Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Miss M Presents: Behind the Bite! (A look inside Jaws 5!)

Dear Diary,

In an effort to rebuild my public image so that I may join a team of so-so super heroes, I have taken orders by Nick Fury to appear in next summer's Jaws 5! I am on my way to the first read through with the ensemble cast and I am just freaking out. Jaws is a big deal for me, so to be a part of the cast is just the biggest dream come true. I can't wait to find out what they have in store! It's Jaws 5! Where have you been all my life?

-Miss M

Miss M Presents:

Behind the Bite!
(A look into Jaws 5! Squee!)

Megan Fox: This is Megan Fox for Entertainment Tomorrow, the only entertainment news station bringing you the latest in celebrity culture since the end of the post apocalypse. We're back to normal and I have a new job! Coming to you live from Universal Studios, we are going behind the scenes with Behind the Bite for next summer's huge blockbuster hit: Jaws 5! It's been almost 30 years since a Jaws film was in theaters. Let's look in on what we can expect!

Megan Fox: The studio has tapped Mark Hamill, famed for his groundbreaking role in Corvette Summer, to direct the latest Jaws installment. The excitement for this movie has created a red hot buzzing sound in the air!

Megan Fox: Let's finally listen in!

Mark Hamill: Welcome everyone to the very first read through of Jaws 5. This is going to be Masterpiece Movie Theater folks. We are running on a tight schedule so we need to go over this very quickly. Parts of the film are not even written yet so that we can preserve some surprises. Does everyone have their basic scripts ready?

Everyone mumbles in agreement.

Mark Hamill: Great, let's get started.


Miss M: (bursts in) Oh my goodness! I am so sorry I am late. I had to travel through the sewers because people out in the real world want me dead and stuff. My hair is also a little dusty because people don't actively clean the sewers. Isn't that crazy? I feel like job growth should exist to help make our sewers nice and clean looking. But I'm here for the script reading!

Mark Hamill: Oh great. One of those late actresses. (pauses) Wait. Who are you?

Miss M: My name is Miss M. I just want to say I am so excited to be a part of Jaws 5.

Mark Hamill: Great. Who are you playing? (pauses over his list) I don't remember her.

Miss M: Actually I don't know who I am playing. I never got a script sent to my place. I figured I'd just show up.

Mark Hamill: Ha. She figured she'd just show up.

Mark Hamill: Can you even act? Who are you?

Megan Fox: Wow. We're gonna see her implode.

Miss M: I write for Diary of a Dorkette. Or rather I used to. Chris Gaida took over my job and gets to interview hot toys. Lucky turd. I do have some acting experience. I was in a play in a mall food court when I was 13. We were told to create our own characters with opposite traits from our own. I came up with this older woman who was a wizard with kinetic energy abilities like Gambit. She was also a seductress. I play a really great seductress. It was very Joan Collins from Dynasty meets 90's mutant mania. That theme tends to be a constant in my life.

Mark Hamill: Your only acting experience was in a mall food court play?

Miss M: I also starred in a Shakespeare play in high school. We went to a college festival and performed in front of three people. It was As You Like It and they switched two male roles into female roles for me. I was basically a seductress and a wood nymph. I delivered a powerful monologue. Will my role in Jaws 5 be that of a seductress? I can do that part very well.

Mark Hamill: I'm sure you can.

Miss M: Oh! I forgot! I also died like Drew Barrymore from Scream in a short film called All About Argon, it was a PSA on the dangers of the odorless killer gas. We used a cotton ball as a stand in for the gas. It killed me. The opening scene lasted like a few seconds. I died really pretty though.
Mark Hamill: Are you done yet?

Miss M: Yes. Oh! I was also once a show girl. I wasn't really good. In fact I think they hired me so they could make fun of me. I am used to being on a stage though and I won't be scared to be in a two piece on a beach set. I think I'm done now.

Mark Hamill: (sighs loudly) Great. Someone find her a script. Now, let's start looking over things.

Miss M: So... do I wait right here for my script?

Mark Hamill: Just go sit on the couch.
Miss M: Kay.

Miss M: (takes a seat and looks over the crowd) Holy cow! That's Dennis Quaid! He's in this movie?

Erika: Of course. This is his big return to blockbuster tent poles. He's returning in the part that put him on the map: Michael Brody.

Miss M: Oh my goodness, do you think he'd sign my Jaws 3 trading cards? This is like a pinch me moment.

Erika: I mean, I guess. Why do you have Jaws 3 trading cards?

Miss M: (smiles) A very special man sent them to me. (smiles) I can't wait to start filming this movie!

Mark Hamill: Excuse me, Miss M?

Miss M: Oh yes?

Mark Hamill: Since you don't have a script, and no one seems to be coming in with one, why don't you leave for today and come back next week when we start filming. Ok?

Miss M: (nods) Sure. I can do that. See you all next week! I'll get a call time right?

Mark Hamill: Right. You'll get all that information. Now take care.

Miss M: Ok, cool! Oh and Dennis, we'll talk more later. I've got some questions on Jaws 3 canon ok?

Dennis: What is this? She is very unprofessional.

Miss M: Bye!


Brian: Glitter, do you come in? I can't hear you.

Brian: I'm in some weird block party downtown. There are pirates everywhere.

Brian: It's kinda cool, but that's not my point. My main point is that I think I've found a lead on where Derek and Jason are. It's not good. They are missing big time.

