni line. Or that fashion fans would suddenly turn rabid and hungry like a zombie. And I certainly didn't know that the stuff would be selling out faster than ABC. All the local Target stores couldn't keep the stuff on the shelves! There was even a news feature about it! 

My husband and I decided to take a quick trip to see everything. I told him there would even be men's clothing too. He was potentially interested in a tie. Truth be told he was just being kind and going with me to see the madness. Imagine my shock when we got there and everything was gone! It was like a sale on Matty Monday. Just gone. Like it never existed! There were a few items left, like some camis and stuff. In fact one goofy woman walked by and told her friend, "This is the stuff that everyone was going crazy for? Ugh." I wanted to scream at her! How dare she talk about Missoni like that! As Pizzazz would snarl, "Who is she?" My goodness I am so glad I was able to get my ballet flats and large tote. A total mess. That is the fun of Missoni Tuesday though, I guess.

Before I leave, I just needed to do a little more updating about yesterday's entry It's me... in HD!! I have been getting phone calls from everyone and their mother about seeing me on tv yesterday. Really? Really? I thought I was the only person that watched daytime tv. My own brother saw me! What is the world coming to? I just want to crawl and live under a rock, with my Missoni flats and tote.

Also, be sure to check out the new show Ringer on the CW. Sarah Michelle Gellar is back, and she is bad! Or is she good? Who knows in this new mystery thriller! I am really loving it right now!

Monday, September 12, 2011

It's me... in HD!!

So here is the thing. We all have dreams. I have many. Some I still hold onto, other dreams have flown far away. One of those dreams involved me being on daytime tv. I wanted nothing more than to appear on my favorite soap operas, preferably All My Children or One Life to Live. Erica Kane has been one of my life long role models. I used to envision myself in my best Erica variant outfit, storming into a wedding and screaming, "I object to this fake marriage! He belongs with me!" Sadly I can't act my way out of a paper bag.

The dreams of gracing Pine Valley in my best heels never came to be. Plus I don't know that I have the looks for daytime tv. Soap stars have this whole perfect specimen of human flesh about themselves, it is pretty hard to compete with that. I mean I feel confident with myself that I don't scare small animals or frighten children. I'm not some witch from a Disney film. I think I am a pretty person. Just maybe not fit for soapy weddings or evil deadly twins. (Who really wants to have a deadly evil twin anyway? It certainly didn't help Charles Xavier.)

With my soap acting dreams being axed, I had to figure out another life plan. I ended up doing something different that has currently seen me working at a non-profit helping people with their concerns and life problems. It is a great job, and I don't usually divulge about my professional life, but I will make an exception today. I found myself on tv. Make it daytime tv! (See dreams do come true, sort of.)

So here is the scoop, my city has a few tv stations that air local talk shows that tape live. Now the non-profit I work for was able to find a way for us to be on the show as a part of the live studio audience. Our goal was to have enough people rally together and find a moment to share about our work and the importance of what we do with helping the community out.

I was excited. I got up super early this morning, which isn't always the easiest thing for me to do, but I was up real early. I got it together, and put on a daytime tv outfit. Everything was great. Until I remembered that we were all going to throw on white t-shirts over our outfits. The white t-shirts had our logo on them and it was going to be a fantastic way for people to know who we were.

The problem with this is that I don't look good in white, because I am white. Really white. I don't mean, "Silly hokey white girl white." though that is clearly true. But I mean white, like Casper the friendly ghost's long lost sister white. When I wear white, it is just a mess. I really look like a ghost. Or a vampire extra on True Blood. Everything blends together. It is sad.

I arrived ready for my close up though, feeling fresh faced and full of accessories to complete the look. I was then handed the white t-shirt. With only two sizes left (and my size all gone), I ended up with the largest size possible. I slipped it on over my outfit and felt like I was in a large white dress. A mess. But I was ready to support my non-profit and we were gonna be amazing!

