Sunday, September 18, 2011

Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 1

To catch up on all things that crawl in the night, check these out!

Night of the Living Roach 3: A New Breed

Night of the Living Roach 2: The Return

Night of the Living Roach

And now, it is time...

Night of the Living Roach 4: The Final Battle Part 1

Time has passed since Miss M has been attacked by the Roaches. Everything has seemed rather calm. Miss M hasn't even begun to worry about searching for Splashor or any of the other Roaches. She is merely content spending time with her Action Figure Heroes and finding ways to make sure the world is a safer and brighter place for everyone.

Miss M sits at her desk in her bright pink room and looks out a window. Her dear friend She-Ra approaches, "Hello M. How are you? You seem lost in thought."

"I am She-Ra. I can't stop thinking about Glimmer. I hate that we haven't been able to find her. I am also concerned about the Roaches. Everything has been quiet lately, I can't help but feel that trouble is brewing." The lovely heroine thinks about her brother, Markiki, and the horrors he recently went through. Markiki's toe may be fine now, but what could happen next? What dastardly things could the Roaches try and do?

She-Ra fears the same things, "I'm afraid that we will get to a point where we will have to give up our search. Glimmer could be in any of the attics that make up the Tri-Attic Galaxy System." The Tri-Attic Galaxy System is a group of attics in the House. The hottest and most vile attic, Attic #1, is located above the Garage. Attic #2 is in the infamous Hall, and requires a dangerous climb to reach. Finally there is Attic #3, in the Loft. This is the Attic that Miss M typically travels to, though the other Attics could potentially contain Glimmer.

"You could be onto something, though I am pretty sure that Glimmer is in Attic #3." Miss M says to herself. The two quickly turn as a loud commotion is heard towards the entrance to M's room. First Edition April O'Neil is making her way towards the Action Figure Hero shelves. She-Ra looks at April and realizes that trouble has returned, "Wow, so 1st Edition April is actually back?"

M nods, "And better than ever. Her time in the Spa Sink has completely rejuvenated her. The only problem is that not everyone is aware of her return." And by everyone Miss M means Janine Melnitz from the Real Ghostbusters. Back in the day Janine and April had a friendly rivalry. Their rivalry was usually over how many fabulous variants each one had, and which variants were better. Janine felt she was nerdy chic and hung out with a group of real guys, while April was a fashionable hard hitting journalist who hung out with a group of amphibians that lived in a sewer. The two essentially hated each other.

April looks around Miss M's room. He-Man is behind the reporter dropping her luggage, "Alright everything is here. How did you even come here with items, weren't you rescued from the Attic?" April shrugs, "I'd rather not recall my horrifying experience in the Attic. Just take my items to the nicest room." He-Man looks at April, he isn't sure how to tell her the truth, "Umm, you're looking at your room." He-Man points to the shelves.

"What? I'm expected to live up there! Sharing space with everyone?!" April is shocked. She was expecting so much more. "Will I at least get to share a shelf with somone I know?" He-Man is about to answer April's question when a familiar toy steps behind April and calls out, "I'm sure I could spare some space on my part of the shelf."

1st Edition April turns and gasps. Standing before April is Fright Feature Janine, standing tall in a hot pink jumpsuit and neon green glasses. April groans, "I would rather go back in the Attic than share space with the likes of you." Janine smiles, "Oh April, the Attic looks like it has taken its toll on you. You look like a ghost, I could call some people to fix that problem." April sneers, "Try Janine, just try. I'll throw you down a sewer so fast your eyes will bulge from the stench, let alone what the rats will do to you."

Janine crosses her arms, "Don't worry April, I won't really share my space on the shelf. I have too many variants sharing room with me. We just get along so well, it is incredibly nice to have soo many variants. April, you remember my variants don't you? I had 4 at last count, not counting the second Fright Feature Janine that Miss M just had to have. That means I have a twin! Don't be jealous April, I can't help that Miss M wanted as many versions of me as possible!"

April nods, "I see what you are trying to do. Apparantly Math must be really hard for you dear, because from what I know Miss M has 11 variants of me. Not to mention one of my variants, that Ravishing mess, has a twin. I guess that means I'm a bit more collectible than you. Try better next time sweetheart. Hurry He-Man, take my bags to my new room! This conversation is old, like Janine!" April cackles out a laugh as He-Man follows closely behind. Janine watches them walk off, and crosses her arms, "Oh I've got something in store for you, big time..."