Brian: In other news, I've gotten word on that other mission we are on. Our target girl arrived on her mark today. I think the meeting went well. Eye Patch will be proud. Hope you get all that code talk.

Brian: Anyways, I guess I'm gonna just enjoy this block party for now. I think Boo Berry just showed up. Probably to garner the pirate vote in the election. He's so bad ass. Love you Glitter.

Later on,

Miss M: Bruce, it was just the coolest thing ever. I got to sit in on some script stuff for Jaws 5! I'm going to be a Hollywood actress! My co-star is going to be a large mechanical shark named Bruce! Are you like dying of excitement right now?
Bruce Wayne: (smiles) No. I'm very much alive, but I am excited to see you like this.

Miss M: I know. After everything that has gone on this past year, it's nice for things to be sort of normal again.
Bruce Wayne: True.
Miss M: I think I'm going to see if the director can dedicate Jaws 5 to Yvie. Wouldn't that be special?

Bruce Wayne: Umm, you might be pushing it on that one.
Miss M: Yeah. Maybe just a little. Oh Bruce, I just really want to make the most out of my life.
Bruce Wayne: Is that so?
Miss M: Of course.

Bruce Wayne: Then how about we actually go on a date out in public? I'm tired of always meeting inside the Bat Cave.

Miss M: Bruce, you know the rules. The public hates me. I'm like a huge enemy of the toy world right now. Not only am I an enemy of the world, but my hair is so dusty from all my sewer traveling. I'm just finding myself in danger everywhere I turn.
Bruce Wayne: My dear, what sort of danger could you possibly be in with me? No one will hurt you. Besides, you are a super hero.

Miss M: I know, but you know how angry mobs freak me out.
Bruce Wayne: I know. I'd just like us to go out in public, try new restaurants. I'm trying not to live my life in the shadows like I usually do.

Miss M: I think I like this new Bruce Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: Don't get too excited. I won't be asking for a picnic date or anything.
Miss M: I'll make note of that.

Bruce Wayne: What do you say? Can we have an official date night? It can be our way of showing the world we are a full-fledged couple again.

Miss M: (pauses for dramatic effect) Oh all right. Let's go on a real life date. I swear though Bruce, if someone tries to slap me in public...

Bruce Wayne: We'll have an unforgettable night, I promise.

Miss M: Ok. Now back to Dennis Quaid. Do you think I was being too pushy? I don't want to scare him off from signing my cards.

Bruce Wayne: Oh he's scared. No doubt.

Miss M: Stop! You're dashing my Jaws 3 dreams.

Bruce Wayne: You don't need Jaws 3 dreams. You are in Jaws 5.

Bruce Wayne: (leans in for a kiss)
Miss M: Oh Bruce. Oh my.

Soon the pair fall apart into laughs and tickles. Bruce can't help it, the pale dork girl brings out a side of him he never thought to experience. As for Miss M, she can feel so many walls crumble down. She has shared so much with this man, he has seen her at her worst. Together they are rekindling something magical. All under the excitement of Jaws 5. The message couldn't be any clearer: take a bite out of life!

Up next:

Miss M steps out in public!
Jaws 5 continues!


  1. I think you could have won over Mark Hamill with all of your soap opera knowledge since he got his start on General Hospital. If you've ever heard him in interviews, you can't get him to shut up about television. He also loves to talk about his family. A frequent story he tells is about when he got his guest spot on the Simpsons were he'd rehearse his lines with his kids but kept stopping to ask "does this sound like me?" He's both a character and a treasure!

    It's good to see you have fond memories of your brief career as a thespian. I remember you mentioned the Drew Barrymore part before but apparently that was just a drop in the bucket.

    I was in the drama club during high school and always got cast as any character that needed a British accent (it was always a bad impression on Nigel Bruce's Dr Watson from the 1940s Sherlock Holmes movies) There was quite a bit of drama going on behind the stage so I dropped off in my senior to pursue the humanities in the fine arts scene instead.

    I thought for sure you'd tell Mark that you were part mermaid so you'd be perfect for all the swimming involved but that you weren't so sure you could do any skinny dipping like that girl in the beginning of the original only for Mark to cut you off about say that there is no water and that everything would be filmed against a green screen. (Kind of like they did for Jungle Book or Life of PI)

    After seeing all the weird movie trading cards that Shawn Robare has, Jaws 3 cards feel tame by comparison.

    You've got me hooked. Save me some tickets for the premiere!

    1. Hey Erik! I had such a hard time finding out who was going to be directing Jaws 5 and then I saw my Mark Hamill figure and it was just too perfect!

      I actually had a sort of hit and miss pull towards drama club and the like. I took acting classes and joined drama club for a moment. I backed out for awhile due to my social anxiety but then I found a way of breaking out of that.

      There will totally be some mermaid lines coming up. lol I just need to get it all together. I have so much fun in store for this thing. Shawn does have trading cards to like everything too. lol It's really funny.

  2. om bruce wayne going out on a date in public like for real. he must really love toy miss m. and can't wait to see what her part in jaws 5 is hope it turns out to be the surprised hero of the picture the one who saves every one from bruce in the end as a surprise.

    1. Bruce certainly has some hearts in his eyes for Miss M. No doubt about it. How it will all come together is another story though. Jaws 5 will certainly have some surprises. I am thrilled to go on with this, I just need to hurry and get a new one out.