Before we walked onto the set to take our seats, one of the producers asked us to come up with questions about various topics that we could ask the guests. The questions needed to deal with arthritis. Well no one was raising their hands to offer an idea for a question. There was this awkward silence, until your's truly raised her hand and offered up a question.

The producer liked my question and I was then told I would be handed a microphone and told to ask my question during one of the segments. What? I was freaking out. What had I gotten myself into? I wanted more than anything to be back in my bed, under the covers sleeping my life away.

We were then escorted onto the nice looking set and after a few pictures, were then told to find our seats. The producers wanted us to spread out some to fill the spaces. I headed for the back of the row. My idea was that my ghost costume wouldn't be so bright and garish from the back row. No one would notice me and hopefully the camera would only catch my face. My plan was perfect!

Of course my big mouth would get the best of me, because the question guy wanted me on the front row so I would be ready to ask my question during the correct segment. Really? I had to sit in the front row?! I didn't want to sit on the front row! But then I asked myself, "What would Erica do?" And I smiled and marched my way to the front row, making sure I looked good. If I had to be on camera from the front row I was going to make the best of it.

So everything started to go by very quickly. We were told about applauding and all the various things we needed to know about the process of how the show works. The host of the show came out and she looked so gorgeous! I was just loving it all, it was such an exciting experience.

This is where the trouble comes in. As we were sitting I realized a horrible reality. I live in the 21st century. The cameras around me were all filming in HD. As in high definition close ups of all your business. I started to panic. I didn't want to be on HD! Ghosts do not look good under bright HD light! I look better in nice low candlelit definition. In fact I wish everything in this world ran off of candlelight. I look stunning in candlelight. My skin still glows, but it is a nice glow.

All I kept hoping for was that if anyone in my personal life was at home watching, that they'd be like, "Wow, Miss M has never looked better!" So the big moment arrived and I asked my question. I thought I had asked it pretty well, I was incredibly nervous. I just knew I was going to screw up and scream at the tv host and arthritis doctor, "I object to this fake marriage! He belongs with me!" Thankfully there was no high drama soap moment. Everything went well.

So that was it. I smiled a lot. I clapped marvelously. I tried to be as energetic all while sitting up straight. I had to make sure that my pilates was paying off. At the end we took our pictures and were told that the show would also be online later in the day and we would be able to watch the show. As soon as I left I got on the hotline to see if anyone had tuned in. My dad told me the news, "Oh everyone was watching! Your grandmother and I got on the phone and called everyone." Great. I was really hoping I didn't look like a sad lost ghost vampire.

Time passed and a little later on I saw a few stills of the show. Pictures of me. I gasped. I looked like a giant ghost! Oh goodness why on Earth did I want to volunteer to ask a question in a large white shirt? Why did I have to sit on the first row? Erica would have never looked this goofy! And you know what is worse? The show's topics were about losing weight, surgical methods of losing weight, cosmetic procedures (i.e. Botox, Hydra-facials) and other health related things. Really? I had to look like a big white ghost in the front row of a show whose topic was on ways for a person to look better? Here is a tip for looking better, don't wear white!

I even raised my hand when the producer asked the audience if any of us were interested in learning more about things like Botox and stuff. Why would I raise my hand to that?! I am slightly older, but I don't know that I am old enough to start using Botox! My goodness I was a total mess! I never want to be anywhere near a HD camera ever again. I don't like HD. I truly think it is an instrument for evil, something that the Horde would want to use in their thirst for control of the world.

All in all though, it was a great experience. It reminded me of wanting to be on daytime tv! I got to see how a live show works and it was such a learning experience. I highly recomend giving it a try! Now I am off. I am going to watch the show online. I hope and pray that I don't look as bad as my neurotic self thinks. I'll let you all know!

Also, be prepared! Night of the Living Roach Part 4: The Final Battle will be arriving soon!