Still sitting at her desk, Miss M looks over at She-Ra, "I think April is gonna make a great fit with everyone, right?" She-Ra laughs, "The fireworks could have been worse. I just wish Glimmer was here." She-Ra holds back a tear as does M, "I know She-Ra. Wherever Glimmer is at, I hope she is ok."

Meanwhile in another part of the House, a few survivors start their day in one of the Attics. At the bottom of a large brown paper bag sits a Castle Grayskull playset. Surrounding Grayskull are various toy vehicles and playsets. There is a slight opening at the top of the bag, so that the three survivors inside can look up towards their hopeful freedom. With all the items in the bag, the survivors have had a hard time climbing out, all it takes is one wrong move and they are falling a long ways back down into the bag.

Inside Grayskull is a control panel. A toy figure is pressing some buttons and speaking out loud, trying to send out a distress call, "Please, if anyone can hear me, this is Glimmer. We have been trapped inside Grayskull for an incredibly long time. I am joined by Jessica Rabbit, vampy lounge singer extraordinaire, and Alf's girlfriend Rhonda, who gives good hair. We have sent out C.U.T.I.E. scouts to find a way out of our location, but they have yet to return. Please, we need help. We are running out of resources. Miss M or She-Ra, if you can hear this, please find us. We are in the Attic!" Glimmer pauses. She sends these distress calls out on a loop. There is no way of knowing that they reach anyone. Glimmer won't give up though.

Jessica Rabbit slinks into the room and groans, "Oh give it up Glimmer. No one is coming to save us. When are you going to learn?" Glimmer turns around and moves her pink curly hair out of her face, "Jessica, we have to keep sending out these distress calls. Someone is bound to hear us!"

Rhonda is sitting in the rafters of Grayskull and looks at her roommates, "Face it, we are stuck in Grayskull." Glimmer shakes her head, she refuses to believe this is where they will all live for the rest of their lives, "I am not going to decompose in this place! We will get out of here, we just have to!" Jessica Rabbit sits down as her long flexie bendable legs wobble into a sitting position, "You are right about one thing. We do have to get out of here. You broads are fantastic, really. But I need a man in the worst way."

Rhonda rolls her eyes, "Aren't you married? I don't think Roger would be too happy with your comment." Glimmer tries to ignore the conversation and check on their dwindling resources. Jessica continues, "My marriage is not legal. Toy Law defines marriage as only occuring between two similar species action figures. Roger is a rabbit and therefore my marriage is null and void, so I can do whatever I want. And I desperately need a man. Now!"   

"What you need is to calm down! I can't believe you Jessica, always a trollip!" Rhonda says. Jessica quickly stands losing her balance with her bendie legs, "Don't you dare! I haven't seen my darling Roger in ages. My goodness he has probably moved on without me! Meanwhile I am stuck in here with you two! Look at me! I have been tossed around. Completely abandoned."

Rhonda mimics Jessica's theatrics, "Oh here she goes with her woes." Jessica Rabbit screams, "My woes are serious! Dopey Glimmer over there thinks that Miss M will find us and that we'll be reunited with our loved ones. I have news for you two, Miss M doesn't care one bit! Look at me, just look at me! She let her childhood friend borrow me once! Do you think that childhood friend was going to take care in playing with me? No! I was thrown on the floor and left there!"

Glimmer hates this part of Jessica's story, as it is every toy's worst nightmare. Jessica continues, "And then, the childhood friend's wiener dog found me and chewed my fingers off. See!" Jessica waves her fingerless hands in the air, "No fingers! My skirt was chewed up. I have a gash in my armpit exposing my wiring. Look at my shoes! The paint is gone. Miss M let this happen to me that wicked little bee-with-an-itch."

"Stop it Jessica! Miss M was devastated by that!" Glimmer emphatically states, "Don't you remember when M brought you back to Home? She cried that her friend's dog did that to you." Rhonda smiles mischievously, "And you would think after marrying a rabbit that she'd enjoy a romp with a wiener." Jessica screams and lunges a plastic Barbie plate at Rhonda, "Oh you ugly looking alien! Get your nose fixed! And that tacky pink mohawk too, ugh!" Rhonda ducks and laughs.