Update: I just saw the show online. Holy crap I look like Bobo the Clown. Oh my goodness. That damn white shirt is so big on me. The logo is also a large screen print on the shirt, so it makes everything look puffy. Oh goodness, no one can ever see this! What a mess. However my lips looked good. At least I know I won't need any plumping work! For now...

Friday, September 9, 2011

Trashy or Timeless? Velvet Sky

As a toy collector, it would seem that I would only collect the things that I really like. Right? Makes sense. For example I love She-Ra, so I want to own everything with her mug on it. Her friend's mugs too. However, I also like collecting odd and off the wall things. Items that I don't know much about, but for some reason they seem compelling to own. I like to think of them as conversation pieces, like really expensive works of art. Except they are cheap. And some would argue aren't art at all. Whatever.

Female wrestling figures fall into that category for me. I do not currently watch wrestling. I couldn't even tell you who is "good" or "bad" or what any of the rope opera stories are right now. I used to watch in the 80's with my dad. I loved Miss Elizabeth. She was always so pretty and wore the best clothes. Every now and then there were also two men that would fight over her, and I'll be honest, that always seemed like a lot of fun. Anyways my dad was never the type of dad that did the whole tea party thing with me, so watching wrestling with him was a way for us to bond.

That is sort of when I started collecting female wrestlers. My dad surprised me one day with an LJN Miss Elizabeth and for awhile she was the coolest toy I owned. I eventually got older and lost interest in wrestling. It just didn't appeal to me. Until the end of the 90's when I got sucked into the yummy Hardy Boyz, Edge, and the Rock. Before I knew it I was dreaming of dating a Hardy Boy and collecting wrestling figures again. It was a strange time.

One thing that has always been interesting about wrestling toys were the female characters. They were always rare in the stores. They always seemed to be dressed in garish clothes too. I actually liked some of the female wrestlers though. I'll admit a few were slightly trampy in their lingerie matches, but other gals really had a sense of grrrl power. Of course time would shift again and I would lose interest in watching wrestling, much to my dad's sadness. I never did stop picking up female wrestling toys though. Well, just the really cool and odd looking ones.

Recently I came across a very rare and hard to find Velvet Sky from TNA, (a wrestling series, not a description of the toy.) Anyways upon purchasing this toy, I really found myself asking to no one in particular, "Is this toy trashy or timeless?" Why was I buying this? So let's look at some pictures and break down the toy to really see, is it trashy or timeless?

Here she is. Velvet Sky. I know virtually nothing about this character, other than that she wears pink. The pink is what actually drew me to wanting to buy this toy. I love pink. Even if said pink is involved on a questionable hybrid stripper/wrestler look. She looks ready to fight. Just look at her, she is saying, "Come closer and I will punch you!" So by looking at this toy we can see a few things. Her pants have like a split personality thing going on, as if she wanted to wear boom-boom shorts, and pieces of yoga pants, but couldn't decide which. So she picked both and attached with a silver garter instead! She is also wearing basic boring black shoes. I would expect more from Velvet Sky. Covering the top part is a hot pink sports bra with some silver lining around her collar bone. Her hands sport fingerless gloves, like Madonna. Just not as lacey. Or fun.

A more closer look shows that Ms. Sky has highlights in her hair and a barbed wire tattoo on her arm, how very Pamela!

Velvet Sky is ready for the gun show! Big time. For female wrestling faces, this toy actually has a pretty face. Usually my biggest gripe with a female wrestling figure is that the face sculpt always looks rough. Like the lady got in a knife fight at four in the morning with a bear and a hobo. I have always been amazed by certain toy makers. They can go into such great detail to make male figures look life-like and stuff, but when given the chance to make a female, it is as if they have no clue about the female form. How hard can it be to make pretty looking female figures? Luckily there have been advances in toy making technology so that we don't have to be stuck with bad female toys. Although some would say this is a bad toy. I say it's just her attitude! 

Here is where things get weird. What you are looking at is a toy. I was just as surprised as you. I was not expecting Velvet's last name to be proudly displayed on her butt. What? I was also not expecting to see a tramp stamp on this toy. Really? Look I have nothing against tattoos. I have dated guys with tattoos. I have many friends with tattoos. However this has got to be the first toy I have ever owned with a tramp stamp. I also just recently noticed this toy also came with shoulder blade tats as I was having her strike a sultry pose. See folks, Velvet Sky is beautiful and dangerous!

Here is a closer picture of Velvet Sky's decorations. When I saw all this I had to ask myself, "Who is supposed to be buying this?" And then I remembered, I bought this. If not for a somewhat cool older lady, I don't know who else would want to buy this toy. Maybe I underestimate other toy collectors, but Velvet Sky is really just a mess.

This begs the question, is this toy trashy or timeless? I am inclined to say timeless, because I feel like I could show this toy to people 50 years from now and they would be like, "What is going on with this?" However I have to go with trashy. And before anyone tries to disagree, let me explain. My choice to pick trashy has nothing to do with the numerous tattoos or the ratty Juicy Couture wannabe "Sky" booty pants. The trashy vote is cast because of her hair. Take a look:

Really? Jakks Pacific (the toy company that made Ms. Sky) went into such great detail about the tramp stamp and other features on Velvet, but they totally botched her mop of a top hair. It looks so bad. The most distracting thing about this toy, is the hair. That really says something, because homegirl has a lot of stuff going on. And I mean a lot. Don't you just want one though? A mess!

So there you have it, the first edition of Trashy or Timeless. I hope it was everything you wanted it to be! Velvet Sky may be holding a Trashy title belt, but she probably won't be the only one! Check back soon for the next edition! I've got a lot of kooky stuff!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue!

I love perusing the aisles of a Toysrus. Nothing is more thrilling than walking into that giant toystore and just seeing what I can find. I have made sure that whenever I am on vacation or visiting other cities to be sure and stop inside the Toysrus stores in the area. A fun trip just isn't a trip unless there is a pitstop to the local Toysrus. The funny thing is that I have yet to visit all the Toysrus stores in the city I live in. There are two that I frequent, and I must say they are the best two Toysrus stores in existence.

Anyways, I recently had the honor of visiting a local Toysrus that I have never been to. While in between meetings at work I found myself driving by the fabled toy store. Well anytime I see those colorful kooky letters I say to myself, "I'm just going to run in and see if there is anything of interest."

I parked the car as fast as I could. I was so excited! I felt like there was so much hope and possibility to be had! Walking in though was very strange. I knew instantly that I was not in Kansas anymore. I'm not from Kansas anyway, but I just knew I wasn't there. The lighting was the first dead giveaway that something was wrong.

There was dim lighting everywhere. I felt at any moment someone would walk around the corner offering up the latest Collector Barbie doll with a side of smack. It was just creepy. The floors were dirty and needed to be mopped. I swear I heard sporadic screams from a distance. This being September, it was too early for the screams to be coming from a Halloween soundtrack.

I made a small mental list about what I needed to look for quickly so I could be on my way.

1. Lego Minifigures
2. Marvel Universe
3. Other various female super heroes
4. Wrestling females
5. Thundercats
6. Barbie aisle
7. Monster High
8. Strawberry Shortcake
9. My Little Pony
10. He-Man Hotwheels (A total shock I know)

I think that was most of the list. With the list forming in my mind, I was ready to go. Now the layout of this creepy Toysrus was different. Out of every Toysrus store that I have been to from all over the world, this layout was new to me. I felt like I needed a map. And possibly a sword of honor.

Eventually I figured out how to get to the Lego aisle. I was searching for something blue, as in the lush blue packaging of the Series 5 Lego Minifigures. My goal was to find a Cavewoman, Zookeeper, or Mob Man Minifigure. With the state of the store, I assumed the Series 5 Lego Minifigures would be plentiful. I kept telling myself, "Who would want to brave this scary store?"