Glimmer throws her hands in the air, "Will you two just stop it already! This is not helping us! We used to get along so well!" Crossing her arms, Jessica looks at the two, "I am finding it harder to get along with you both. It is hot in here. My wiring is all twisted. Walking is a pain. In all honesty I just want to be back with Miss M. I know she really cared for us. I don't care about the past anymore. I just want out of here." Rhonda and Glimmer both nod. Glimmer fondly recalls the first time she saw Miss M, "We met at Crafts Etc. Miss M found me easily, she was always good at finding the toy aisle in any store. She was so happy to see me, and once I was out of that packaging I was free to meet her other friends. We had the best time."

Rhonda nods, "We met in a very similar fashion. She practically begged Big Daddy to buy me since I am such a rarity in the Action Figure World. I'm a vintage '87. Such a good year." Rhonda wistfully looks back to the past. Jessica groans, "Yes, and unlike wine, we are not getting better with age. Just look at us. I'm mangled. Rode hard and put up wet. Rhonda, you have a sticky film all over you. And Glimmer, well you are in need of a brush like you'd never believe."

Glimmer nods, "I know, I would rather not think about the state of my hair. I just know we are all going to leave soon. We have to if we are going to truly live." As the three survivors talk about the good times, they suddenly hear a noise from outside the castle. "Did you hear that?" Glimmer asks her friends. Rhonda nods, "I did. It sounds like someone is traveling down the bag, heading for Grayskull."

Jessica is cautious, "Do you think it is the C.U.T.I.E. scout team?" Glimmer shrugs, "It could be, but they have been gone for a very long time. I highly doubt it is them. I'll go look and see." Jessica and Rhonda stand back, fearful, "Be careful Glimmer!" Glimmer is always careful. She is highly aware that all of the toys and playsets above the castle could come crashing down upon them. However, this time it was imperative to look and see what was going on outside...

"Is anyone down there?" A loud male voice booms out. Glimmer freezes. She has no idea what she should say. Who is this person? Is he a good toy or a bad toy? With a real possibility of meeting a new toy, Glimmer is now unsure what this could all mean. Will anything change? Will they escape? "Hello, is anyone there?" The male voice calls out again, louder than before. Jessica Rabbit peeps her head out of an open space of Grayskull, "That sounds like a man! OMG! A MAN! I have to fix my face, I look like death!" Jessica runs past Rhonda, "What is happening?" Rhonda says to herself.

Glimmer holds her breath, and finally says, "Yes. We are down here! There are three of us!" The voice calls out, "Wow, I will be there shortly." Rhonda sticks her head out of the same space, "Glimmer, where is that voice coming from. Can you see anything? Do you think it is God?" Glimmer shushes her friend as they both anticipate the arrival of their new visitor.

Time moves forever and soon Glimmer and Rhonda find themselves staring at a very short man in a gray shirt and pants with a bunch of technical looking pieces. Rhonda laughs, "Oh I can't wait for Jessica to see this. This is our hero?"

The man looks at Rhonda, "Ma'am, I am a real American hero. The name is Mainframe. I am a member of G.I. Joe. I got lost from my team and have been searching through the Attics trying to find safety. My field transmitter was able to locate the distress calls coming from this location. Are you ladies safe?"

Glimmer nods, "Yes, my name is Glimmer, and this is Rhonda. Come inside." Glimmer leads Mainframe into the playset. He looks around, "Is it just the two of you?" Glimmer shakes her head and proceeds to explain who else lives in Grayskull until Jessica Rabbit hurries past, "I live here! You may have heard of me, I'm Jessica Rabbit!" Jessica seductively smiles looking for the male toy. She can't find him until she feels a tap at her hip, "Hi Jessica, I'm Mainframe." Jessica looks down at the G.I. Joe.

"You're short." Jessica bluntly says. Glimmer's eyes widen, "Jessica! Mainframe is our guest." Mainframe laughs, "That's ok. I know at 3 and 3/4 inches I may not be as tall as, say, Lion-O, but I get the job done." Jessica grins, "Really?" Mainframe nods, "Why yes. I am usually the first to respond in any infiltration mission. I know how to get in and get out. I also have the best tactical equipment out of all my team mates." Jessica nods, "Go on, I'm really intrigued." Rhonda lightly pushes Jessica out of the way, "Down girl. Listen Mainframe, where have you been? And where are you going? Because we want to go with you."

Mainframe nods, "Yes well like I said i have been traveling throughout the Attics. I am trying to make it to Miss M. Something tells me my other friends are safe with her. I also believe she has been looking for us all, but she has been going about it the wrong way. According to my computer piece, she keeps looking for missing toys in Attic #3, but we are all in Attic #2. She'll never find us, which is why we need to get out on our own."

Rhonda is confused, "What do you mean Attic #3 and Attic #2?" Mainframe nods, not many know about the Attics, "We live in a Tri-Attic Galaxy System. Attic #3 has always been the primary dumping ground for toys like us, however under Mama P's clean sweep regime we ended up in Attic #2. It is hard to reach this place and even harder to leave, but we can get back to M through the air system. Just be lucky we don't live in Attic #1."

Glimmer is curious, "What is wrong with Attic #1?" Mainframe looks at the three friends, "That is where the Roaches live. Vile hideous beasts that eat anything in sight. Whatever they aren't eating they are using as a restroom." Jessica gags. Mainframe continues, "It may sound gross to hear, but it is the truth. I have been traveling this Attic for a long time, I have yet to see any. We should have an easy trip to the air vent system. I assume you will all be joining me?" The three nod yes. "Alright, than I suggest we get out of this hell hole. Is there anyone else we need to get?"

Rhonda looks at Glimmer, "What about the C.U.T.I.E. scout team?" Glimmer nods and explains to Mainframe about the colorful women that make up C.U.T.I.E. Mainframe looks grave, "You said they were small and colorful right?" Glimmer nods, "Yes, why do you ask?" Mainframe sits down and lowers his head, "I came across them not to long ago. I'm sorry but none of them are alive." The silence is deafening in the playset. No one can believe that the C.U.T.I.E. scout team is gone. Jessica is the first to speak, "This is sad and all, but I really think we should be going. I am so thankful for you Mainframe. Even though you are short, I will have no problem properly thanking you when we get out." Jessica proceeds to whisper in Mainframe's ear about how she'll be thanking him. Mainframe blushes, "Jessica, you are so bad." Jessica looks at the G.I. Joe, "I'm not bad. I'm just manufactured that way." Rhonda is about to say something, anything to honor their fallen friends, when all of a sudden there is a rustle outside.

Jessica looks around, "What was that?" The group heads out of Grayskull to investigate. Rhonda sniffs something, "What is that smell?" Mainframe looks around, and there is another sound as something lands right behind the group. Mainframe lets out a groan, "Oh no."

"What Mainframe? What is going on?" Glimmer asks looking at something a few feet in front of Mainframe. The G.I. Joe member looks at his new friends, "Ladies, pack lightly. We gotta go now. It is the Roaches. They are leaving us their calling card." Jessica gasps as she realizes the Roaches are dropping turd bombs down the bag, "Oh hell no. Get me out of here now!" The vampy lounge singer wobbles back inside of Grayskull.

Jessica looks at everything in the castle, "Funny, I don't really have anything to pack. Let's get out of here!" The group prepares to exit when Rhonda points upwards, "Look, at the top of the bag!" To everyone's horror large waves of Roaches start pouring down from the bag, making their way to Castle Grayskull. Jessica screams. One Roach lands near Glimmer and lunges for an attack. Mainframe and Glimmer both kick him across the floor. The group rushes inside the castle, trying to barricade the door. Rhonda panics, "This isn't going to work. We are at the bottom of a large bag that is filling up with these things!"

Mainframe nods and points, "Look, we can climb out through that opening at top." The Roaches are filling up everywhere, trying to break through the door. There doesn't seem to be any stopping them. Glimmer reaches up through the opening and grabs hold, "Here, reach my hands, I will push you all through!" After everyone is safely out and on top of the castle, Rhonda is shocked, "Look, they are everywhere!" Mainframe agrees and tells them he knows another way out. They have to climb. Jessica groans, "I have no fingers!" She falls slightly behind the group.

"Are you alright Jessica?" Glimmer calls out. The group is climbing over stacked broken parts of a doll house. Jessica nods. The Roaches haven't noticed that the heroes are finding a way to escape. Rhonda looks down and shakes her head. Grayskull had been their home for so long, and now it was being ravaged, "I hope they won't find the secrets in there." The group keeps climbing.

After the broken doll house pieces, there looks to be various toy vehicles in their way. Everyone has to jump up and reach the wing of a large plane. Jessica is the last and as she is about to make her jump, one of the doll house pieces slides out from under her. "Oh no!" Jessica screams as she starts to fall. Making a poor jump, Jessica tries to hold onto part of the wing. Glimmer dives after her, holding onto Jessica's stumpy hands.