Apparantly the infamous Toy Bandit had already made a visit. He had tore through the store. Literally. There were three minifigure bags, and they were all slashed open! I heard the cries of the Lego Minifigures, they were screaming, "Help us! We have been violated!" Naturally I peeked through the slashed bags and I couldn't take home all three but the Zookeeper found her way in my shopping cart. She was so happy, I could just hear her saying, "Oh thank you for getting me out of this lousy dump!"

My next stop was to see the super hero section. Sadly there was something old, as in sets of figures I have already seen months ago from my more fabulous Toysrus stores. There was nothing I needed. I felt like time was ticking away, I needed to get out of there! I was risking too much! After seeing a used spare shoe on the floor, I knew I was walking further into a nightmare.

On another aisle I came across a really cool item. A nice G.I. Joe set with an animated accurate Lady Jaye. I had seen one of these before. In fact I already own one, but this set was on clearance. As in really low clearance. I was ready to rescue one for purchase until I noticed that this item would be my something borrowed. The Toy Bandit had slashed open the box and borrowed the Destro that came in the set. Really? The Toy Bandit thought it would be ok to just steal Destro? Come on, Destro "dates" the Baroness, and we all know about her reputation. I hope the Toy Bandit washed his hands after handling that Cobra fool.

Moving along I headed for the Thundercats. I have been doing my best to find a new Cheetara. In all honesty everyone should own a Cheetara. She is really cool and runs really fast. However my hopes for finding her were dashed, because the Toy Bandit had already scooped her up. There was a chance though for something new. I found a Tygra Thundercats Classic and placed him in my shopping cart for a friend. I was glad he was there!

So let's see, moving along I had a couple items already and it was time to visit the pink aisle. My favorite place! I long for the days when I will see She-Ra grace the pink aisle once again. I realize these are pipe dreams of a hopeless dorkette, but I can truly hope. Maybe when She-Ra turns 30 there will be a special release of the vintage toys. I'm not holding my breath.

Anyways so there were a few other "something new" items I found on the pink aisle. It would seem that the Toy Bandit likes preserving the health status of the pink aisle, because everything seemed ok. There were no damaged or slashed items. No one was missing a shoe. Aside from a funny dirty diaper smell, everything seemed normal.

After looking over my findings and deciding what was important to purchase and what could be found else where, I made my way to check out. The only highlight of the store was the cashier. He was jamming out to 4 Non Blondes, and we had a nice conversation about music from the 90's. Of course he looked like he wasn't even old enough to really remember the 4 Non Blondes, but it was nice. He also called me ma'am, which makes me kinda cringe. I remember when I was younger, and no one called me that. I was always, "Hey girl." Or, "Hey hot piece." Now I am just ma'am. As in, "You are old. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Just old. And moldy. With your jangly hips." I did ask him about the Toy Bandit and his crimes though, but he kinda looked at me like I was strange. Oh well, what can you do?

That was my excursion into a new unchartered Toysrus. All in all it wasn't that bad, though I am not sure I will return. The Toy Bandit calls that place home, and I would hate to come across him. He might cut me. The experience did yield me something borrowed, something old, something new, and something blue though! Also, my Zookeeper minifigure is thrilled to be in a safe place making new minifigure friends!

On an unrelated note, I just saw the funniest Jem episode and I have to tell you all about it. The Misfits and Eric Raymond work with Techrat to mess with the Holograms (again.) Anyway, Techrat has created a time machine. The time machine takes the Holograms across various parts of music history. With every location in time that the Holograms go to, people from that time period appear in Techrat's lab.

Well the Holograms are time warped to the 60's, and a bunch of hippies show up in the lab. One hippy is like, "Man, what is going on?" The hippy looks at Pizzazz and is basically like, "Who are you?" And Pizzazz looks at the hippy in disgust and groans, "Ugh, hippies! This keeps getting worse and worse!" Love it! That episode was truly outrageous! Youtube or Hub it now!