The doll house pieces start to fall away and Jessica's flexie legs are dangling. The Roaches are starting to notice. "Glimmer! Help me! Don't let me fall!" Jessica screams. Mainframe tries to help but ends up fighting a large Roach that has snuck on the plane. Rhonda screams and hits the roach with a small Lego block.

Glimmer is losing her grip, "Jessica, I need you to lift your legs up. I can't hold onto your hands!" Jessica starts to scream, "I can't! That damn weiner dog screwed up my wiring, I'm bending in the wrong direction!" Jessica starts to scream. Roaches start crawling up towards Jessica. "Glimmer, hurry help me! They are right there!!" Jessica screams. Mainframe and Rhonda begin pulling Glimmer up to help. "We almost got you Jessica, hold on!" Glimmer shouts. Jessica starts to feel the gash in her armpit tear a little more, "Oh Glimmer, my arm! I can't lose my arm!" Jessica instantly reflexes and shakes her arm loose, Glimmer does not understand what is happening, "Jessica don't let go!"

Rhonda and Mainframe are pulling as much as possible, but all the weight is starting to loosen the toy plane from its perch. Jessica refuses to have tears in her eyes and strikes her most vampy pose, "Glimmer, do I look fabulous?" Glimmer is struggling and thrown off gaurd by the question, "Of course you are, you always look fabulous. You're Jessica Rabbit." Jessica closes her eyes and whispers, "That's all I needed." Loosening her grip from Glimmer, Jessica lets go and falls. Landing on the top of Castle Grayskull, Roaches everywhere. Glimmer screams, tears running down her face. Mainframe and Rhonda pull her up and they move higher up in the bag.

"This way ladies, I think I saw another way out when I came down here. There should be a rip in the bag." Mainframe says and takes the ladies to a part of the bag that will lead them to their freedom. Rhonda looks at Glimmer, "We'll honor C.U.T.I.E. and Jessica when we get out of here." Glimmer nods, still in shock. Mainframe motions for the girls to jump out of the bag first. Mainframe soon follows. All three land in some fluffy material. Glimmer sits up, "What is this stuff?" Mainframe looks around, "I've heard it called insulation before. I think." Rhonda calls out for help.

Sitting up, Rhonda looks at her friends, "I'm stuck. This fluffy stuff is all over me and I can't get out of it." Glimmer and Mainframe both work on trying to free Alf's girlfriend. Glimmer panics, "Oh no. Rhonda, all the sticky film on you is making it harder to get you out!" Rhonda lets out a laugh, "Well ain't that some shit?" Mainframe curses at himself, "I don't have my knife with me. I always hated coming with so many pieces." Glimmer won't give up, and is furiously working to free her friend.

Rhonda reaches out and grabs Glimmer's hands, "Go." Glimmer is fighting back tears and looks at her friend and asks, "What?" Rhonda nods, "Go Glimmer. Get out of here. You won't be able to get me out of this fluff. You and Mainframe need to make it to Miss M. Tell her where we are. I'm obviously not going anywhere. Go. Before those bastards get here." Glimmer shakes her head, "Oh my dear friend, what have we gotten ourselves into?" Rhonda lays back into the insulation and shrugs, "Who knows. But it is time for you to get out of here!"

Glimmer promises to return and rushes off with Mainframe. Rhonda sits up, fixing her pink mohawk. A large horde of Roaches are racing out of the bag and heading towards Rhonda. She laughs to herself, "Well Alf, you were right. Earth really does suck."

Mainframe and Glimmer are running across the Attic's floor. The Roaches are gaining speed. Mainframe and Glimmer duck across a low beam and reach a small vent opening. Mainframe looks at Glimmer, "Here we are, close to freedom!" Glimmer lets out a sigh, "I don't think I can run anymore." Mainframe holds her arm, "It's alright. We are about to be free." Mainframe goes to open the vent screen and Glimmer lets out a scream. Roaches start pouring through the vent. Mainframe and Glimmer back away, they have nowhere else to go. Roaches are surrounding the two remaining toys. Glimmer looks at Mainframe, "This is it. Nice knowing you." The Roaches start to close in, their eyes full of hunger...

Stick around! Part 2 is coming up soon!

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